snapshots of an idle mind

December 27, 2005

it’s like multiple choice, never change your first answer…

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 1:00 am

it turns out that i am full of it. it further turns out that it’s really easy to think that you’re over someone when you haven’t seen the object of your affection for a time.

all it took was a little run in at the gym and i was like ‘shit. i really like that guy.’

i like him enough that i’m arguing with my gut. this is *never* EVER ever a good move.

nope, not then either.

and i’m fully aware of the fact that i shouldn’t override my gut. i know that that way lies one of those endless crushes that lasts for ever and a day and doesn’t seem to ever really get you anywhere but miserable.

i know that all the pining over someone in the world isn’t going to get them to like you. i fully get that. i also get that just being around and being your awesomely cool self isn’t enough to get a non interested guy into you.

and still there’s this little voice going ‘but gut… you aren’t thinking about xyz’ and the gut is going “dude, seriously, he is JUST not that into you” and you go ‘but guuuuuuut’ and it’s like “listen to me bitch, you know what happens when you don’t listen…”

and i do know what happens.

first? ALL my friends get tired of hearing about it.

second? *I* get tired of hearing about it!

third? some whining at the other end about how i just wasted a pile of my time on someone who was never into me.

fourth? wondering why i did that again.

i know that there’s a certain school of thought regarding this sort of thing.

[damm this band (ozomatu?) from castu rocks so much that i forgot what i was about to say]

i know that there is a group of people that believes that you can’t be into someone if they aren’t into you but i just don’t agree with it. hell i have a friend who ended up in a relationship with someone who liked him for a year from across the weight room.

for a year.

course it did work out for long term crush person in the long run but nonetheless i’m not thinking that it’s really the way to go.

also? ltcp was only ever someone to get this friend of mine into the kind of partner that he needed… they still split ugly in under two years.

anyway, i think that it’s healthy to get interested in the people around you. it’s sort of like reading the menu even if you know what you’re going to order. How I discovered that jamoca almond fudge is the PERFECT accompaniment to peanut butter chocoate in fact. i even think that kind of fixating on someone for a little while is healthy and sane.

what i don’t like is this stuff that lasts months and months. that’s ridiculous. anything that was going to happen would have already. and i’m not talking about those relationships that form out of friendships in some sort of slow juggernaut of inevitability either. those are a whole nother kettle of fish.

i’m talking about the unrequited crush. the one that leaves even the person with the crush feeling like a twit.

i feel as though i’m poised on the knife edge of just one of those and that if i can somehow head it off at the pass i will change my whole crush pattern forever.

like if i can just get the part of myself that’s going ‘but but but’ to shut the fuck up i will be maybe a hundred times saner than i am right now. and i’m pretty sane now about everything but that.

i know i just ranted about this the other day, but i’m on a slightly different plane of it today and it’s what i feel like talking about.

he’s all taciturn and cranky and still i like him. in fact i like the way he’s cranky, it’s kind of charming and non offensive. there’s two kinds of cranky see… the ones who know it and warn you off in a non offensive way and everyone else. he’s the first kind. much easier to deal with.

and sometimes, when he’s telling me some little thing and looking at me out of the corner of his eye? i think my gut might be wrong.

and then i go through the entire train of thought posted above all over again.



  1. whoa… i guess i just roll different… i crush all the time.. but i know almost all the time the crushing is just that… something to occupy my mind… but again.. i see many men i would like to know better… for reasons to vast to mention.. it hasnt been the right one or timing… still i like crushing.. and i dont care if he likes it.. dontforget sass… its about what makes you happy… do it like you want to.. and screw those that dont accept you … you are a great person.. and i just love your energy and drive.. someday “he” will too.. (who ever the HE turns out to be)

    Comment by sugarpunk — December 27, 2005 @ 2:06 am | Reply

  2. I have the exact same problem — a talking gut that is almost always right.

    My real problem though, is my heart generally trumps my gut and my intellect; it continues to believe in things it shouldn’t believe in, both because of bad gut feelings and logical, rational reasons.

