snapshots of an idle mind

April 4, 2006


Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 10:54 pm

so i brought my climbing shoes to see rr today. i walk in carrying them and dj is there and she looks at them and goes ‘whose shoes are those?’

and i go “mine”

and she goes “no, those can’t be yours, they’re way too small…” which made me laugh and assure her that yes they were mine. it’s the curve, it makes them look smaller then they are.

anyway so later during our session i tell rr that i brought them because i met a guy who is a couple of years older than i am and has been climbing since age twelve. and dude has the most enormous bunious and like fucked up toes. they’re cool toes, all long and prehensile but still the overgrown bone was a bit much for me.

and i don’t want my feet to do that so let’s see what we shall see. and she’s like ‘can i see one of those?’ and i go

“of course” and then i put the other one on while she was looking at it. and she was stunned. she couldn’t believe my feet were supposed to do that. so i reached out my toe and i stuck it in a weird corner of a machine and went “it’s so we can stick our toes in holes like that and hold on.”

i also invited her climbing. told her i would arrange for the good climbers to be there and everything. she might even come. in july [fair enough, she is significantly busier than i and she has a boyfriend to boot]

anyway i learned a new muscle to stretch too. my peroneus brevis is shortening and if that keeps happening you can grow a spur and no fucking way. i wake up in the morning and it feels like the end of my pinky toe (basically the little bump just forward of your ankle on the outside of your foot) is crunched together somehow and it takes a while to walk off.

she blames the shoes and the act of climbing and says ‘whatever every sport has inherent injuries’ and showed me this cool stretch. dudes it was fucking intense.

like stuff let go and it was super deep and surprising. and when i stood up after it was such a relief i can’t even tell you. so i think she found it.

god i hope so.

oh man the looks on their faces when they saw those shoes *laughing*

here, to refresh your memory of what climbing shoes look like:

and because they’re pretty.

anyway that was useful and interesting and if you’re me? lots of fun.

i didn’t buy any cds today. be proud.

i’m having dessert for dinner again.

pretzels and nutelly
cadbury flake
belgian orangey dark chocolate
bolthouse farms perfectly protein mmmmmmmmm

what’s a nutelly?

i’m not in a very healthy mood lately… but i’ve been eating a lot of fruit and vegetables anyway so i guess it’s okay.

the other day at the climbing gym hubris and i were eyeing up the candy er climbing and he looks up at me and goes ‘dude, you’re boy crazy’ and i was like ‘yeah and?’

because that is so not news to me.

i’m finding it a little wasteful honestly.

i mean it’s not like it’s particularly accomplishing anything for me after all and lord all that energy could be so well used in other things.

hmmm this particular orangey chocolate is all right. i’m not sure i’m big on the orange peel chunks…

anyway let me just clarify that i don’t mean that looking at beautiful people is a waste of time because no way. that is one of life’s greatest pleasures and i will never give it up. i don’t think boys i’m on dates with approve really… but i point out hot girls too. note to self, stop doing that on dates.

okay so beautiful people are for looking at all the time. funny that everything nice lying on her bed with sun glow on her skin just popped onto my random desktop … i wonder if i’m allowed to post it here since she put it on her blog before… anyway it’s the one where she’s lying on her side all nude and you can see a breast and a tattoo. it’s really lovely.

anyway, that pretty much sums up the beautiful people are meant for looking at argument right there.

but otherwise? this whole thing i have for boys and wondering if they’re dateable? it’s a bad thing i think maybe a little.

i mean it’s not getting them to like me obviously and it wastes all these brain cycles that could be so much better occupied doing other things and really, why should i care?

like someone smarter than me said recently ‘i want someone to take the risk of falling for me for a change’

well okay one person did that, but people who know them agree that we are desperately unsuited.

why am i always the one wondering if someone is dateable? they don’t really seem to be wondering that about me after all and really aren’t there a zillion better things to do than that? this is where someone lists off all of the things that i do every day and makes fun of me.

