snapshots of an idle mind

April 27, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 3:58 am

why are people always so surprised that i’m a nerd?

first of all i’m not actually referring to anyone specific k? k.

sersly i’m not. look i even spelled seriously all cool and bloggerific to prove it. it’s just that this has happened to me for like fifteen years now and i still don’t get it. okay wait let me explain a little.

when i meet someone on the street and we get to talking about computers and they express stunnedness that i’m a nerd i can sympathise. i mean i bathe and i’m not ugly and i can use complete sentences AND i even have a social skill or two.

this surprises people. i don’t fit their stereotype of someone who can speak technical computer jargon. i mean i go outside!

so i can get their reaction i really can.

it’s the others. they meet me in irc (think chatroom you not old timers) or in some message board or mailing list or newsgroup or even (lately) through my blog and we talk about computers and the internet and about a million other things and yet somehow they don’t quite believe that i’m real.

the idea that i use unix instead of windows and understand what the guts of my computer are for seems completely foreign to a lot of folks.

don’t even get me started on the asshole who actually asked me if he could ‘speak to someone more technical’ and when i said ‘no you can’t but i can transfer you to a man if you’d rather’ said that he rathered.

because i’m female?

because i have tits i can’t operate a computer?
do math?
fly a plane?
play pool?
drive a car?
be smart?

what the fuck do breasts have to do with any of this?

absolutely nothing that’s what.

and yet i’ve been treated as though i couldn’t do all of the above things simply because of my gender on more than one occasion in my life. as though what i don’t have bouncing between my legs can somehow determine what i will and won’t be competent at.

i just do NOT get this at all. not even a tiny little weensy bit.

i mean i get it that i’m going to be surprising if i can carry some crazy load that only a power lifter can heft or if i can arm wrestle rambo and win. those are feats of strength and men tend to have more power in their muscles while women tend to have more endurance.

so uncommon strength is kinda strange in a woman.

but what does the performance ratio of my biceps have to do with my ability to operate a gear shift? a pool cue? NUMBERS????

like nothing at fucking all right?

and yet i’ve consistently had really strange expectations thrown at me in this regard. i never did manage to convince the system administrators at my former job that i had any kind of clue what i was doing and yet whenever i sent them something it was *always* [yes, every *single* time] something that they needed to do on their end. i never once sent them a spurious ticket.

okay once i sent them something and then took it back and fixed it… so i don’t count it. and they were impressed with the fix even and i got kudos.

and still i was just some girl who answered the phone up in tech support.

maybe it’s the pocket protector. i don’t even have pockets to protect after all (like me the tight shirts). except that back then i showed up to work in sweats so that can’t be it.

on my first day on the phones (after two weeks of training) one of the level twos was actually taking people around to my cubicle and pointing me out. eventually even oblivious i noticed and so finally i asked him what was up

‘well you’re impossible’

“i’m impossible??”

‘yeah, you’re an anachronism’

“um why?”

‘because you speak french’


‘you’re also wearing a freebsd sweatshirt and you actually speak computer’

“d-uh it’s tech support”

‘but you’re a chick’

irony? in his case it was the FRENCH that freaked him out. what a sweetie i still miss him. everyone else was shocked by the unix but not him, him it was the french.

i remember not being a feminist. i remember thinking that feminists had pokers up their asses. i even recall wondering what the fuss was about… and it is a testament to my parents that i didn’t believe for a second that i needed to be a feminist.

i believed that i was equal.

as such i never felt that i had anything to prove. i was quietly going around getting a’s in subjects that girls didn’t get a’s in but since no one told me that i had no idea. it didn’t occur to me that i should have been upset that the boy in my class who was good at math got an award for it and i didn’t. though i was his equal or possibly even better (we tied in contests and on tests and even on our second term grade… i’m leaning toward equals.)

i wasn’t upset, i had gotten an award for english after all. [truly they should have rewarded us both, and i’m not sulking over a trophy, he and i were equals…]

i remember the moment that i realised that to be equal also meant that i had to be a feminist [in college]. that i had to fight to get what i had heretofore assumed was readily available to me. that i was not going to be offered the same opportunities as people who were my equals because well, i had breasts.

and to this day it baffles me at the way girls are so easily shunted away from science and math as though that is the natural order of things.

the way that people are stunned when a girl can operate a computer. and how somehow even after they realise it?

after you sort of beat their head in about it?

they’ll forget again somehow instantly. because i’m impossible after all.

wouldn’t want to remember me and the experience of meeting a girl who was also a nerd, that might make you less stunned the next time it happens… and then you might start to realise that lots of girls are nerds and then that old worldview gets turned upside down.

and then what do you do?



  1. Woot!!

    :: First comment Snoopydance!! ::

    (I guess it’s not really fair, since I’m on Pacific time and most folks with real [daytime] jobs are in bed now…)

    Anyhow, I just wanted to revel for a moment in how damned cool you are…

    I’m just saying that the rock-climbing, pilates-teaching, french-speaking, clever blog-writing beautiful young lady that you are becomes all the more amazingly wonderful when you remind me that you also speak geek!!

    Thanks for your words, they bring a lot of light to my day. Keep on rockin!


