snapshots of an idle mind

April 25, 2006

‘gasm

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 1:50 pm

.
okay i emailed my ex

we’re having coffee

*deep breath*

this is fucking weird territory man, on ancient maps this would have been marked here be dragons if nothing else.

but it feels good, like a release. and he thanked me for doing it and said that he wanted to do it too. damm i love my instincts sometimes.
.

okay so.

oh my god.

i invented another ‘gasm. uh huh i did. it’s called a footgasm and it is what happened to me today. you see, way back when i told my lovely client b that i had never had a manicure or a pedicure.

she was aghast.

*i* was clueless as to why.

so she gave me a mani/pedi for christmas and i never went and did it. i kept meaning to you know but i just never quite did. so finally i had to phone them and ask them to renew my gift certificate and so i suggested to her that we go together.

so we did.

so i smoked a teeny bit of weed on my way out of work and ran off to the spa for my treat and there were robes and little rubber thong sandals in my size and lockers with magical combination tricks and so on.

and then out i went to meet her in the waiting area which is a lounge with bowls of pears and apples and biscotti lying on little tables that have current magazines on them. and you sit your little terry cloth robe covered ass on these delicious chairs and consider the tea menu before wandering over to the little buffet area…

the little buffet covered with teas [energy, relax, monsoon chai, etc], hot water, tiny jars of honey, coffee and four kinds of water. i know, i was stunned. cucumber, orange, lemon and plain.

and that’s just the waiting area! i hadn’t had long enough to properly relax because i wasted time smoking weed after that class so our ladies came to get us slightly too soon but that’s okay because yeah…


out we come into this marble hallway that has these glass panes set into the floor with little water fountains that come up and hit them and it’s all lit from underneath and the side and there are lovely containers with interesting things arranged inside of them in nooks on the walls.

they bring us to a room with these crazy stations at them and have us choose our polishes and then we plop ourselves into these captain picard looking chairs with our feet in little tubs of water and we get to play the change the intensity game on the chair backs and in the water. oh man.

so i’m sitting there getting a back massage and a hot foot bath with jets and this woman starts to toy with my feet. she takes one out of it’s warm oasis and clips the nails and trims the cuticles and then she gently puts it back in the bath before she does the other foot. i can’t tell you all the things she did but i know i was pumiced and clipped and trimmed and rubbed and dremmeled and lotioned and oiled all interspersed with repeated bathings.

and then… *song of exaltation* she takes this mix of lavender and sea salt and oil and she rubs my foot with it all over and gently exfoliates up to my KNEE with this stuff. up to my knee! and then plops the foot in the water and rinses off my whole leg. god it felt so good.

more clipping and filing and oiling follow and then…

then? they take these little bags filled with delicious hotness and wrap your feet in them and the delicious hotness is in fact paraffin wax which is sooo hot and then it cools and sorta molds to your foot and you just sit there and die of happiness.

i’m not kidding. i will willingly pay a hundred bucks to do that again. i’m getting my mother one for her birthday. i’m serious.

eventually she *sob* removes the paraffin and sorta finishes off your foot a little bit before doing the magical polish job (sparkly lavender!) and some cuticle oiling and sending you on your way.

that takes seventy five minutes.

dudes my feet are blissed out like i can’t even begin to tell you.

and then?

oh my god they did my hands!

they rub some stuff on your hands and then drop them in little warm and soapy baths that have little warm pebbles in them. i am not making this up. following this your nails are trimmed and filed and your cuticles are fixed and your nails are smoothed and oiled and all the while they keep getting covered in something and dropped in the little warm water oasis bowl on the table.

and then she whipped out the lotion and started the massage. oh good christ. all the way to my elbows and since SHE CLIMBS she even did the right PLACES!

and then? yeah more of the magical paraffin!

okay so you figure at that point that you must have exhausted the possibilities that encompass this wondrous oasis of joy and spoiling and peace? but you haven’t.

oh no because now? while your hands are dying of glee in their paraffin bags? now the magical lady MASSAGES YOUR SHOULDERS!

oh god it was wonderful!

she even pressed hard.

she finished up with the nail buffing and the final sorta finishing touches on my cuticles (i went with buff over polish due to climbing)

and then to ease you out of this wondrous experience you get to go and sit on your butt in these lounging areas and watch HOCKEY/whatever you like while nibbling more biscotti and having more tea and water and…

oh man you guys.

if there’s a hyatt in your town that has a spa? go get a mani pedi!