okay it’s true that i’m certainly not sitting on my couch waiting for someone to knock on my door (currently i’m sitting at the computer actually) and that i am in fact living a busy and active life. but i spend a lot of time at the climbing gym looking at men and wondering about them.

and i do that everywhere.

everywhere and all the time. because hubris is right, i am boy crazy. i fucking love men. they don’t love me (well they do… they just don’t want to date me) or at least not in the sexual way and yet still.

men are fantastic and alien creatures and i am ever and always interested in them. i love to flirt with them and know them and look at them and smell them. men are a lot of fun to hang out with and frankly all of the women that i like also tend to hang out with men more than women. or at least enjoy traditionally masculine activities or lifestyles.

funny anecdote, i was talking to the beautiful eastern european man a couple of weeks ago and we got to talking about climbing being addictive and i said that that was okay because i was addicted to lots of things like coffee and chocolate and weed and my blog and he goes ‘what about sex?’ and i laughed and said that i vaguely recalled it being fun but that i didn’t really know and he goes ‘why not?’

and i said “i don’t know, for whatever reason no one ever really asks me out” and he just sort of looked thoughtful. [i get that i’ve met men on the net but they don’t tend to ask for second dates so that’s kind of the same thing right?]

can i tell you how much i appreciated him not giving me platitudes? he just accepted it and thought about it instead of instantly saying something easy. i wonder what he eventually concluded…

anyway despite their apparent lack of interest in me i’m just fascinated with boys. i’m fucking boy crazy and what a waste of time that is. seriously what’s the use?



  1. As one boy crazy girl to another => the use is it makes you feel alive. Sure it brings up all the other stuff you have to load up and dump out of your head in a giant shopping cart; but man a good looking guy is a good reward for getting throught the day.

    A nice smile, a casual hello. Well there’s the reason the sun got up and I opened my eyes. They may not see me or want me, but they are still making my heart beat and my smile a little wider. We all are living art, some of it just talks to you now and again right?

    We’re just healthy people feeling the natural flow of the seasons, and it’s a bit more annoying to be single with all that going on but it’s better to feel it then nothing at all. And there is some fine ‘art’ out there to see.

    Comment by Amber — April 4, 2006 @ 11:50 pm | Reply

  2. oh my fuck i was climbing with this man the other day…

    *shakes head*

    there was laughing at my jokes. god it’s nice to flirt even if it doesn’t mean anything.

    you’re right you know, it does make you feel alive… that glance over the shoulder and the swagger in the hips.


    yeah you nailed it.

    Comment by sassinak — April 4, 2006 @ 11:55 pm | Reply

  3. boys are good for something … what was that again?

    oh yes … 1/2 of the work in propagation of the species … LOL

    hey … you ever wonder if any of the climber guys blog and maybe call you “CGG” or “Cute Climber Gal” on their blogs? LOL

    Comment by DZER — April 5, 2006 @ 4:16 am | Reply

  4. Yaay for all the climbing…maybe someday I will do that…but not any time soon…weight loss first. I don’t think my arms and leg would want to support me right now. But watch out when I feel fit enough.

    Not getting platitudes is an awesome thing. I don’t know about Canada your sassiness, but since I moves to America I have realized just how much of people’s daily conversations involve nothing BUT platitudes…like people cannot have a real conversation, you know? Like there is this armour around them and all they can manage is exchanging niceties and pleasantries. FUCK THAT. Give me a real conversation any day. And don’t you even try to placate me… let me talk…and listen…and let yourself talk. It can be liberating. Too bad people don’t do it.

    Now as far as beauty and what not. I don’t know, sassus maximus. I have met people who were beautiful but so ugly. And I tend to appreciate the things people consider shortcomings and defects. I think those are what make us beautiful. I was friends with this girl who everyone thought was just horribly ugly. And I could recognize she didn’t fit the mold of traditional beauty. But she was wicked intelligent and soooo very funny and warm and kind. She lit up the room. And that made her beautiful. But I know people mostly prefer to look at something beautiful…that’s why the posters of hot boys and girls are sold everywhere and not posters of intelligent, funny, warm and kind people…oh well.

