snapshots of an idle mind

December 4, 2005


Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 5:43 pm

the road to hell and all that.

i was at this party last night and i noticed something. that thing that people in relationships, no matter how foul, do to single people. that thing where they try, clumsily at best, to get their friend coupled up.

now i don’t know many of the folks that went to this party the other night because i’m relatively new to the group. i knew a few people somewhat and a couple are in the may be becoming friends category but i’m not *in* yet. most of the people there have known each other for a while is my point.

because of that i got to do my urban anthropologist thing again.

there was this guy there who is a handsome man in his thirties with humour, charm and biceps to boot. and twice in something like fifteen minutes people made really crude remarks about his quest to find a girlfriend.

one of them was like ‘yeah he says he wants a girlfriend but i don’t think he is opening his eyes to what’s around him. blah blah blah’ and there were only three people standing there and i was the other one.

so i said that in my experience when men said they wanted girlfriends but weren’t dating they probably didn’t *actually* want a girlfriend. Which killed the topic nicely.

and then very shortly thereafter (so an hour in party time) a married man was lolling on this futon (on the floor… there was no furniture in the house) with another woman and was all ‘this is where you should be, right here with this hot blah blah *blatant gesture* *blatant gesture*’ and she looked pretty embarassed but didn’t say anything (which implies that she doesn’t mind the idea) and he looked ready to die.

seriously they expect him to even GLANCE at a woman in front of them?

i mean really how could he? it would be like inviting them to hassle him about that woman for weeks on end. you can tell his friends care about him and are a little exasperated with him but they don’t seem to get that he is too.

he just looked so embarassed y’all and i actually felt bad for him for it. i mean if i were him i don’t think that i would talk to anyone who was an available member of the opposite sex. and i think i would move to another country!

so i guess that his friends’ intentions are good but really now. they are doing the opposite of helping. how is he supposed to even know if he likes a girl if she’s being shoved down his throat?

then there’s the couples that have been together for a few years and start telling you that the way they met is the only way to meet someone. yeah okay then.

i can at least understand the happily coupled people doing this but there’s an even weirder one. the unhappy coupled folks that are also trying to shove coupledom down your throat.


pardon me… but

aren’t you miserable?!?!??

ironically if the coupley people would just fuck off and not drop heavy anvils of ridiculousness on the singletons’ heads then way more coupling would happen.

actually someone got some coupling last night… but i don’t know whom i only know where because i saw the expression of the person who walked in on them!

now all of these people who are busy dropping matchmaking anvils on the heads of their friends must have been single once right? so don’t they REMEMBER?

don’t they cringe in sympathetic embarassment for their friend when this shit happens to him? no they don’t. they revel in it. they nod knowingly or sort of giggle.

for serious it’s like single baiting is a sport!


mimimimimi miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear sock monkey
happy birthday toooooooooooo youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu



  1. happy bday to the sock monkey *throws sock bananas*

    and I HATE the forceful girlfriend pressure thing … ugh.

    btw … I promise to get back to you on the HCG issue … but seriously, just go back and look at some of your posts … into you, into you, into you.

    and, again, I will put in my demand for the sassinakimatic hard core biceps shot!


    Comment by DZER — December 4, 2005 @ 6:33 pm | Reply

  2. I admire single people way to much to try to couple them. I would never want to be responsible for a bad relationship.

    I do feel bad for single people sometimes only for the fact that it’s lonely not being able to share the little stuff. I went on a business trip with hubby once to Cleveland. He was busy with work stuff so I decided to go the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. I had a great time exept that I had no one to share it with. I felt totally alone watching and listening to couples looking at Jimi Hendricks original lyrics and costumes from David Bowie. I wanted to say, “Isn’t that amazing?” but there was no one to say it too and people already thought I was crazy so I didn’t talk to myself.

    Anyway, I’m glad you stuck up for the handsome man.

    P.S. did you get your email?

