snapshots of an idle mind

October 21, 2005


Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 3:11 pm

[if you don’t want to read my shitty mood scroll to the end of the post for an announcement]

seriously bleh.

if i were jewish i would say meh. and i would say it with that particular inflection that the old jewish ladies get when they’re particularly disgusted or fed up and yet are so far past caring at this point that it’s not even really relevant anymore.

Mmehh. I can’t type it of course… and i’m sure buttah and anyone she knows who hangs out on J-date knows EXACTLY the noise that I mean.

Okay damn was that as bigoted as I think it was? I’ve decided to leave it in case it was and y’all have opinions for me about how not to talk like a bigot or a racist and still make cultural references.

so, that’s how i feel about my life today.

just when i was starting to believe that i was getting ahead in the world enough that i could do things like get a new windshield for my car that desperately needs one i got another little financial kick. On my way to teach I found my car making funny noises and definetely driving funny and immediately i pulled over to discover that YES i did in fact have a flat tire.


so i call 411 to get the number for where i’m teaching and beg off because even with a cab i can no longer get there in time and hobble my car to crappy tire a couple of blocks away. no, i didn’t change to the doughnut. yes i did drive on the rim. yes i was aware of what that would do to said flat tire. i was also aware of how old my tires were and immediately made the decision to replace a couple of them.

so i got a couple of new tires to stick on the front of my car and moved the two least fucked tires to the back of my car and 171 dollars later off i went with a car that no longer makes squealing noises around corners, feels much more stable, and CLEARLY needs two more tires.

so 221 dollars gone. cause yeah i also don’t get paid for the class i didn’t teach and then i get freaking fired from the place. which was, i admit, coming anyway. I could sense it in the response of the members and in the dwindling participation but i couldnt’ seem to figure out what would fix it. well i did but it’s too late, they’ve already decided i suck and must be gone.

funny thing is that my boss likes me okay but the members hate me. so yeah. she’s impressed cause i referred her to a friend of mine as a replacement. i mean if i can’t have the money RL may as well right?

[i wonder if my use or non-use of capital letters has anything to do with my mood…]

so… onward, manage to cheer up a little except it’s a lie. I’m NOT cheerful. I’m down and blue and maudlin and unfuckinghappy. but nonetheless onward. i manage to teach, i manage to go to band practise, i manage to pretend i know how to play my drum and i manage to accept another date with climber guy.

and then i realised. i’m totally exhausted, maudlin and miserable. do i really want to go on a date in this state? especially a climbing date when i can hardly feel my hands? no, i do not. so i cancelled and headed off to my noon class today.

and yeah we have to ‘revisit the schedule’ for the winter session because the class is undersubscribed and they can’t keep running it with only three or four people in it.

be careful what you wish for boys and girls. I was thinking how shitty it was to have a monday evening at 7:30 class and I lost it AND my wednesday morning! I was thinking I wished to have weekends off and I’m liable to lose friday AND sunday lunch. I better be careful what i think or something for the next while.

It’s like all those old jokes about the wishes people make when they find a genie in a bottle and how the wish always bites them in the ass. I feel like my random thoughts are somehow causing ass biting and that seems unfair. Not to mention that whenever I try to be considerate of people or whatever it also seems to be biting my ass.

Maybe I’m just sad because okcupid guy and I have decided that we don’t spark off each other and yet I think he’s freaking fantastic. All of the things a girl could want in a guy and yet somehow he and i are just not on with each other. I’m pretty sure I made a life friend though so it’s hard to be upset. Except I am sort of. Which is funny because neither of us is like emotionally traumatised by this and both of us agree that it’s the right thing. So why sadness?

Ahhh I’m silly :)


*clears throat*
*taps mike*
“Is this thing on?”

I have noticed over the years that i am the agony aunt for everyone i know. So I’ve decided to steal a page from Everything Nice‘s book and offer that service here. However, if it’s sexual PLEASE take it to her because really dudes she’s way better at that kind of thing than I am. If however you find yourself needing a sounding board with a level head then feel free to email me questions and state their anonymity level and I’ll pass on my thoughts…

so my email is which will soon be linked from the sidebar as well.