    And I don’t get why you don’t get asked out. Dude…you are quite the catch. Maybe they just feel intimidated. That happens. A LOT.

    If I was a man, I’d date you. :)


    Comment by Natalia — April 5, 2006 @ 8:46 am | Reply

  5. amen nat…i’d so be on you like white on rice if i were a man.

    but i’m not. and i’m having one of those “your emotions belong to us” weeks with my ovaries. BLEH!

    beautiful eastern european men? no..c’mon..they don’t exist! i come fro a long line of eastern europeans, and yea..we just aren’t attractive peoples!

    intimidation is retarded. it’s like an easy cop out, even if it is true. you aren’t the one who decides if you get a shot *I* decide if you do..ya know?

    grrr! okay back to sleep ;)

    Comment by da buttah — April 5, 2006 @ 9:03 am | Reply

  6. dzer: wait wait, of course boys are good for something, hell half my friends are men… more than half. what i’m wondering is what’s the use in being boy CRAZY.

    and dude seriously no one appears to want to propagate with me.

    hey maybe they do call me ccg but they aren’t asking me out. i actually went out for dinner with both hcg and the hot redhead and concluded in both cases that we were unsuited… (hcg and i are friends and the hot redhead and i are too much the same … nothing to make fire with…)

    so i’m at least out there trying a little right?

    nat: you know climbing melted 30 pounds off hubris in like three months. you might start climbing fat but you won’t stay that way. and your arms and legs carry you now right?

    i’m going to drag you climbing if you ever visit JUST so you can see the pretty candy :)

    oh man dude so much of what i get is like comfort food. empty and delicious and ultimately useless. that he said nothing somehow meant a lot more. strange but true.

    i don’t really know how not to talk, it gets me in a lot of trouble because i have real conversations and people get uncomfortable. don’t get me wrong i can do ‘how was your day’ as well as the next guy but even then i’m injecting more into it than is expected or something.

    look i love to look at the beautiful people but i’ve also known lots of ugly as sin people who were beautiful on the outside AND lots of beautiful people who were ugly on the inside. and i’ll take the inside over the outside any day of the week. and yeah i love crooked noses. or a tooth that’s off, or ears that stick out or whatever … i just hope for their sake they don’t get all of the above *grin*

    my favourite is noses though. love the ones with character. anyway as to your friend? she’s the kind of beautiful that it takes a while to see, but once you do it’s always there. i like to look at the ones with character and beauty. the empty shells aren’t really any fun to look at… oh who the hell am i kidding.

    when it comes to eye candy? i don’t give a crap what’s inside. when it comes to who i actually talk to and get interested in? it’s never about what’s outside… well it is but more as a manifestation of their personality (exuberant grin and whatnot) than a looks thing.

    i don’t get why i don’t get asked out, every person i know in person claims not to get it but there it is. i’ve been told that because i only want a man rather than need one that no one is into me. that sounds like bullshit…

    and i’ve been told that i’m too real, that if you date me you have to mean it and that’s too much for most folks…. and that sounds like bull shit too.

    if you were a man and you asked me out? i’d say yes.

    elle: right back atcha…

    oh man at least your brain believes you when you tell it it’s coming from your ovaries. mine goes into denial, calls me a liar and throws a hissy fit.

    dude he’s the blond kind with the long lanky limbs and the so sweet smile. the kind that listens and has things to say and isn’t just waiting for you to stop talking so he can get a word in edgewise. the kind with the eyes that are pretty AND sincere. he climbs like he talks, slowly and efficiently.

    dude some of y’all are hot, you included.

    the intimidation thing is bullshit… i mean really i’ll talk to anyone who says hi, once i’m speaking with you? what the fuck right?

