snapshots of an idle mind

April 1, 2006


Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 10:48 pm

oh man.

i went to class with rr this morning and whatever i did a couple of weeks ago to my spine has turned out to be one of those positive changes that suck ass while you’re having them. okay first of all i know exactly what i did to my spine and i’m perfectly happy to explain it but when i start talking about my dura people tend to look at me sort of funny and then their eyes kind of glaze over.

so i tend not to do it.

the one paragraph, skip this if you don’t want the technical details portion of the program, version goes like this: i was doing control-balance [DO NOT ATTEMPT: lie on floor with hands by hips, legs straight to ceiling, legs away from chest a bit, roll up through spine until legs are over head, pick a good height, slowly lower one leg to touch the floor (above forehead) and lift, switch legs. sass version has feet on the wall due to her problematic spine. DO NOT TRY THIS WITHOUT AN INSTRUCTOR!] and to get my feet to touch the floor i was trying to lower my breastbone. (if you sink your breastbone your spine sorta lengthens and as a result your pelvis changes a little relative to your belly and then your feet go closer to the floor… sorta) well my breastbone sank more than i expected so my spine sorta *stretched* without expecting it and so the next segment down was unprepared and the dura {casing around spine and brain} got overstretched. and dura stretches slooooooow.

so basically i overstretched the elasticey tissue that goes around and supports my spine. and it’s pissed. and it’s going to take a while to fix.

shit happens.

it’s just that teaching and walking and sitting in my car and sleeping and taking classes are all a little harder than they were a couple of weeks ago. the thing that’s interesting about this? i’m better at a bunch of stuff.

whatever let go in my back really let go and it’s moving now. it’s weak and cranky and not liking this new direction at all but it’s moving. i’m not sure that it’s ever moved before to be honest, at least not like this.

rr keeps pointing out that rollups and rollovers and all other complete flexion of the spine moves are looking much better. and they ARE! i can feel it myself even. not that it’s easier so much as more connected. we really are putting my spine back together and it’s fucking fantastic.

but god damm it my back has been sore for two weeks. in a whole new place. places i’m not used to and don’t expect. so it keeps randomly hurting for no reason. ah well, hope she gets it this week when i see her on tuesday. hope it’s gettable.

so, i take this class with her today and it’s lovely. just lovely.

she walks me out after and we chat for a minute and i realise how much i like her. i mean not only do i respect her as a teacher and as a human being but i genuinely like her. i dig her personality and how she thinks and her beautiful blue eyes blow me away. she really does remind me of michelle pfeiffer only hotter and with more glow.

anyway i hop in my car and i have this nice easy drive where i just cruise with the windows open and practise my new found niceness to stupid drivers. i smile and wave at people. i take the long way.

i drive at seventy kilometres an hour most of the way there. it gets foggy and i’m singing along to an old old mixed tape. it’s so old i’m not expecting the right next songs…

and it’s foggier so i slow down to fifty (25-30mph). and then i look around and there’s this world. this small and close world filled with water and shades of early spring like gray and taupe and beige and smoke.

old cattails and seagulls and birds coming home and no other cars on the road.

and i exhaled and i smiled and i slowed down some more and i filled my eyes with beauty. i almost missed the road i’ve taken for longer than i can remember. since before i learned how to drive. since i still slept in the back of a minivan while my parents listened to ‘as it happens’ on the radio.

since ‘as it happens’ was on on saturday afternoons. [cbc show that is on weeknights now]

hah it was too on at that time once.

i was almost sad to arrive at my destination i was enjoying the drive so much. it put me in this super mellow place that made it almost impossible to talk and i sort of wish that i’d had a camera and yet sort of glad that i didn’t.

but because i was driving so slowly and because i was looking around a lot more than usual and because there were no cars on the road i noticed something. the drive is getting built up… there are more and more businesses. there is more and more money and there are an ever increasing number of more than two lane stretches or highway. the road is going to turn into a real highway one day and then this place will slowly get paved over.

i hadn’t taken the long way in a while. it’s got a much slower speed limit but much less traffic. i’d forgotten how nice it is though, all rolling with the pretty hills.

i’m just sad to see all the money creeping north of toronto.

i saw farms and wanted to buy them all just to keep them green. i see streams and marshes and giant puddles and mist and i want to fill my soul up with it because i don’t really expect it to be there one day.

i know that all i can do is attempt to love and honour the earth in whatever form it is but it’s so much nicer when it doesn’t have pavement on it.

i didn’t mean for this post to turn maudlin, i’m in fact in a pretty good mood. i ate way too much for dinner including apple crumble for dessert. okay i’ll tell you but it was out of hand.

