snapshots of an idle mind

August 16, 2005


Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 1:26 am

i put up a counter that had like 800 hits to start with because i’ve been tracking for like 6 weeks and i’ve had that many visitors so it seemed fair. It hit 900 already. Now it’s kind of lame because it counts my own visits and i reload a lot checking stuff but still. that’s kind of neat.

i’m still drooling over that guy yesterday. no really still. and am like distracted by how beautiful he was. that hasn’t happened in at least 6 or 8 weeks.

i told a girl at work about a post i did in a gossipy way and then she actually read my blog. do i or don’t i stop admitting to having a blog? heck i’ve mentioned it to my parents! people read my blog that i would never expect. and people come back.

it’s funny because you see *I* write it so I really can’t see why anyone would read it. I’m pretty sure other bloggers feel the same way actually. In fact I’m told the Baghdad Blogger (did I mention READ THE BOOK?) was totally shocked by the response to his blog.

the kitten is resolutely nameless. some possibilities have been and are:

i’m seriously getting to think her name is nameless.

i have SO got nothing to say tonight.

so my online dating life is heating up. there are in fact a few guys that are emailing me on a regular basis and two of them actually intrigue me. one i emailed first and one who contacted me. the former is fully my type and sends excellent emails but is very slow to answer mail in spite of being online daily… so he’s probably not that into me although i’ll email for a while. the second sends short emails but answers quickly and climbs at another gym in Toronto. Also he opened with ‘you sound awesome’ which is a fully excellent introductory line.

No like fully excellent.

Right up there with pretty much anything that indicates that you bothered to read past “tall, fit, has boobs!” and maybe paid a SMIDGEN of attention to whether or not we’d get along. Eep, someone named Toohorny just im’d me “how ya doing cutie?” seriously that line outside of a bar?? And like it’s going to work?

Oh right, so yeah it’s heating up. I think I’ll likely end up on a climbing date if nothing else and it’s nice to meet other climbers so cool. Also 6’5″ which is sort of delicious. I like em smallish (5’7″ to 6’1″ or so [I’m 5’11”]) and wiry but the tall ones have a certain um… je ne sais quoi. And Elle, you can’t have him unless I decide that I don’t want him. :)

It’s tough with the dating sites. There’s not that many interesting men in my age group and on okcupid i’m really at the top of the age curve so there’s a lot of young guys after older women in that sorta icky way. I’m not talking 27 and 34 by the way… I mean like 21 year old guys chasing after me when it clearly says i’m 34. My sister would call me ageist. Anyway the thing with the guys in my ‘age bracket’ is that most of them want their girls a little younger and there’s really not many interesting men who are much older than I am around that site. So what that means is that even if you do find a guy’s profile you like he’s probably already messaging or emailing a zillion other people and a lot of them are women that are 25 and not already jaded about dating.

Gee i’m making myself sound appetizing as a dating potential person *snicker*

It’s just weird. Still it’s fun and even just the emailing at least gets you thinking about the opposite sex. I think i might ask the guy i’m into out for coffee. I’m really really not the asking people out type [read can’t recall ever doing it] though so i might fuck it up. I’m hoping the email medium would work. Oh sure, I’ve asked people to do things like go for a beer after a group event and sort of hoped no one else came along… sort of ‘social engineering’ but I’ve never really just gone up to or called or emailed a guy and been like “so yeah… let’s go on a date.”

Hmm look I did have something to say after all!

Now according to that terrible book He’s Just Not That Into You the very act of my asking a guy out will ‘ruin things’ because he won’t get to enjoy the chase or some crap like that. Secretly I’m starting to believe this to be true. Whenever I’ve even just sort of done the old ‘arrange to be around the guy a lot’ thing nothing has ever been accomplished. In fact the only time anything ever really worked out for me there was either immediate chemistry there or immediate friendship that led to more. Some sort of spark thing just happened and he came after me. So this implies that really, asking the guy out would be a mistake because if he wanted me he would have done it already.

