snapshots of an idle mind

November 7, 2005

approach with caution

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 2:22 pm

i’ve been informed that i need to girly up if i want to get some action in the guy department. like put on mascara and dress more softly and somehow be less confident.

which to me feels like lying. i mean some tight jeans okay, i’ve always been into the tight jeans… and getting some clothing that i pick instead of some hand me downs and fat girl stuff will also help. (Because I actually like the occasional skirt even though I own none of them…)


just how far do i take this image reconstruction? yeah i want to look hot for sure but do i want to start wearing mascara? lipstick?

being an actual girl instead of a tomboy?

and don’t think i don’t know *exactly* how to put on the warpaint kids cause well, i do.

and don’t think i don’t know what high heels are for cause again, yeah, i do.

and i’ve done the totally girly thing. i was a rocker chick for crying out loud. full makeup, less slutty than the other girls by .1% or so, enormous hair, boots or stilettos, blah blah blah…

i learned a lot from that, mostly that putting on makeup and doing your hair takes a lot of time and that I am an extremely busy person. i also learned that it didn’t really accomplish anything.

at least now i look like myself. comfy and casual with just a touch of elegance around the edges. enough to swank up with the best of them. sort of like my table manners [actually those can choose to be impecabble if i wish.]

i drive an old car, i live in a small apartment, i have old clothes and some cats… and apparently an edge and too much confidence. [too much confidence? WHAT the FUCK?!?!?]

apparently i should soften my edge… but i don’t feel like i have an edge at all. Apparently I do because I can wear a jean jacket with a hoodie under it. Never underestimate the power of poverty for giving you the ability to wear anything. but i digress. the point is that apparently i’m edgy… which is why people don’t fuck with me or approach me.

but people fuck with me all the time.

and i’m not approachable.

the mind boggles.

here i thought i was outgoing, cheerful, friendly, easy to talk to and no, i’m intimidating.

what the fuck? no really… what the fuck.

because i’ve been suspicious for a while that it really is about having perfect hair and nice makeup and dressing girly… but i thought to myself ‘self, you don’t really want a guy that’s preoccupied with those things, in fact you want a guy who wants a girl who’s independent and capable…’ but i don’t see any of those anywhere and i’m getting kinda lonely.

And traditionally I really have been the girl that the guys hang out with. Yeah, I’m the one they talk to about the girls they like.

I do know lots of women who dress sort of like me and do the no makeup thing… but they’re tiny and I think that makes a difference.

What I can’t figure out is this. At what point does changing your look become a lie? I mean every time you buy new clothing or shoes or get your hair cut you’re changing your look. And everytime you gain/lose weight or muscle up you’re changing your look there too. And yet somehow with the makeup it feels like lying.

It doesn’t feel like lying when I’m going to a swanky do of course. Or even when I’m going to an upscale restaurant and I have to dress up. It does feel like lying to put on mascara before I go climbing.

Why is that I wonder? Is it because I know that if I actually start dating someone I will very quickly revert to my no makeup and casual hair self? Or is it that I’ve made not wearing makeup into some kind of statement of independence from traditional female roles? (says the woman who TEACHES PILATES! *snerk*)

I know damm well that if I put on mascara my eyes pop and my lips get redder… so why don’t I do it? It only takes a second right? In fact I may just try it for a week or two but then my eyes will start to itch and my eyelashes will get stiff and unhappy and the mascara will disappear back into the old makeup bag…

so i put it to y’all… do you think it’s true? do you think a woman who is confident and capable and yes tall and sorta hot is too intimidating? and should she care? because really, if i’m too scary to talk to do i really want to date you? [and never fear, i get silly and giggly when approached by a man out of the blue… so i *can* flirt… i just seem to turn them into beer buddies somehow…]




  1. Have you have been talking to my mom? It’s always funny – people think it is nothing more than the physical aspect that attracts men. Odds are if that were true…I would be a 40 something virgin. I do the heels, makeup, suits – 5 days a week – 10-12 hours a day. The comments that I get on my appearance often come on the weekends when I am in shorts or jeans with my hair up in a pony tail and wearing a ball cap. The worst thing anyone can do…is try to be something they are not comfortable being – it’s like starting off with the first impression you give someone being a lie. It’s better to just be yourself ! You seem to have a great deal to offer to someone…it’s just a matter of finding someone who will appreciate you for you.