i had this weird ‘tempura vegetables’ thing that had never heard of tempura but was a decent fried vegetable appetizer anyway and then i had the ‘mixed grill’ which sounded SO good and then it had sauce. a ton of sauce. so much sauce that i felt vaguely ill. sauce up the yin yang. but it was lamb steaks or tiny little chops and then a beef skewer thingy and a venison sausage that i only ate half of (because that’s a LOT of meat) and some mashed potatoes i didn’t finish because they were drenched in sauce… and because i was full.

and then i had dessert. because i’m stupid.

and i’m still full. apple cobbler with ice cream of course, gets me every time.

it was out of hand. and now i’m drinking beer and blogging and chatting with othercat and life is good. i have a pile of clients this week, life is back to normal and i might have a new time to climb that works a lot better than my present wednesday attempts. my schedule is in a bit of flux because a semester just ended and i lost a class that had occupied an entire afternoon.

so i’m pretty happy that i lost the class although i will miss the ladies in it. now i can teach like three hours there instead and let that morning class i don’t want also die… and not feel bad because i’m not the one that killed the class. if she wants it back i might do it, see how the summer goes in that time slot.

anyway it’s been one of those weeks where the bad news tends to turn out to be good news.

sort of like life really. man this is a weird post.



  1. When I danced I remembered those moments where some warm-up exercise would stretch me out more than I’d thought…and while I hurt, other things just sort of fell into place. It’s like give a little to get a little, hm? I’m sure your control-balancing was much more advanced than my dance stretches, though, lol.

    And the way you feel about Toronto…I feel about the beaches here. You want to capture it in and stick it in your pocket so industry can’t take it over.

    Happy Sunday, Sass :)

    Comment by Diamonds & Daggers — April 2, 2006 @ 11:17 am | Reply

  2. never speak such blasphem again: “and then i had dessert. because i’m stupid”. FOR SHAME! dessert is the staple of a happy and blissfull dinner experience…and it’s awesome to treat yourself to something as awesome as apple cobbler once and a while :) pssttt, i’m pmsing and would give my left ovary for a slice of chocolate cake at the moment hehe :)

    it is sad when urban expansion strips away at the intrinsic beauty of an area. i may have grown up in big cities, but you always could drive no more than an hour out of nyc and be in the complete country. now it’s not so much country as it is suburbs. it really does sadden me.

    Comment by da buttah — April 2, 2006 @ 11:50 am | Reply

  3. dagger: yeah that’s happened to me for sure, when climbing or doing pilates especilly. not so much with swimming and track because the stretching is different.

    and that’s exactly it, you have to give a little to get a little with bodywork. it’s funny how it works.

    you never know what is and isn’t advanced dude, it depends on the body.

    yeah that’s it exactly… i want the country around my city to stay country… and it’s changing.

    elle: oh no wait i think dessert rocks ass dude it’s just that i was sooooo full already that all i did was make myself miserable… that’s why i’m stupid, otherwise dessert is food of the gods. making oneself sick? not so smart.

    mmmmm chocolate cake… i don’t need pms to want that!

    yeah new jersey… there’s a lesson toronto REALLY needs to learn. but no, instead we’re quietly paving over out beauty.

    Comment by sassinak — April 2, 2006 @ 12:12 pm | Reply

  4. Sometimes you just have to have the dessert.

    Comment by Matt Vella — April 2, 2006 @ 12:22 pm | Reply

  5. I too have been loving the weather around here lately.

    BTW I was rolling on the floor to see you continue to repeat the subliminal messages to Nat that I started. We are so right though. Toronto would love that lady…

    Comment by green_hedonist — April 2, 2006 @ 1:30 pm | Reply

  6. I couldn’t even begin to get into the fight between open space vs. development going on here in Colorado. A commute between Fort Collins (where I live) and Denver used to be a beautifully scenic drive complimented by the Rocky Mountains off to the west. Now there is development all up and down the interstate. In another 10-20 years or so there will be just be one big city for the whole 200 mile stretch between Fort Collins and Pueblo (to the south of Denver). Maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll still get a glimpse of those Rocky Mountains in between buildings as we’re driving by…

    Comment by john — April 2, 2006 @ 1:33 pm | Reply

  7. matt: it’s true… but then it was a bit too sweet which took away some joy.

    hubris: it’s been gorgeous hasn’t it? even the rain and stuff. love me some spring.

    oh dude i think we have to keep that one going for awhile. i can’t speak for toronto but we will!