(yes it’s worth whatever it costs)
.

and then i came home to a really good email from my ex. i’m feeling good about this. weird, really weird… but good

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42 Comments »

  1. *sigh* i miss being my prissy self sometimes, but, students shouldn’t be getting lavish pedicures, right?

    that said, i really REALLY recommend a body wrap. they wrap you up in warm towels, put you under a heating blanket, and while you’re sitting there, smelling all the herbal and root goodness, feeling toasty, and just seriously feeling all the toxins drains…oh yes! they give you a scalp massage….not just any scalp massage…a 30 minute scalp massage. HEAVEN!!! and? when you’re all done your skin is super tight, all the excess water and toxins are gone, and your skin makes a baby’s ass feel calloused.

    also? be careful…lots of bacterial infection in the land-o-pedicures. make sure things are clean :)

    Comment by da buttah — April 25, 2006 @ 2:07 pm | Reply

  2. *happy naked dances*

    first comment bitches!

    Comment by da buttah — April 25, 2006 @ 2:07 pm | Reply

  3. elle: i don’t know, if a student can buy six hundred dollar shoes why can’t she get six one hundred dollar pedicures instead?

    mmmmmmmmmmmmmm that sounds fantastic. my inner pamper me now girl is totally out and wanting more more more!

    well i’m not worried at the hyatt, they give you disposable flip flops fer chrissakes but i’ll be extra careful with the cheap ones…

    also? ^5 :)

    Comment by sassinak — April 25, 2006 @ 2:16 pm | Reply

  4. OMG! How awesome is it that your hands and peds will look SMOKIN’ for your coffee meeting later?

    And I did say meeting, not date…

    unless it’s a date… but I always call anything with an ‘ex’ term a meeting…

    SO good that you got some pampering, and the place sounds loverly for certain…

    I must admit tho, when I read ‘gasm and then you started in on your ex, I thought you got laid….

    jus sayin! Well, the days still young… ?

    Comment by Everything Nice — April 25, 2006 @ 2:21 pm | Reply

  5. I had one of those at the Elmwood spa a buncha years back…also, hair, full body massage and facial/makeover.

    They put way too much makeup on me, but that’s typical of any makeover.

    Also a swim.

    Man, it was nice.

    Comment by mightydoll — April 25, 2006 @ 2:36 pm | Reply

  6. bubbles: actually it’s not quite like that. coffee is sometime next week. but i *do* have a date tonight in fact. i’m even stoked.

    with the ex it’s fully a meeting. we do not want each other back, that ship sailed and it was on fire when it did.

    but damm to lance the wound will be wonderful.

    dude i didn’t even make it sounds half as lovely as it was. gosh i want to move in to that building… when i’m super rich of course *g*

    nope, didn’t get laid… besides i can’t imagine tr and i ever getting naked together again… the thought is faintly squicky even.

    heh. i do have a date, but i’m a slowpoke (pun absolutely intended)

    md: nice, i’m not sure i’d want the makeover but the facial and the rest of it sounds awesome.

    yeah they put too much makeup on me. i’m like ‘hello ENHANCE not hide you moron’ *g*

    damm that sounds awesome md

    Comment by sassinak — April 25, 2006 @ 4:13 pm | Reply

  7. SLOW POKE! I totally get it!

    K, im keeping my chin up and high 5in ya for your date hunney…

    I soo hope you have a great time… and tell ya what, If you do move into someplace like that when you’re rich…

    I’ll be your slutty maid servant.