    I know my cats appreciate me even when men don’t…..they have to appreciate me, I am the only one who can work the pop top on the cans of cat food! Cats appreciate the important things in life.

    Comment by grainne — November 7, 2005 @ 3:55 pm | Reply

  2. no, i’ve been talking with a gay man… always approach advice with caution right?

    the thing is that he would argue that the suits are off putting too or some crap like that… he would tell you to ‘soften’ your look.

    that’s the thing i don’t get… i get the most comments on my looks when i’ve just crawled out of bed or something…

    that’s just it, i feel like if i turn into makeup girl i’m lying… but i feel like if i don’t i’m stuck being one of the guys…

    god i’m glad i have cats! :) They do keep a person grounded…

    Comment by sassinak — November 7, 2005 @ 4:12 pm | Reply

  3. WTF?! “Girly up”?!? “Soften your look”?

    Why don’t you read that “He’s not that into you” book again if you want to slap more crap into your head.

    I don’t really think that there is anything that you are missing, Sass, and I am really confused as to why you aren’t getting deluged by suitors.

    You don’t really have a harsh edge, you are a very fun conversationalist, you flirt very effectively, and you really do look great in beat up clothes AND in PVC catsuits.

    I can’t imagine that makeup will really change much, but if you want to give it a try, I guess you should. I also look skeptically at the boys that suddenly turn on to you when the paint goes on. That’s weird.

    You are very pretty, you are very nice, you are very smart, and this is true no matter what makeup or fancy pants you put on. Being yourself should be more than good enough, for anyone.

    Are you SURE that there aren’t any nice guys around who are giving you the eye? Before you cloud your vision with mascara, just take one more look around your daily routine, and see if maybe you’ve missed a hottie or two in the shuffle.

    Comment by Johnny Canuck — November 7, 2005 @ 4:50 pm | Reply


    expect one tonight, ok?

    Comment by Blondie — November 7, 2005 @ 5:36 pm | Reply

  5. i like what johnny says, too. it’s not necessarily the way i feel but i think he makes some really good points.

    Comment by Blondie — November 7, 2005 @ 5:37 pm | Reply

  6. Wot a load of crap. Girly up for what? To prove that you can do the dating camouflage thing?

    I’ve always thought that women who relied on makeup all the time were trying to mask deficiencies or hide something. What’s wrong with presenting the face you actually have to the world? The one you’ve got is certainly attractive enough.

    As for the flirtatious Sass, I still recall when I met you. The first thing you started doing was flirting. That didn’t seem forced or phony in the least. I took an instant like to you because of your outgoing nature, and nothing has changed in the six or so years I’ve known you. I appreciate confidence in women. There are too many shrinking violets in the world.

    I think Johnny C says it right: Are you sure you haven’t bypassed a hottie or two?

    Comment by othercat — November 7, 2005 @ 6:02 pm | Reply

  7. Sass…

    (No offense intended to the friend who suggested it, but…) Ignore the advice about the edgy-ness and softening up your look! Fuck that noise! Wear what makes you comfortable. Dress like yourself.

    Yes, you can get away with wearing the PVC catsuit. Many women can’t! That makes you hot. But so does splitting wood with a wedge and sledgehammer, and climbing a 5.10 and teaching Pilates! And and and!!

    If men get scared off by lack of makeup, your height, confidence, etc, then they’re really not worth your time.

    And remember, beer buddies and dating prospects need not be mutually exclusive concepts.

    (Mmm, beer…)

    Comment by SonusExMachina — November 7, 2005 @ 6:16 pm | Reply

  8. Ok so I give this advice. Makeup will make you look old if you wear it all the time. All the girls I grew up with look way older than me and they have been plying their faces with the paint for half their lives or more. I waer it rarely and I look pretty young. I t’s a belief I have, I know a lot of it is they never took care of their sking right and makeup and lifestyle made them look older. I put a lot of balme on makeup too.

    I like makeup, and I know how to use it. I am called a scary girl, a mean girl an evil gir,l I’ve even had a guy telling me I was a weirdo once – he honestly thought that was a good pick up line. I get told this by guys who don’t know me. I get told to soften, lose weight and be more like other girls too. It sucketh. I rebel.

    I’m fairly tall at 5’9″. I think it’s the height thing more than anything, that may cause intimidation. It’s also my tattoos and the fact that I’m not a damsel in distress.