  1. *hug*

    Comment by castufari — October 21, 2005 @ 3:38 pm | Reply

  2. oh castu *hug*
    *wiping surreptitious tear*

    thanks dude

    Comment by sassinak — October 21, 2005 @ 3:44 pm | Reply


    perk up, hun. i find that the same exact thing will happen to me and down the line i discover i was better off because of it. you never know. but remember, you’re allowed to wallow a bit. sulk and then move on, ok?

    and OMG, y’all and the therapy! I’LL NEVER HAVE TO PAY A THERAPY BILL AGAIN!

    Comment by Teresa Naomi — October 21, 2005 @ 4:06 pm | Reply

  4. More, I was about to type more when I had a call. :(

    Stuff happens for a reason that might not always make sense to us. The flat? Maybe you were going to lose that class anyway and it saved you from having to walk into an empty room.

    I believe in the “don’t wish for it unless you really want it” thing since it CAN happen. Wishes do come true whether they’re good things or bad.

    I cancelled my “dates” for the w/e so I could get some solo time in.

    I need a good f#@$@#$@# drunk!

    Comment by castufari — October 21, 2005 @ 4:35 pm | Reply

  5. Sass, I’m sad about the lack of spark too, but I still love ya.
    You can get unlimited hugs from me whenever you need them.

    Feel better soon, Ms.

    Comment by Johnny Canuck — October 21, 2005 @ 5:02 pm | Reply

  6. johnny: comment coming your way as soon as i think of something useful to say that isn’t lame.

    castu: it was empty on monday so tha would have sucked… but yeah… i’m sort of relieved.

    treesah! you’re right of course but it’s nice to hear anyway..

    you guys rock!
    *group hug*

    real comments later when i’m home

    Comment by sassinak — October 21, 2005 @ 9:07 pm | Reply

  7. teresa: you’re totally right… damn boss firing me from the superintendent job is WHY i’m teaching so much more now. also *giant hugs right back!*

    car accident is why i teach in the first place. that said, it’s nice to have a good wallow. i do think that fall hitting last week is affecting a lot of us northeasterners though.

    castu: hey you sent me a hug when i needed it and i had a much better arvo as a result. what more can a girl ask for? i was going to lose that class anyway although in this case someone had shown up.

    the thing is i wasn’t even wishing i was just having sort of casual mental thoughts. damn universe is too literal sometimes :)

    that said, yeah i’m not really sad that class is gone and that surprises me a little.

    you had dates? i’m guessing with your daughter? :)

    oh man… let’s get net drunk together… we haven’t done that in years!

    johnny: deal :)

    Comment by sassinak — October 22, 2005 @ 12:10 am | Reply

  8. Wow, you had a pretty crummy day! Im sorry!
    Keep in mind that things do happen for a reason, that what seems bad now may have saved you from something terrible!
    What if the delay from the flat tire kept you from an accident up the road?
    With your insight, you will be great at giving advice! :-)

    Comment by whitesgem — October 22, 2005 @ 1:51 am | Reply

  9. wow, not a good day at all, darlin’ … sorry to hear about the trials and tribulations. That being said, the positive is that those were all relatively small “shoes” that dropped.

    Also, know that even though you don’t *heart* me, I do, in fact, *heart* you ;)

    And I think you will be a WONDERFUL Dear Sassy! Can’t wait to read some of those! :)

    Comment by DZER — October 22, 2005 @ 4:47 am | Reply

  10. I’m sorry you had such a shitty day sweetie…
    If you were closer i’d get ya a better price on those tires… however if you would like to drive out to Cali.. I can still get ya my employee pricing.. and we have some big rocks here too.. :) let me know! lol

    Comment by Chrissie — October 22, 2005 @ 6:51 am | Reply

  11. First time here, and I come on a bad day. :( Bad day, hardly aptly describes it, huh? Sorry you had a hellish day, sucks. I’ve just been reading a bit, and I’m looking forward to getting to read more.

