snapshots of an idle mind

September 14, 2005

hope

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 12:14 am

.
i used to title my posts before i started them but now i do it when i see what the theme will turn out to be. i’m feeling pretty monosyllabic right now. the record in my head goes camping! camping! climbing! camping! pilates! camping! got fired :( climbing! pilates! camping! climbing! whisky and camping!

also i met one of those men today. the ones where you see for a second that wonderful men really do exist. Now because the universe is the universe i am simply going to assume that he has a wife and two beautiful children. Or he lives like 67 hours away. Or he is actually a cocaine addict. Or he’s just not that into me. Or *insert reason sass doesn’t get this man here*.

but wow you guys, this man was beautiful. And I think he was even more beautiful in his heart than he was on the outside. There was this light in his eyes that must come from being just that chilled. he speaks slowly and with grace. he thinks when he talks and he speaks movement with the same words i do and it was really inspiring to speak with him.

he would talk about teaching and put his hand on his heart to indicate the way things had touched him while being open and forthright about fairly deep thoughts and feelings he has for his business and his own teaching. A couple of times when I told him something he said ‘thank you for telling me that’ as though I had given him something profound to muse upon.

oh boys and girls if i didn’t know better i’d be smitten. fortunately i know better. also i get to teach at his lovely space and having a crush on your boss is just FOOLISH!

Foolish I tell you.

But that’s not really the point, the point is that once in a very great while you meet a member of the sex you’re attracted to who reminds you of what wonderful possibilities are inherent in humanity and it gives you hope. So that the next time some guy asks you on a date and you’re sorta going hrm you actually go. You take a little chance.

I think of them as the give me hope men. The few nice men that I know, married or single or whatever who just by existing give me hope. They remind me that there are wonderful men out there that I can love and that I don’t actually have to change myself to do it.

My mother told me once that I had to change my personality to get a man. Well what she actually said was that I should be less challenging or whatever when initially meeting a man and that i should change how I acted… and I was like ‘but that would be lying, I would then be pretending to be something that I’m not’ and she basically said i shouldn’t pretend, I should really change.

I don’t get that.

Why do I have to be someone else to partner up? What in hell is wrong with me just the way I am? Am I not my own perfect and unique and beautiful snowflake? Isn’t there supposed to be a beautiful snowflake for everyone? Isn’t that the point?

Don’t misunderstand. I’m perfectly willing to COMPROMISE, but I’m not willing to be less snarky or less sarcastic or less intelligent or whatever.

I used to have several nice men in my little hope stable and eventually they all did things that really turned me off them. It’s hard to think of someone as a nice guy when he’s staring at you over his girlfriends shoulder and feeling up your ass when you walk by him. It sort of cures you of the whole ‘nice guy’ mentality.

So it’s nice to add a new one.

even if i can’t have him. [for the record i am completely open to the possibility that i can have him, but noone like that is my age and single… no one, and he’s my age. it sort of clarifies why my grandmother at my age snagged a man in his twenties!]

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12 Comments »

  1. I believe the appropriate response here is: you go, girl!

    Comment by DZER — September 14, 2005 @ 6:39 am | Reply

  2. go where?

    camping this weekend? all set :)

    after that guy? not a chance. if he makes some kind of pass i’ll catch it but i won’t move… first of all i intend to work with him and second well… some people don’t seem like the types who want the woman to make the first move…

    Comment by sassinak — September 14, 2005 @ 7:52 am | Reply

  3. I meant it in the broader scope of the phrase, as in “keep on doing all the good stuff that you’re doing” …

    but by all means, you must go camping … otherwise you might explode from the non-fulfillment of repititious mantra-like, reverberating echo of a repeating record.

    Comment by DZER — September 14, 2005 @ 8:31 am | Reply

  4. yaay for finding a beautiful (inside) man and for having the strength to know what you don’t need to compromise to be with someone…. yaay :)

    -N

    Comment by Natalia — September 14, 2005 @ 11:04 am | Reply

  5. I totally know what you’re saying!!! I’ve had that happen recently and, uh, yeah — horrible happenings in the recent past make him unavailable right now…but the cool thing is when you know things are good and if there’s potential you either wait for that person, or you gain from meeting someone like that.

    Hope is a gorgeous thing, especially when it can be instilled by someone else. :)

    Comment by Teresa Naomi — September 14, 2005 @ 11:07 am | Reply

  6. Deep thoughts? With Jack Handy?

    Comment by castufari — September 14, 2005 @ 12:40 pm | Reply

  7. dzer: you have a most excellent way with words, keep it up please! Also, camping must happen, i am far too stoked. It can rain all weekend and still i’ll have a good time.

    natalia: yeah it’s nice to have another one for the old hope chest. it makes it easier to keep on with the crazy dating shit.

    also, i would way rather be lonely alone than pretending to be someone other than i am…

    treesa: horrible to you or to him? hopefully not you just cause i adore you :) i absolutely gained from meeting this man, i will treasure that little moment of shared consciousness for a while.

    castu: :P

    Comment by sassinak — September 14, 2005 @ 3:39 pm | Reply

  8. hey sass this is off the subject of your post here but i wanted to get yer attention sooner rather than later. can you hook me up with the info for removing that blogger navbar with the flag button. i’m gonna be writing up some more heavy duty stuff here right quick and just as a precaution i’d like to nuke that sucker into oblivion, y0.

    thanks.

    Comment by factory_peasant — September 14, 2005 @ 7:14 pm | Reply

  9. it’s in the comments from the you and i post and i think this is the link here

    Comment by sassinak — September 14, 2005 @ 7:52 pm | Reply

  10. you are a beautiful snowflake.

    Do your snowflake dance, without fear.

    Factory Peasant, I am definetly checking out your stuff tonight… flag removed? Should be good stuff.

    Sass – just go with the flow, and know I love you. Ever think bi, give me a call.
    And if you ever want to give a snowflake boobie hug, I will comply

    *boobie hugs to you*

    Comment by Everything nice — September 14, 2005 @ 10:18 pm | Reply

  11. bubbles that’s what i’ve decided to do it really is, it’s just hard sometimes is all :)

    and i’ve thought bi lots of times… girls are fun to neck with and i’ve never said that i wasn’t going to meet a woman that made me wanna someday… it’s just not the way to bet :)

    *giant boobie hugs right back*

    hrm… unfortunate choice of words there…

    Comment by sassinak — September 14, 2005 @ 10:28 pm | Reply

  12. worked like a charm. thanks.

    Comment by factory_peasant — September 15, 2005 @ 12:27 am | Reply


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