    Comment by SignGurl (Jenn) — December 4, 2005 @ 6:57 pm | Reply

  3. dzer the sock monkey knows who they are :)

    so you get that forceful gf pressure bullshit thing too? cause it seems so totally ridiculous to me. there you are, happily conversing with a single person and someone comes up and anvils you ‘hey did you notice?? you’re talking to a hot single person!! hey hey!! didja notice?? didja??’

    like seriously… of COURSE i noticed, why do you think i’m talking to this attractive member of the opposite sex anyway?

    dude he’s not… he’s just getting to know the new folks at the gym. :)

    yeah yeah pics schmics….

    jenn: got my email, haven’t answered it because i SUCK!

    what makes you admire single people? that said i don’t mind introducing people when i really think they would hit it off… but i try to do it over 14 person dim sum or something :)

    yeah, sometimes i just want to say something to my honey and there isn’t one there. but i don’t like being treated as deficient for being single.

    sometimes i talk to myself… why not?

    Comment by sassinak — December 4, 2005 @ 7:09 pm | Reply

  4. Oh man, I didn’t mean you were deficient and I would never treat you as such! I just meant that in my opinion, it’s hard to be single.

    I admire single people because it’s something I have hardly ever done. Met hubby at age 18. I’m almost 37, so hasn’t left much room for finding out who I am without being married.

    I didn’t want to draw any more attention to myself by talking to myself at the RRHOF. Although I should have because I’m never gonna see those motherfucker’s again, ha!

    No sweat on the email. I just wanted to make sure you got it! :)

    Comment by SignGurl (Jenn) — December 4, 2005 @ 7:42 pm | Reply

  5. oh man i didn’t mean i thought you meant that. i was generalising about all the people that have done that to me and other friends of mine who are long term singletons.

    it’s true, you fully know yourself in relation to your hubby but knowing yourself alone is different. course i’m the opposite :)

    see i try to make decisions from my inner 80 year old with a dash of my inner 8 year old.

    course they both want the hot guy at work! *lmao*

    Comment by sassinak — December 4, 2005 @ 7:46 pm | Reply

  6. The matchmaking anvil, I love it. But it’s true. I was taking to a friend tonight, trying to find someone to drive me to the neuro when she said “you remember Jane? she’s single”. *sigh* I’m not single yet and don’t even want to think single, but if someone caught my fancy, wouldn’t you think I’d remember them? What truely sucks is when someone spends all their time trying to find you someone…and they’re the one that you’re interested in.

    As for the 14 person gig, that works. Invite a few couples, a few singles, people can detect who is single and who isn’t.

    Not sure I’d ever set someone up. I might say “she’s cute and single *hint hint*” but I’d never say “kim, come here, dave is single!”. That’s lame and puts them on the stage when they might not want to be on the stage.

    Comment by castufari — December 4, 2005 @ 8:05 pm | Reply

  7. oh man cast… that fuckin’ blows! yeah or the one you’re into is into someone else of course or just not into you. it’s frustrating this dating/hanging out/getting to know/etc thing.

    you’re in a tough place. are you and A discussing things or just tolerating each other these days?

    cast that’s just it. why do coupled people think i’m stupid? if i want to know if a guy is married i know how to ask him. trust me, i’ve wormed this info in SO many many ways *grin*

    stage sucks. ruins all cause you’re in the spotlight and can’t be yourself and thus nothing can happen because yeah, you aren’t yourself.

    it’s lame.

    matchmaking anvil. yeah that’s mine. i claim it today sock monkey’s birthday in 2005 i may have written it down first!


    Comment by sassinak — December 4, 2005 @ 8:11 pm | Reply

  8. matchmaking with acquaintences and friends is dangerous business. more people need to figure that one out.

    i think it’s kinda tacky for couples to be dishing out their relationship advice/opinions to single folks…

    Comment by factory_peasant — December 4, 2005 @ 8:17 pm | Reply

  9. sass:

    we’re tolerating. i’m in an odd place because it is the holidays and i’m sorta sick of going out alone. so i just either tote the kid or ignore everything that goes on.


    it is very dangerous. i mean…what if we’ve already been there, done that? unless you’re red and have little wings and can shoot arrows, MYOFB!