    (Who is considering a manicure/pedicure for the first time in his life, based on your description! And still is feeling pretty heterosexual regardless!)

    Comment by SonusExMachina — April 27, 2006 @ 4:55 am | Reply

  2. i totally get that you are a nerd.. *shrugs* and well a smart one..and apparently speaks french.. see sass… i learned all of that in this post alone..

    ok maybe a little more.. i still say .. yes to the AWARD!!

    Comment by sugarpunk — April 27, 2006 @ 6:49 am | Reply

  3. i guess since i’m a nerd, i have to say something even if it’s about nothing…

    nerds are cool.

    Comment by stoned.nerd — April 27, 2006 @ 6:50 am | Reply

  4. Oh my god I deal with this all the time… men (not all but an alarmingly large number) have issues with women in positions of authority. I get it all the time with my students. I have a class of roughly 100 people give or take ten or twenty and 97% are men. And they will try all sorts of things to trip me up…and when they get checked hard they are all surprised that the woman has some ovaries on her and cannot be intimidated because they throw the word sex out into the mix. And they will try to disrespect you. They try harder to mess with you than if a guy was the teacher. And if you are tough on them, you are a bitch. I am telling you it is some scary stuff. But under all of that bravado, I reckon there’s the little boy that feels silly and powerless and in awe and has to try to make you feel you are not as important as he knows you are. It’s all very basic at that level. For a long time, academia was the good old boys’ club…and some still have that mindset. Women were grade school teachers and men were professors…but it has changed and some can’t adjust.

    And I am a nerd…sometimes I know more about computers than the men I date. My dad will sometimes call me to ask me about new technologies. It’s just how it goes. And if I seem less of a woman because of that, then so be it. If being a woman means being a damsel in distress and having to be subservient to a guy, then I’d rather not be considered one at all.

    /rant off



    Comment by Natalia — April 27, 2006 @ 9:02 am | Reply

  5. i revel in my nerdiness…and it really pisses me of when guys can’t deal with the fact i’m well read, or i like to write, or that i can tell them the chemical structure of most over the counter drugs. if you’re so insecure with your own intelligence, that me showing any amount of mine freaks you out? fuck off, please.

    and if the fact i’m independent and don’t need anyone in my life to help me get through my days is really that big of an issue..i hear there’s some girl that wants you for your money, and only your money, at the end of the bar.

    Comment by da buttah — April 27, 2006 @ 9:41 am | Reply

  6. I would just like to state for the record that I don’t date men, and I greatly appreciate the rare female who can talk with me in fluent Geek.

    I say ‘rare female’ because it’s true. Not because there aren’t A LOT of science/tech inclined women out there, but because the people who hire don’t have a clue about anything and end up hiring guys who don’t know shit. So I’ve always worked with a small percentage of women, but they ALL knew their shit, as opposed to the huge number of guys who didn’t. Often, they got the job through cronyism or nepotism…or they just flat-out lied their asses off on the resume and managed to fool everybody.

    Believe me, I know there are women out there that can rock the tech stuff, but unfortunately for me, I haven’t had the opportunity to work with very many of them due to the reasons I’ve just mentioned.

    Besides, Sass, I already know that you were one of the early adopters of ‘the whole internet thing’ (that Microsoft AND Apple seemed to miss), as we’ve talked about it. Any woman who can reminisce with me about modem INIT strings gets my full attention. I more ways than one. :-)

    Comment by Will — April 27, 2006 @ 10:11 am | Reply

  7. That last line should read, “In more ways than one.”

    Damn this electronic typewriter thingy!

    Comment by Will — April 27, 2006 @ 10:13 am | Reply

  8. Ummm… and being a girl and a nerd is all sorts of wrong?!?!

    UH NO!

    I love me some Sass that can look all feminine and break out with the HOT shoulders in the sundress… further sweetie I have no doubt that it’s hot as hell when you talk unix….


    I heart you for who you are… tho i wouldn’t call it nerdy, Id call it educated, cultured, and well rounded.


    Comment by Everything Nice — April 27, 2006 @ 10:22 am | Reply

  9. That was beautiful!

    I think the hard thing to handle is that people don’t expect you to be this well-rounded, worldly individual, yet…you know that’s who you’ve always been. Why can’t people let down the whole ‘expectation’ thing and just friggin’ appreciate your smarts!

    I get that working in the automotive industry. I’m not supposed to know how diesel engines work as opposed to gas engines…or the difference between a turbocharger and supercharger…and knowing that you’re looked at sideways for knowing these things gets a little grating.

    Personally, nothing you say or do surprises me. But then again, I’m female, haha, and I’m willing to accept that a lot of people do things that are unexpected of them and that’s what makes them as fun as they are. :)

    Comment by Teresa Naomi — April 27, 2006 @ 11:13 am | Reply

  10. What T said….

    I don’t always comment on your blog but I had to let you know that I admire the person you seem to be.

