snapshots of an idle mind

September 29, 2006

empty vessel

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 6:40 pm

.
i’m trying really hard to force myself to go looking for more pilates work and i can’t seem to make myself. it’s not that i don’t want more work because i really do. it’s just that i hate marketing myself.

it would be so much easier if i could make cold calls easily and i try to make myself make three a day but i’m lucky if i make three a week. hell returning calls from my existing clients is hard as hell and email is harder.

i just want to go work somewhere where clients come in the door and other people check the messages on the days when i can’t bear to talk. or even better somewhere where someone else entirely is responsible for my schedule and for money.

man it almost sounds like i want to work in an industrial studio. one of those places with a receptionist and the like. so strange to think that way when i always wanted to work somewhere small and quiet.

none of it is true anyway, i just hate looking for clients.

i know that’s ridiculous and i get that that’s a big part of my job but i got spoiled when clients were being sent to me and because that’s so much where i want to be and who i want to work with it’s hard to pursue regular folks.

i miss the clients the doctor sent me, i’m not sure why he stopped but he did and i miss them. i miss not having to look for work but i miss the clients more. they were FUN.

these were people who hurt and had problems and really needed me. they felt better after they saw me and many of them continue to see me to this day. but i need new ones and regular old healthy clients just are not as much fun.

i got spoiled by the tough ones.

how funny is that.

i also need to find a couple of new group classes, three of the ones i was teaching are dead and one more is dying. so i have to replace them because group and privates feed each other.

gah it’s so hard to care when i’m this unmotivated and i can almost afford my life.

i just can’t afford school.
.

this is how blah i am… i’m so blah i haven’t been CLIMBING.

yeah.

i just have nothing to say.. i’m all empty vessel waiting for filling.
.

it’s okay to be blah right? i mean it’s fall, it’s prepare to hibernate season, some blah is to be expected…

but what do i do about work?

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11 Comments »

  1. I vote, call that doctor and find out why he isn’t sending people to you any more. Maybe he just lost your number…or maybe he heard some rumour…or maybe something else. Either way, you really need to know.

    Hugs,
    Joanna

    Comment by jo_jo — September 29, 2006 @ 9:35 pm | Reply

  2. this is like winter for your soul, i think. it’s quiet, it seems like there’s not much going on… but soon enough, spring will be here, and you’ll be filled with new thoughts and ideas and plans.

    and i don’t think it’s weird at all that the healthy clients are kinda boring for you. they’re not as challenging. and you like those challenges.

    plus, as a nurturer, you get to help put the broken clients back together… and that must be an amazing feeling.

    Comment by terry — September 29, 2006 @ 9:36 pm | Reply

  3. ditto to what Terri said…hmm easy ways to market yourself…

    give business cards to existing clients to pass out…or do some sort of refer a client free/discounted lesson barter…much more likely to refer people when they get something out of it. Or do a free craig’s list ad… call up a couple of rehab places and send them a pile of your cards, don’t you have a website too? Have Hubris help you make one! Tack flyers with your name and number in coffee shops and small little cool places…

    …but you still have to call them back…

    Sass I do notice that your moods are highly connected to the seasons and weather so keep your head up babe, I am sure this will pass along when it is time

    Comment by HuneeB — September 29, 2006 @ 10:29 pm | Reply

  4. hey … you handle work like I handle romance … hate looking for it and want it to come to me … LOL

    Comment by DZER — September 30, 2006 @ 8:42 am | Reply

  5. jo_jo: i think i know, i’m just not putting the why online because it has nothing to do with work. and i am working on it.

    *hugs*

    terry: i love this image of winter for my soul. that’s just what it feels like, and it doesn’t feel unhealthy or bad, just … well i keep using the word hibernating.

    i really do like the challenges, i got spoiled with them.

    i am a major nurturer yes, it’s nice to have a job that lets me channel it, makes the frustration of not having a kid a little easier to bear. when they tell me it doesn’t hurt anymore or that they feel better? it makes my day.

    hunee: i was thinking of doing a referral program. refer a friend, if they come five times you get one free. or something.

    the website isn’t finished yet. we’re slow in these parts… i’ve tacked my cards up in coffee shops before and that doesn’t work. no one takes you seriously.

    craig’s list… now that i had not thought of….

    i can call back okay, i’m terrible at cold calls.

    my moods are massively connected to weather, it’s what happens when you decide to surf the moon menstrually. (easy to do, just pay a lot of attention to the moon and notice when your cycle falls with regard to the moon and soon you’re getting your period with the new moon. it’s funny what an effect fall/harvest is having on me though!

    dzer: rofl!

    me too!

    Comment by sassinak — September 30, 2006 @ 10:51 am | Reply

  6. Ok, I am not going to comment on the job part…too easy. You are facing something that almost all face at some point…continue to do what you love, in a manner that is you…or make bigger money and not have the same happiness. I vote for happiness every time. You will live longer, look better, and feel more…hope all is well…

    Comment by Casually Me — September 30, 2006 @ 11:56 am | Reply

  7. self marketing is kinda the reason it took me this long to let go of a few cleaning clients.

    try thinking of it as getting dirty for the sake of survival.

