snapshots of an idle mind

October 17, 2006

thought provoking

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 1:23 am

this is a piece of a comment that gabriella left on empty vessel.

we all have aspects of our lives where self discipline is not as strong as in others. emotional self discipline is difficult for many people. they think of something they need to do and then permit their thoughts and then the emotions those thoughts elicit to create a fear response which freezes them in their steps. a fear response based on the fantasy of the imagination; not on the reality of an event that has yet to occur.

this is where meditation comes in handy. it teaches us that there are thoughts that can elicit emotions. we can control our thoughts and we can control our emotions especially when they result in somehow truncating our full experience of life. or prevent us realizing our professional plans.

i think the fundamental problem you are having, in general, whether it’s about being in a relationship or promoting yourself is fear of rejection. you give way way too much value to what some person may or may not do when you approach them. but there are what, more than 6 billion people on this planet. context is all. if a few of them don’t respond favourably, there’s lots of others out there.

the problem isn’t the public/potential student/potential mate. the problem is the person who invests way too much emotionally in any given encounter so that they involute after not achieving the most positive outcome from a given interaction.

if a person is always considering the devastating effects of a rejection, that person cannot present themselves in a fully positive way to a potential client.

now this is one of those things that you read you know? and then you read it again about a week later. and then you read it a little while later.

and then you go ask a guy out
or you call up a bunch of your old clients
or you go take classes with dianne miller [second generation legendary teacher]
or you decide to GO to the party this weekend that you heard about instead of just thinking about it.

or you just read this one sentence again and again:

there are what, more than 6 billion people on this planet. context is all. if a few of them don’t respond favourably, there’s lots of others out there.

holy holy shit.

what a freeing sentiment. i mean don’t get me wrong, i’m a child of my upbringing, i will still strive for perfection and be unsatisfied with my own accomplishments. i will still worry about ‘enough’ in all senses of the word (and some you aren’t thinking of) … at least for a while.

but yeah. six billion.

i could embarass myself in front of every single person i ever meet and STILL meet new people every day. i could do anything i want anywhere i want because you know, six billion people.

seriously the more i think about it the more eased i feel. i can’t explain it. i’ve known for a while that you have to make choices based on your inner eighty and eight year olds. they’re way smarter than you are because they aren’t currently the ones feeling mortified. and neither of them thinks with their nads.

and thinking with 8(0) year old me has helped to free me up from my fears and challenges and expectations for sure. in fact they’re usually the ones who decide the important things with me lobbying for something lame in the background. i do have overrule power but they’re always right those bitches.

but i hadn’t taken into consideration the six billion people. holy hell that’s a lot of people.

i can do anything i want and nobody gives a shit. and if they DO give a shit? there’s five billion nine hundred and ninety nine million nine hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine more (give or take nine million of them or so) people out there who don’t!

wow!

wow!

that’s!

*giant sigh*

so freaking liberating i don’t have words.

seriously, go read that comment up there again.

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21 Comments »

  1. That is indeed a freeing thought. And think about all the people that have embarrassed themselves in public on TV or something or other and have lived it down. You know what is freeing to me? The thought that every second that passes is a chance to turn it all around.

    Also…I love being first!

    -N

    Comment by Natalia — October 17, 2006 @ 9:26 am | Reply

  2. Wow……what an eye opener

    I need to sit back and think about this one.

    Wow.

    Comment by Kristen — October 17, 2006 @ 8:03 pm | Reply

  3. that definitely makes me feel better, considering that i make a fool out of myself on a regular basis. you might even call it a hobby.

    Comment by terry — October 17, 2006 @ 9:47 pm | Reply

  4. I needed that one.

    Especially because I was coming by your blog in order to beg for a reality check.

    Precognitive?

    Comment by PrincessValium — October 18, 2006 @ 12:20 am | Reply

  5. Gabriella sounds like a wise woman. Thanks for republishing her comment, because we can all use these sorts of inspirations from time to time.

    Comment by othercat — October 18, 2006 @ 12:26 am | Reply

  6. nat: it gets more freeing the longer you think about it too.

    you can live anything down if you want to. or you can move to another place and start anew. anything you want. that’s pretty cool.

    yay for first!

    kj: yeah that’s how it hits me too.

    come back and read it again later, it helps.

    terry: i know eh? me too!