    Comment by Kristen — April 27, 2006 @ 12:31 pm | Reply

  11. wow waking up to ten comments on your blog is damm cool.

    sonus: ^5 dude! please note i hiatused you… BLOG SOMETHING! :) [it’s totally fair, dzer is in guam after all]

    why thank you sir, i too revel in my awesomeness (okay i don’t, i’m reasonable insecure just like any other woman but i do revel in my brain)

    you know what funny? part of what makes me shake my head is how surprised people often are that i can do so many different things… and i can only do them because when i’m curious about something i go after it… but i do love that people think i’m amazingly wonderful, it feeds my poor little wounded ego *giggles at self*

    i bring light! awesome!

    (dude so do it, just get them to buff instead of polish… it’s fucking AWESOME! and i know het men that do it!)

    punk: i think you might have known i was a nerd already *grin*

    you know if me and that guy had both been boys i’m sure they would have given out two… and that’s what’s ridiculous.

    nerd: fuckin’ right nerds are cool!

    nat: hee ‘has some ovaries’… i have got to stop saying i have balls and start saying i have ovaries. got to.

    i totally can see how you would deal with this all the time nat, you’re smart as hell but you look all sweet and stuff so they think they can push you. it’s especially difficult that your classes are largely men. i’m sure if the numbers were more even they would have less nerve that way.

    and yeah, i totally believe they mess with you harder… and somehow i bet that if they think you’re dateable they mess with you MORE

    it’s amazing how many people can’t adjust to those changes isn’t it?

    i usually know more about computers than 95% of the people i know. but a large percentage of the men i’ve dated have been hard core nerds so i’m usually just the wannabe in the room in that case *grin*

    my dad calls to ask about new tech but he always knows more about it than i do! :)

    fuck being a damsel in distress. fuck that vicky fucking scream her head off for two hours bull shit. fuck it.

    i can take care of myself, that doesn’t mean i don’t want someone around who wants to care for me.

    yay ranty nat!

    Comment by sassinak — April 27, 2006 @ 12:56 pm | Reply

  12. wow i might not get all these answered before i have to go to work!

    elle: i revel in my nerdiness too for sure. although i don’t think i’m a real computer nerd anymore, i just have lots and lots of history… (i don’t keep up with the tech anymore)

    yeah that’s the thing, why are so many people afraid of our brains???

    what’s funny is trying to get people to see that just because you don’t need rescuing doesn’t mean you don’t need companionship. they’re NOT THE SAME dammit.

    will: you don’t date men? that’s too bad, men are awesome *giggle*

    it’s true you know, every woman i worked with at that internet company knew her shit OR knew she didn’t know it. not the case with the guys. the guys who didn’t know their shit caused so much trouble for everyone else. i hadn’t realised that but it is true.

    personally i never lie on my resume….

    but will here’s the thing, you’re sort of an exceptional man. you’re not the kind of guy who gets intimidated by a smart chick you’re the kind who gets off on one. that makes you a rare bird.

    hee ‘the whole internet thing’ lol

    i have a book somewhere called ‘the whole internet users guide and catalog’ which KILLS me whenever i look at it!

    first day with the new keyboard? :)

    Comment by sassinak — April 27, 2006 @ 1:01 pm | Reply

  13. If you were a guy, you would be called pretty much a modern “renaissance man.”

    You are a renaissance chick — smart, funny, attractive, athletic, nerdish, knowledgeable, graceful and more. You are a gifted writer and teacher. You don’t eschew new things; in fact you welcome the challenges of the new. You’re in touch with who you are — mentally, physically, emotionally.

    in short, my sweet (and superior) sass — you rock THE casbah.

    I love girls who have nerdish/geekish qualities and aspects.

    I once had an amazing hour-long conversation with an uber-hot chick who actually came over to me because … I was reading the latest X-Men at the time. She asked if she could read it when I was done because she hadn’t seen it yet and was on the way out of town. So we sat there discussing the latest story arcs and character development over the years … until she had to go catch her flight. Comic geek girl — wowzers!

    one of my favorite people is like that — stunningly attractive, smart, cutting sarcasm and wit … but geekish with comic books and MMORPG. She rizzocks the cazzybah!

    geek on, sass *smooch*

    Comment by DZER — April 27, 2006 @ 1:02 pm | Reply

  14. I

    Comment by Matt Vella — April 27, 2006 @ 1:22 pm | Reply

  15. k i read that whole thing under the guise that you’d be showing your tits at the end… DAMN YOU SASS!

    sorry you have to be a feminist – and come on.. can i be a realist and a example of the male species for a moment – you put a hot female doctor in a white coat in front of me and i got to either mush or cheesey guy.. you put a hot scientist in a lab coat in a room full of guys that, blatant assumption coming, don’t get laid on a regular basis and it’s going to be a trainwreck! come on – it’s like computer dork guys being approached by your hotnes and then expecting them to be able to function – it doesn’t happen – i’m thinkin it would have to be an all female sciece business – only way it could work

    also – feminist does not mean you get to stop shaving damnit!