    Comment by castufari — December 4, 2005 @ 9:23 pm | Reply

  10. Crap!
    I’ve totally lost track of all the secret names now.
    Was Salt at this party? Is he now Hot Climber Guy (HCG)?!?
    Who is this new guy that flabbergasted you (Mesmer-man, The Accordionator?)?! Is THAT HCG?!
    Did you wear PJs at the shindig?! I’m not seeing ANY info about whether you chatted up hot climber men here Sass, so I hope that you had an okay time at the party.
    Sorry we didn’t meet up this weekend, especially since my Friday night is now known as “The Night Toronto Bit Me In The Ass”. It started with an $800 cellphone going under a taxi, and ended with NO good beer and a woman caterwauling on the open stage in the corner of a pub. I really wish I’d made it up to where you guys were.

    Comment by Johnny Canuck — December 4, 2005 @ 9:44 pm | Reply

  11. factory peasant if it takes more than an introduction it’s not gonna happen!

    i think it’s hella tacky but it’s the done thing somehow.

    cast: tote the kid… funny way to put it but i sympathise. i guess with g along a has to be nicer?

    also good point to fp!

    johnny: yes salt was there and so was hcg and no they aren’t the same guy.

    i had an interesting time and someone told me that i had given them a little inspiration so although i am now crushless i did have a rewarding evening. and i know people better now.

    yup, blue flannel pjs and my hot new work shirt! AND fuzzy blue and purple socks!

    as for mesmerman yeah he works at my work and came to one of my classes (and laughed at my jokes during class!)

    i’m sad you had a shitty night, care to blog about it? :)

    Comment by sassinak — December 4, 2005 @ 10:02 pm | Reply

  12. Sass – I was intoxicated earlier and would not have given a brainy or appropriate response to this. So I apologize for my tardiness… you blog deserves some respectability from a slut like me, no?


    Being a couple, I do not feel the need to push a relationship on anybody. No, never. K, maybe my brother in law, but he doesn’t count. I’m just pissy because I can’t have him. j/k

    anyway, when I come into this situation with any single person, friend or otherwise I always just contend to their courtesy and leave them alone about it.

    If they want to date, that’s their function to deal with.

    If they want to date me? Then we have a problem. That’s the only time I get involved, as you would imagine.

    K, Now let’s pretend I was a single gal that felt attracted to that poor guy at this party…

    K, away from all the irritating couples, I would slip him my number and tell him that if he ever wanted to meet for coffee and just chat for a plutonic time, that I would be up for it.

    Give the guy some idea that you think it’s horribly shitty that he’s been embarrassed (if its obvious).

    Umm. that is. if you know. you were interested.

    Sounds like I would be. but whatever, Im all over everything right now anyway.

    Comment by Everything nice — December 4, 2005 @ 11:46 pm | Reply

  13. Right on Sass,

    This is one of my favorite posts that you have written since I’ve been reading.

    Oh and one other thing, I met this guy and he’s perfect for you. You’ve got to meet him:-)

    Comment by Light Strikes A Deal — December 5, 2005 @ 12:42 am | Reply

  14. bubbles: hey no worries dude you’re welcome sober/drunk/high/whatever you want to be. respect is good, visits are better *grin*

    i appreciate that about you you know. you can’t begin to comprehend how wearing it can be to get the single pity glance. and don’t even get me started on the single supplement if you like to travel in groups (which i don’t, fortunately)

    is bro in law hot and willing to relocate *chuckling*

    i don’t have a beef with being introduced to someone even over some lameass fix up dinner but really. introduce us and leave us alone. making agonizing things we have in common that you’re aware of conversation is well… agonizing :)

    i’ve considered being attracted to him. i’m still kinda hmmm about him. that said, i think your suggestion is excellent in any kind of group social environment.

    you are all over everything right now it’s true, what’s up with that?

    lsd: thank you *curtsy*

    does he live in toronto?
    have a car?


    i’m willing to hear more…. :)

    Comment by sassinak — December 5, 2005 @ 2:39 am | Reply

  15. omigod, i’m SO with you on this. i even find that most of the parties i go to these days are filled with nothing but couples…which doesn’t really bother me until THEY point out that i’m the only single person there.
    i don’t remember doing this to my single friends when i was married…

    Comment by terry — December 5, 2005 @ 3:06 am | Reply

  16. terry: oh man that’s kind of worse. at least in this case they’re trying to hook him up rather than make him feel deficient!

    i don’t recall doing that either but then i wasn’t married long…

    Comment by sassinak — December 5, 2005 @ 9:36 am | Reply

  17. I have no idea Sass.

    *shaking head*

    No idea.

