snapshots of an idle mind

August 26, 2005

oh oh

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 12:13 am

.
no, really oh oh.

I’ve noticed a tendency in myself at previous points in my life that, when things are going well, I sort of forget what it feels like when they’re bad. In fact sometimes I even get this vaguely superior thing going.

Why does this concern me? Well it seems that this recent spate of compliments has sent me a little over the edge in the confidence department. Seriously having so many people that you lose count tell you you’re an awesome dancer is sort of guaranteed to go to a girl’s head.

Then there’s this whole ‘you’re an inspiration’ thingy that’s been happening lately. I’ve noticed that with each statement like that my nose fills ever so slightly more with helium. Like seriously I’m actually starting to piss myself off.

And of course as usual I’ve been musing about this. How do you get good at something, even excel at it (my goal with pilates for example) and have people tell you you’re wonderful and accept that praise or thanks by saying (weird I know) ‘thank you’ and not get high on yourself in the meantime? I know that it’s possible because DJ (one of the goddesses that I learn from) reacts with such a wonderful blush and an awe shucks and yet somehow lets you know that she treasures these words from you. And you know it’s not the first compliment she’s heard in her eleventh or something year of teaching.

So how do you do it? How do you say thanks and aw shucks and not let it go to your head? And don’t for a second think that the thanks aren’t crucial. When someone says to you ‘i feel like you’re teaching a private lesson just for me and i can’t tell you about how my back is feeling because I’m afraid I’ll jinx it’ and the class averages 20 people you absolutely have to say something to acknowledge the gift this person has just given you. I know for sure that when I thank DJ I need to know that she’s heard me.

I tend to do the aw shucks/delighted smile thing and thank people genuinely… but that’s for them, what do I tell my own self? How do I accept these wonderful statements, realise that they are about me and not get high on myself?

It doesn’t help that lately people are telling me how good I’ve been looking these days. At least up until last week I still had ‘yeah but you’re chubby’ to get the nose back down to recognizeable levels.

I can see it now ‘hey ok cupid guy… check out my oh so superior nostrils! Aren’t they pretty with their lovely italian flair? Admire the little bump where my nose ring goes… Oh you can’t see it? Let me just stick my nose a little higher!’

*sigh*

I wish I was kidding. I also wish that being aware of my tendency to feel superior made it go away. Although superior isn’t really the right word. It’s more that I almost get impatient with people who are having a bad time of it. Like ‘can’t you see that if you just think positive it will all get better?’ Implicit in this is the idea that *I* always think positive and never have a single negative day.

Uh yeah… do you read your own blog dude?

So where does confidence stop and cocky start? How do you believe in yourself and walk tall without walking on a helium bubble? Is it just that you have to wait for the Universe to toss you on your ass *again* so you get the humility/patience lesson *again* or is there a way to do it inside yourself? To stay humble and yet accepting of the great things that are happening around you?
.

Incidentally solace gets better every time I listen to it.
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Tomorrow is a hella day. Get up, teach, run to a job interview thingy, run home, mop the front lobby, change, run out on date thingy and then who knows? I have possibilities but nothing firm, sort of like my weekend. It’s actually been a long time since I didn’t have plans for the weekend, summer must be ending. Not having plans *snerk* saturday at noon: rugby spectating, saturday evening: dinner with clarity and lorax, sunday morning: teach, maybe sunday brunch depending on how things shake down… {yeah that sounds like no plans to me!!!} I guess it’s a testament to how busy my usual weekend is?

I’m all stoked about interview/date combination… I think they will do a lovely job of distracting me from each other. It’s a great way to break a loop…
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Kitten is getting spayed in the morning… I’ve never been afraid of cat surgery before…
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Shit, down to 7 hours sleep. Stoopid addictive blog!

Nighters!

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13 Comments »

  1. sometimes it’s good to revel in your amazingness, to wallow in how good you are, to feel superior.

    how do I know? well, let’s just say I’m a genius. And I’m hella funny, most of the time.

    That’s not really braggadoccio or hubris, it’s just truth.

    Yes, there are people smarter than me. Not many, population-wise, but some. Sure there are people funnier than me, again, I would say in about the same proportion.

    I have many faults, and many weak characteristics. Those are recognized and accepted.

    So why not revel a bit, now and then, in the superiority you either feel or actually have in a given time or situation?

    Just keep the lesson of Icarus and you’ll be OK.

    Comment by DZER — August 26, 2005 @ 4:30 am | Reply

  2. dz has it right. just enjoy the praise, maybe smile, say “thanks”. the hard part is not letting it go to your head or, in my case, accepting it. i hear a lot of praise at work, most of it i write off but some of it i accept gracefully because i know that the source actually means it.

    my 8yo ms keyboard seems to have lost caps lock today. guess no aol for me.