    Comment by murphy — April 27, 2006 @ 1:24 pm | Reply

  16. im going to go with what em and T said.. hear me LOUD.. DITTO!!!

    you are very very well informed on many things im not.. so i learn… its a fun way to do it here in the blogworld..


    haha.. just kidding yall

    Comment by sugarpunk — April 27, 2006 @ 3:41 pm | Reply

  17. bubbles: nope it’s not wrong at all but there’s an awful lot of folks that seem to think that it is. and it pisses me off.

    well i don’t know if it’s hot as hell when i talk unix, but i’m guessing i don’t lose any hot points for it *g*

    dude i am so loving my shoulders right now i can’t even tell you… and soon it will be tank top season!!!

    oh babe you rock, i love being called things like educated, cultured and well rounded *grin*

    also? in case you were wondering? yer hot! :)

    T: thanks!

    you know that’s the very thing that i don’t get. why do people try to predict what i’ll be like based on my face? or based on my complete ability to discuss the ins and outs of the latest celebrity gossip? so what i can dish with the best of them, that in no way precludes my having a brain.

    oh man you understand engines AND you’re a hot blonde??? that’s almost not fair. i mean i’m at least a brunette so they get a tiny clue in advance *laughing ass off*

    that’s just it you know, when it happens once or twice you don’t care but again and again and again and it just (yeah!) grates.

    i’m with you babe, but i feel that way about men too. and a LOT of men feel that way about smart people in general but there’s still a very large school that expects women to be less.

    kristen: hehe… i love that kind of comment

    thank you! i admire you for coming BACK! you tell em girl!

    Comment by sassinak — April 27, 2006 @ 3:51 pm | Reply

  18. dzer: you know it’s funny, i’ve called myself a synthesist and a jill of all trades but i like renaissance chick WAY better.

    i’m a gifted writer? damm dude you’re making me blush over here… (but i love it!) :)

    i love people who have nerdish or geeky qualities too, they tend to be so much more fun once you get past their rampant shyness factor or whatever.

    you know what’s funny? back when i was an x-men addict i totally would have done that. and then i would have ranted about how annoying fucking jean grey is and how she SO doesn’t deserve wolverine (but she can have that wuss cyclops all she wants) and and and… that said, in the movie they totally made her cool.

    dzer there’s something about men like you… the ones that really *like* women that is just so fucking refreshing TO women. :)

    matt: what’s E3? some kind of gamer heaven where all the latest toys are exposed?

    mmmmm games… mmmm playstation…

    murph: sorry murph :P

    (okay not at all :)

    i totally get that it will be a train wreck dude it’s just that … oops here’s my client.

    Comment by sassinak — April 27, 2006 @ 3:56 pm | Reply

  19. Yep, it may be the largest game convention in the world although the one in Japan has to be giving it a run for the money.

    This year should be exciting with the big 3 going full bore with their new platforms.

    I’ll take lotsa pictures and blog all about it.

    Comment by Matt Vella — April 27, 2006 @ 4:00 pm | Reply

  20. My boobs totally get in the way when I try to shoot pool…

    Comment by mightydoll — April 27, 2006 @ 4:50 pm | Reply

  21. Wanna shoot some pool?

    Comment by Matt Vella — April 27, 2006 @ 5:15 pm | Reply

  22. murph: still not apologising :)

    i’m sad that i have to be a feminist too, i’d like it a lot better if i just had to be a woman instead… or even just a human being.

    ah well.

    and i can sympathise with both of those scenarios i really can. but after that, after you know her and you realise you don’t want to boink her are you going to treat her like a smart woman or a dumb twit? my experience is that they’re going to go for the twit every time and no matter what i do it’s still going to happen.

    it was really funny when i showed up at my local bsd users group meetings the first time *grin* and wearing a tight shirt. but those guys? got over me having boobs in a second and started talking shop. was refreshing really.

    i shave i shave!

    punk: hee ditto on babe

    you know that’s one of the things i love about the blogging world actually, i learn a ton just reading about other people’s lives and work and experiences. love it really.

    i am so behind the eight ball on my comments section today, it’s awesome.

    matt: damm dude that sounds like mad fun. there’s what ps3 and a new xbox and what nintendo is out with something new?

    yay for pics!

    doll: heh, i do have a funny lean for sure…

    matt: :P
    yes (and i bet md does too)

    Comment by sassinak — April 27, 2006 @ 5:49 pm | Reply

  23. I don’t get it, who in the hell would be surprised to find out you’re a nerd??

    Comment by kathi — April 27, 2006 @ 5:53 pm | Reply

  24. Most men suck. It is still my goal to single handedly make up for as many of them as I can. Not excuse them personally, mind you, but just reassure women that there are at least a few gems out there… somewhere.

    Comment by green_hedonist — April 27, 2006 @ 6:03 pm | Reply

  25. MD- I could prop them out of the way if you’d like…

    Comment by green_hedonist — April 27, 2006 @ 6:08 pm | Reply

  26. i know sass.. ill nickname ya janey-on-the-spot.. (otherwise know to men as jonny)

    thanks hun.. see ya round the way!

    Comment by sugarpunk — April 27, 2006 @ 6:15 pm | Reply

  27. kathi: a ton of people. tons. not so much with bloggers because a certain element of nerd is jsut expected but in day to day life or some hard core geek circles? big time

    hey i’m wearing something!

    hubris: most men suck. what a tragic statement. the real tragedy is how it gets harder and harder to believe the things people say when they’re being sincere. you keep looking for what they really mean.

    but yes, there are definetely a few gems in the world and you are one of them…

    Comment by sassinak — April 27, 2006 @ 6:17 pm | Reply

  28. punk: i don’t get the *ere thing by the way

    hee janey on the spot, that’s fuckin funny.