    Comment by Hubris — October 1, 2006 @ 8:35 am | Reply

  8. it’s all about self-discipline.

    try: ‘Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind: Informal talks on Zen meditation and practice’ by Shunryu Suzuki.

    it is not always necessary to do exactly what Zen meditation requires. however, the spirit of Zen meditation is a great requirement for the self-discipline we need.

    human beings are extremely dynamic creatures when they function according to their evolutionary heritage. they don’t wait around as ’empty vessels waiting for filling’. that is contrary to our natures and thus destructive. as you have observed yourself, you want to withdraw, hibernate. this is because by perceiving yourself as a passive recipient of life’s dynnamism, you deny your full humanity.

    to succeed in whatever you choose, you must be able to construct a plan, a vision. then you must proceed to make this vision a reality. nothing succeeds through random chance.

    Comment by gabriella — October 1, 2006 @ 1:45 pm | Reply

  9. cas: fair enough. i vote for happiness myself which is why i don’t go find a job in an industrial studio. it’s just hard to ALWAYS be on you know? when you work for yourself you have to be and i’m currently *not*

    hubris: i know.

    i do think of it that way it’s just… i just can’t make myself do it right now even though i need to.

    gabi: i have decent self-discipline most of the time but i sure haven’t got it right now. i can tell because my eating habits are taking a dump.

    i’ve been thinking of taking a meditation class, do you think i would be better served by that or a book?

    i agree with you about humans being dynamic but i’m not sure i agree that it’s destructive to take time to just be quiet in yourself. although this is not a convenient time for this it feels pretty good.

    i don’t think my work will succeed by random chance and i do have a plan. it’s not a specific plan like ‘i will call x for work’ but i have plans for the education i want and the studio i intend to work in and the like.

    making it a reality is a little harder but when i compare this time last year to now? i’m doing better…

    Comment by sassinak — October 2, 2006 @ 12:46 am | Reply

  10. Suzuki’s book is quite short. you can’t read it through because it’s individual talks he gave. but it really got to me.

    there’s lots of things everyone needs to do in order to get to do the things we really enjoy doing. having down time is fine as long as it is in the context of having up time. if it is taking away from your ability to get the support work done, then it is interfering with your life.

    obviously you have self-discipline or you never ever would have gone from being a broken car accident victim to a svelte pilates instructor. i just KNEW you’d defend yourself when i wrote that this is a self-discipline issue. however, there are plenty of ‘subject headings’ for self discipline. for example, what about the guy who writes brilliant essays which are published in big money magazines but who never takes a bath? lack of self discipline paid to self care. right? or the person who earns a really good income because they do a great job, but can’t discipline themselves to properly handle the money once it is theirs so they are broke all the time.

    we all have aspects of our lives where self discipline is not as strong as in others. emotional self discipline is difficult for many people. they think of something they need to do and then permit their thoughts and then the emotions those thoughts elicit to create a fear response which freezes them in their steps. a fear response based on the fantasy of the imagination; not on the reality of an event that has yet to occur.

    this is where meditation comes in handy. it teaches us that there are thoughts that can elicit emotions. we can control our thoughts and we can control our emotions especially when they result in somehow truncating our full experience of life. or prevent us realizing our professional plans.

    i think the fundamental problem you are having, in general, whether it’s about being in a relationship or promoting yourself is fear of rejection. you give way way too much value to what some person may or may not do when you approach them. but there are what, more than 6 billion people on this planet. context is all. if a few of them don’t respond favourably, there’s lots of others out there.

    the problem isn’t the public/potential student/potential mate. the problem is the person who invests way too much emotionally in any given encounter so that they involute after not achieving the most positive outcome from a given interaction.

    if a person is always considering the devastating effects of a rejection, that person cannot present themselves in a fully positive way to a potential client.

    Comment by gabriella — October 2, 2006 @ 7:29 am | Reply

  11. Sorry if you’ve already thought of this: Market yourself to other DOCTORS. (Think about it: There are millions of people in the greater Toronto area, but a lot less doctors, so even 2 or 3 that will give you referrals could theoretically kick ass for you. Try offering a couple free lessons to them or a family member of theirs if they send you X number of referrals. EVERYONE likes free stuff! And that way, instead of paying for advertising with cash, in effect, you’ve bartered for it.)

    Maybe even try chiropractors. Maybe even co-market with massage therapists.

    Also, since many would consider what you do sort of New-Age-y (please don’t take that as a knock, cuz it isn’t), you may want to try putting business cards or flyers at the kind of shops where they have psychic readings, sell crystals, etc.

    BTW, cheap business cards: http://www.vistaprint.com (I’m not affiliated with them in any way.)

    I hope more work comes your way, regardless of what direction it comes from.

    Comment by Jim McKee — October 27, 2006 @ 1:00 pm | Reply


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