It’s just the part of me that thinks men are also sane is going ‘but wait, that can’t be right… lots of times men get crushes on chicks and do nothing about it’ … but you know, the crushes I do nothing about are the ones that deep in my heart i know are inappropriate for me. the ones where if something happened it would be *bad*…

I just feel like there has to be space for the ones you notice slowly, or the ones you like and they have to sort of notice you… or the ones who like you that you need to notice or…

so i wonder… is the fucking book right?

and then i wonder… if you never go after what you want, how the fuck do you get it?

and then i’m undecided some more.


  1. kitten name suggestions:

    • snuggleguts (sorry, read that one in a book)
    • the Chamorro word for “climber” is “lakkao” which is pronounched “lah-cow” … hard “lah,” emphasis on first syllable … almost a glottal stop between the syllables.

    Comment by DZER — August 16, 2005 @ 5:59 am | Reply

  2. hey dude i really like that one… i’m going to see how she feels about being a chamorro climber. :)


    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 9:02 am | Reply

  3. I’m a cat lover, owning one myself. I propose speedbump… you could call it speed for short.

    Dating, dating, dating. Alright, so we all know it sucks.. and there is no such thing as a chance meeting over the clearance shelf at the book store.
    I wish you tons of luck and a bra of steel. Will be hanging to see if you score with a coice cut of top sirloin.
    Hey, if you see that guy, you know the one your distracted by again… lasso him with your electro-rope and take him for a ride in your invisible jet.

    He’s yours forever.

    I’m so curious at what your anon poster said…

    Comment by Everything nice — August 16, 2005 @ 10:00 am | Reply

  4. Ummmm….. I think that book of yours, at least the part about the woman not making the first move, is ruining my life. Thats a load of crap. If you like some guy, for god sake let them know in no uncertain terms. Maybe they feel the same or maybe they don’t but at least you will know. I can’t stand it when a woman is unclear or playing hard to get. Its just not worth my time. I don’t like to chase after them. It sounds like a lot huwie thats right huwie. If I don’t get a clear signal (and by clear I mean bill board clear) by the second time I hang out with a girl, I assume we’re just friends and I go on looking for another girl to fulfil the romance portion of my life.

    Comment by Anonymous — August 16, 2005 @ 10:54 am | Reply

  5. Wow! It’s ruining your life?

    That’s major.

    I suppose anon has a bit of a point. I mean to say, most girls don’t want to seem desperate for a guy… hence, not making it billboard clear they are interested in pursuing a romantic relationship.
    Anon, you have to remember that us girls are still very afraid of one-night-standers. The male chauvenistic bastards that dick you and leave. Sure, we may fall in love with you first date… but not indicate interest until a little later. Contrary to popular belief we don’t like to be called sluts, nor do we enjoy the rejection felt after admitting we’re interested too soon. We can’t put notches in our belts as easily as you guys can… without being considered fast, or easy. Often times we are admiring you but are reluctant to say so in fear you’ll revert your interest. Hence, causing us to stalk you.

    Anon, you do have a point about girls not making the first move.. you want to be sure you’re not wasting your time. But then, isn’t anything good worth waiting for? Perhaps you should stick to your regimen, but not give up after the second time hanging out.
    If she’s obviously unclear or playing hard to get, she’s just attempting to make you want her even more, in my experience.

    I suppose it depends on if you’re looking into a long-term partnership, or a one night stand.
    One night stand – ok, 2 dates
    Long term – give it atleast 7 or 8… then ditch it.

    Your choice, my advice..
    do what you will… you do anyway.

    Smooches anon.

    Comment by Everything nice — August 16, 2005 @ 1:05 pm | Reply

  6. i *heart* your blog!

    seriously, when you find readers leaving comments and regulars reading you, blogging can be fun. so i can never understand the malarky abt blogging for oneself.

    anyway, probably the dude who took a while to email you was spending his time to draft them! maybe he was trying to be a Challenge or something…

    never judge men from emails.

    P.S. I *heart* your blog.