    Comment by sassinak — April 27, 2006 @ 6:18 pm | Reply

  29. oh thank you sass. your comment means tons to me :)

    Comment by green_hedonist — April 27, 2006 @ 6:54 pm | Reply

  30. i’m with dzer; you ARE a gifted writer, sass.

    and i’m with you; guys who truly LIKE women are so hot.

    and you know, being a feminist means nothing more than believing in equality. i hate that the definition has gotten so twisted over the years that so many people believe it carries such negative connotations.

    it makes me even sadder when it’s women who feel that way. and many do.

    Comment by terry — April 27, 2006 @ 7:36 pm | Reply

  31. Yup yup – Sony has the PS3, Msoft with Xbox 2 and Nintendo with the Revolution.

    It’s a kick ass time, but like Vegas the noise tends to get out of hand at times. It’s all good tho, lots of games, lots of old friends from former companies, lotsa parties…

    Nerds know how to party!

    Comment by Matt Vella — April 27, 2006 @ 8:16 pm | Reply

  32. Chicks who know tech rule, period.

    I guess the guys who think “what the hell, a girl who is a geek?” are those basement dwellers who don’t get out much.

    As a geek guy I love geek chicks. I think it’s cool when someone breaks a stereotype and does it well. Ok, being a hot geek chick (think Sass) is extra icing, but it’s still cool as hell.

    I know a bunch of geek chicks:
    -sass, who got me into BSD and all things *nix
    -betty, msce I have to deal with.
    -cindy, telephony godess
    -scarlett, netware godess and hot too (but not as hot as the Sass)

    There are more but my g&t is kicking in and I can’t remember them.

    Girls, keep on geeking it up. Us guys (well, the normal ones) love it.

    Comment by castufari — April 27, 2006 @ 8:32 pm | Reply

  33. Sometimes breasts are an occupational hazard. Seriously.

    They get you in trouble because the men want to look at them and then they talk about them in their board meetings instead of important things, and instead of paying attention to the substantive contributions you’ve made to the firm. It’s like there is a general assumption that 10 points per breast are automatically deducted from your IQ… an additional 5 points per breast if you’re over a C cup.

    That said… I have no idea how to operate a computer after turning it on and making the internet go whee! You’ve had to help me through enough blog-related “derrrrs” to know this is true!

    Anyway it’s not being a nerd, it’s being educated in several areas. And goodness knows there is NOTHING wrong with that. If it interests you, you should learn it. And if people want to act surprised that you should know how to operate unix or fix a clutch or single out muscles for intense workouts, then so be it. I kinda like to see a little bit of wonder on people’s faces when they discover I know something they wouldn’t expect me to. It’s a little insulting maybe but it’s such a kick to know that you stumped ’em!

    Comment by JMai — April 27, 2006 @ 9:42 pm | Reply

  34. Nintendo will have Wii, Sony will put off PS3 until late fall so that BluRay will tank. :D

    Comment by castufari — April 27, 2006 @ 10:52 pm | Reply

  35. Yes Nintendo is actually looking a lot more solid now than I think a lot of people expected.

    Sony is feeling the pressure right now, although their fan base from back to PSX is absolutely rabid and they stand to stay on top.

    Comment by Matt Vella — April 27, 2006 @ 11:32 pm | Reply

  36. hubris: you’re welcome. and it’s true.

    terry: thank you! i always figure my weird style takes me out of the running for that one…

    guys who like women are so hot.. and tragically rare.

    i’m fully with you about the true definition of feminism, but i never even thought that i had to work for equality, i assumed everyone thought that i was equal… and that wasn’t true.

    i also hate the current definition of feminist, and it’s tragic that girls today don’t get it.

    but they will.

    matt: i’m pissed at sony… my ps2 doesn’t take a hard drive and that’s the dumbest thing ever. i want an xbox but it’s made by the evil empire and i’m sorta tempted to move to nintendo but i have playstation games already…

    that sounds like a great time dude, and you’re so right about nerds and partying.

    Comment by sassinak — April 28, 2006 @ 12:44 am | Reply

  37. cast: damm i’m glad you’re around again.

    i get along a lot better with nerdy girls than i do with the average girly female. i just find them so irritating. be passionate about something dammit.

    funny thing, i met a nerd when i got my manicure. she was studying computer programming at u of toronto and left to become an esthetician. and totally loves it. and that girl is fully nerdy about esthetics. we had a great chat. so she’s a girl and a nerd and girly but somehow not annoying. it’s the vapid ones that get to me.

    dude it’s not just the basement dwellers. it’s all sorts of men in all sorts of walks of life and frankly a fair number of women too.

    ahhh cast, flattery will get you everywhere. [“the sass” *snerk*]

    i’ve been drinking beer this evening…

    i think cast that there’s a lot fewer normal men than geeky chicks which is sort of a problem.

    jmai: fucking right they are.

    and then somehow your breasts are your fault and you did it on purpose or something and you meant to distract them. now fine if i’m playing pool in a particular pink bodysuit that i own that tries hard to let me expose myself but never quite manages it?

    i can understand that response.

    but if i’m standing here in a suit talking about drought conditions in jordan?

    well i’ll tell you what, i’ll work the computers and you be the legal genius that you are? and it was only those two incidents that were sort of really just one thing…

    well i can’t fix a clutch… but i can use one :)

    okay i admit it, the little bit of wonder or whatever is really fun. it makes me all happy really. but still it’s rude and after a while you sort of get fed up with it.

    cast: Wii?

    you really think that they’ll put it off that long? and miss the convention? also what’s bluray?

    freaking video game nerds *g*

    matt: i thought the reports of the death of nintendo were greatly exaggerated.

    i like my ps2 but not enough to be rabid about it. i’m stealable and i’m sure i’m not the only one.

