snapshots of an idle mind

January 17, 2006


Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 2:20 pm

okay in 20 minutes i have to leave to see my teacher. you know, the goddess. yes, the lady who will beat the living shit out of my body and make me like it. the woman who put me back together when i was sure that it was impossible AND the woman who inspired my life into a new direction.

in short, the goddess.

this is good because i’m dying from that fucking weights workout on sunday and my pelvis is torquing again. something is out of whack and i can’t figure it out and the osteopath only mostly fixed it.

but she will because really, she really is that good.

also i can quiz her about ALL of my tough clients. i’m stoked.

i’m also terrified because this woman can hurt you so you scream just by touching one finger to your spine and saying ‘melt’ … and your spine, trained for ages to listen to her before it listens to you goes ‘okay’ and melts. and your entire back opens up in a way it hasn’t in like five years and you literally shriek from the wonderful pain.

yes, i said wonderful pain.

yes i am a bit of a masochist.

and yes, i’m also a bit of a sadist.

you cannot be in my profession without both of those things being true.

that said, this relates more to the pain you feel when you’re having a therapeutic massage. or the pain you feel when you’re learning a new climbing move and it makes parts of you pull/push/clench/stretch/whatever in a whole new way. or the pain you feel on that last fly/bench/press/etc/ when you force your form to stay good and you work your ass through it.

that kind of pain.

i do not mean that she will injure me or render my body broken and bruised.

so it is a wonderful pain, it’s just different from all the other wonderful pains. and, if done right? you get high off your ass. hmmm now that i think about it it’s not that different a high from the one you get when you’re flying in subspace. not a place i hang out or live but i did visit it once or twice to see what it was like.

if you don’t get the last reference i may consider explaining. may.

so, to make a short story long i’m going to see my teacher in ten minutes and i’m really excited but i’m also a little nervous. not in any way that i don’t trust her because i totally do. i mean she rebuilt my body, she could ask me to walk naked through a freezing river and back just because and i probably wouldn’t even ask why… though i might ask for a towel.

so i *trust* her. i trust her the way i trust a few friends, my immediate family and my cats. i trust her good intentions and her essential good nature. i trust that she will never hurt me on purpose and i trust that whatever the outcome it will be a good one.

it’s just that i’m *already* sore you see so i’m a bit worried.

what’s interesting is that i have clients myself who trust me like that. who look into my face and ask me private and scary questions about their bodies and trust me to know the answer. clients who will do anything that i tell them without complaining. clients who believe that i will put them back together and free them from disability and pain. clients i can ask ANYTHING and they will tell me the truth (even if it’s about sex…)

clients i could make cry with pain who would never for a second doubt my good intentions.

that’s an awesome power yo and i only hope that i’m worthy of it.

okay regarding new york. it looks like so far we have nat, elle, bubbles, me, jenn and that’s about it and it further seems that that last weekend of august? the 25-27th is when it will happen. does this jive with everyone? suit everyone’s schedule?

does anyone else want in?
is that weekend a deal breaker for anyone who wishes to join us?
does anyone have a 5 bedroom condo they can lend us IN new york?
shall we see a show?
will there be lots of vodka and sushi?
i declare boys invited if any care to join us…

hrm that about sums up new york.
thoughts y’all?
blondie are you coming too?

mom it’s okay that you don’t comment, but if you want to write a post send it to me and i’ll post it from you. :)

god damm i love granola, nutella, yogurt and pineapple! :)

so i’m home and yeah, she killed me. it wasn’t that bad really except that she made me shake and tremble and sweat with her magical finger. good lord how does she do that? so i have weakness in my right serratus and homework to help fix it. AND my gluteus medius isn’t kicking in and piriformis is taking over and that’s what’s up with my pelvis. the funny part is just how tiny those exercises are. you’re moving an inch and you’re dying.

so yeah. back to having homework.

god i feel great and yet?

ow. :)



  1. Yay I’m the first commenter 2 days in a row!!

    But what to say? I don’t want to start people talking about …. again, like in the last post. I have some thoughts on the pain thing that aren’t fit to say in public, so I’ll avoid that too.

    OK, here’s my offering:
    I hear it’s sposed to snow tonight.

    ok, discuss…

    Comment by Mike — January 17, 2006 @ 4:32 pm | Reply

  2. and it’s such an awesome responsibility being the first commenter. i mean gosh what if you didn’t say anything interesting and then no one ELSE said anything?

    i mean *shakes head* CHAOS would reign!

    i confess to curiousity about the non publishable pain thoughts :)

    it’s gonna snow? cool!