    Comment by Amber — November 7, 2005 @ 6:59 pm | Reply

  9. Change? Change what? If you want to change anything, play on what you already have. You have a great neck…if you’re in the mood to get some additional looks pull your hair back a tad, wear some dangly earrings that are shiny…maybe drape a few hairs down too.

    Of all of the people I hang with now that I find attractive the one who I think is the hottest wears birks, comfy pants, semi form fitting tops and a jean jacket, maybe a hoodie and a jeanjacket. Shit, I wear a frigging hoodie but no jean jacket (I had a cool black denin one that I wore for a while but it’s too tight around my chest now so I gave it to one of my buds, who looks divine in it).

    Height can be intimidating to some guys. Come to think of it, any female who is outgoing or successful or too “whatever the guy is lacking” is going to be intimidating. The sad thing is that if they’d stash their preconceived notions for a bit they might find something that they like behind what imtimidates them.

    I think TO has been approved.

    Comment by castufari — November 7, 2005 @ 7:27 pm | Reply

  10. Sometimes I think men like to take care of a woman. They like to be needed. If a strong woman can take care of herself, he feels un-needed.

    My husband and I have been going through some stuff lately and it’s all tied to his wanting to take care of me. I have proved that I don’t in fact need him and he feels threatened. I say that it’s his problem, not mine.

    So what I’m trying to say is that you need to be who you are. You will never be happy if you try to please someone besides yourself. Give yourself time and when you least expect it, the right one will become part of your life regardless of whether you wear makeup or not.=

    Comment by SignGurl (Jenn) — November 7, 2005 @ 10:13 pm | Reply

  11. Sass,

    I think if you are even posing the question then it is something that is making you think. Dressing up a little or even wearing make-up is not lying or making you less of who you are. Simply put you are enhancing what you already possess- that is what make-up does.

    You don’t need to do a complete make-over or anything simply go with a look that you are comfortable with but that enhances you. This is not lying and the message you ARE in fact sending out is that you care about yourself –that’s it.

    I’m sorry to say but it’s a bunch of bullshit to say that anyone that doesn’t like you without make-up isn’t worth your time etc. because that kind of appreciation can only come after you are in a relationship… how well can you possibly know a person when you first meet them except for your looks?

    The rest comes after and I agree that you should be with someone that cares for whom you are inside- but not on the first encounter or first date even or, for that matter, the first 6 months!

    Regardless, since what you have done until now doesn’t seem to work for you why not simply indulge in something different? It will be a fun experiment if anything. ;)

    Body language accounts for over 60% of our communication therefore a person (this is everyone) makes assessments or judgments as soon as you walk into a room. It’s just the way humans are – very primal. So looks do play a part and people tend to classify you according to how you look. People also tend to like what is like or similar to them. That is why Goths usually like other Goths etc…

    I’ve known you since I was born and I know for a fact that you are very approachable and will in fact talk to strangers on the street with ease…

    If getting dressed up is giving you butterfly’s it means you are doing something out of your comfort zone and that is a good indication you should go for it.


    Comment by Daywalker — November 7, 2005 @ 11:02 pm | Reply

  12. johnny: i *heart* you i really do. i could go read that book i guess but it took me a while to assimilate it and i don’t REALLY want to have to work through that crap again.

    i’m glad to know that you’re confused… because i’m totally confused. not to be high on myself or anything but i’m the fucking cookie cutter of what half the guys i know SAY they’re looking for.

    i flirt effectively? yes!

    you know it’s funny you say that because *I* get very skeptical when boys are suddenly into you after you lose weight or change your wardrobe… like what i wasn’t worth noticing before?

    johnny i SO want to believe that being myself is enough but well… it’s been a very long time since i got any action. i’m looking i’m looking and i just don’t see anything. heck i even got hubris to look and he didn’t see shit.

    blondie: okay :) now i want to hear how you feel.

