do you ever have moments where you’re struck by the ridiculousness that is your *self* and how much it changes?
i had one the other day. i had to get (as y’all are aware) a new windshield for my car. the previous one had cracked from the top down and from the bottom up and though it then stayed stable for a year (the cracks never met) i was concerned the entire time.
too poor to deal you understand… but concerned.
so anyway i think the universe is messing with me. because JUST when i start to think about shoes things happen. seriously the second i decide i can afford shoes i pop a tire.
and then i pop another tire.
and then? yeah new cracks appear in the windshield and these ones are growing. so i talked to my pal EM who hooked me up with a guy who did it for cost and off i went for my new piece of glass.
this is NOT helping my shoe collection one bit!
and that man? the one who did it? such a beautiful man. gorgeous eyes where you can’t tell if they’re green or brown because they change with the light and a freshly shaven head to go with.
little bit of style with some nice hips, great arms and an awesome ass and what’s not to like?
oh my GOD
the man smokes THREE PACKS a fucking day.
three PACKS of cigarettes a fucking DAY!
total turn off. not like he went from ‘heavily dateable’ to ‘kinda dateable’ nope. he went from ‘fully dateable’ to ‘not a chance in hell’ because of that one little detail.
Irony? that i smoked at LEAST a pack a day for twelve years.
Further irony? i’m still smoking pot…
but tobacco yeah, i just can’t bear to be around it to any extent beyond a smoke or two while drinking. And although i’ve been interested in social smokers in the five years since i quit smoking i have to say that the act of smoking regularly in your home is a full on deal breaker for me.
why is this funny enough to make me talk about it?
I used to be this guy. I used to smoke and smoke and smoke AND I used to plan my social outings around whether or not i could smoke at the designated venue. I used to wake up at night and have a cigarette. I used to light up when i knew i was exactly 8 minutes from my destination…
i used to get less interested in a man if he DIDN’T smoke because i didn’t want to deal with the pressure to quit. Funny though I would say I’ve dated more non smokers than smokers overall.
So in the five years (okay five years on december 21st) since i quit smoking i’ve made a complete mental shift such that something that used to matter to me is now something i will not tolerate.
i had a guy once claim that he quit smoking so that i would date him. he made a big hoorah about it and everything. was ridiculous cause after we split he started again and was blaming his life as though i should have just accepted this toxic decision on his part. he in fact got very angry and defensive with me when i pointed out the ‘agreement to quit smoking’ that he had given me and forced me to witness him sign.
Not to mention? he had offered in this agreement ten bucks for every smoke he smoked. so when i jokingly tried to collect he got enraged.
as though *I* had forced him to quit while we were dating.
i didn’t do shit, i just told him i didn’t date smokers. he took it from there. how does that make any of it my fault?
anyway, too bad about the beautiful man (interesting to boot) but any spark there might have been got stepped on like one of his 75 cigarette butts per day. Or one of the four butts he consumed in the half hour we chatted.
funny how i changed though. that guy would have been right up my alley five years ago… and now? *shrug*