    Comment by Stoned.Nerd — August 16, 2005 @ 1:08 pm | Reply

  7. okay wow… this is great, i love how much people think before they comment on my posts. [stoned nerd I *heart* your blog too don’t forget that! also, blogging for yourself is WAY less fun than having readers you are SO right]

    okay anon ONE was a spam ad for some stupid blog about something for business. anon TWO rocks and left a phenomenal comment.

    as for the kitten, i do love speedbump but i think she might like Ceefer… we’ll see :) [i already have a cat named mouse and their pics are here and here]

    okay on to the DATING portion of the programme…

    anonymous i totally hear what you’re saying and I don’t even disagree with you. That said, whenever I have been into a guy and made any sort of attempts to spend time with them or get alone with them or whatever they always seem to just get over me instantly. Even if they express interest and I express the return they run screaming. So how do you be interested without being a freak? If you’re a woman you sorta stalk the guy and be found around him as much as possible… and you flirt and make sexual innuendos and hope they get picked up on.

    Now it’s possible that I’m just ugly, unfun, not witty, fully uninteresting and completely undateable. That said, I have big hooters so I should get a little action from that alone.

    Anyway when a man is interested in me and makes it clear and i flirt and be interested back with a little coy it actually develops into something. But I am telling you EVERY time that I get too interested too fast or too honest too fast they run screaming. You know, the disappearing act from hell.

    So where’s the line? how do you be interested in a man and not have him decide that you’re too easy or not enough of a challenge or some crap like that but still let him know that his pass will be caught?

    bubblelicious I HAVE GOT TO figure out if that guy is lassoable. He moves slowly and with grace. He talks slowly and gestures with his whole body and he can do the fucking splits on a climbing wall. Oh damm need another drool rag. The worst part? ACTUAL BRAIN! I’m fully distracted by how beautiful he was. Neat thing is he grew on me sorta slowly… a lot like the way he talks. There’s something so sexy about people who speak slowly but with thought.

    dating in the year 2005… what a fucking mess. no one knows what to do anymore!

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 1:30 pm | Reply

  8. So, I have to know.. will you be using your hooters to attain him?

    No seriously… is there the opportunity to go on a date with him? Even plutonic?

    Your drool is concerning me… get a towel… the rag is not big enough.

    And, if that is in fact your picture on your profile.. I must attest that I do not find you ugly. In fact, I believe you are quite striking.
    Especially in contrast to the snow.

    i *heart* your blog too… there’s alot of love in these comments.

    Comment by Everything nice — August 16, 2005 @ 1:36 pm | Reply

  9. Furthermore, I wish people would leave great and thoughtful comments such as these on my blog.


    I’m just jealous.

    Comment by Everything nice — August 16, 2005 @ 1:37 pm | Reply

  10. I’m a bit over-the-top when it comes to relationships — much a like an obsessive gambler is to double-or-nothings. I asked my now wife to marry me the second time we went out. She told me I was crazy.

    Turns out I was simply prescient.

    I’m not a big fan of the coy, stand-offish approach, so I won’t proffer any sage advice.

    Just wanted to let you know I was listening.

    Comment by Mingyiu Gyatso — August 16, 2005 @ 1:41 pm | Reply

  11. *I* hate the coy standoffish approach. fully fully hate it. I also HATE asking men out… so what the hell do i do?

    you will be proud to note that I have in fact been IMing the yummy email guy since anon told me to go for it and nerd told me he was ‘composing’ (for SIX days?)

    bubbles i’m not sure if he’s platonically dateable but i’ll definetely try to climb with him and speak with him again and see what happens. i’m amazed at the quality of comments that I get here, and fully flattered too. I can’t really leave such comments on your blog cause i’m usually too aroused to type :P

    mingyiu my ex husband and i decided to get married within a week of moving in together which happened when he didn’t go home after out first date. impetuous is good.

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 1:58 pm | Reply

  12. and yes, that’s really my pic though my hair is a bit shorter and wilder now…

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 2:00 pm | Reply

  13. Anonymous dude, i’m with you there.

    I hate mind games.

    Comment by Stoned.Nerd — August 16, 2005 @ 3:01 pm | Reply

  14. seeing as how this is Sassy’s blog I’ll leave a decent comment – or at least try to, just because it’s her blog!

    YOU ROCK! keep climbing and meeting as many boys as possible – seriously. Sounds like you have a few options and we all know that not every one of them will pan out.