    Comment by sassinak — October 18, 2006 @ 12:27 am | Reply

  7. PV: i don’t really know but it’s funny how often that sort of thing happens with my posts. i don’t get it but i think it’s cool!

    i am an empath…

    othercat: she is, i’ll introduce you sometimes. she’s also nuts but so is everyone else i like so what the fuck right?

    and yeah, we really really can :)

    Comment by sassinak — October 18, 2006 @ 12:28 am | Reply

  8. Nuts is the new black.

    Comment by princessvalium — October 18, 2006 @ 9:42 am | Reply

  9. six billion people, true. but the one of the six billion you have your sites set on not reacting favorably hurts, even if there are a ton more fish in the sea identical to them.

    Comment by da buttah — October 18, 2006 @ 11:14 am | Reply

  10. pv: well said. care to join me in a side order of nutella with our nuts? :)

    elle: but see the thing with the six billion people idea is that you give up setting your sights on someone. you’re intrigued, you ask him out, he says no/yes/maybe/i’m gay, you move on.

    it’s much better then you’re intrigued, you get desperately crushy, you don’t do anything about it, you run scenarios in your head the one more ridiculous than the other, finally two years later you make a comment about being into them and they’re like ‘no sorry’ and you’re devastated. with the six billion other people around maybe we can afford to skip the two years of torture?

    :)

    Comment by sassinak — October 18, 2006 @ 1:28 pm | Reply

  11. i guess i just don’t see how the fact there are 6 billion people in the world negates the scenarios and torture of liking a single individual.

    guess i’m crazy.

    Comment by da buttah — October 18, 2006 @ 2:57 pm | Reply

  12. i don’t think you’re nuts at all.

    i just think that i no longer have the energy, time or patience required to fall in like with another human unless or until i find a reason to do so.

    there’s a man i am interested in right now and if i didn’t know there was going to be specific social interaction very soon i would have asked him out already. in fact when i went to ask him out he invited me to a party before i could.

    but at said shindig i will make some sort of move and if he doesn’t like me back i will move on. the torture comes from the long drawn out bullshit. well for ME it does.

    i fall for men and get stupid about them (come on you know what i mean you saw me do it last year :) ) instead of just dealing with it and asking them out and moving on.

    for me the pain comes from the agony of wondering so i say ‘fuck it’ and will ask them out. that don’t work i will move on.

    that don’t work? *shrug* worry about that when the time comes :)

    Comment by sassinak — October 18, 2006 @ 3:48 pm | Reply

  13. da buttah, that’s all just ego. what we should have in our lives is people who want to be with us because we want to be with them.

    in my profession i’ve had literally hundreds of people ‘reject’ me. there are degrees of ‘rejection’. most of the time it doesn’t matter at all. people have their own motives and their own whatevers. there are enough people who don’t ‘reject’. getting an attitude on because there are those who do won’t attract anyone new. that’s a fact.

    oh btw ms sass, on november 1st i’m celebrating Scorpio Day at my office (seeing as how it’s my birthday) and my other Scorpio patients who are always beating me to the ‘happy birthday’ phone calls are being invited. they are a truly cool bunch…..even though you are not a Scorpio (but some inferior astrological sign) i’m inviting you. there’s wine, food, dessert between 2p.m. and 6 p.m.
    (fuck…. i’m totally insane. i’m trying to not think about that. thing is i’m also welcoming and introduing my new office manager.)

    Comment by gabriella — October 18, 2006 @ 9:19 pm | Reply

  14. That is a very liberating way to think of it. We tend to limit ourselves in life… well my job is this, or my “type” preference is that… or worse, we place limitations based on our beliefs and expectations of what other people think of us: I’m not HIS type (nevermind if he’s yours), I only have X experience, etc.

    There are always new people and new experiences waiting just round the corner.

    Comment by JMai — October 18, 2006 @ 10:21 pm | Reply

  15. I’m not a huge fan of the whole discipline thing. I go to the gym because I like it, not because I have to. I fall in love because I need to, not because I am going to get hurt on the other end. If the world can’t take a joke, I say fuck em. This whole life experience thing is a good time, during the good and the bad. I remember lying on the sidewalk long ago. I was actually a few days away from finals while attending law school out in San Diego. I was homeless. the VA was paying for school…but not a place to live. I was drunker than hell and just lying on the sidewalk trying to figure out how to get into another bar, they were kicking me out that day…not sure why…lol. Anyway, this old drunk, he was homeless as well…told me that I had better get sober, or I was going to die. I laughed my ass off as he was right, it was funny, and I didn’t feel like crying. It was funny because as he was telling me this, his urine stained pants were falling down. See, life can be fun.

