snapshots of an idle mind

April 14, 2006

the crystal meth incident

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 10:44 pm

i have today off.

yes, you heard me.

an actual day with no work, no classes, no phone calls to clients, no reason not to be stoned *all* day (okay i waited about two hours to waken’bake) and go climbing at my leisure.

so far this day is shaping up pretty well. hubris and i met up at othercat’s for brunch and then the three of us are going to go climbing. i’m blogging and listening to mc hawking while hubris naps and othercat gets ready.

poor hubris, he’s messy from yesterday night. othercat and i are making lots of fun of him.

this is so cool … i don’t actually have to teach pilates for two and a half days in a ROW … it’s wonderful. of course because i have no outlet for it i’m doing the eye on everyone who walks by me. ahh addiction, got to love it.

i have a pretty cool list of addictions actually
breakfast in restaurants
excellent beer
talking out of my ass
musing (:P uncle matt)
irish whiskey
rambling *snerk*
giving advice
couple of tv shows (house, ncis, gilmore girls, er, survivor, charmed)
hanging out with my friends…

you know, good stuff.

i’ve had some less positive brushes with addiction in fact, there was (for example) the crystal meth incident. yee ouch. i slept something like sixteen hours a day for a couple of weeks on the way out of that almost tragedy.

although the most fun that i’ve ever had with drugs happened from the sublime combination that is crystal, weed and booze i will tell you that i suggest that you NEVER try it. it’s too much fun. i knew i was in trouble when i was taking downers that i’d never heard of to counteract the drugs that i had just done in order to get some sleep.

and still not sleeping.

for days.

it’s not a place i reccommend going and i am a very lucky person. i’m lucky because some part of me noticed what was happening and encouraged stopping. lucky me because i was five days a week into a habit less than three months after i first tried the stuff.

it’s no wonder that it’s decimating the gay community. it’s the perfect drug for their lifestyle.

so there’s been climbing and then hubris and i came back here and ended up ordering sri lankan food. fuck me that is still the best butter chicken ever.

no dudes. i mean ever.

i can eat the sauce with a spoon or dip two entire pieces of naan in the sauce and still want more.

i can be so full that i will barf and if there’s any more i will still eat it.

yes, it’s that good.

and now we’re listening to some xavier rudd and playing tony hawke pro skater four and all is well with the world. it’s been so nice not to worry at all about what’s happening tomorrow. i don’t care if i sleep in tomorrow either. well i do but i really only miss a class with rr, it’s not like i get fired.

course i HATE missing those.

but still if i do it costs me twenty bucks and there’s no problems. well except i miss an awesome class.

climbing today was really cool. when i got to the gym i could hardly move and then as i warmed up it got better and better. an hour later i was climbing my favourite 5.10- and loving it. actually othercat videotaped it and if i’m feeling generous i’ll post it (when he sends it to me of course…)

in other words? if i don’t suck too much i’ll share it with the world. i’m still not that good on a scale of one to the people in the magazines. i’m down around a three. that is not lack of confidence talking either. i climb v1 and people at my gym climb v9 and that’s not even counting the people in the wild.

trust me, as climbers go i suck pretty hard.

i might post it anyway, or maybe one of a bouldering problem i didn’t finish. it’s shorter and stuff.

hell for all i know the whole thing will be blurry and there won’t be any point.


yes matt/bubbles that means a shoulder shot is coming…

*hee* i’m such a tease.

okay fine, in the meantime…

bubbles these are actually the shrug day… unfortunately most of them didn’t turn out.

happy good friday y’all!



  1. hey, am i really first???


    yay, gilmore girls! i want to be lauren graham in my next life.

    i nearly spit my wine all over my screen at your remark about how good sri lankan food is. it made me nauseous AND hungry at the same time.

    and the pics? hot!

    Comment by terry — April 15, 2006 @ 12:19 am | Reply

  2. terry: yes, yes you are :)

    yay and congrats :)

    i want to be lauren graham in my next life too… she’s snake charmingly hot.

    rofl, so you get just how good the food was then? so rich and delicious and filled with delicious flavour. i don’t even have words!


    Comment by sassinak — April 15, 2006 @ 12:37 am | Reply

  3. I’ve never even heard of sri lankan food, what is it? And if it’s that good, I want some for breakfast.
    The addictions, been there and done that. Only it was over 20 years ago, but remember it like yesterday.
    Sass, sass, sass…that last picture would be great for your profile pic, gorgeous.