    Comment by sassinak — November 7, 2005 @ 11:36 pm | Reply

  13. othercat: i don’t think i really need to prove i can do the camouflage thing… heck i can wear a wig! i also feel that women who live in makeup are hiding something… sometimes even from themselves… but i do suspect there’s a happy medium in between.

    it cracks me up that i flirted with you when i met you… cracks me up. it’s just that everyone either likes or dislikes me on sight… but no one seems to *like* me.

    and trust me, i’m lookin’ i’m lookin… i don’t see anyone lookin’ back!

    sonus: you live in california. only people who live in the south or the western US think i’m hot… this isn’t helping me HERE! [i’m glad the wood splitting makes me hot… i really thought it did!]

    see that’s the thing, i have no beef with dating a beer buddy but i don’t even really have any of those except for hubris and othercat…

    also? mmmm beeeeeer

    amber: i agree, i’ve always noticed that women who live in the mask end up looking like it. also being too thin for a really long time will age your face drastically. fine if you’re a celebrity with a dermatologist on speed dial … not so fine otherwise.

    i do like makeup although i need to shop for some fresh colours… i just don’t understand why being ‘girly’ is a necessary prerequisite for dating. personally i would find a woman who can light a fire in a windstorm WAY more attractive than a woman who can put on mascara in a windstorm…

    i’m 5’11… so i’m more intimidating than you. joy. personally i think it’s the not being a damsel in distress but that makes me feel high on myself.

    Comment by sassinak — November 7, 2005 @ 11:46 pm | Reply

  14. jenn: sometimes i think you hit the nail on the head… like right now. what i don’t get is why a man can’t care for and about you without needing to take care of you. just because i don’t need you to chop wood for me doesn’t mean i don’t need you to love me and hug me when i’m sad and listen to me ramble about my day.

    i don’t want a man to run my life, i want one to share it with… and that seems really hard to find. when i do find men that i think would suit me they’re off chasing some fucking helpless girly girl and going ‘so do you think she likes me?’

    daywalker: you are correct, i am most definetely pensive about this one. i did actually put on some mascara today before i went to teach. so i compromised… nothing else just a little eyelash enhancement.

    i appreciate that you have the balls to disagree with the majority response on this one because i think your perspective is also valid. trying to look a little more attractive to the opposite sex is why people do a lot of the things they do. (like go to the gym or wear well fitted clothing…)

    i think if you know someone already and then they see you all dressed up and suddenly get into you that that’s fucking bullshit. however, if someone new notices you at that point it isn’t bullshit at all.

    i’m very uncomfortable when i see on some of those makeover shows that the guy suddenly likes the girl he’s known for a decade. that shit is just weird… seriously he never noticed she was pretty before?

    and you’re right, i do talk to strangers on the street…

    damm you for saving all the ammo for the end… you’re right, if it makes me think this much and feel this weird i really should probably try it.

    but it still feels like lying somehow.

    damm three comments from me just to catch up with y’all!

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 12:08 am | Reply

  15. I have to go with what daywalker said about wearing makeup. It really is just enhancing what you already have. Wearing a little mascara is not lying. It may even make you feel better about yourself because you have taken the time to draw attention to your looks, therefore making you feel hot.

    You have spent alot of time over the years being down on yourself about your looks. It’s time your brain caught up to the bod. It sounds like you are working on this.

    My opinion is that you should try the makeup if that’s what you want. Do what is right for you.

    Comment by SignGurl (Jenn) — November 8, 2005 @ 12:27 am | Reply

  16. I have to go with what daywalker said about wearing makeup. It really is just enhancing what you already have. Wearing a little mascara is not lying. It may even make you feel better about yourself because you have taken the time to draw attention to your looks, therefore making you feel hot.

    You have spent alot of time over the years being down on yourself about your looks. It’s time your brain caught up to the bod. It sounds like you are working on this.

    My opinion is that you should try the makeup if that’s what you want. Do what is right for you.

    Comment by SignGurl (Jenn) — November 8, 2005 @ 12:27 am | Reply

  17. sorry about the duplicate. It’s late!

    Comment by SignGurl (Jenn) — November 8, 2005 @ 12:28 am | Reply

  18. a lot of sensible things said here, but I can’t resist adding my two cents:

    1. Are you sure you want to take advice about what straight guys want from a gay friend? LOL

    2. Whatever you decide to do in terms of personal enhancement, the key is to be yourself and project your true self, no matter what clothing or makeup you’re wearing.