    Comment by Casually Me — October 19, 2006 @ 10:41 am | Reply

  16. gabi: well put. have you thought of writing a self help book?

    look y’all she did it again:
    what we should have in our lives is people who want to be with us because we want to be with them.

    i keep about forty percent of the clients i start out doing privates with and that is an extremely good average. over time as lives change it drops to thirty or so but i consider anyone who stays at least six months to be a success.

    they tell us that in any group of one hundred people 25% will hate us, 50% will be indifferent and 25% will like us. nice… makes it easier not to care when they don’t like you back.

    i tend to work through about half of that time slot but hopefully i can come by for a bit. i can’t remember what floor you’re on though.

    (we’re all nuts darlin’ you cope better than most – new office manager??)

    jmai: it really is isn’t it? i love this idea that life is always an exploration of who ‘yourself’ actually is…

    and gabi makes it even easier.

    you did that to yourself with the new job you have didn’t you? funny how wrong we are.

    cas: i pick sports that i like for the same reason. i dislike weightlifting so i rock climb. you just have to do SOMETHING!

    i actually agree with everything you say but i still want to change my personal policies to something less ridiculous…

    and wow. wow. i’ve been drunk but not that drunk and wow, that must change you forever.

    that’s pretty tragic funny but funny nonetheless.

    Comment by sassinak — October 19, 2006 @ 3:08 pm | Reply

  17. I missed the funny.

    Comment by princessvalium — October 20, 2006 @ 12:01 am | Reply

  18. pv it helps if you read his blog… then the humour makes more sense :)

    Comment by sassinak — October 20, 2006 @ 1:28 am | Reply

  19. Its awesome to be part of the blog.
    Gab, very well said and put.
    Yup, sass, it is liberating.

    I went through hell, when my emotions had gone haywire, they wanted something that was not possible, it was one directional and it was in office and it hurt. It made me so damn weak, confused and mad. I went through some meditation and it kick-assed. I was able to take some hard decisions, and my life improved overall. The overall effect was to empower me to face challenges, and not be afraid of doing something what someone else might think as stupid. Yup i lost something, but gained peace of mind, which was very important to me.

    There are ways to do a job, some ways are more advanced than others and more effective. I believe meditation is one such tool to get you back on track in life during your down time.

    I have been through two courses one is called Vipassana Meditation. This one was pretty hard, but the result extremely satisfying. http://buddhismcanada.com/events.html
    The other one is Art of Living, from which i did two courses. I found this more fun and easy to follow. Practising the exercises almost daily.
    http://www.artoflivingtoronto.org/Courses_BASIC_GTA.htm

    Yeah there are parts of my life that suck, but yeah i am working on it and damn wouldn’t life be boring if i was perfect;-). Yeah but meditation is cool.

    The most awesome thing i like about this blog is that everyone speaks their hearts out. It is great to be a part of it and educating as well.

    Thanks sass for that.
    Cheers
    Hemant

    Comment by Hemant Kumar — October 21, 2006 @ 3:43 am | Reply

  20. hemant: it’s awesome to have people like you be a part of it. without y’all it wouldn’t work.

    i had a similar experience to you and i didn’t get what i wanted either, and in the long run i’m grateful for it! life would be terrible if i’d gotten what i wanted… and i wouldn’t have learned or changed.

    i agree with you about meditation although i don’t really practise it. i do practice awareness and i make music and for me making music feels the way they tell you meditating should…

    i know that meditation would help me i really do and i don’t know why i’m so resistant to it but i am.

    life would be boring if it were perfect but that’s no reason to stop imrpoving.

    and yes, that’s the best part of this blog for sure, and i am grateful to everyone here for keeping it a safe place to be real. i think i learn the most but i’m glad we all learn.

    you’re welcome. thanks for joining us.
    :)

    Comment by sassinak — October 23, 2006 @ 1:09 am | Reply

  21. Bush goes ballistic about other countries being evil and dangerous, because they have weapons of mass destruction. But, he insists on building up even a more deadly supply of nuclear arms right here in the US. What do you think? Is killing thousands of innocent civilians okay when you are doing a little government makeover?
    Are we safer today than we were before?
    The more people that the government puts in jails, the safer we are told to think we are. The real terrorists are wherever they are, but they aren’t living in a country with bars on the windows. We are.

    Comment by Antibush — February 15, 2007 @ 11:15 pm | Reply


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