    I admire you in that you can continue to get crushy and have hope. For me, when I see/meet/talk to someone that is crushable, I pretty much automatically rule out the possibility that anything could develop from it LOL

    Listen to your gut, but with a grain of salt, because really, you never know.

    btw … I say ask HCG out on a real date and see what happens there, but that’s just me ;)

    Comment by DZER — December 27, 2005 @ 5:10 am | Reply

  3. punk: i don’t mind crushing all the time, that’s totally and completely fine. i mind those freaking never ending crushes that are all hopeless and high school like. those are a waste of energy and time.

    that said, i see many men i would like to know better also but you know? i have a LOT of male friends and i’m starting not to want any more.

    i know it’s about what makes me happy but dude i am always one of the guys … and i’m tired of giving men i like advice about girls.

    dzer: when your gut is right it’s right. and the heart generally does trump the gut but i would like to learn not to do that.

    i don’t really have hope anymore dzer. in fact i’m shopping at sperm banks with intentions to buy within the year.

    hey it’s true you never know… but i do know that since he and i went out for dinner (after I ASKED him to) he doesn’t suggest nebulous future activities that we will some day do. and he used to.

    Comment by sassinak — December 27, 2005 @ 8:52 am | Reply

  4. Hmmm…k, don’t listen to me here because I’m one of those ‘hope springs eternal’ kind of people…

    My personal trainer’s husband (they just got married, aaawwwwww) chased her for over a year before she finally said she’d go on a date with him. And it wasn’t really chasing — they trained together and stuff — but I guess it just took her some time to warm up to him. Now…well, now she’s MADLY in love with him, as he is her, and…and…I dunno, I guess I”m just sayin’ that if it’s really driving you insane try and tone it down to something manageable, but I don’t think you should give up, cuz you never know, ya know?

    Smooches Sass, I hope you had a great Christmas and Boxing Day!

    Comment by Blondie — December 27, 2005 @ 10:46 am | Reply

  5. blondie i definetely do the hope springs eternal thing but sometimes the well runs dry for a while … and i’m feeling a drought coming on.

    you know i hear stories like that and it’s always the guy doing the chasing. whenever a woman does that sort of thing it just seems to somehow render her pathetic and it NEVER seems to get her the guy. least not in a healthy way.

    i’m working on the manageableness but i sort of suck at it :)

    and i did!

    Comment by sassinak — December 27, 2005 @ 12:53 pm | Reply

  6. You have a point there.

    I suck at the manageableness, too, but I guess it just comes down to time. Sometimes I think those feelings stick when you’ve got no one else to set your sights on. Blegh on that. But you’ll get through it and move on. Just be patient :) As annoying as it is to be patient with these things!

    Comment by Blondie — December 27, 2005 @ 1:54 pm | Reply

  7. The gut is very powerful. It taps into areas we can’t with our minds and hearts. In fact, often our minds and hearts will go against the gut because we can rationalize or because we have to go with the feeling in our heart. Never underestimate the gut.

    I also don’t believe in wasting your time on someone that is not into you. You are too unique and too amazing to be wasted on someone that does not appreciate you. His loss.

    That said, people sometimes take time to grow to like other people. Not all of us have magnetic reactions to the right people. So, there is nothing that says you cannot go on with your life and kida keep him on the back burner of your mind. Chances are, you will meet someone else and the you can take this crush out completely and be happy with the new man. But as long as you are not committed to someone, no harm in keeping your options open.

    Verbose Natalia is back lol… and I hope I made some sense.


    Comment by Natalia — December 27, 2005 @ 3:08 pm | Reply

  8. blondie: i haven’t had too many long relationships… because of that i’ve sort of tried almost all the variations :)

    i think you have a point. if someone else had said ‘hey, over here!! look at me!’ i probably would find it easier to forget about that strangely attractive guy with the flashing brown eyes.

    lsd said if i had asked him to pick out which guy was hcg at the gym that actual hgc would have been like last or so *lmao*

    patience. stoopid patience lesson… tired of the patience lesson!

    nat: our instincts or our guts or our subconsciouses (subconsciousnesses? um) or whatever you call them probably make most of our decisions for us. it’s just so easy not to hear it or to overpower it.

    even if you aren’t trying to.

    thank you for calling me unique and amazing. there seems to be a dearth of men into that kind of chick in my immediate vicinity.

    i like your back burner analogy and i think i’m going to hand it to my subconscious with instructions on how to use it. cause that is some wise shit right there.