    Comment by kathi — April 15, 2006 @ 9:48 am | Reply

  4. *sigh*

    Have to say I LOVE the pictures, I do… THat shrug is so good on you :)

    *happy dance for doing something right by you*

    Time off for you will be so fun and rejuvinating for you social/mental/emotional vibe. Even though sometimes we think we may not be stimuated enough, actually some boredom and/or other activity besides working ourselves is a welcome break.

    I’m actually going to be AWAY from my laptop for two days and THAT is frightening for me :) I have no idea what I’ll do in my down time :)
    Anyway, your addiction you speak of, yeah the CM… I had this same struggle with cocaine just after high-school. It was the best, most fun stuff ever and I always wanted more… however, I kinda caught myself at the top of the downward spiral when I actually contemplated sleeping with the dealer to get a fix.

    As soon as the thought entered my mind… I walked out the door, went home, and battled the ‘come down’ for over a week (with the help of my mother).

    Haven’t touched that shit sense, never will. The kind of fun you never want to have again :)

    Much love to you Sass, and though you think those pictures aren’t SO good… THEY ARE!

    right click save!

    Comment by Everything Nice — April 15, 2006 @ 9:58 am | Reply

  5. *haven’t touched the shit SINCE. Jesus it’s too early LOL!

    Comment by Everything Nice — April 15, 2006 @ 10:00 am | Reply

  6. Now I want butter chicken.

    Lauren Graham should be illegal. It’s just not right to be that hot and pretty and witty all in one package.

    And I agree with kathi about the bottom shot. You look so pretty!

    Happy Easter weekend! My taxes are done wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (cause that’s just what you wanna do on a Saturday morning!)

    Comment by JMai — April 15, 2006 @ 10:15 am | Reply

  7. Addictions are nasty business, and we’ve all had the temptation to overindulge in something that’s not exactly good for us. I’m glad I had the good sense to dump amphetamines when I was younger. Crazy kid during crazy times. I’m still crazy, but at least I’m not getting revved up on chemical drugs to exaggerate the problem.

    Comment by othercat — April 15, 2006 @ 10:42 am | Reply

  8. Don’t worry, Sass, you’re not alone. I am also addicted to hanging out with my friends while reading books that give advice about whether pilates, climbing, dancing or just movement in general is the best way to burn all of the calories that I intake from drinking excellent beer (or irish whiskey and coffee) while smoking weed then eating a bunch of chocolate and/or large breakfasts in restaurants… Sorry, please excuse my musings as I appear to be rambling and talking out of my ass once again… ;-)

    Comment by john — April 15, 2006 @ 12:22 pm | Reply

  9. kathi: sri lankan food is close enough to indian food but is a little thicker and richer… or something :)

    so just imagine the best indian food you ever had and then make the butter chicken better.

    i’ll never forget the feeling of sleeping and sleeping and sleeping and wondering if it would ever stop.

    i’ll never forget taking drugs i’d never heard of just to come DOWN

    i’ll never forget wanting and wanting and wanting something like that. and it was hmmm nine or ten years ago now.

    thanks kath! i wasn’t sure if i should post it or not and so i asked someone and they said ‘oh sass you’re so beautiful’ so i took that as a yes *g*

    bubbles: i’m glad you love them, when you get back from wine country i’ll give you the url of the rejects :)

    *happy dance for having a shrug AND making bubbles happy with it!*

    you know i already feel better just after that one day yesterday. and today i’m going to sit at home and rent movies or watch movies i own or blog or whatever… right after i go shop some more for a gift i need for tomorrow. class was wonderful and then i wandered queen street and got some great stuff for the aforementioned gift… i don’t know but at some point i exhaled you know?

    i’m so looking forward to a night of nothing!

    i hate being away from my blog for a brief period and then i get over it… though i start to itch for it a few hours before i’ll get back. sooo pathetic :)

    i describe it as a staircase… you dance down it and then you fall off the end and land in a pit. i caught the step with my hand on the way down…. i’ve stared into the pit, that was close enough for me.

    dude i like your mom so much more for that. though my parents nursed me and didn’t even know it.

    yeah… that’s EXACTLY what kind of fun tat is.