    Comment by Everything Nice — April 25, 2006 @ 4:35 pm | Reply

  8. excellent… cause i love that pun!

    thanks for the ^5 and the good wishes… i have good feelings myself.

    if i move into someplace like that? you’re hired on the spot… but no cleaning for you… well you can clean me….

    Comment by sassinak — April 25, 2006 @ 4:51 pm | Reply

  9. Oh, you made a pedicure sound like heaven. I loved the vivid descriptions. I felt like I was there.

    I’ve never had one :-(

    Comment by SignGurl — April 25, 2006 @ 5:48 pm | Reply

  10. It’s so girly in here, I feel pretty.

    ;)

    Comment by Matt Vella — April 25, 2006 @ 9:02 pm | Reply

  11. Oooh I’m aching for a spa treatment just reading all of that. I mean I go probaby once every 2-3 weeks for a mani/pedi (most recently just pedi because my fingernails have begun to do this bizarre peeling thing that drives me crazy and in my monstrous purse I have everything but a copy of the Magna Carta and a nail file, so of course I have my fingers in my mouth all day adjusting a bit here and a bit there until there’s nothing left to adjust). But that’s not the same as a spa treatment mani/pedi. I mean there is the massagey chair and the bubbly water and such but it’s no comparison to a proper spa pedicure with the foot masque and the heated stones and the paraffin and and and -orgasm-

    Anyway I’m glad you enjoyed it. Goodness knows you deserve it after all you put your body through… it’s nice to be pampered! No sorry, it’s absolutely fantasically awesome to be pampered.

    Comment by JMai — April 25, 2006 @ 9:30 pm | Reply

  12. i should get a toe thing done, one sight of my sunburned feet and they’ll show me the door. :D

    Comment by castufari — April 25, 2006 @ 9:33 pm | Reply

  13. The other day I escaped during lunch and had a pedicure…it was the best little present to me in a the last few weeks. I am planning to do a day of bliss type package but I am saving it as a reward when I hit a milestone in the weight loss. We shall see.

    Also I am happy you are feeling good about the whole ex thing :)

    -N

    Comment by Natalia — April 25, 2006 @ 10:50 pm | Reply

  14. sign: awesome, i was so trying to do that. i really wanted you guys to get all soothed and pampered with me somehow.

    dude, i’m telling you, gather up a hundred bucks and go for the best pedicure your local ‘best of’ list has to offer :) (MAKE SURE THEY DO PARAFFIN!!!!)

    matt: if you never had a pedicure? you’re missing out.

    and i have a male client who gets them… and he isn’t gay :P

    jmai: keep an emery board with two sides instead… less lethal and easier at airports. in fact get two, a thick and a fine :)

    see you understand what happened to my feet yesterday and everytime i look at my pretty toes i’m sooo happy :)

    yes, that’s it, it’s fucking fantastically awesome to be pampered. there are not enough words otherwise.

    Comment by sassinak — April 26, 2006 @ 2:14 am | Reply

  15. cast: lol

    i’m sure they’ve seen worse than your feet. in fact i know they have because *i* have and i’m sure they get worse than me.

    hi btw and welcome back. are you blogging again?

    nat: oh sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

    how is the weight loss thingy going? is it getting itself going okay or are you having initial hiccups?

    and don’t save shit for weight related goals… just add stuff. like have one now AND when you hit your targets :)

    yeah i feel really good about it, i think it will go well and no one will be an ass and yeah. i’m stoked.

    weird to say that let me tell you.

    also? did you get my last email?

    Comment by sassinak — April 26, 2006 @ 2:16 am | Reply

  16. So now you understand why I regularly surf spa websites, it’s like porn to me.

    I seem to recall a certain someone telling you it was imperative to get the paraffin… for once I spread joy as opposed to misery or at least a vague sense of discomfit.

    If you ever need a spa buddy, you know where to find me.

