snapshots of an idle mind

September 24, 2005

double dessert night

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 12:25 am

sorry boys… but this is for bubbles and t-love and buttah and viv and…


Well I had some excellent pizza and a moccachino this evening. I think the pumpkin pie was the best part. Came home and TnA plied me with chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Double dessert night mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I don’t feel guilty about my overindulgence due to my small lunch and wood chopping tomorrow. Wonder if I’ll be up for climbing on sunday. No whoop if I can’t, there’s always monday afternoon with hubris. Wednesday is getting to be pretty regular because tuesdays are too busy and thursdays i jam and sometimes sunday is regular but that one goes in shifts.

Thig is this guy wants to offer me teaching on the weekends and I’m a bit wary because Saturday is currently my only day off and it’s about to get occupied. This rather bites because days off are pretty important. I think I need teaching more than I need days off but it’s going to be hard.

So really, what is it with guys lying about their height on dating sites and then going after tall women? I have to say that this makes really no sense to me at all. I’m 5’11” … it says 5’11” ON MY PROFILE. Have you ever met a woman that claimed to be 5’11” that was really 5’9″? ME NEITHER! Not once in my life.

Please explain what makes people think they’ll get away with it? 6’1 is not shorter than 5’11” I’m sorry to tell y’all. Sheesh it’s just silly.

I don’t need a guy that’s taller than me but it would be nice if he didn’t feel the need to lie about it like I wouldn’t notice.

I’m starting to think I should lower my standards. But that makes me want to hurl so I’m thinking being alone is better than that. It’s not that I’m particularly requiring of things. I mean some level of brain and social/self awareness is of course necessary. A little bit of spine and some funny and active and maybe a dash of musical/artistic talent/love would be good but really, I’m not holding out for a movie star or something. I don’t need a guy that climbs walls like butter (mmm that hot climber guy from my gym i climbed with once would be nice to hang with again though since he was really nice…) or has muscles that ripple when he breathes or the artistic talents of michealangelo or the genius of stephen hawking or a hot car or lots of money or the sexy accent or an unlimited supply of pot or a nice ass or height or gorgeous looks or a boat to take me around the world or dry witty humour or imagination. Wait, yes, I do need the imagination.

Some sense of adventure is also necessary… I like trying shit and running off places.

I guess I’m just trying to say that I’m not holding our for a hero or anything, just someone that suits me [and dare i hope… challenges me?]. What I guess I’m not hearing is all the friends that tell me how unique I am. Maybe I want to be a less unique snowflake.

Man… is that something to want?


no, no it really isn’t. this may be the first time ever my blog has had the same theme for days though. I think that I know a lot of people who after that moment of pondering would have to admit to themselves that yes, yes it is.

I think I know people who have made that decision. To become less than themselves in order to make it easier to find someone to be with. To let parts of themselves die off in order to wend themselves around another tree.

To some extent that’s what happens to us as we grow anyway. My footbag branch fell off a while ago as did my romance novel and race car building branches. But those branches were meant to fall off. I stopped feeding them and they died down to stumps and fell off unwanted. It’s just that the people I know that become less don’t do the same thing.

It’s like they try to stop parts of themselves from growing. Like they try to grow away from the sun or something in search of someone else who is denying themselves. Inevitably their stifled parts wake up and there’s hell to pay but I see folks try.

I don’t understand. If you can’t be yourself with your partner than what the fuck is the point? I understand compromise and learning to get along and maybe going climbing on sunday instead of friday cause someone would rather take me out to dinner… but I don’t understand just putting parts of yourself away and pretending they don’t exist.

Choosing to give something up for something else isn’t the same. As every father who has quit smoking when their wife got pregnant or gave birth knows. Not eating meat at home because your partner is a vegetarian? Not a problem. It’s the other thing. That chucking of things you love to make your partner love you.

How is that love when you pretend to not be yourself? When you give up the things that make you happy to satisfy someone else. Suddenly I’m ranting about direwolf. That guy was so jealous of any fun that I had that he wasn’t at. Also of every man I was friends with. Shit was fucked up. I know so many women who would give up their friends and their activities to satisfy that jealousy. I told the guy that *expected* me to cheat on him because he couldn’t love himself enough that I couldn’t take it and I left.

Some people would call that giving up too easily. They would say that I should have worked with him. I don’t get that, you can’t change people and you definetely can’t make compromise with people who don’t believe they’re worthy of love. They can’t hear you.

Okay… snowflake on my lovelies :)



  1. OK, much to deep for me on a Saturday night.

    Being 7’11” tall myself, I have no idea why guys would lie about their height ;)

    And women don’t, I guess — unless you count it when they’re wearing heels. I guess age and weight are two vital statistics that women claim. Men get height and … ummm … eye color?

    as for the giving up something intriscially me/changing for another … at this stage in the game I’m willing to convert to a religion/sect/cult if it would ensure me some snuggle time, make-out sessions and the occassional siss-boom-bang. Kool-Aid? Sure, I’ll have some, Snuggle-Buns!

    Comment by DZER — September 24, 2005 @ 5:18 am | Reply

  2. i’m being deep again?

    crap noone warned me.

    as for you mister… i gotcher purple koolaid right here

    Comment by sassinak — September 24, 2005 @ 9:07 am | Reply

  3. deep and, apparently, up early ;)

    good morning, sunshine!!

    eww … purple? ya got red?

    Comment by DZER — September 24, 2005 @ 9:33 am | Reply

  4. heh
    i’m at the farm and chopping wood for my sister… fun stuff :)

    i’m making a reference actually… remember that guy in like guyana who got all his followers to drink spiked purple koolaid and they all died?

    morn’ dzer!

    Comment by sassinak — September 24, 2005 @ 12:35 pm | Reply

  5. “I’m starting to think I should lower my standards. But that makes me want to hurl so I’m thinking being alone is better than that.”

    Don’t lower your standards. I guarantee in the long run you will not be any happier for it if you take that approach. In fact, you’ll more than likely be much worse off. I’ve sold myself short in a few relationships and I have nothing to show for it. Being alone is better than being in a shitty relationship with someone. Took me a long time to realize this.

    Stop for a moment and think about how golden your life is right now without having someone else in it.

    Comment by factory_peasant — September 24, 2005 @ 5:54 pm | Reply

  6. Jim Jones and Flavor Aid rockin’ French Guiana.

    ah, the 1970s…

    Comment by factory_peasant — September 24, 2005 @ 5:55 pm | Reply

  7. well i finished the woodpile

    don’t worry peasant… i find that the longer i’m single the pickier i get :)

    still these momentary thoughts must be addressed :)

    i just didn’t expect to be having kids alone is all :)

    Comment by sassinak — September 24, 2005 @ 6:42 pm | Reply

  8. sass, same reference from my first comment … I just like red better … LOL

    Comment by DZER — September 24, 2005 @ 8:43 pm | Reply

  9. aw no fair confusing a girl!

    i have a small present sort of for you in today’s post…

    Comment by sassinak — September 24, 2005 @ 11:15 pm | Reply

  10. Just don’t drink it.

    Comment by castufari — September 26, 2005 @ 6:57 am | Reply

  11. cast: sometimes it’s mui tempting though….

    Comment by sassinak — September 26, 2005 @ 12:22 pm | Reply

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