    *huggles* babe and i’m glad you like them but most of them came out yellow and blurry…

    lol. i read that the way you meant it you know :)

    Comment by sassinak — April 15, 2006 @ 2:59 pm | Reply

  10. jmai: you should want this butter chicken because it’s even better then i’m making it out to be :)

    i agree with everything you say about lauren graham. you know i’ve never missed an ep of gilmore girls? (well i missed the one where rory kissed tristan but i’ve since seen it)


    is it wrong that i sort of enjoy doing my taxes? it’s just fun to sort out and then you may or may not get money at the end…

    okay i’m a freak :)

    othercat: fucking right they are, and fucking right we have.

    i thank my core self almost daily for having the sense to chuck that white death, it could have easily gone the other way and in some strange way it’s made me stronger.

    crazy is good!

    john: i’m sorry but if that’s true um… wanna get married?


    Comment by sassinak — April 15, 2006 @ 3:03 pm | Reply

  11. I enjoyed reading your musings. :D

    Meth – brutal stuff. I had a similar experience with it. I remember being in mental anguish on a downside and thinking, “um, so – what the FUCK is fun about THIS?”.

    And that was that.

    And the pictures – WOW. Damn. Love that second one.

    Comment by Matt Vella — April 15, 2006 @ 3:15 pm | Reply

  12. matt: thanks, i tend to enjoy yours as well… not to mention your generally excellent comments.

    heh… i didn’t ever get sober enough for that to happen until i stopped doing it… i also never got addicted enough to really get the jones… i *wanted* but i could live without… at least until the very end.

    some people can go ‘that was that’ and some can’t… i’m glad to be one of the lucky ones.

    thanks! :)

    Comment by sassinak — April 15, 2006 @ 3:27 pm | Reply

  13. god. thank you for reminding me to get sri lankan food when i’m in nyc two weeks from now :) god i love their spinach lamb!

    meth is nasty nasty crap. the worst part about it, is that it’s leading to a lot of unprotected sex in the gay community. i also read that they think of it as a game: having unprotected sex with someone who is HIV+ is a thrill for them..because they’re gambling with their life and may or may not get it.

    odd. i have no qualms with the gay community at all..but, i have a shitload of issues with that type of game.

    drug wise, i always stuck with speed, acid, and e. not the smartest..but, least they weren’t addictive…and who doesn’t want to see dancing cartoon trees everywhere for two weeks? heh..that was interesting!

    my new meds are perscription emphetamines…i know what it is to take random downers in the hopes of sleeping..and even then not. it’s seriously fuckin’ sucking!

    Comment by da buttah — April 15, 2006 @ 3:41 pm | Reply

  14. Sass…I don’t comment often but I just have to say that you are beautiful outside as well as in!

    Thank you for posting these pictures

    Comment by Madame X — April 15, 2006 @ 3:42 pm | Reply

  15. elle: spinach lamb you say? *writes note to self*

    yeah that’s the stuff i was talking about. it’s hitting the community particularly hard and it’s like an exponential tragedy. i had a man tell me with a perfectly straight face that he had been surprised to find he had hiv because he ‘wasn’t like that’ and then three months later that same man is telling me about random bathhouse sex.

    i’m like WHAT THE FUCK? and me too elle, i have a lot of very very gay people in my life but they don’t countenance that behaviour or lifestyle either.

    uh you get that speed and methamphetamine are fraternal twins though right? and that speed is addictive for sure? course you can’t do lsd without it being speedy anymore since there’s no more good acid to be had…

    i saw ren and stimpy doing the nasty on a stucco cieling once…

    the new meds are for add?

    madame: well all the more reason to wish you an extra special welcome this morning…

    *lays out welcome mat and prepares chocolate gift box*


    and you are utterly welcome, peronally i am getting more out of it than y’all are trust me! :)

    Comment by sassinak — April 15, 2006 @ 3:59 pm | Reply

  16. yea, the new meds are for ADD

    well i have to new meds. a steroid for my allergies which is making me feel like i’m literally falling apart…and then the shit for the ADD. figured i’d give it a shot before i brushed it off.

    it’s helped. i can’t lie. way more focused..can pay attention things for much longer. i was talking to jake on the phone and he actually stopped himself mid sentence and said “E, are you actually paying attention? what the fuck?” because most of the time i zone out. only downside is the whole sleep factor.

    yea i know speed is an emphetamine derivative. crystal meth is a derivative of the two, but a different crystalline structure which makes the effects of that much more “potent” in that it hits the brain a lot more than speed would, and different parts. blah blah blah.

    thank god i’m not an addictive person, that’s all i have to say. because i really can see why people are going insane trying to get these perscription pills.