    me too on the back to sleep :)

    Comment by sassinak — April 5, 2006 @ 9:29 am | Reply

  7. I guess I’m the wrong one to ask, cause I’m as ‘boy crazy’ now as I was when I was a teenager, probably more so. I’m just not free to act on it like I use to. But damn, I do like to look. Watched this movie yesterday, Undiscovered, and have this HUGE crush now on Steven Strait. Looked him up on IMDb and he’s 20! And darlin, I could care the hell less. He’s so hot I can’t keep my mind off of him. Downloaded every song I could find that he sings from itunes and just can’t get enough of him. So…what are they good for? Awww, hell hon, what aren’t they good for??

    Comment by kathi — April 5, 2006 @ 12:19 pm | Reply

  8. kathi i think that makes you the perfect one to ask really. you’re happily married and you still do it. i tend to not do it in the early stages or relationships and then it starts up again… not in any covetous way just love the boys.

    as for the use? i love men, i think they’re good for tons of stuff it’s just they don’t love me…

    really i’m just sorta wondering at the waste of resources that being a girl who’s boy crazy that boys aren’t into… i mean you see my point a little?

    Comment by sassinak — April 5, 2006 @ 1:57 pm | Reply

  9. Methinks you’re being a bit hard on yourself, Sass. Not to mention delusional.

    Speaking only for myself? There wasn’t a single thing about you that I didn’t find attractive. So there.

    As for what we’re good for? Lots of things! And as soon as I think of one, I’m gonna come back here and post what it is, and then boy won’t YOUR face be red! ;-)

    Comment by I Am Scatological — April 5, 2006 @ 2:58 pm | Reply

  10. Well, baby doll, after reading what your comment on my blog about loving underwire bras, I’ve got to question your sanity in a completely different light now. They’re the most uncomfortable thing in the world for me to wear, like torture. You’re the first person I’ve ever heard say they love underwire…OMG, still can’t get over it. If I were to have one selective surgery, it would be reduction to nearly nonexistant. Hate breasts, hate bras and absolutely detest underwire!!

    I’ve gotta laugh at what other commentors are thinking reading this, sorry sweet stuff!

    Comment by kathi — April 5, 2006 @ 3:57 pm | Reply

  11. scat: i didn’t really mean to be hard on myself really… or delusional. but the fact remains that i’m having a drought and no one can explain it to me.

    not one thing? that’s impressive.

    men are great, wait okay i’m rereading this post, you guys all think i said men are useless… and i didn’t. i’m saying that the act of being boy crazy is a waste of time… and that i love men.

    i’m saying what’s the use of being boy crazy and not what’s the use of men.

    k? k :)

    kathi: ahh here’s the thing, i love my boobs but they’re not small so the underwire makes them so happy. they’re all supported and i don’t even feel the wires.

    feel free to question my sanity though, i’m fully nuts.

    let me tell you am i ever glad that i have the kind of boobs that SHRINK when i do!

    love breasts, hate bras, like underwire…

    no apologies but laugh some more!

    Comment by sassinak — April 6, 2006 @ 12:16 am | Reply

  12. gotta be honest sass – and I hear thats what you like anyway! – I only read half your post, just too bloody tired to read anymore, but i’m glad you enjoyed showing off your new climbing shoes that mean you can use your toes to their full advantage! I don’t want to know if I totally misunderstood any/all of what I read..i’m hitting the hay….Hey I vote for an avatar change – Choice A I believe was what I voted for last time! Be good, and if you can’t be good, then be good at it.

    Comment by debambam — April 6, 2006 @ 7:55 am | Reply

  13. deb: funny thing, the second half of the post is all about boys and that’s the part you might have enjoyed…

    ‘nother funny thing? you’re the only one who cottoned to the fact that i got new shoes :)

    Comment by sassinak — April 6, 2006 @ 12:57 pm | Reply

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