    Comment by castufari — August 26, 2005 @ 7:09 am | Reply

  3. dude no caps lock? i don’t think you’re allowed to comment on my blog if you don’t shout everything… i mean how strange.

    dzer it’s funny, i have NO trouble admitting i’m smarter than almost everybody… what i am concerned with is my current icarusness. Usually I just go to my teacher to get some humility cause she’s so awesome but she’s away and the other one is hard to see cause she’s too popular and other people need her more (cause they’re more broken)

    cast the saying thanks is not so hard… i blush and stammer a little but whatev. the hard part is not turning into a self important egotistical snot!

    Comment by sassinak — August 26, 2005 @ 8:34 am | Reply

  4. the fact that you’re cognizant of possible icarusiosity (OK, -10 points to both of us for defacing Icarus) means that you’re not in real danger of icarusing (there I go again).

    Comment by DZER — August 26, 2005 @ 8:38 am | Reply

  5. sasssss….ok, i COMPLETELY understand where you’re coming from on this. i struggle with the same thing, and i err on the part of continually not recognizing the compliments and beating the shit out of myself. i wish i could give advice on this one, but i’m as lost as you are.

    Comment by Teresa Naomi — August 26, 2005 @ 11:35 am | Reply

  6. True peace comes from first learning how to love ourselves. And it just so happens to be the hardest and most frustrating thing in the world to achieve. Much easier to lust after another person or thing than working on some kind of inner tranquility.

    Here’s the truth: we’re all beautiful. And we all occupy an equally important spot in the universe. No one is any more or any less important than we are.

    Like the butterfly in the Amazon who, by flapping its wings, affects the tradewinds in Asia, we’re all contributors to this wonderful world.

    Comment by Mingyiu Gyatso — August 26, 2005 @ 11:51 am | Reply

  7. damm defacing icarus… that seems impossible since he melted himself. it’s funny you came up with icarus dzer since that’s one of my favourite legends and also one of my favourite sculptures… (by robert cook and no i can’t find any pics online!)

    treesa i’m glad I’m not the only one who isn’t really sure what to do about it. I don’t want to err on the side of ‘i suck i suck’ because that’s even worse….

    ming you’re wonderful. you have this fantastic ability to cut right through the bullshit to the truth inside a thing.

    again you guys, i’m blown away by the comments i get here!

    Comment by sassinak — August 26, 2005 @ 12:20 pm | Reply

  8. Can I add a dribble?

    I completely agree with Ming (duh). Those who have lacked confidence, and then are faced with often feel the exact same way you do Sass… so it’s common.

    I think you have to believe in yourself too. If somebody compliments you, and does not get a confident thanks… they often assume you do not believe in what they have said – therefore – not believing in yourself…

    Confidence is not about your nose in the air. Believe that you are special and deserve every compliment, but yet… that does not imply you are better than anyone else. I think you touched upon that thought either knowingly or unknowingly.

    We are all different. We are all beautiful. Nothing dictates what is sexy or lovely… nothing.
    What may be offensive to me, may not be to others… etc.

    Confidence is only ugly when used in deception. Do not be embarrassed by the way you feel. Feel complimented and happy in your skin.
    Say thank you and smile.
    You are absolutely deserving of everything that comes down the pike….
    absolutely.

    Comment by Everything nice — August 26, 2005 @ 1:02 pm | Reply

  9. i’ve been a big mythology geek since I was like 7 years old, when I read the Iliad. Not in the original Greek, of course … I’m not THAT much of a genius. ;)

    Comment by DZER — August 26, 2005 @ 1:20 pm | Reply

  10. Its simple Sass. All you have to is give up humility for shameless self promotion. Take me for example. I am getting a tattoo of myself only taller this weekend. No really I hear you though. Its hard to balance all that crap in your head. Especially when you know that higher you nose, the more it hurts when you land on the curb.

    Comment by Light Strikes A Deal — August 26, 2005 @ 5:43 pm | Reply

  11. oh bubbles thank you. what lovely words. i think you’ve nailed what i’m looking for. that nebulous thing whereby you believe in yourself and yet aren’t high on yourself.

    dzer dude i haven’t read it yet… but i know the story.

    lsad i’m looking forward to seeing your new tattoo *grin* although i think you’re tall enough. i don’t like shameless self promotion, it’s why it’s hard to get work.

    Comment by sassinak — August 26, 2005 @ 9:09 pm | Reply

  12. but Sass once you get it to work, you could be as tall as me and people would love you for it. Owwch. My nose! Gotta go.

    Comment by Light Strikes A Deal — August 26, 2005 @ 11:09 pm | Reply

  13. dude i *am* as tall as you!

    :)

    here let me pick your face up off that curb for you!

    Comment by sassinak — August 26, 2005 @ 11:37 pm | Reply


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