    Comment by sassinak — April 28, 2006 @ 1:00 am | Reply

  38. so freakin true. I had the same problem in Accounting both at school and Uni, I killed on all the tests, but a GUY got the class Dux award…I was absolutely fuming, and so was my teacher, he didn’t decide it!! Here in Aussie land a female doing the same job as a guy gets on average 75% of what he would. It totally sucks…it is getting better but we do have to work twice as hard to get half the recognition….
    My names Kelly and I’m a NERD too!

    Comment by debambam — April 28, 2006 @ 9:03 am | Reply

  39. WHOA! You can fly an airplane? That’s amazing no matter what gender you are!

    Being a dad of too little girls , my eyes are oppend so much more to how girls are put down. My wife told me just yerstday that they got bad marks in PE because they can’t dribble a basketball well. THEY ARE 8 and almost 6! Give ’em a break. they read better than anyone in the gym, and they can certainly do math better than anyone in the gym. I’d bet my 6 year old can multiply faster than the freaking gym teacher! But now I have to go buy a basket ball and a backboard and a hoop…and i have to put down a concrete slab so they can learn how to play basketball… It’s annoying!

    Comment by Puffin — April 28, 2006 @ 9:36 am | Reply

  40. Sass– anyone who regularly utilizes the word “grok” in her/his everyday language is automatically considered cool in my book.

    I’m all for strong, intelligent women who appreciate the arts as well as the sciences. In fact, for me, that’s a requirement. Well, that and naming all the members of the Jedi council while standing on one foot and holding a match upside down.

    Comment by john — April 28, 2006 @ 9:43 am | Reply

  41. I just read your pedicure post, but I’m commenting here to be sure you’ll see it.
    I’m a Stillwater girl too….absolutely the BEST treatments in town. to think you can pay just for a manicure or pedicure, then spend the WHOLE friggin day lounging around! heaven on earth… the little curtained off lounges with personal TVs… the hot tub… next time have a facial.. I almost orgasmed from just a temple massage

    Comment by crscntmoon — April 28, 2006 @ 11:03 am | Reply

  42. bambam: oh i totally believe that. and i’m not even saying he shouldn’t have gotten an award, but if i’d been a boy they would have given out two i’m certain of it.

    here it’s a little better, we’re about 82% or so… which still sucks.

    yay for nerds!

    puffin: not anymore and i never could land very well…

    you’ll see that it only gets worse. it’s all very subtle but somehow the math skills get ignored and the art skills get praised and suddenly girls are becoming estheticians and boys are becoming engineers. okay i’m exaggerating but only very slightly.

    you raise those girls to know they’re equal to anyone, as good as anyone and to think critically and they’ll be fine :)

    have fun with the basketball… may i suggest a ball and a local park with a hoop? or the school playground off hours?


    john: that does tend to get me extra nerd points yes…


    see but that’s why women like me like men like you. it’s just there aren’t very many of you. there are a lot of smart and strong and intelligent men who are out chasing bimbos… cuts down the odds for the women that aren’t bimbos…

    uh… i can’t do that last one but i can name the trek films in order?

    Comment by sassinak — April 28, 2006 @ 11:11 am | Reply

  43. sexism freaks me out. it sucks that people respond like that to you. i have a fetish for people who don’t show what they are on the outside in a kind of under-promise over-fulfill way. Like, I love people who like to act dumb but aren’t. Like, all valley girl-ish, but actually really smart. I hate how you have to “look” and “act” smart in order for people to think you are. On the other hand, it sucks if women think they have to be ditzy to be liked. I just wish people wouldn’t assume you were dumb because you care about having fun and your appearance.

    yeah, since i moved out to the country, man have i noticed sexism more and more. some ways it helps me, like, my older male students i think LIKE having a female teacher (they expect it) but they have trouble when I crack down on them, whereas i never have conflict with the women.

    there are lots of exceptions to all this, thank god!! my bf, when I asked him what the first thing he liked about me when we met said, “you’re smart.” Awesome.