    3. Tomboys rock … especially super-tall ones who are super-bendy and can climb rocks and stuff ;)

    Comment by DZER — November 8, 2005 @ 3:16 am | Reply

  19. I think that guys have become a bunch of wusses for the most part, and they dont like it cuz youre stronger than they are! (too bad, you are!)
    I have always been amazed at the magazine articles that tell ya how to apply makeup to go to the gym.
    Or worse yet, the girls that actually do it. Arent you SUPPOSED to sweat?
    I think it becomes a lie when you are acutely uncomfortable with the way you look…….
    I think you are dead on with your philosophy on this! :-)

    Comment by whitesgem — November 8, 2005 @ 5:18 am | Reply

  20. jenn: no worries… i’ll take a double comment over spam ANYTIME! and yeah i think daywalker has the right of it. he wouldn’t if i suddenly started putting on full mask makeup because that would be ridiculous, but a little bit of mascara or lipstick isn’t the same thing.

    well i’m only really down on myself when i’m overweight… otherwise i think i look pretty good…

    dz: *lmao* point,,, though he did date girls for years.

    i don’t think i’m really capable of being someone else for more than five minutes anyway

    i think tomboys rock myself… but all the tomboys i know are single.

    gem: i *know*

    i cannot comprehend wearing makeup to go and sweat… it’s totally counterproductive and bad for your face..

    i’m not stronger than the guys at the climbing gym though… in fact i’m for sure weaker than all of them…

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 6:39 am | Reply

  21. Those makeover shows are shit. I mean not totally, but if they show someone how then can look better then it’s good, especially if they had some idiotic haircut (think mullet) and poor makeup skills. But when they show a guy that they’ve known for years falling head over heads for them? No. Sod off, wanker. You didn’t get all hot and bothered for me when I didn’t look good, what’s changed? Interested in eye candy now? The outside has changed, the inside hasn’t.

    Comment by castufari — November 8, 2005 @ 7:13 am | Reply

  22. Gay men have more insight when it comes to fashion and social skills so I would listen when a gay freind tells me something. provided of course that they follow their own teachings…

    forthe most part it is all about getting noticed and setting yourself apart from everyone else (known as “peacocking”). If people don’t notice you then how will they know you are there?

    A good example that came to mind is Kim, the lesbian on America’s next top model. she is already very beautiful and is a tomboy. However you add some make-up and a bit more “girlyness” and she because Stunning!

    If she wasn’t gay I’d date her (I’d date her gay or not for that matter lol!)even without the make-up. However when she gets the make-up on it just enhances her eys and feminene side that its like “WOW!

    On another note I LOVE strong women. In fact I can’t stand women that wouldn’t be able to hold their own. I’m not talking “butch” girls here just a strong women.

    She could swing a sword but do it with grace ;)


    Comment by Daywalker — November 8, 2005 @ 8:25 am | Reply

  23. that should read: “becomes stunning”… sorry didn’t proof read. :(


    Comment by Daywalker — November 8, 2005 @ 8:26 am | Reply

  24. Be you. Dress how you want. Act how you want.

    I do all the make-up and the girly dressing…and you know what? My guy friends always say “You aren’t going to find someone unless you dumb it down a bit. Guys like smart girls, yea…but not when they can outwit them. Let the guy get a few good jabs in without retorting all the time.” blah blah blah fuckin blah.

    Guys are intimidated by their own fucking shadow if it doesn’t suit their at-the-moment-needs. Wouldn’t you rather know you found someone that likes you for you and your jean jacket-sweatshirt combo…instead of them liking you cause you slapped on some lipliner and lipgloss, and opted to alter yourself just to get them to notice you?

    Comment by da buttah — November 8, 2005 @ 9:11 am | Reply

  25. If I were you I would only take advice from people who are in good, long-lasting relationships since that is the kind you want. Which means you shouldn’t listen to me! But looking at friends who are in them, I have noticed that both partners gussied up a bit in the earlier stages for mate attraction, but not so they didn’t feel themselves. If you act or feel like you aren’t yourself, you will meet someone who likes the fake you not the real you. So maybe add the gloss but stay in your comfort zone, is my opinion.

    Comment by lividviv — November 8, 2005 @ 9:21 am | Reply

  26. You are purrrrfect as you are. Fuck anyone that tells you to change. The person you want to be with will want you as you and for you and not as some imitation of you. You rock as you are and someone will be lucky to have you as you. I pity the millions who put on a farse just to be with someone. They are never truly happy.

    Stay true to yourself.


    Comment by Natalia — November 8, 2005 @ 9:54 am | Reply

  27. lividviv!! yer still alive! hey there! and good advice!

    I just wanna say … to “Shook Me All Night Long” by AC/DC:

    Sassed me alllll niiiiiiight long!
    yeah you!
    sassed me all night loooong!!