    Comment by kathi — October 22, 2005 @ 8:21 am | Reply

  12. whitesgem: good point… i certainly don’t need another car accident in my life! and thanks for the compliment!

    dzer: today looks to be a better day… pilates class and then a cool anatomy workshop. also my doctor friend and i had a really good night last night after all so that helped immensely.

    (we made fun of each other for being maudlin!) :)

    *huggs* dzer
    and yeah i’m looking forward to whatever comes out of that!

    chrissie: any excuse to come to cali is a good excuse… i’ve never been south of san fran and i REALLY want to so don’t tempt me unless you mean it!

    also, surfing is a necessary thing for me to learn!

    kathi: welcome to my corner of the blogverse! and yeah it was a bad day but at the same time if you don’t have some of those the good days get sorta less good right?

    thanks for the compliment!

    Comment by sassinak — October 22, 2005 @ 10:37 am | Reply

  13. sass…your email for google, only 1 k? you have it as sassinakk@m not sassinak@.

    Today was better. I slept in “kinda”, did some lifting, went out for a bit. Now I’m making a bunch of ‘za dough for a .za party tonight. ‘Za, a nice Ruffino Chianti and some people I really enjoy hanging with, it will be fun.

    I think we should all fire up IRC one night and get toasted live. :)

    Comment by castufari — October 22, 2005 @ 4:52 pm | Reply

  14. some bitch has sassinak already… clearly i should have registered when my friend casti sent me an invite like a year or two ago…

    mmmm za dough… i’m JEALOUS!
    i have to go see my parents just for the pizza

    drunk irc… damn we haven’t done that in years… i’m in for SURE

    Comment by sassinak — October 22, 2005 @ 4:56 pm | Reply

  15. First, let me say DAMN. And you know why I wasn’t quick to comment, in my current state.

    passing bowl…

    Sass, that is… well, DAMN. I remember feeling the same when I got laid off a few months ago. Although, we had the life line of my husbands income… it was still a cut here and a slash here.

    slash, err. Fuck, im still on that.

    Anyway, I think this is the part for bad cliche’s like “It’s always darkest before the dawn” and “when a door closes a window opens.”

    I always say “whatever” when people tell me that shit. So, if you do the same.. i totally understand.

    Im here though, and working on responding to some email. You’re in my thoughts…

    And thanks for the hono(u)rable mention at the bottom of your post… I hope your friends and readers have some sex issues.

    LOL… love ya. and don’t bogart that either.

    Comment by Everything nice — October 22, 2005 @ 9:10 pm | Reply

  16. hey bubbles welcome by
    *passes bowl*
    i’m sad you had such a shitty thing happen, you really don’t deserve that.

    i’ll have to do a few slashes and cuts but the extra income from doctor referrals is helping. i’m sending one of them to a physio though cause he’s sorta messed up.

    i sort of say whatever and i sort of nod knowingly. because i know that it’s true but that doens’t always make that second easier.

    i’m thinking about you and yours as well and hoping you get the treasures back. it’s shitty this happened a lot.

    oh my god *laughing my head off* you used the u as an optional letter! damn girl i *heart* you a little extra for that!

    *gets out bag to pack the next bowl*

    Comment by sassinak — October 22, 2005 @ 11:18 pm | Reply

  17. You know Sass… That canadian shit is my favo(u)rite.

    Has that really red colo(u)r to it and smells good.

    *cheesy grin*

    Comment by Everything nice — October 22, 2005 @ 11:23 pm | Reply

  18. umahgod… i snorted when I wrote that.

    Comment by Everything nice — October 22, 2005 @ 11:24 pm | Reply

  19. ohmygod!

    i snorted when i READ that!

    Comment by sassinak — October 22, 2005 @ 11:25 pm | Reply

  20. i prefer the mildly orange coloured stuff. i find that it has the most amount of wheelchair effect per bud…

    Comment by sassinak — October 22, 2005 @ 11:25 pm | Reply

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