    Comment by lividviv — April 28, 2006 @ 11:13 am | Reply

  44. moon: as long as the post is still on the main page of the blog the recent comments hack will pick it up.

    that said, oh god i know the little area with the tvs and the biscotti just across the hall and the robes and the hot tub and the… damm it was SO GOOD.

    facial huh? my girl did tell me i should get one (not that i needed one, that they were awesome) so yeah maybe i will… but the PARAFFIN!


    viv: hey nice to see you!

    that’s just it. just because i pluck my eyebrows doesn’t mean my iq is 87. just because i bathe doesn’t mean computers confuse me. just because i like to wear nice shoes doesn’t mean i can’t shoot pool. etc.

    and yeah it freaks me out too, i just don’t begin to comprehend it. i do like people that aren’t what you expect and i especially like to watch a smart woman verbally bitch slap a man who deserves it (or a woman for that matter) and yet somehow… you don’t assume a good looking guy is an idiot the way you assume a good looking chick is. er not you specifically, generic the whole world you.

    it’s worse in the country but at the same time it’s easier to take because it’s more overt. it’s the kind of sexism you can deal with somehow. (nat puts it best… she said she shows her students she has ovaries *grin*)

    there are for sure tons of exceptions to this, it just stuns me that it’s still exceptions and not the norm.

    Comment by sassinak — April 28, 2006 @ 11:18 am | Reply

  45. Sass, I did blog again at castufari.

    BluRay is the Sony version of high def DVDs. The other is plain HD DVD. BluRay media hold like 25gb, whereas the HD DVD will hold 15gb. Still that’s a lot of data. While the HD DVD stuff is now on the market BluRay isn’t quite there yet, which has pushed the PS3 release date out into the fall/winter. If Sony doesn’t release it soon they could lose the Xmas 2006 market.

    Wii is the Nintendo Revolution.

    Back to firewalling, checkout pfsense, it’s lovely but a pain in the ass. We have to have 14 sites ready by next Monday.

    Comment by castufari — April 28, 2006 @ 11:22 am | Reply

  46. cast: cool beans, i’ll check it out this weekend.

    ahhh okay that’s kinda cool. not so cool for that whole christmas thing but we all know that sony will make sure it sells lots of toys for winter solstice :)

    why do they call it revolution?

    fuck firewalls, run bsd *grin*

    Comment by sassinak — April 28, 2006 @ 2:57 pm | Reply

  47. technology and sexism….hrm.

    I recall my post secondary electronics education, where there were twenty five nerdy guys and one woman in the class. To her credit, she was among the top students in the class. She could hold her own despite being a minority of one.

    I have always wondered why there weren’t more women doing high tech jobs. It seems to me that men don’t have a monopoly on brains, and the more I pay attention, it seems that there are a lot more women out there who are smarter than your average guy. I guess we’re all victims of stereotyping to some degree whether we know it or not.

    Comment by othercat — April 28, 2006 @ 6:05 pm | Reply

  48. i left tech because i got tired of being treated like you got EITHER boobs or brains from the universe. i kept proving myself over and over and it just got tiring.

    that and i broke and was rendered incapable of sitting for long.

    a lot of it is just unconscious discrimination… and women do it too. it’s a cultural thing at this point i think. :)

    and yeah what you said.

    Comment by sassinak — April 28, 2006 @ 6:16 pm | Reply

  49. Hey Sass

    I read this and thought of this post.

    Comment by john — May 2, 2006 @ 9:37 am | Reply

  50. john: awesome.

    Comment by sassinak — May 2, 2006 @ 11:39 am | Reply

  51. Dude I go to for help in my Stats class ’cause I REALLY suck at math…but I know what mine stems from and it’s not b/c I am a girl…it’s because I never learned the basics (yeah that’s right, it’s lame, I am lame, I use my fingers and take a while to do simple math…) you see I went to a really poor public school with a 350lb+ teacher who just wanted to get her retirement so we learned NOTHING! Kid you not…so without the basics everything else is that much harder, it is the only subject in school that I feel utterly lame at and can make me cry (whimpy I know) but I do not like feeling dumb and it is THE ONLY THING that makes me feel as dumb as rocks. It REALLY sucks!!!! So yeah I have to take Stats this summer (cause I dropped it this semester) in order to transfer on time…help? *waves white flag*

    I thnk it is cool that you are a nerd! :)

    Comment by HuneeB — May 3, 2006 @ 2:32 am | Reply

  52. hunee i don’t know shit about stats but i know a lot about basic math. and here’s some advice that always helps.

    don’t be afraid to use the scratch paper
    it’s always okay to count on your fingers
    sass can help with fractions and stuff

    go back and get the book from that year and learn it. then take stats.

    dude thank you!

    Comment by sassinak — May 3, 2006 @ 2:42 am | Reply

  53. It is frustrating beyond belief and it is seriously the only subject that has the ability to make me want to cry because I feel so dumb, hard to explain and sounds really lame when I type it out but it’s the truth. I.S.U.C.K.A.T.M.A.T.H. getting the book to reteach is a good idea but that also means I have to repeat like 5 years of math. I understand how frustrating it must be for a grow person to learn something new say like english…b/c it is that way with math.

    Comment by HuneeB — May 3, 2006 @ 3:37 am | Reply

  54. hunee my cousin was like you and it turned out that once i taught him fractions and made him learn his times tables and a couple of other basics all the harder stuff started to make sense and now he doesn’t even need a tutor.

    unfortunately you’re well past high school.

    can you get any help with the stats stuff from anyone useful?

    i hate that you feel dumb… if it’s any consolation i felt like that in every physics class i ever sat through.

    a grow person ? immigrant? baby?