    YAY verbosey nat! :)
    you always make sense darlin’

    Comment by sassinak — December 27, 2005 @ 3:53 pm | Reply

  9. ahhhhhhh, this is like my parents to a tee. dad even tricked my mom into marrying her..but 32 years later still happy, stil in love..

    so…maybe the first instict is always the right one..

    but there’s always that presupposition that there’s more than one person for everyone…

    or that it’s all just a crock of shit, and attaching yourself to another person merely mirrors the pack animal instinct in humans…we just formalized it with morality and created marriage, dating, and relationships.


    none of it works, and it all makes sense….so just go with what feels right…sometimes you have to put the brain on auto pilot and let the heart do the steering…

    and total aside..and going along with your “gut” thing…the first time i kissed this guy (no names..for…the thought of him still freaks me out) the first, and only, thought that popped in my head was “i’m going to marry him”…how fuckin weird is that? granted, i never talked to him again for that reason….but still..ODD!!

    Comment by da buttah — December 28, 2005 @ 3:02 am | Reply

  10. And again after reading everybody’s great comments… I find myself with nothing to say that hasn’t already been said.

    It’s a vicious cycle, and it will continue until something stops it.

    I’ve decided that crushes suck. and that’s about it.

    k. I’m stupid, pay it no mind.

    Comment by Everything nice — December 28, 2005 @ 10:25 am | Reply

  11. elle: how’s the boarding?

    how is me liking a guy across a climbing gym like your parents? i just don’t see tricking him into dating me, he seems fairly aware of his own behavious *grin*

    also, how did your dad do it? that sounds like a great story!

    i don’t know if there’s one person for everyone or more than one person for everyone but i lean toward the second because of how much people change in their lives. i think your ‘the one’ changes with you. then again, i think i already know my ‘one that got away’ who i will marry when i’m 80.

    heee or it’s all just a crock of shit, as you say *lmao*

    i don’t really know what feels right here, i’ve been wrestling my gut for so long that it’s really hard to tell… but i sort of think he might be into me… but only if i’m VERY careful.

    um. you never talked to him again? can you find him? dude it seems you might owe it to yourself to see what he’s like long term?

    bubbles: one) WHY do so many of my commenters say wise things and then call themselves stupid?

    2) even if you’re just repeating what someone else said you’re doing it in your voice and from your perspective and experiences. that makes it DIFFERENT and unique.

    so speak on!

    also? it’s fucking vicious for sure. i only got over the last one because i met someone new to look at. and over is a funny word… it’s more like he’s in the warming oven with a couple others… *grin*

    and yes, crushes suck. i think that not crushing sucks at least as much though…

    three) NOT STUPID! and DO MAKE SENSE!!!

    (as do blondie and natalia though they’re always accusing themselves of not doing so)

    Comment by sassinak — December 28, 2005 @ 11:13 am | Reply

  12. -drools-

    That thing… that thing…

    Comment by Bathroom Hippo — December 29, 2005 @ 1:04 pm | Reply

  13. I know what you mean about the crush thing. Because you’re so caught up in that fantasy you let the reality that’s asking you out get away – because reality isn’t the crush. I don’t know how to stop that other than indulge it harmlessly for a bit, or when you’re alone, but refuse to entertain it when you are around people. Then maybe you have the best of both worlds. The crush dream and whatever comes in reality?

    Comment by Amber — December 29, 2005 @ 5:03 pm | Reply

  14. or the one that’s sending you emails on a matchmaking site while you’re pining over some guy who isn’t even paying attention to you.

    or or or

    you’re totally right… because the one thing that is certainly foolish is to turn down an unknown for an impossibility.

    Comment by sassinak — December 29, 2005 @ 5:59 pm | Reply

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