    Comment by da buttah — April 15, 2006 @ 6:01 pm | Reply

  17. lol @ ren and stimpy doing it on the ceiling!

    btw, had no idea how pretty your eyes are, sass.

    elle – puff puff give, puff puff, give!!!

    Comment by Matt Vella — April 15, 2006 @ 7:09 pm | Reply

  18. You know it makes me snoopydance when you post pictures

    *snoopydncing around house*

    OK *out of breah*

    Now…the whole addiction thing? We all have them. And there are some that I jus plainly refuse to give up. I think bloggin can be an addiction. -Well, I guess anything could be. There is salking, which…not so good. And there is also bad stuff like heroin. But…some addictions can be goooood. Like when I was hooked on exercise. Damn…you know what happened? I got married and stopped going cause we were too busy…arging most of the time, but busy anyway. And now I have a hard time getting readdicted. And I know it akes a few days to form a habit…so maybe if I can make it every day for a week I will be fine. I need an incentive. Not that losing weigh isn’t…cause… duh it is. But back then I used to have a major crush on one of the trainers. And that was MOTIVATION… capital M…and capital every other letter actually. Cause..damn…he was hot. But then we became friends and now he is married…long story. But he was the motivation to make it there. I know…lame!


    Comment by Natalia — April 15, 2006 @ 7:15 pm | Reply

  19. elle: i’m interested to see what you think of the meds after you’ve been on them for a while.

    the steroids thing sucks ass though. in fact it’s what they suggested to my cat for her allergies. and i hate to admit that it worked. what do you mean falling apart?

    you don’t sleep as it is dude i’m afraid you’re going to end up on some crazy cocktail. from the sounds of it, so are you.

    i can totally get how people can go insane for drugs, i have just so far been fortunate not to be one of them.

    matt: dude we watched four hours of ren and stimpy high off our asses on acid… and it was before acid started to really suck… ahhh memories *grin*

    thanks! *blush* (actually i think the color of my eyes is the prettiest thing about me… this cool clear greenish colour with yellow rings… they might be changing colour again though)

    nat: one day i will post a before and after. i have a shot of my lying on my bed with a book and putting food in my face. i plan to put on the same clothes and do the same pose… any century now *grin*

    i’m glad you love the pics, the encouragement is why i keep doing it.

    didn’t i put blogging in my list? *checks*

    oh MAN! i totally meant to. rofl

    so yeah, stalking and heroin = bad
    exercise and blogging = good (within reason)

    it takes about six weeks for the habit to really set. you have to be pretty forceful with yourself. after that it sort of ‘takes’

    incentive… it feels good and if you do it right it makes you high? also you get hotter? i reccommend climbing? *grin*

    not lame at all… every person i’ve ever met has an equivalent story. it’s harder to find motivation that’s real and the silly kind is often all you really need. go to the gym, find a new trainer to crush on


    Comment by sassinak — April 15, 2006 @ 7:51 pm | Reply

  20. no kidding, jmai, about lauren graham. i’d hate her if i didn’t like her so much.

    and i had some flourless chocolate cake today that has the same effect on me as the butter chicken seems to have on you.

    i swear, you put it in your mouth, and you practically start drooling, it’s so good.

    i’m hungry now.

    Comment by terry — April 16, 2006 @ 12:12 am | Reply

  21. terry i feel exactly the same way about her myself… she’s just that awesome.

    okay that’s it, mail me some cake *grin*

    that’s how i feel about the butter chicken, i put it in my mouth and immediately i just want more and more of it.

    i’m hungry now too.

    Comment by sassinak — April 16, 2006 @ 12:28 am | Reply

  22. Aw, shucks, Sass, I’m flattered by the offer but I’m already taken :-)

    Comment by john — April 16, 2006 @ 11:43 am | Reply

  23. john: figures, all the good ones are… and the rest find me intimidating or something *g*

    Comment by sassinak — April 16, 2006 @ 1:33 pm | Reply

  24. You guys are making me laugh with the chocolate cake and the butter chicken and here I am driving home thinking… ok now TODAY I am going to get my shit together, go to the grocery store, plan out a menu for the week and FINALLY make those tofu-stuffed shells.

    And now I want butter chicken.