    Comment by sassinak — April 2, 2006 @ 1:34 pm | Reply

  8. god, you should see what happened to the area where i grew up, in northern san diego county. there used to be a huge ranch in the community next door, and i’d see cows grazing every day as i rode the bus to school.

    now? that ranch has become the most hideous, dense housing and shopping development i’ve ever seen. houses on top of houses on top of strip malls on top of more houses and strip malls. it’s so depressing.

    i miss those cows. enjoy the beauty while you can!

    Comment by terry — April 2, 2006 @ 2:08 pm | Reply

  9. john: oh man and colorado is one of those mecca states so it has to be a lot worse there than the average. the second you can use the word commute about a place you know that all of the places in between are going to get built up.

    that sucks dude… ‘hey look joey’
    “what ma?”
    ‘a mountain’
    ‘too late, you missed it’


    terry: oh man. that sounds so beautiful… what a lovely place to grow up.

    i’m sad to hear that. it’s such a tragedy. my favourite ranch has horses and the most beautiful view in the world…

    come visit, i’ll take you on a tour.

    Comment by sassinak — April 2, 2006 @ 4:25 pm | Reply

  10. Sass, sorry to interrupt, but was this near you?


    Hope everything is ok.

    Comment by I Am...scatological — April 2, 2006 @ 4:36 pm | Reply

  11. nope, and i was up north this weekend anyway

    oh, and i don’t like tim horton’s :)

    Comment by sassinak — April 2, 2006 @ 6:33 pm | Reply

  12. What a great post. Sometimes I am so distracted by work and online personals and God knows what else that I find it hard to concentrate on your windy posts, but man… when I take the time… it’s always well worth it.

    I very infrequently find myself driving past little lovely spots that I forgot were there, because I live in Florida and the whole damn place is just one big wang-shaped strip mall. Talk about money creeping.

    But I often had moments like yours when I lived in NYC, and you walk past this or that and you’d forgotten it was there or you just never quite noticed it that way before, and it’s really quite lovely, this improptu pocket of beauty in the midst of all the steel and concrete and noise and mess and rudeness. And it’s a serene moment that you don’t need a camera to remember because it’s just because.

    Also? I’m with Elle. Dessert is one of life’s little happinesses!

    Comment by JMai — April 2, 2006 @ 9:01 pm | Reply

  13. PS I just re-read that and when I say windy, I mean to say windy with a long I. As in meandering. Not windy like long-winded!

    Nothin but love, Sass!

    Comment by JMai — April 2, 2006 @ 9:02 pm | Reply

  14. jmai: thanks dude! i am often so distracted by that sort of thing myself that i drive around the countryside without looking at it. i’m glad the planet kicked me into slow gear yesterday… it was nice.

    i knew what you meant regarding windy by the way. i’m a distracted writer so i’d say being distracted is the correct way to read me *g*

    man florida. you are so right about the creeping money infestation there. it’s hella shitty. the everglades are still awesome though.

    mmmm nyc is awesome. i love walking along and coming upon something crazy that you’ve never seen… and since i’ve spent almost no time there (but one time i just wandered around for four days) i’m still constantly amazed.

    toronto has a lot of that too if you start to randomly wander. course it’s got some grodiness too… but i suspect nyc is also like that.

    yeah that’s it, it’s just because.

    dessert is wonderful but i really was too full and it sort of spoiled my meal a bit… but mmm it was yummy anyway.

    *huggs* jm

    Comment by sassinak — April 2, 2006 @ 10:59 pm | Reply

  15. i love fog … it’s one of the coolest (no pun intended) types of weather out there. Every once in a great while, there will be some low valley areas of Guam that will get slightly misty and foggy, though nothing too thick.

    Someone sent me some pics of Guam from the 50s … including an area that is now called hotel row. I’m trying to find a pic from a similar angle now so I can show the change over the last 50 years or so …

    hopefully they won’t totally screw up your area with commercial development … I hate that

    and damn for dinner I’m having a salad .. dessert is cantaloupe … *sigh*

    Comment by DZER — April 3, 2006 @ 4:45 am | Reply

  16. There is this restaurant (name escapes me obviously as well as location) that serves nothing but appetizers and desserts…well…cause that’s often the best parts. *tummy grumbles* And YUM apple crumble…I am a poet… Damn *le sigh* now I am hungry.

    And jesus the things you can do with your body. I think once I start doing the exercise routine on a daily basis, then I will be able to regain some elasticity and all that crap that I am often too busy to think about.

    And yaay for long drives. When I drive to South Florida to see Jmai, I grab water and a few snacks and some rocking CDs and I cruise…paying attention to the changes of greens and the general scenery. Taking the time to look at things and not see through them is something we all need to remember to do. It’s just that sometimes chaos ensues and we can’t seem to be arsed to take the time at all…it’s like we have blinkers on. So it’s nice to take them off!