    Comment by DZER — November 8, 2005 @ 10:43 am | Reply

  28. pardon the fact that my email is highly ineloquent, sassafrass. but it’s sent!

    Comment by Blondie — November 8, 2005 @ 11:17 am | Reply

  29. holy holy holy crap. you guys rock. i am so impressed with my readers it’s awesome!

    cast: yeah that’s EXACTLY what i’m saying… that shit drives me batty.

    daywalker: he does in fact follow his own advice… he dresses well and so on. funny thing though, i try to get him to groom (NOT PLUCK) his eyebrows and he’s all ‘oh no that’s too gay!’ which is extra funny from a guy telling me to put on makeup.

    i get what you’re saying… just because xena can swing a sword doesn’t mean she was ever anything but feminine… so yeah there’s definetely something to be said for harnessing a little of the peacock inside.

    so here’s teh question… what’s the difference between butch and strong?

    buttah: I *used* to do all the makeup and girlyness but this really does seem more my actual style. but yeah i get told to be ‘less confrontational’ or ‘easier to approach’ or ‘less snarky’ or whatfuckingever.

    seriously i can pretend i’m not sarcastic but that will only last until you do something really lame and then out comes the snark! Nice to know we’re getting the same advice, must be why i like you so much!

    see it’s funny… i’m trying to figure out where the change yourself line is. and it’s not putting on a little mascara… but it’s not far from there.

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 12:37 pm | Reply

  30. lividviv: yay you’re visiting the blogverse! i think you’ve nailed the right of it darlin’ and i can’t add a thing to your comments.

    natalia: i think i’m pretty awesome but i can sort of see what my friend means. it’s like i’m too much for most people… and while i don’t want to lessen myself i suspect there are opportunities i’m not getting because i’m larger than life.

    so i don’t want to be someone else but i do sort of wonder if a little polishing the stone is a bad idea…

    dzer: she does give great advice doesn’t she? also *funny*

    blondie: STOP calling yourself ineloquent… just stop. I’ve never ever seen you be anything but clear and well spoken. so stop insulting your awesome skillz with language!


    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 12:41 pm | Reply

  31. You can’t get much more ‘girly’ than me.
    I love the heels and the make up and the skirts but just ’cause you’re wearing them doesn’t mean the guys will be attracted.
    Trust me I know. I’ve decided to keep track of how long it’s been since I’ve had sex 3 months 29 days!

    Comment by gigi — November 8, 2005 @ 1:16 pm | Reply

  32. yeah dude
    2 years and 5 months.

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 1:17 pm | Reply

  33. wow! once, when I was married, I went 5 years!!!!

    Comment by gigi — November 8, 2005 @ 1:19 pm | Reply

  34. ok damnit i got to hte first line.. and “girly UP?” .. sass.. thney LIE…im sooooooo far from girly upping.. (i can if i want) but i rarely ever do…. i dress in tshirt and jeans and flip flops …
    “whewwwww” ok ill try to get thru the rest of the post that people are trying to help you get some.. if i just cant.. come to texas ill help you out…

    Comment by sugarpunk — November 8, 2005 @ 1:19 pm | Reply

  35. gigi: is it wrong that that makes me feel a lil better?

    punk: yeah apparently i’m not girly enough… *shrug*

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 1:31 pm | Reply

  36. Glad that my misfortunes makes you feel better. ;)

    Comment by gigi — November 8, 2005 @ 1:33 pm | Reply

  37. gigi: heh
    well it’s nice to know i’m not the only one who is having or has had a ridiculously long drought…

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 1:35 pm | Reply

  38. I just get tired of people not believing me when I tell them I haven’t had sex in thisamountofitme. I get accused of being ‘picky’ or of not trying. I’m trying! I’m out there! I’m begining to feel as if I am just man-repellant.

    Comment by gigi — November 8, 2005 @ 1:47 pm | Reply

  39. oh man gigi me too. i just keep hearing ‘you’re not putting it out there’ … what the fuck does *that* mean?

    hell i’ve asked out men for the first time in my life this year and still nothin’ (well a new good friend… but you know)

    i’m thinking my dad is right about the drought in your thirties…

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 1:52 pm | Reply

  40. Sass-In the past month I have asked two men (on separate occasions) to just f*** no questions asked no strings attatched. Do I need to tell you they both said no.