    Comment by sassinak — January 17, 2006 @ 4:53 pm | Reply

  3. Um, you really really really don’t want to know about the pain thing. I would shock you and well, it’s something from …ok time for me to end this parapgraph.

    Comment by Mike — January 17, 2006 @ 5:45 pm | Reply

  4. so, as the 3rd commenter (dammit cyber hubby mike! 4th now)…and particularly awesome cuz i’m commenting while in a meeting with a client…i just wanted to say…’i’ll stop the world and melt with you’ hehe

    and i’m SOOOO STOKED about NYC…dude, i’m all tingly!

    Comment by Jenn! — January 17, 2006 @ 5:47 pm | Reply

  5. hopefully my mom’s b-day won’t get in the way..but that’s the i’m thinking i am in the clear

    and worse comes to worse, just take a train to upstate before i leave.

    YAY! i’m in. let me know if you want me to do anything :)

    Comment by da buttah — January 17, 2006 @ 6:29 pm | Reply

  6. You should reschedule and attend Guidopalooza ’06 in LOVELY Avon, NC.

    Beer, booze and boards. You’d make it beer, booze, boards and babes.

    Comment by castufari — January 17, 2006 @ 6:45 pm | Reply

  7. NYC. Geez, I’m jealous. With the high chick quotient, I figure it would be best if us guys shut the fugg up and left you to go out on the town. We will expect a report in triplicate upon your return (if you can remember anything).

    Speaking of getting put back together, I’ve booked a private session with D, your alleged goddess’ partner. I think I’m as stoked because it’s been so long since I had a private lesson with anyone, and this one is with MY favourite pilates teacher.

    Where’s Tanji when you need her?

    Comment by othercat — January 17, 2006 @ 7:22 pm | Reply

  8. House is on at 9 everyone!!!

    Comment by Mike — January 17, 2006 @ 7:41 pm | Reply

  9. mike: i am significantly less shockable than you seem to believe.

    Jenn: hey jenn’s client… my blog is better than you! (i can’t believe you said that)

    dude there are things i get tingly for but i’m not sure nyc is one of them… but i’m fully stoked.

    elle: a train to upstate? thought your rents lived in florida?

    find us a 5 bedroom condo? :)

    cast: i’m very tempted… what weekend is that? first week of september right? i mean i have always wanted to learn to surf.

    othercat: you can handle chicks. i mean hell with lividviv and i in the same room you’re all good right? (i hope to remember very little :)

    oh DUDE you get a private with D? they’re WONDERFUL!! have fun! she’s better for you than r is anyway.

    mike: we know, i taped it.

    Comment by sassinak — January 17, 2006 @ 11:26 pm | Reply

  10. I WISH I could go to NYC. Never been out of this country of mine, not that that is a bad thing..lots to see here, but something tells me after reading a few of your posts any trip with you along will be pretty good fun! I like the way you think girl…

    Thanks for dropping by my site and offering your advice….must say I agree with the caffeine, although I’ll give you a tip – it also reduces the effectiveness of the pill, hence my lovely daughter!


    Comment by debambam — January 18, 2006 @ 12:24 am | Reply

  11. debambam: dude are you serious? i mean i don’t give a shit… i’m either using condoms or taking my shot at it these days. the pill messes me up WAY too much (and incidentally kills my sex drive) but still … wow.

    as for nyc, come if you like, the more the merrier although it’s a BIT far for you. *grin* start with new zealand :)

    and i like your thoughts too, especially your wisdom post!

    Comment by sassinak — January 18, 2006 @ 12:31 am | Reply

  12. sooo not my conversation….but word about the pill sass…bleh.

    (hmmm…maybe NOW would be a good time for me to get back on the pill! hahaha)

    Comment by Jenn! — January 18, 2006 @ 2:54 am | Reply

  13. jenn it’s a comments section, it’s EVERYONE’s conversation :)

    the pill sucks unless you desperately need regular periods…

    Comment by sassinak — January 18, 2006 @ 6:09 am | Reply

  14. As a guy, I can’t complain about the pill. The pill has treated me very nicely. However maybe I wasn’t aware of any health risks, other than you shouldn’t smoke or run with scissors while on it.

    Comment by Mike — January 18, 2006 @ 6:36 am | Reply

  15. oh man
    last time i tried the pill:
    .swollen and sore boobs ALL month instead of for two days
    .no sex drive at all
    .cramps for no reason
    .pms like emotional response. ALL MONTH

    it SUCKS

    Comment by sassinak — January 18, 2006 @ 7:36 am | Reply

  16. i’m on the pill…

    only major affect is that i get hormone headaches…otherwise…everything is gone..and my sex drive is fine, thank you very much :)

    oh..and my period went from 3 days to 1.5!