    Comment by sassinak — May 3, 2006 @ 12:10 pm | Reply

  55. that was supposed to be a grown person…sorry typing skills are not so good late at night and early in the morning (pre coffee) It was sort of a train of thought I see a lot of people who can bearly speak english and really try to learn but are so frustrated (kind of like my maintanence guy) It like you really want to know it and you really are trying but something is just not clicking. I think maybe in the summer I will try to do a esl math on myself. We have tutors at school but they are usually only there the times when I have to work, so I end up having to pay for one…

    Comment by HuneeB — May 3, 2006 @ 1:04 pm | Reply

  56. hunee no worries, i can hardly type in the afternoon let alone at 3:37am :)

    yeah i totally know how you feel, i feel that way about italian grammar and reading. i know it could make sense because millions of people speak it but damm it’s hard to read. i know if i spend more time there i’ll get it but it’s still really frustrating.

    yeah i think you should try to ‘esl’ math yourself… and i can help and i suspect i’m not the ONLY math nerd in the blogverse…

    Comment by sassinak — May 3, 2006 @ 4:02 pm | Reply

  57. Thanks Sass :)

    Comment by HuneeB — May 3, 2006 @ 11:22 pm | Reply

  58. sometimes I get really discouraged with school because I get no support or encouragement from family and very few friends I have are still in school, it is just me so I turn to other people for inspiration to stick with it, and a little boost of encouragement. SO many times I just feel like giving up and saying f’ it I make good money I am just going to work for a living…I have been in college WAY too long now and it is depressing to know I still have at least 6 years at least to go : (

    Comment by HuneeB — May 3, 2006 @ 11:25 pm | Reply

  59. welcome hunee

    it sucks that your family isn’t supporting you in your endeavors… from what you’ve said in the past that’s not new. doesn’t make it any easier.

    i hope you have people around you who support you at least a little… do you have any luck making friends AT school?

    wow six years is a long time. but i think you love it right?

    Comment by sassinak — May 4, 2006 @ 1:37 am | Reply

  60. I love what I am going to become…I love learning…not doing the work so much…I love kids enough and feel that I will be something great and make a difference, I feel that enough to continue. That and failing to me is not an option, if I quit school for good that is what I feel like I did, to myself.

    Yeah my family isn’t all that backing, my mom cares more but it is sort of, so you still in school?…kind of thing and well my dad is ehhh my dad. So the normal (or what I assume is normal) pressure from family to finish college just isn’t there. I am 100% financially responsible for school too and I get the short end of the stick ’cause I make too much to get financial aid, just enough to get by and if I cut back working it puts me in the hole…it sort of sucks all the way around. I have a few friends who realize how hard I work and encourage me then I have those that do the whole guilt trip thing like you never hang out and you’re a flake cause you aren’t coming. Then they wonder why I don’t call them, I tend to cut ties anymore with people who are negative about my progression b/c I have learned that it just makes me negative and I don’t need that. I will stick with school (even if it takes me 6+ years) and do the best I can working fulltime and balancing school and life.

    I have made some friends at school but I tend to go to class and leave, most people at my school are trust fund babies and their parents supporrt them 100% so it is hard to relate with most of them, since I am still at City College there tends to be a lower mentality that just irritates me. There is a big difference in mental maturity with 18 yr olds and 23 yr olds; then again I get told that I am 23 going on 35 (quite frequently) most of my friends are 29+, the one I talk a lot about (Siouxsie) is 36. It is just the way it has always been with me…my ex was 30…I just don’t relate with most people my age on a level that I am most comfortable at. (if that makes any sense)

    Sorry to vent on you like this.

    Comment by HuneeB — May 4, 2006 @ 2:31 am | Reply

  61. hunee i’m the same way. i freaking hate studying but give me a teacher or a group of my peers and we can share knowledge ALL day. and still want more.

    i think you will too … i especially feel that because you got lost a little yourself when you were younger so you’re more likely to ‘get’ what’s happening to and with them than the average human. if i were to teach it would be grade 7-9 because that’s when *I* got lost.

    if it helps *i* feel proud of you?

    some families pressure you to finish college and others not so much. i have a friend who was the first person in her whole family to finish HIGH SCHOOL and she’s now a lawyer… and they sort of make fun of her for her brain.

    the one thing about you paying for yourself is that you take it more seriously and treasure it more. both very good things. that said? the financial aid thingy sucks total ass.

    i find that the ‘friends’ that use guilt to manipulate you aren’t any more your friends than the liars so good job slowly cutting them from your life. you’ll be happier once you get over missing them.

    you really impress me you know, especially how you won’t let the bastards get you down.

    ohhh yeah i can see how those folks are hard to hang out with. uh you with the silver spoon who is orating on the plight of the poor?

    suck my dick.

    heh, i used to date way out of my age range and make friends the same way… as you get older that will balance out a lot… but never all the way. makes perfect sense, i was the same way and it’s only now that i find people my age more interesting.

    vent on, that’s what my blog is FOR

    Comment by sassinak — May 4, 2006 @ 1:08 pm | Reply

  62. Thanks Sass all this does really help. :)


    Comment by HuneeB — May 4, 2006 @ 2:48 pm | Reply

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