    And if you like doing your taxes, you GOTTA get turbotax. The thing is fucking brilliant. As you put in your info… wages, deductions, etc., the online version has a little counter to the left that calculates your refund/due amount. I was watching it go up and down and cheering! That part was kinda fun. The rest of it? Not so much. I am not a numbers girl. I called my dad and made him stay on the phone with me the entire time. Now *I* am a dork!

    Comment by JMai — April 16, 2006 @ 2:41 pm | Reply

  25. jmai: lol

    tofu stuffed shells sounds delicious actually. although butter chicken is the fucking bomb… in fact it’s even better than that *grin*

    why does the tofu shells and the menu have to be on the same day?

    still and all i can sympathise.

    oh man that would be so much fun… i wonder if they have a canadian version… i can’t do it actually, i need to restructure my personal tax system such that it all goes into the business so i can’t do that anymore i think.

    i love numbers… weird i know.

    Comment by sassinak — April 16, 2006 @ 9:18 pm | Reply

  26. It has to be the same day because my week is sooooo busy that I have to set aside a good chunk of time (like a lazy Sunday afternoon when I have little else to do) to plan the menus, do the shopping and start the cooking.

    Normally (and normally means when I’m being good!) I will cook 2-3 things (2 meals and maybe some muffins) on Sunday nights. Take the leftovers for lunches, then cook maybe once or twice more during the week (the simpler recipes). And I bought the tofu and the shells ummm… like 2 weeks ago. Actually if I don’t cook it this week the tofu will go bad. So I’ll let you know how it comes out!

    Comment by JMai — April 16, 2006 @ 9:46 pm | Reply

  27. jmai: okay that makes sense to me. i don’t have that kind of self discipline or the kind of kitchen that makes that feasible but i have been known to cook double meals and refridgerate.

    i love lazy sundays…

    that’s a cool thing to do but it seems like a lot of work too. course you get an awesome twelve course dinner out of it so that works out okay.

    cool i look forward to the update!

    Comment by sassinak — April 17, 2006 @ 1:27 am | Reply

  28. sorry im late .. (yeah no excuses really.. except i just forget)

    but i feel ya.. meth was my thing for a LONG time.. i was a 10 yr steady user.. funny thing about i dont get addicted to things.. i mean if i was out.. i was out.. and if i had it i had it.. many times i liked the security of jsut having it.. not actually using.. it seemed a power thing at some level…

    its kinda strange that people will tell me im in denial.. but i dont think i am.. ive been to NA.. ive dealt with addiction through others.. i accepted my place with the drugs always… they were second ,, but a coping mechanism nonetheless…

    today i sit before you over 3 yrs mostly drug free and 6? days free of no cannibis… not that i dont miss it … its just not right at this point in my life to use… so i made a little pact with self.. to put it ALL away for now.. at least until the kids are gone off on their own … then we will seee if i still want to smoke..
    (not returning to the rest) the chase was too involving .. and to be honest im a lazy user.. if it wasnt delivered.. or dropped in my lap.. well lets just say it may be days before i would decide if it was what i wanted.. again .. a power thing i think

    congratulations in the ability to MAKE the choice for yourself.. that seems to really be the most rewarding part of it for me.. is im able to do that.. never HAVING to.. makes me feel a little smarter.. and stronger than not being able to i think…

    HUGS sass!!

    Comment by sugarpunk — April 20, 2006 @ 10:44 pm | Reply

  29. punk: i love when people post comments to ‘dead posts’ because often the really late comments are the most interesting ones. so please don’t apologise.

    i knew a guy like that, he did coke on fridays with his buddies and on long weekends and that was it. i never felt he was an addict, perhaps a social addict if that term exists. he really could take it or leave it and some people are blessed with that. i can’t even do that with cigarettes, all or nothing for me.

    you don’t sound in denial to me. it’s like my weed habit, yup i’m an addict but i just don’t care. *shrug*

    i think that little pact with yourself sounds awesome, and i think if i were in a position to have kids around i would make a very similar one. mine would still involve smoking at band practise though :)

    i was lazy with meth but it was really easily available. fortunately for me i was never the purchaser but only the tagalong so i never made the connections to keep my habit alive.

    and thanks, it’s a big deal making that kind of decision and people who weren’t there have no idea how hard it was.

    and you should feel stronger and smarter and PROUD of yourself!


    Comment by sassinak — April 21, 2006 @ 12:08 am | Reply

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