    Comment by Princess Valium — April 26, 2006 @ 2:51 am | Reply

  17. congrats on an amazing spa day … Guam actually has several uber-spas like that (including in our Hyatt) … there’s even one that’s ONLY for women (not saying anything about reverse discrimination here! LOL).

    The one I want to try is at one of my fave golf courses. It’s a resort, and it offers an afternoon of traditional Japanese type things … hot tub, immerse in cold, then steam room ā€” supposed to be great for your pores ā€” then a shiatsu massage.

    Maybe one day after a round of golf … that would be the ULTIMATE … well, if there’s a killer lunch on hand as well … heh

    and good luck with the ex- thang :)

    Comment by DZER — April 26, 2006 @ 6:18 am | Reply

  18. PV: oh dude, it’s like crack to me now!

    you were SO right about the paraffin which is… oh my god. i can’t put it into words that make it sound good enough!

    you don’t spread a vague sense of discomfort you twat… but it is a hilarious mental image…

    i need a spa buddy, soon as i have a hundred bucks to spend!

    dzer: thanks man, it’s funny how many men i know turn out to have had pedicures or other spa treatments… which i think is awesome.

    the only women shit drives me nuts… what men can’t have men only clubs anymore so now it’s good for women to do it? what the FUCK?

    oh man. dude that sounds FANTASTIC! if i were in guam i would so come and do it with you.

    thanks dude, i’m not sure i need luck which is unexpected but good :)

    Comment by sassinak — April 26, 2006 @ 7:49 am | Reply

  19. Yep got your last email and was just making sure I didn’t email back at 11 PM and made no sense at all…cause yeah then I would suck and you would be all like “What? WTF? What is this?” Response is coming.

    I had a good first week…I lost 5.8 lbs. Second week I didn’t lose or gain. Maybe it was my period…or the tummy meds I have to take. We shall see cause I have a weigh-in today. But even if I didn’t lose the second week, clothes feel better, so I will take it.

    Oh I treat myself all the time. But I thought that if I set the goal for losing 10% of my weight and then treat myself to a spa day, I’d be even more motivated.

    Who knows? In a few hours, I face the scales lol

    *shaking in her sandals*

    -N

    Comment by Natalia — April 26, 2006 @ 8:55 am | Reply

  20. nat: you making no sense is still smarter than your average bear.

    nice, where do you do weigh ins? i didn’t realise you joined a group? got a trainer? um?

    the hardest part to get through is the plateaus i found, you’d sit at this weight for what felt like years and then finally when it felt like never the scale would start to move again. course i been stuck at my weight now for like a year so… (and no one ever believes i weigh 175 pounds :)

    my period makes me bounce about ten pounds all told… i haven’t quite figured it out but i know it’s tied to the eating habits around it.

    clothes feeling better is MUCH more relevant than pounds babe. like order of magnitude. but i think you know that right?

    okay good as long as you aren’t waiting to lose before being nice to yourself, i don’t like when people do that it sets up failure. i should have known you wouldn’t do that.

    eeep scales *grin*

    i so know the feeling *huggles*

    Comment by sassinak — April 26, 2006 @ 9:07 am | Reply

  21. I’m not pokin’ fun at ya’ll – I like all things girly. It’s just that you really struck a nerve with the women and from a male perspective it’s SO different.

    But, that’s why we’re dudes and you’re chicks and that’s what makes the world go round.

    Comment by Matt Vella — April 26, 2006 @ 9:51 am | Reply

  22. I am doing Weight Watchers. Overall it’s the best program for me. You can pretty much eat anything as long as you are counting points. It is teaching me all about portions and making choices. I mean I can eat a Burger King meal and spend all my points there for the day or eat smaller and healthier things throughout the day. But I don’t feel deprived.

    To be honest, I have not made it to the gym much. Been otherwise engaged *giggle* but I think I will feel up to it this week.

    Yeah I am making sure I don’t obsess. I feel better and that is the good thing. Of course I do want to see a change in the scales but sometimes the body offers a bit of resistance.

    We shall see in a few hours.