    Comment by gigi — November 8, 2005 @ 1:55 pm | Reply

  41. holy
    holy shit

    are you serious? that shit is fucked up. and unless those aren’t your pics it’s certainly not about your looks.


    i only ever get approached by people who have partners already.

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 1:57 pm | Reply

  42. I assure you those are my pictures.
    I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

    Comment by gigi — November 8, 2005 @ 2:00 pm | Reply

  43. damn dude… it’s freaking weird isn’t it?

    i sometimes think that the idea that we’re doing something wrong is the something we’re doing wrong…

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 2:01 pm | Reply

  44. true dat!

    Hell, I can’t even be a slut!

    Comment by gigi — November 8, 2005 @ 2:03 pm | Reply

  45. i tried that but i felt icky in the morning…

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 2:10 pm | Reply

  46. I can not give it away!

    Comment by gigi — November 8, 2005 @ 2:14 pm | Reply

  47. *passes decadent dark chocolate with crunchy coffee bits*

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 2:24 pm | Reply

  48. *happy chocolate covered dance*

    Comment by gigi — November 8, 2005 @ 2:28 pm | Reply

  49. apparently some women choose chocolate over sex…

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 2:39 pm | Reply

  50. Know any?

    Comment by gigi — November 8, 2005 @ 2:44 pm | Reply

  51. rofl!

    not a one

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 3:12 pm | Reply

  52. *chomp*
    me neither!

    Comment by gigi — November 8, 2005 @ 4:14 pm | Reply

  53. Hey gigi – call me ;)

    Sass – I didn’t neccessarily mean physical strength. I do like a girl that I can take snowboarding or to the gym or to play Paintball etc though so I guess physically she needs to like activity to some extent.

    Most likely since I’m an artist then it would be cool if she was as well but its not necessary. As long as she likes art then that’s cool… if she was a muse that would be even better.

    If you look at Royo’s painting (the fantasy artist I showed you) all his women are strong (mentally and physically) and gracefull at the same time- that is what I mean.

    Angelina Jolie is the best example I can think of.


    Comment by Daywalker — November 8, 2005 @ 4:30 pm | Reply

  54. BTW- you ballerina firend sounds like she could be a good model for me?


    Comment by Daywalker — November 8, 2005 @ 4:32 pm | Reply

  55. Wow, I go away for a bit and suddenly there are gorgeous women rolling on the floor covered in chocolate!! This blog rocks!!!

    I *heart* you right back Sass, and point taken on the lack of nearby hotties. I’m just trying to make sure that you are leaving no hottie unturned, or untouched, and worried that you are, perhaps, not utilizing your hottie-vision goggles correctly and need fresher eyes to help you with the search.
    I’m also worried that you are losing confidence a little, and clenching up a bit, which you do not need to do. You are doing fine.

    I think Daywalker and Livid have good points about using makeup just to enhance that initial meeting with new folks, and also warn you to NOT go too far with it. Very sensible. You yourself say that the mascara doesn’t cross that line into bald fakery, so you are aware of some sort of line you won’t cross. You are obviously toying with the idea of gussying up a little, and, like I said above, if you feel like you want to try makeup a little, then you should. Play around with that line, find out where it is for you, and stay on the side where you still feel like Sass. But, like others have said, don’t ever feel like you HAVE to cross that line to catch someone.
    Don’t sell yourself out.
    Always be yourself, yourself is cool.
    If you really think that yourself needs a little lipstick on the occasional night out, then that’s okay by me.

    And realize that what you are looking for can happen at any moment, and can happen very fast, so the big scary wonderful breakthrough may be just around the next corner. Keep your eyes peeled and your heart open!


    P.S.: Cool tunes to download and/or purchase: Shine a Light by Wolf Parade, Natural Anthem by Postal Service

    Comment by Johnny Canuck — November 8, 2005 @ 5:08 pm | Reply

  56. wow … an over-50 comment post … you are officially a blogstar!!

    hey now, you’re a blogstar, get your blog on, get paid
    hey now, you’re a blogstar, come one, get laid!


    Comment by DZER — November 8, 2005 @ 6:53 pm | Reply

  57. dw: okay so she doesn’t have to be like ms. fitness or whatever just comfortable using her body and getting active.

    it seems i’m a bit museish which is funny because i am SO not an artist… but a couple of artist types i know seem to like the look of me for whatever reason… sorta cool really :)

    um, ballerina friend?

    yeah that art was beautiful, ESPECIALLY the lady we discussed for a while looking out from her perch on a rock.

    angelina jolie is a FANTASTIC example.

    dzer: hee! that’s twice in less than a month!