    Comment by Everything nice — December 5, 2005 @ 10:27 am | Reply

  18. Oy.

    I have some friends (a married couple, of course) who do this to me regularly. The wife (a good friend from high school) believes thoroughly that I would be so happy if I just found someone to be with.

    Um, excuse me? Maybe YOUR happiness is contingent on being in a relationship, but MINE is not. It never was. Don’t compare me to you.

    The sad thing is that this constant nagging makes me want to stay OUT of a relationship just to prove them wrong!

    Comment by Blondie — December 5, 2005 @ 12:06 pm | Reply

  19. Another disconcerting variation on the matchmaking anvil, is having it dropped on you when you’re in a happy relationship already, and would rather not talk about it with people. I’ve been happily attached to my partner for years, and don’t feel the need to tell everyone in the world that I’m not interested. I guess if same-sex relationships were a little more accepted I’d have a different opinion. I hate telling people that I’m happily attached to another man when someone is trying to hook me up with a woman.

    Sass will tell you it’s happened to the two of us when we’ve been to a party with the mad musicians in Pickering. “You two should be together!” Huh? I thought we were together for the evening. The rest of it is none of your business.

    I love Sassinak, but not in that way.

    Comment by othercat — December 5, 2005 @ 1:59 pm | Reply

  20. i guess these folks mean well… but it just comes out all wrong.

    that’s what i’d like to think, anyway…

    Comment by terry — December 5, 2005 @ 2:08 pm | Reply

  21. Oh man! I get the “anvil” on me head every fucking time I leave the house or an old friend calls… so much so I hardley call them so I don’t “have to hear it” every time either…

    In fact I was at a mostly gay party and my adopted gay uncle, who seams to be very concerned with my sex life, tried to hook me up with the only straight girl in the place by telling her she should take me upstairs…

    I wanted to die. Instead I just drank… a lot!

    My other gay friends seam to know a whole bunch of really cute girls they wants me to meet but somehow I never seam to meet them…. They throw it out there and never follow up/ I understand what they are trying to do but at the same time they build up false hope at times which can be really frustrating.

    I don’t mind being single. What I do mind is people feeling sorry for me because I am when there is no reason too (since I don’t complain about it first and foremost!). they just can’t understand how I can go on in life on my own…

    Well here’s the scoop people: MY HAPPINESS DOESN”T DEPEND ON A VAGINA!

    There I said it…. Sheesh!



    Comment by Daywalker — December 5, 2005 @ 2:52 pm | Reply

  22. bubbles: worth pondering, not worth worrying over… my take anyway

    blondie: oh man i totally sympathise. i’ve got a ridiculous number of people in my life who are convinced that all of my problems would be over if i had a man.

    funny because since i would like to be pregnant within a year it seems like they’re likely to increase in that case.

    i’ve been told that there are two kinds of people … lonely alones and lonely togethers. i am most definetely a lonely alone.

    basically it means that you would rather dump a shitty partner than stay with them just so you won’t have to be alone. in the long run lonely alones IF they do pair up make really awesome relationships but they don’t seem to mind if they don’t.

    the nagging is ridiculous, the pity may be worse.

    Comment by sassinak — December 5, 2005 @ 3:37 pm | Reply

  23. othercat: oh man that was ridiculous. for serious you guys he and i must have said ten times ‘but we don’t want to be together and othercat is in a happy relationship with his partner’ and we must have heard ‘oh you could convert him’ or ‘oh but you should still be together’ like 15 times.

