snapshots of an idle mind

November 30, 2006

oddities

Filed under: random,tags,Uncategorized — sassinak @ 11:59 pm

According to the rules…Each player of this game starts with the “6 weird things about you”. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog. I was tagged by pyrhonik.

1. i tell off people for littering and parking badly (on my street) and various other little old lady things like that. some boys think it’s attractive, some people think i’m a freak.

sometimes i tell myself off before i do it.

sometimes i plan to key people’s cars for being particularly obnoxious…

but i never do.

2. i get really involved with the characters on television.

like i’ll be watching and something will happen and i will already know what the characters are about to say. often i’ll say it out loud and people will stop and stare at me.

how did you know that? i just did, i know what the characters are *like*

sometimes i’ll yell at the tv or shout or cringe. i’ve been known to hide my eyes when the character is about to do something dreadfully embarrassing.

there are entire types of shows i can’t watch because they’re too embarrassing OR they’re ridiculously unrealistic (think lawyer shows for example… i know just enough law not to be able to watch them…)

3. instead of putting my cat to sleep when she was dying of jaw cancer i fed her through a tube.

to this day i swear she asked me to do that just like i think my cats named themselves.

if this is too strange for you i don’t give a shit.

4. i say what i think although i sometimes try to make it a little nicer.

like i might not tell you that i think your friend is an unadulterated ass and a moron but i might say that she and i can’t seem to connect. so i guess i’m perfectly willing to tell the truth but i do feel like maybe there are degrees of truth.

there just doesn’t seem to be any need to be more mean than you have to be to get your point across.

this is not true the four days before and the first day of my period.

5. i don’t understand where the pilates teacher inside me comes from. i never knew anyone like her and i never ever would have expected to be her and there she was.

she sprang fully-formed from my forehead and started sucking up information as fast as she possibly could. she’s still doing it and i don’t expect her to stop.

the fascination with pilates and movement isn’t that surprising, it’s how much i love to share it that i didn’t expect.

watching someong *get* what i’m teaching them?

seeing their bodies heal and recover and come back to them?

wow. no idea how much i was going to get off on that!

6. i love people who don’t love me and even when i have it proven to me in painful and unrecoverable ways i sometimes don’t get over them anyway.

every man i meet is a potential date.

i think they sense this and run in the opposite direction.

and i tag othercat, madame, amber, jmai (tag nat!), kathi and hubris :)

November 28, 2006

perspective

Filed under: life,responsibility,Uncategorized — sassinak @ 1:29 pm

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it’s funny what power perspective plays on our interactions with our friends and loved ones and of course the world around us. whether we like to admit it or not our views of the universe colour our every interaction.

so too do more nebulous things that are much harder to sort out.

the easiest example is the one night stand i had moons ago with a slender man who had laughing eyes and dirty blonde hair and a military style cut that was a little long on top. those who have known me a long time know that this describes my ex husband perfectly.

a more distant and yet related example happened a couple of years ago when i hugged a man i had known for years and felt my knees wobble.

yes, actually wobble and lose strength.

i was stunned, was i actually into this man i had known for ages? how did things suddenly get all weird and shifty? and this went on for a while, me looking at this man and wondering what the hell caused that response when i’d hugged him a million times before.

and then i realised something. the man is an ironworker and had worked all day and for once hadn’t had a chance to shower before i saw him.

my ex-husband? mechanic.

see that? old grease, fresh oil and freshly worked man sweat and sass’s knees buckled.

none of it had to do with the man that i was actually hugging though, it was all old pheremone pathways being reactivated.

if you’re wondering how the sex was with my ex husband? that ain’t what split us up.

it makes sense that my body is looking for another man like him, it *liked* him. it thought he was fun and that his boy bits fit splendidly well with my girl bits. my body liked him so much it wanted things from and with him that it’s never wanted again.

my body? pretty smart, cause that boy was a lot of fun… in the sack. too bad about the rest of it.