    *huggles back*

    -N

    Comment by Natalia — April 26, 2006 @ 9:52 am | Reply

  23. I saw T over the weekend at a party and mentioned to him that you said “Hi. How ya doing”. He said that he was curious about you as well.

    Your instincts really fuck me up sometimes. Still it was kinda cool to talk to him about you and see no bad blood on his face or his breath.

    Comment by green_hedonist — April 26, 2006 @ 10:31 am | Reply

  24. Clean you all slutty like..
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    And so starts my hump day with a big ass kool aid grin!

    Comment by Everything Nice — April 26, 2006 @ 10:34 am | Reply

  25. Ok, first, WHOA on the ex. That’s fantastic! Good luck, love!

    Second, spas are amazing, aren’t they? I go maybe twice a year for an hour-long massage and it’s the best damn thing I could do for myself. So awesome! Glad you loved it :)

    Comment by Teresa Naomi — April 26, 2006 @ 11:25 am | Reply

  26. good stuff with the ex thing. it’d be good to catch up and stuffs.. that’s what i told myself, and we ended up in bed.

    then again sass, you’re wiser than me.

    Comment by stoned.nerd — April 26, 2006 @ 12:05 pm | Reply

  27. matt: well you like girls after all right? it’s funny though cause you’re right, i didn’t really convince any men to get pedicures… too bad cause they’re so awesome and the boys i know that get them say so also…

    but yeah, it’s nice that dudes and chicks have differences… :)

    nat: cool, learning about portions and calories and how to plan your meals is so important. and yeah, sometimes i eat at mcdonald’s and then just don’t eat the next day. still i’m assuming there’s some kind of watch the fat part of the points right? (i’ve never done ww…)

    i like the idea of it, it sounds like you don’t feel deprived and thus it’s easier to do.

    hey i’m all for being otherwise engaged… in fact i utterly and completely sympathise.

    cool, the obsessing is the shitty part and can happen without you noticing. i’m struggling with it a bit at the other end… and i’m glad you have a realistic outlook…

    how did it go?

    hubris: wow. he did? that’s really funny cause i emailed him saturday night!

    why do my instincts fuck you up?

    Comment by sassinak — April 26, 2006 @ 1:25 pm | Reply

  28. bubbles: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    mine too babe, mine too!

    teresa: i KNOW! i’m all stunned and nervous at the same time. good nervous though, filled with anticipation rather than fear.

    naomi i am NOT kidding i am now a total spa ho and must go back again and again and again and….

    nerd: yeah i think it will too. i don’t think we’ll end up in bed but i am curious how it was *laughing*

    dude just because i’m wise in my blog doesn’t mean i’m wise in my life… :) but thanks!

    Comment by sassinak — April 26, 2006 @ 1:26 pm | Reply

  29. drumroll….

    lost 2.2 lbs this week…yaay me.

    And yes, sass, the points system is based on calories, fat, and fibre content. The more fat and less fibre, the higher pointage…and of course the more calories, the more pointage.

    I have learned to replace pasta with whole wheat pasta, rice with brown organic rice. I am making better choices but if I want something, I can have it, just know that I am giving up eating other stuff during the day. It’s a great program that doesn’t purport to make it easy and have you skinny in a few weeks. They really do puch exercise a lot and the meetings are a great place to get good recipes.

    So far…8 lbs in three weeks. Not bad. I am gonna try to hit the gym tomorrow. Woohoo.

    And yes otherwise engagedness is a good thing :)

    -N

    Comment by Natalia — April 26, 2006 @ 3:08 pm | Reply

  30. Heya Sass…thanks for stopping by earlier.

    I will certainly give you all the gory details of running that thing if you really want them.

    Congrats on having your hands and feet truned into big happy candles! ;-)

    Comment by Will — April 26, 2006 @ 3:37 pm | Reply

  31. As the Fronsch say, “vive le difference!”

    They have a way with words, as much as some folks in these parts like to jump on the “freedom fries” bandwagon.