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 7:12 pm | Reply

  58. johnny: wait, who said we were rolling? *grin*

    i’m glad my blog is rocking though… i’m sorta proud of this little piece of the blogverse.

    anyway yeah i really do look and i see men that i find attractive but they just don’t… hrm how to put it. i sit down to talk to a guy at the gym and he talks a bit (this is very casual while bouldering) but he doesn’t ask ME any questions… you know what i mean? even a couple i though *might* be digging me sort of don’t seem all that interested in talking to me. don’t try to say bye before they go… you know?

    but i’m down with fresher eyes … maybe some mascara will freshen them up *snerk*

    i am losing confidence a little but the truth is i don’t really have any. there are many kinds of confidence, i am gifted with an abundance of the kind that leads one to run off to bali alone and take surfing lessons… not so much the one that believes i’m funny or hot or interesting or worth dating or befriending…

    i too think viv and dw have hit the nail on the head. my other friend i think was pushing me too far in one direction… a little wee bit of *pop* to the eyes and gloss to the lips isn’t hiding crap… it’s just ‘hey here i am’ (or something… wtf do i know?)

    i think that’s the hardest part you know? keeping your heart open. it’s just so easy to close up and hide. and you are right, it’s never where you’re lookin’

    Comment by sassinak — November 8, 2005 @ 7:20 pm | Reply

  59. sass,

    i admit to not reading all of these bazillion blog comments closely, but thought i’d chime in anyway…

    contemplation ‘bout image adjustments need not lead to experimentation with excessive, misogynistic consumerism…i.e. wondering if you need to adjust the vibes you send off so males read you as “open and interested in making a connection that goes beyond beer buddies” could [but does NOT have to] include buying products (make-up, heels, etc.) to become more seductive…

    like so many other, I think being true to yourself is first priority. just don’t fall into the lies that “girly” is to be feminine…to be strong, intelligent, independent is feminine too! it’s the loneliness that makes us self-doubt, but re-evaluating standoffish habits/vibes isn’t in-and-of-itself a bad thing…and sometimes shifting your image to reflect your true desires isn’t a bad thing at all….

    i think i come off way more conservative than i really am. so lately, when i see a guy that i think is cute/hot…i check out what the style of the girl he’s with is…weird? maybe, but it’s giving me some good ideas about how i could project myself differently….mostly it’s not about makeup or “girly” though cause i’m really not into the kinda guys that want that kinda “girl.”

    and when all else fails…chocolate is a really, really good thing!

    Comment by curious — November 8, 2005 @ 8:27 pm | Reply

  60. curious: there’s sixty of them… AND some of them are LONG!

    so yeah can’t blame you at all.

    i love your response to my post. i love it.

    also i’m fully stealing your idea of looking at the women that the men i’m interested in are into or with. of course sometimes i’ll only see their friends but i’d say a lot of friends are near misses anyway.

    yeah that’s just it… if you want a girly girl i just am NOT it. like not. at all. nope.

    i’m fully female and i love it but i am not any sort of traditional girly person.

    i knew that my friends’ advice had hit me where it hurt but you’ve hit the nail on the head of why. he’s right but not for the reasons he says… basically :)

    also yeah…. chocolate… if you send me your address i’ll mail you a $4 chocolate bar that will knock your socks off. (if you LIKE dark chocolate…)

    Comment by sassinak — November 9, 2005 @ 12:02 am | Reply

  61. Do it Curious! Send the money. You won’t regret it. I promise.

    Comment by Light Strikes A Deal — November 9, 2005 @ 11:37 am | Reply

  62. I think the problem with dumbing down or tarting up is that the guys you wind up with are the kind who fall for women who aren’t, well, you. Which sort of defeats the purpose.

    Take care,


    Comment by figleaf — November 15, 2005 @ 2:36 am | Reply

  63. lsd: do you want some too? i haven’t made it to the post office yet…

    figleaf: i have no interest in dumbing down, i’m debating the merits of a little mascara on occasion. because yeah, if the guy i date is after a girly girl then i’m the wrong woman for him…

    Comment by sassinak — November 15, 2005 @ 12:21 pm | Reply

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