    Comment by da buttah — January 18, 2006 @ 7:53 am | Reply

  17. That weekend sounds just fine to me. I guess we have to think accomodation and such…

    A show would be awesome if people are into that. But with broadway you have to plan ahead for a large group. We can call and find out.

    And hell yes to vodka and sushi… although not necessarily together.. hehehe

    And thanks to my lovely PCOS I MUST be on the pill to regulate me…I am on my third type. Not sure which one is best yet. Some sucked donkey balls. Some were OK. Such is life.

    And to make matters so much better, I just got a summons for Jury Duty… blows!!!

    lol but yaay NYC


    Comment by Natalia — January 18, 2006 @ 8:58 am | Reply

  18. elle: well it changes when you’re past 25 a LOT

    i had no trouble when i was on it the first time.

    nat: that blows.

    also? we could all just go down to the last minute ticket office and see what we find?

    Comment by sassinak — January 18, 2006 @ 9:12 am | Reply

  19. The goddess sounds pretty great. But there is no way I’d walk naked through a freezing cold river for anyone. God could be on the other side commanding it and I’d still be refusing. It’s warm in hell right?

    Comment by Light Strikes A Deal — January 18, 2006 @ 9:12 am | Reply

  20. yes or we could just go to the last minute office or look for off-broadway stuff

    I am down… I lived in NYC so I am game for anything cause I have seen the sights so I am all about the fun :)

    And yes pills suck in general…I am all for taking as few of those as possible. But I have to and I have to deal with it and not dwell too much…



    Comment by Natalia — January 18, 2006 @ 9:24 am | Reply

  21. lsd: what if god had spent a year making your body work again after you couldn’t walk or climb stairs or anything?

    i can see this being your least favourite idea ever though what with the cold and the wet and all.

    nat: yeah like that.

    hey between you and elle go find us somewhere cool and cheap to stay!

    hey i was on it as a teen to regulate and i took it and didn’t whine. now though? i don’t think you could pay me enough to do that again if i didn’t HAVE to.

    sucks for you dude :(

    Comment by sassinak — January 18, 2006 @ 9:30 am | Reply

  22. i love my birth control….maybe i just got a good one the first go or somethin..but i’ve been on the same one for uhhh 5 years now. LOVE it. never had any problems, nothin (other than the headaches)..

    but i never had problems without it, really…other than debillitating cramps that kept me bed ridden from time to time….

    my only caveat with shows—you gotta dress up, to an extent, and they’re…umm if you guys want to do that, it’d be super cool if you tell the poor college student a little in advance, yea? :)

    Comment by da buttah — January 18, 2006 @ 9:59 am | Reply

  23. YUM! Granola and yogurt!!!

    I need to see if that weekend works for me, but if so… are you sure you don’t mind me coming along?

    I feel weird, like i invited myself…. hmmmmm.

    THOUGH – My inlaws are in a time share program which could include me buying a condo up there for the weekend…. lemme know, i’ll look into it.

    k. pain which results in pleasure in ANY form is the best kind.
    hands down…

    But then, look who you’re talking to… I’m almost predictable.

    HUGGS, did you get my big ass envelope yet?!?!?

    please say yes or im kicking postal service ass today.

    Comment by Everything nice — January 18, 2006 @ 12:00 pm | Reply

  24. oh my lord…i’m on the pill if i DONT want regular periods…fucking pill would make me bleed whenever it wanted to…and i put up with that shit for 2 years thinking it would regulate me already…but alas, my body no likey the pill, or Depo…

    flavored condoms…now THATS the kinda birth control i like!! WOOOOO


    Comment by Jenn! — January 18, 2006 @ 12:06 pm | Reply

  25. the pill: FUcked me up large when I was on it for the two years between 18 and 20. Couldn’t handle it.

    I gained 30 lbs, headaches, recurring UTI’s, PMS like symptoms all month, the whole gamut.

    That said, I use the nuvaring now and I LOVE it. It’s a really low dose of hormones and there’s like, NOTHING to remember to do except replace it once a month (with a week between removal and replacement for menses)

    The first month I was right sensitive n’ touchy and had a headache that never QUITE went away for about 6 weeks, which seemed like a dealbreaker at the time, but I’m SO GLAD I stuck it out.

