disdatndeudderting

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so i have some news that will not please some of you; nayrb and i decided a while ago to call it quits.

we were… not treating each other as well as we might have and all the talking in the world wasn’t making it better.  worse maybe since i think the talking was irritating us rather than doing any good.

basically we got steadily less nice to each other.  i got impatient and frustrated and he got kinda needy and we just kept pushing buttons and not really treating each other with kindness.

i’ve been kind of in shock really.

it’s not so much that we believed that we would *never* break up but that we had this deep affection for each other over and above the usual new toy neurological imperatives.  we expected that we would be able to deal with whatever the universe chose to throw at us, that we would at least be together for a few years.

and then it just started to go bad and it didn’t get better.

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look a picture of me!  in my studio!  in my living room! on the phone!

me n' my studio...

isn’t it purty?

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weirder even than being single again?

dating.

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look harriet!

sunny!

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mouse with the same ball!

my ball!

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there, see how i distract you with pictures?

really though, he and i are both okay and i’m pretty sure we both think this is for the best.  we remain friendly and are in fact considering throwing a ’sass n’nayrb split up – bring someone suitable’ party but we’re not sure everyone else would appreciate the humor involved.

still considering it though.

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i think maybe the things we saw as problems the very first week might have had a lot to do with it, hard to say though.

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in other news; i’m thinking of leaving my band.

there is a person in it who continues to make me uncomfortable in a pretty shitty way some two or three times a year.  and i know it’s her problem and not mine i *really really* do but that doesn’t mean i particularly want her negativity in my life any longer.

it’s desperately difficult for me to imagine not hitting my drum and singing at the top of my lungs every thursday night but aren’t these things supposed to make you happy!???!

truly i love the band and i regret regularly that i ever mentioned it in her presence.  i think i knew from the first that it would come to this but i don’t know how else to handle it.

i love the guys in that band i really do; they are some of the most amazing people that i have in my life and their bickering and interaction and just general good-natured fun with each other never cease to amuse me [except for the occasional moments when i want to kill them of course.]

either way, after her latest insult i will have to stay away for a little while for fear that i will say what i think.  she is a rather fragile human and most of her issue with me seems to stem from lack of self-confidence so really, anything i say will only serve to make it worse.

frankly i wish i could tell her to take her crap and fuck off.  but i can’t… the guys adore us both.

dammit! dammit! dammit!

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doesn’t harriet look hilarious with that ball and the sun?

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happy weekend!

feast days

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it’s funny this being self-employed thing you know?  one minute you’re starving and paying for books with twonies [canadian two dollar coins] and the next you’re depositing more than fifteen hundred dollars in cheques from your clients and your piggy bank has spare cash in it again.

it’s a truly odd experience if you had gotten used to twice monthly pay cheques that always came out to the same amount or so.

even odder?  i will deposit the same amount again in the next couple of weeks and suddenly have my rent paid two months in advance.  the same rent i’m barely paying this month.

the thing you don’t really understand when you become self-employed is just how weird it is to have no financial stability at all and just how much pressure that actually puts on your shoulders all.the.time.

all.the.time.  even when the credit card is paid down to zero and the bank account has nice amounts of cash in it there is nonetheless this little piece that knows *exactly* how far that money will go and when more is expected.

furthermore that same piece always expects every single client to quit without notice.  kind of a shitty thing to have wandering around your shoulders you know?

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in other news i recently attended the eaglewood folk festival in lovely pefferlaw ontario and i cannot think of a better way to start a vacation.  just can’t.

it was like i took two weeks off instead of one because i was so relaxed by the end of the first weekend.

course hanging at the farm with my parents was sure a nice way to spend the REST of my vacation!

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so i’ve ranked the festivals i attended this year, ready?

mariposa: best musical lineup

hillside: best food

summerfolk: comfy like an old shoe

eaglewood: best all around time

:)

and good christ is the weather ever awesome this week!