    Comment by Matt Vella — April 26, 2006 @ 4:09 pm | Reply

  32. yaaaaay, for pampering! if i had money, i’d totally be a spa whore.

    in fact, i think i’d like to do a big spa thing for my birthday this year. or to celebrate something else, if the something else happens…

    even the mani/pedis at my cheapy local salon are great.

    and yaaaay, on coffee with the ex! interesting that you were both thinking of one another.

    Comment by terry — April 26, 2006 @ 5:02 pm | Reply

  33. nat: nice, that’s a perfect and maintainable pace.

    that points system sounds pretty cool, especially because learning to properly manage your own food choices and amounts is the most important thing you can get out of any weight loss program.

    that sounds good dude, i like your ‘tude a lot…

    hee, yes it is.

    will: welcome

    it depends how many more times blogger eats my posts and so on… or how many times you can’t comment on my blog…

    thanks, it was AWESOME!

    matt: c’est vrai, the french do say that and they’re right. and freedom fries are the lamest things ever.

    terry: yeah dude ME TOO!!!

    oh man i think that sounds like a great plan, i am busy making up excuses to do it again…

    yeah well it was a nasty breakup and took many years of healing right…?

    Comment by sassinak — April 26, 2006 @ 7:09 pm | Reply

  34. oooooooh spatastic!! looks divine-
    and good for you with the coffe-
    why the hell not!
    :)
    xo
    t

    Comment by tania — April 26, 2006 @ 7:16 pm | Reply

  35. Forgot to ask, would you mind if I linked you? I know most people don’t mind, but I thought I’d ask first just the same.
    :-)

    Comment by Will — April 26, 2006 @ 8:14 pm | Reply

  36. tania: oh man babe it was even more awesome than i can actually describe. like words failed me.

    i’m actually really proud of myself for emailing him i think it will be good

    *huggs*

    will: OF COURSE YOU CAN! *grin*

    Comment by sassinak — April 26, 2006 @ 9:20 pm | Reply

  37. oh, sass, i totally get it about the long healing process. and how fabulous that you two might get the chance to be in each other’s lives again.

    Comment by terry — April 26, 2006 @ 10:59 pm | Reply

  38. sass:

    I might go my next check. Was in Destin for a week or so, got really tanned, my feet burned once. Now I have feet that are black on the bottom from not wearing shoes (it’s vacation, remember?) and the tops are, well, cracking and nasty. Plus I lost a toenail in the fall and the replacement isn’t looking too good. I might tape that one up so they won’t see it.

    I hope to blog again once I return to town. Away for 10 days, drove 8.5 hours to get home….slept a few hours then went to Raleigh for the rest of the week.

    I be one tired mutha. But someone has to do this crap.

    Comment by castufari — April 26, 2006 @ 11:28 pm | Reply

  39. terry: i’m stoked about it and i actually really hope it happens because i think it will be good for both of us. but yeah, i’m healed it’s good.

    cast: dude that’s the toenail you want them to work on! what were you up to in destin?

    i miss seeing you in blogland but i know that you visit when you can. you basically have to tell me if you post now though…

    also? *huggs*

    Comment by sassinak — April 27, 2006 @ 3:16 am | Reply

  40. holy smokes sass.. im the only one left that hasnt done this?>. *sniffles*.. wow you made it sound soooo gasmic too..

    someday…

    Comment by sugarpunk — April 27, 2006 @ 3:37 am | Reply

  41. punk: find an expensive pedi with the paraffin stuff and run don’t walk to get one.

    i waited 34 years to get one and that was TOO long.

    sooner than later i hope babe

    Comment by sassinak — April 27, 2006 @ 4:01 am | Reply

  42. Oh man I too have been able to experience such bliss…isn’t it wonderful!!! I am so sorry that you had to wait so long to experience it! Pedi’s and masages I am such a sucker for!! No Joke, I love them!

    Comment by HuneeB — May 3, 2006 @ 2:22 am | Reply


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