    Comment by mightydoll — January 18, 2006 @ 2:09 pm | Reply

  26. elle: i’m serious dude your physical reactions to that kind of thing change drastically after you’re 25 and i had been off for years wheni went back on. i’m sure it’s fine if you stay on it.

    hormone headaches… fuckin’ weird.

    i’ve had those cramps a few times and holy holy holy god do they suck. i had some once and i took a muscle relaxant they’d given me for a pulled muscle in my back which KNOCKED ME OUT for 18 hours and it didn’t TOUCH the fucking cramps.

    as for shows… we don’t have to right? and we don’t have to spend the entire time together as a group… i’m sure there are things some will want to do and others won’t.

    bubbles: i always assumed you were joining us… so if you want to think you invited yourself you’re welcome to it but i just assumed you were in from the beginning.

    hey that would be cool if you could find us some sort of crash pad for 6 or 8 or whatever. that would have to be cheaper than like 4 hotel rooms right?

    well pain which leads to pleasure is a HELL of an improvement over plain old pain let me tell you. that said? i’m pretty gentle in my pain threshold unlike some bubblelicious people i could mention :)

    NO it’s NOT HERE DAMMIT! *sulk*

    Jenn: yeah i’ve heard that happens to a lot of women. it’s the fucking constant month long pms that i just couldn’t take.

    hmmm i wonder if they come in chocolate…

    doll: yeah i gained almost ten pounds in a MONTH! the headaches were brutal too, i’d forgotten them.

    i’m afraid of hormones i really am so i’m sticking to latex until i decide to get snipped or pregnant :)

    6 weeks huh? doesn’t seem worth it. course the extra nasty cramps the iud gives you don’t seem worth it in retrospect either…

    Comment by sassinak — January 18, 2006 @ 3:36 pm | Reply

  27. I am dealing ok with this new pill I think. And since I have to be on it, I might as well try them all and see which one is best.

    I am still motherfucking sick… everyone in my vicinity at work seems to be sick, which is not really helping.

    I have been coughing like an idiot all day… me no happy.

    But the thought of NYC in August makes it all bettah :)


    Comment by Natalia — January 18, 2006 @ 4:21 pm | Reply

  28. nat: that SUCKS dude. i hate being sick so much that i basically deny everything until i’m so sick i can’t move and then i collapse. it works okay actually.

    lucky me i’m not in a school environment though.

    as for the pill how long does it take to know if your body will take it?


    Comment by sassinak — January 18, 2006 @ 4:38 pm | Reply

  29. Well the last pill I was on was SUCKY. My GYN put me on it because he said it had diuretics, which is good for PCOS apparently. I took it and then someone I work with told me that her boobies grew while she was on it and I was like

    DUDE!!! Cause I have DDs as it is and that’s after the breast reduction I had. And that shit was expensive so there is no wasy I should be on them.

    I did some research and so many people were having issues on it that I asked my GYN for a change.

    I am on my first month of these and they seem OK. I think they say you need to wait 3 months to get used to side-effects, unless they are making you VERY sick.

    Meds are scary..they FUCK with your body.

    I am in a cursing mood today…hehehe


    Comment by Natalia — January 18, 2006 @ 4:41 pm | Reply

  30. Try cramp bark for cramps, healthfood stores have it. The SIL used it with much sucess.

    GP is 9/10 on I think.

    I rented a place in Destin for a month, y’all could use the week I won’t be able to use.

    Comment by castufari — January 18, 2006 @ 4:43 pm | Reply

  31. I totally dig being afraid of hormones.

    I’d be SO into NYC, but afraid I wouldn’t be able to afford it. Perhaps if I find a supplemental income between then n’ now. I’d really like to “invite myself along”


    Comment by mightydoll — January 18, 2006 @ 5:07 pm | Reply

  32. nat that blows serious chunks. i’m sorta surprised that your gyno didn’t know that though. my boobs grew on the pill as well but i was only a C at the time so i didn’t really care. i’m blessed with a chest that grows and shrinks with me. i would hate to have the boobs that stay the same size regardless cause then damm.

    friend of mine had 10 pounds of breast removed!

    yeah three months jives with what i’ve heard.

    meds are scary as hell and people are not nearly cautious enough with them. not at all.


    Comment by sassinak — January 18, 2006 @ 5:10 pm | Reply

  33. md: note tail end of newest post regarding inviting self along and note that all are welcome :)

    thing is if you and i and one or two more from around here go we can drive most of the way and then abandon car in a parking lot outside the city or something… lot cheaper.

    Comment by sassinak — January 18, 2006 @ 5:12 pm | Reply

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