    How the hell do you climb with tits like that? *sorry sorry off topic but it just blurted out*

    Try your best not to overanalyze and burn that fuckin book you’re reading. Too much knowledge and not enough gut instinct is extremely detrimental for dating, it’s not a science it’s an emotion, a passion and a sensation. No one can put in words what is the correct formula for your dating chemistry.

    *Your pic kinda reminds me of that chick from The Breakfast Club*

    Comment by murphy — August 16, 2005 @ 3:10 pm | Reply

  15. nerd: mind games suck

    murph: i am honoured i’m telling you. i already read the book but I am slowly shaking off it’s effects. In fact I sent the first instant message to emailing man and we’re well over the two hour mark now…

    course now i have to decide if *I* am supposed to invite him for coffee.

    murphy thanks for your kind words, i sort of think i rock too which is why i can’t understand the acute disinterest the boys of the world are paying me these days. as for the hooters, they’re shrinking along with me but since you climb with your arms relatively straight the boobage tends to not get in the way so much.

    i’d rather look like ally sheedy than trinity who is who i get a lot…

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 3:17 pm | Reply

  16. i used to climb indoors for about a year, think I’ve completely forgotten where all my gear is.

    I think I’m supposed to say that I’m happy for your boobs, i guess.

    and sure, I meant it as a compliment – the pic thing

    Comment by murphy — August 16, 2005 @ 3:26 pm | Reply

  17. murphy the good news is they shrink in perfect proportion… so they still look big since ALL of me is smaller.

    i was hoping you meant it as a compliment…

    now do i askhim out or what???


    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 3:32 pm | Reply

  18. you make the call damnit!

    but don’t be a puss about it, if your voice cracks during the middle of it you’re fucked.

    Have a definite plan of what you want to do and just go for it, let him be the guy that feels awkward and pressured, in a good way of course.

    (Have you seen him naked yet? are you sure you want to go out with him?)

    Comment by murphy — August 16, 2005 @ 3:34 pm | Reply

  19. um dude it’s INTERNET DATING

    i don’t evenknow if his picture is real and the phone thing definetely hasn’t happened yet.

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 3:38 pm | Reply

  20. wait.. in “internet dating” don’t you ask the guy/gal out over the phone still?

    and what – i thought all those sites required blatant naked pictures of the people that utilized the site?! If not that’s a complete ripoff!

    damn internet

    Comment by murphy — August 16, 2005 @ 3:44 pm | Reply

  21. murphy i have no idea… i don’t DO this kind of thing… i just dance through my life and see what happens. however i’m well into year three of my drought so… y’know.

    and nope, i don’t think i’d be into anyone with full naked pics… tight shirts okay though

    but i did in fact take the plunge… are you proud?

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 3:53 pm | Reply

  22. gutsy.. definitely gutsy.. are you inferring that you asked him out or not.. no props till you freakin step up and give it a shot – good or bad

    Comment by murphy — August 16, 2005 @ 4:03 pm | Reply

  23. we’re having sushi next week… are you proud?

    (i’m away this weekend or it woulda been sooner)

    i’m sorta proud actually

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 4:16 pm | Reply

  24. This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

    Comment by Anonymous — August 16, 2005 @ 4:25 pm | Reply

  25. nice job.. now you have to pay since you asked him out

    Comment by murphy — August 16, 2005 @ 4:37 pm | Reply

  26. that had occured to me…

    now i’m trying to decide if telling him about my blog was insane or not :)

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 4:42 pm | Reply

  27. This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

    Comment by Anonymous — August 16, 2005 @ 5:00 pm | Reply

  28. LMAO – watching you two go back and forth is so hilarious!

    You know, I was gonna say something about climbing with the boobs… but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

    Comment by Everything nice — August 16, 2005 @ 5:02 pm | Reply

  29. bubblelicious you have RESTRAINT?? but why? no really why? i love your dirty mind, please let it out more.

    i’m restricting myself from removing half these comments… even if i want to! (i don’t mean the anon ads, i mean the dithering)

    boobs really don’t get in teh way of climbing i’m telling you… now jogging? roller coasters? bumpy roads and bad shocks? BADNESS!