    :) xoxox


    Comment by Natalia — April 3, 2006 @ 8:48 am | Reply

  17. dzer: word. i love it too. it helps that i wasn’t running late and that i had no rushing at all to get where i was going. because of that i got to really let the fog work it’s magic on me…

    i look forward to seeing those pics. and i’m totally down with progress and all, i just wish that we were more careful in our expansion. so often there’s no reason to cut down the trees…

    and they’re already doing it. about 15 years ago a delegation from nyc/nj/etc came to toronto and begged city planners to learn from them and avoid the ridiculous sprawl that now covers outer nyc and no one listened.

    sounds like a great dinner…

    nat: it’s probably good that you can’t remember where it is! cause that place sounds addictive. i’m hungry now too, fortunately i healthy leftovers in the fridge.

    heh. i’ve always been a body nerd but i’m definetely increasing my range and repertoire in the last few years. it’s freaking awesome. and yeah, making your spine elastic again is the best way to stay young.

    long drives rock. rock. i love them. i once drove to florida, laid on a beach for three hours, drove across the everglades and up to north carolina, visited some net friends and drove home. total time in florida? something like 36 hours :)

    i think that sounds like a great drive, and you’re right… seeing is important, and like hearing is something we let go of far too often…


    Comment by sassinak — April 3, 2006 @ 11:50 am | Reply

  18. Damn, sassiness…next time you feel like a drive give me a heads-up… I’ll meet you at the beach or you can crash at my pad :)


    Comment by Natalia — April 3, 2006 @ 12:32 pm | Reply

  19. nat: DEAL!

    it’s been a while since i did that, i’m feeling due…

    Comment by sassinak — April 3, 2006 @ 1:54 pm | Reply

  20. Wow that was beautiful you totally took me back to the back roads I have been, I understand what you mean! It is such a lovely and peaceful feeling….

    ahhhh *sigh*

    Oh and the back wow dude I am glad that it’s fixing itself but sorry it has to be so painful :(

    Will send healing good thoughts your way.


    Comment by HuneeB — April 3, 2006 @ 2:03 pm | Reply

  21. hunee: thanks, i was hoping i could take people there if they’d been there themselves… it was so peaceful and beautiful and temporary you know?

    yeah it was great :)

    it hurts like heck but it’s getting better all the time… weird but true.
    and thanks for the healing energy!


    Comment by sassinak — April 3, 2006 @ 2:28 pm | Reply

  22. This post was all over… I loved it. Like a meanduring stream of concious conversation on the car ride home. I was riding with you for a few minutes.

    Comment by Light Strikes A Deal — April 3, 2006 @ 5:39 pm | Reply

  23. I loved this post. I also love those sort of drives. I took off on Sunday to take some pictures, and I just love to drive and look around. I don’t have a clue where I am, I just turn down every road that looks interesting to me. Sometimes, like Sunday, I end up having to call Mark to find out where I am and how to get home, lol. But, it’s the best time. Tranquil.

    I love tempura veggies and tempura shrimp. Mmmmmmmm. I just had veggie soup that Mark made for me yesterday, really spicy and it was excellent, but yours sounded better. Especially dessert, I didn’t get that lucky. No beer, but thinking about a shot or two of tequila while play with my photos.

    Gotta ditto light strikes…I felt like I was riding with you too.

    Comment by kathi — April 3, 2006 @ 9:48 pm | Reply

  24. lsd: that’s what i was going for. i wanted to lull people into the peace of that time in my day. and now i have it there forever for myself too :)

    and you’ve been on several of those roads with me and my mixed tapes in fact.

    kathi: thanks!

    oh dude that sounds like a great drive, i love doing that and not that many people enjoy them as i do. i love getting lost… love it.

    no winter maintenance is my favourite sign!

    their tempura wasn’t tempura… but it was sorta yummy fried veg.

    mark’s soup sounds better really.

    mmmm beer…
    mmmmmmm tequila…


    i’m glad you were in my car, was it nice?

    Comment by sassinak — April 4, 2006 @ 1:12 am | Reply

  25. Wow. That post was astounding in many ways… not weird at all. If I can’t call my comments stupid then you can’t call your blog posts weird.


    Comment by Everything nice — April 4, 2006 @ 10:32 pm | Reply

  26. thank you, it’s rapidly becoming one of my favourites as well. it drops me into this little puddle of peace somehow. i hope it does that for everyone else.

    okay :)–>

    Comment by sassinak — April 4, 2006 @ 11:15 pm | Reply

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