    EVEN after we said that othercat and his partner had been together for MORE THAN twenty YEARS they still bugged us. it was fucking ridiculous.

    and othercat, i feel identically toward you.

    terry: i like to believe it… but i don’t know if i do.

    daywalker: oh man you get it worse because of your grandmother. she’s kinda evil toward you when it comes to dating.

    at least with me because i’m a girl there’s a tiny bit less of an assumption that i am somehow failing to ‘get someone’ but cause you’re a guy you’re supposed to also be out there asking out every chick that crosses your path.

    your type, spark, or interest not relevant either somehow.

    dude that’s JUST what they were doing to this guy at the party… and he got hammered and stupid… which rendered him significantly less attractive. and i can’t help but imagine that he does that as a defense mechanism.

    i don’t mind being single either. i would LIKE to date and some sex would be nice but my life is not incomplete and i don’t need pity from people just because they have a person to share their bed wtih.

    i agree with everything you just said… but then i think you’re a lonely alone also.

    Comment by sassinak — December 5, 2005 @ 3:42 pm | Reply

  24. I wouldn’t mind being with someone if they are the right person for me. if the right person comes along then really I won’t have t do very much because it will simply happen on its own…

    its happened before with this girl I had met. She was really attracted to me (to my surprise in fact) as I was to her. The only catch was that she was with someone whom happen to have had a delibitating condition as of recent so I don’t think she felt like leaving him stranded.

    The only thing she could have avoided voicing was how she couldn’t believe I was single (in context she said it in amazement because according to her she couldn’t believe someone like me was single)… as nice a comment that was it was just as irritating! Yeah well I’ve been this way for 8 years… what do you know!?

    She wasn’t the right one – but dam she was close!


    Comment by Daywalker — December 5, 2005 @ 3:51 pm | Reply

  25. This is funny because I get to be the dissenter. As a single person I went around ASKING EVERYONE I KNEW if they knew anyone single and decent… “no” “nope” “sorry stay away from my brother it would be too wierd if you dated him [thanks rachel]” until I began to think that everyone thought I was such a bitch they thought I shouldn’t have a boyfriend! I couldn’t WAIT to be flattened by the anvil. PLEASE matchmake, I told everyone.

    But no.

    Finally I resorted to LavaLife. I had to consult a computer to meet a guy.

    So stop dissing the anvil everybody! Sure, it’s HIGHLY uncomfortable when people are rude and loud about it, but you can practice telling people: “That’s a private topic.”

    Bcause the alternative to people who care about you trying to set you up, in their malicious and/or bumbling fashions, is you being forced to resort to meeting total strangers on the internet whom nobody you know can vouch for, and who later turn out to be:
    -religious fanatics
    -drunken liars
    -users of your computer to download porn

    Yes. These are all true. And they all happened to me.

    Now, I did meet my boyfriend on the net, so I don’t knock it, but it would have been nice for someone I trusted to say, “Yes, go for J, he’s a good person in my opinion.” Learning his character the hard way is still a work in progress.

    Comment by lividviv — December 5, 2005 @ 4:13 pm | Reply

  26. ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah!

    Comment by lividviv — December 5, 2005 @ 11:31 pm | Reply

  27. daywalker: i don’t agree that things simply happen on their own. with any of my exes we did things that indicated we were into each other and we made an effort.

    that said? you can’t force spark… but sometimes you can snuff it and sometimes you can encourage it.

    i hate the ‘i can’t believe you’re single’ line i hate it. it’s so trite and easy.

    timing is everything huh cuz?

    hey viv :)

    okay wait you asked which is the first difference. some of your friends are lame as hell if they don’t want you dating their friends or relatives. i would love if someone i loved got together with someone i loved. i would think that it was cool.

    i also have no beef with getting hooked up and would be happy to have that done for me it’s just the anvil that sucks. i only need an introduction not a clumsy rendition of our resumes read back to each other!

    i’ve resorted to lavalife and okcupid. i made a great new friend.

    you’re completely correct about the alternative… but this guy was SO embarassed that he made a drunken ass of himself to avoid it and thus turned off at least one woman that i know of who was interested in him…

    hey dude… go for J, i think he seems awesome!

    all: sorry no post tonight, was busy climbing with hcg and then having beer with mg and her friend h and hcg :)

    no dzer, he’s still not into me!

    Comment by sassinak — December 6, 2005 @ 2:56 am | Reply

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