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 5:08 pm | Reply

  30. bumpy roads !!! LMOA

    My husband will purposely drive off-road when blouse is low hanging…
    I don’t jog. My boobies are not even close to being as large as yours but… yeah, I feel your pain on the jogging issue.

    I enjoy bad shocks though, especially when my cell phone rings at the same time and it’s on vibrate.

    By the way, and don’t let this come as a shock to you; I put my cell phone between my thighs when I am driving, because my music is usually so loud I don’t hear it ringing! Thighs vibrate, and I have a call.

    It’s a beautiful thing.

    Comment by Everything nice — August 16, 2005 @ 5:15 pm | Reply

  31. Sass, ask him out. No ifs and or buts.

    Anon..girls who don’t approach you shouldn’t ruin your life. Be a bit more open and you’ll notice them. If they look and smile, it’s good. If they continue glancing, it’s better. If they’re staring you either have you fly open or you’ve wet yourself. If shyness is an issue just work on expanding your immediate social community. At work talk to more people, let yourself relax. It will come in due time.

    Comment by castufari — August 16, 2005 @ 6:25 pm | Reply

  32. dude i already DID! there’s going to be sushi…

    bubbly girl that’s a GREAT idea and i’m stealing it! also boobs are boobs and jogging is bad if you’re a b or up

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 8:01 pm | Reply

  33. Sushi is good. Me love sushi.

    anon ads day I see, I got nailed with ’em earlier.

    Comment by castufari — August 16, 2005 @ 8:18 pm | Reply

  34. i was thinking of disabling anon posts but see i’ve gotten some GREAT comments that weren’t spam from anon. one today even.

    so yeah… not sure what to do

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 8:38 pm | Reply

  35. see i was trying to talk about this dating issue and all you and the pervert/sorta bi chick can talk about are tits and low cut blouses!
    see if I try to maintain an actual topic from now on! hmmpf!

    Comment by murphy — August 16, 2005 @ 10:31 pm | Reply

  36. it’s okay murph, we scared the shit outta him anyway. dammit. no showing blogs to men i’m into unless you edit first…

    must remember


    murph we love you… but admit it, if it weren’t for the titties you’d be elsewhere

    Comment by sassinak — August 16, 2005 @ 10:53 pm | Reply

  37. sassinak-

    looks like people are using some sort of new script to post advertisements on comments sections of fresh blog posts. you won’t have to disable anonymous posting, just pay attention to your most recent blog entry for a couple of hours after you post it. i think the script is time-sensitive so after a new blog entry goes stale the ads stop coming in. i have been manually deleting them shortly after they appear on my site. it’s no big deal, mildly annoying maybe…

    Comment by factory_peasant — August 17, 2005 @ 12:02 am | Reply

  38. on the subject of anonymous ad comments … at least your site is getting enough traffic to warrent spammed comments …

    If I ever have a comments section that gets over 15, I think I will have my first heart attack.

    I agree with Murph — you rock. and congrats on the asking out for sushi thing … have fun and don’t let him order the onagi!

    Comment by DZER — August 17, 2005 @ 2:51 am | Reply

  39. i’m not all about titties! I’m actually more of an assman that just enjoys watching titties bounce.. sheesh just stereotype me with the titty comment!

    Comment by murphy — August 17, 2005 @ 10:36 am | Reply

  40. hey look i broke 40 comments counting the anonymous ad assholes.

    it would have been different if blogger hadn’t eaten last night’s post three different times!

    murph I prefer asses myself :)

    dude unagi ROCKS… what do you mean no unagi? Are you mad? I LOVE eel sushi! and thanks, i’m all proud of myself.

    Comment by sassinak — August 17, 2005 @ 10:53 am | Reply

  41. onagi is supposedly a male aphrodesiac … some comedian did a bit on it … fun-knee

    Comment by DZER — August 17, 2005 @ 11:52 am | Reply

  42. wait onagi or unagi? i’m talking about bbq eel…

    this is my new record for comments!

    Comment by sassinak — August 17, 2005 @ 12:11 pm | Reply

  43. so many comments!
    fun fun. the online dating sounds intriging too.

    Comment by tania — August 17, 2005 @ 5:02 pm | Reply

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