regardless, i have pheremone pathways laid down by that man that will be with me forever. i find out a man is in construction or something and i get a little hotter for him… mmmm he works with his hands and probably has muscles and isn’t afraid of work and sweat and *drooool*

never doubt that mr. sass put those pathways there… except maybe he was just following earlier pathways laid down by my dad? my dad who rebuilt every house i ever lived in and taught me that real men like to work and like to cook and like to read and teach and can still act like kids with their kids.

what dictates what i’m attracted to? me? not likely.

even more interesting though, what sets off your rage or anger or hurt?

all twenty five of my remaining readers *g* have buttons. all of you and all of your friends and everyone in the world you will ever meet has buttons.

random things that just set them off for no apparent reason.

there’s always a reason, you may trace it to childhood, to an ex partner or an ex boss, to your parents or your teachers or your siblings or your friends or anywhere, but your buttons come from somewhere.

they come from things people have done to you, things you’ve seen, things you’ve done to others and stories you’ve heard and read along with the experiences of the loved ones around you.

they come from falling off the top step and eating bad spinach and being forced to eat things you hate and from breaking your leg skiing and from being allowed to eat with your eyes and from privation and excess and want and privilege.

everyone has buttons but not too many people look at where they come from.

not too many people look at the things that set them off with any kind of wonder or curiousity. they often fail to notice the patterns that swirl endlessly about them and often find themselves repeating again and again.

it’s interesting to observe this phenomenon over time through my clients.

some of them seem to be just lost in the morass of their struggles and since i mostly meet people at the lowest or one of the lowest points of their lives i tend to see them first when they’re lost in it.

when they feel hopeless and broken and like there isn’t any hope for them.

their bodies have betrayed them and their minds are following.  lack of sleep and  constant pain tends to steal about twenty percent of your waking brain power after a while and thus every day is a little harder than the last and you’re starting your day at a deficit compared to everyone else you know.

lack of or broken sleep leads to anxiety and depression and hopelessness and all of these people deal with it in such different ways.

some of them cry often but keep their cheerful demeanors despite everything.

some of them get irritable and hopeless but keep trying dammit.

some just refuse to let this crap affect them and carry their sunniness around.  i wonder what’s going on inside these ones.

some of them just believe that i can save them… and it scares me that someday i won’t be able to.

some of them give up… and those ones are the ones most likely to never do their homework and yet claim that they’ve given pilates ‘a good try’ but that it ‘clearly can’t help them.’

uh dude?  if you don’t DO IT?  nothing can help you.

and i can tell that for some of these people this is just a repeat of a lesson they’ve already had and that for others it’s new… but watching people heal and seeing how their brains begin to recover is really amazing.

it’s funny, i sometimes think that each week i meet a new person… and it’s kind of true because in all cases as they feel better their natures seem to revert to whatever they really are.

that said, when they’ve been broken for a long time sometimes (like me) their brains don’t *really* break until their bodies are well on the way to recovery.

these people inspire me every day and i’m just grateful that in return i can offer them a little hope.

not to mention the perspective *i* gain from them.  oh right, i’m not broken anymore, i’m only a little tweaked or something… broken is the lady i’m taking to my teacher today… right….!

is it wrong that that makes me feel better too?

cool part is that she makes me feel better by remembering being that broken and realising i’m not anymore BUT *i* make her feel better by knowing for real how she feels and becaue *i* got better.

perspective, gotta love it.

November 24, 2006

sleeeeeeeeep

Filed under: exercise,life,random,Uncategorized — sassinak @ 12:05 pm

.

i have been sleeping badly for days.

what’s interesting about this are the things that are also happening:

i’m craving bad food.

i’m staying up too late.

i’ve given my privates with my teacher away to my clients twice in the last month.

i’m watching a lot of tv.

i’m cranky.

i don’t feel like exercising.

i wake up at least five times every night.  for a while.

i haven’t been doing my pilates homework.

i’ve gained some weight.

i keep hurting myself climbing (falling) which is not helping matters.

i don’t feel like climbing (see above for why.)

i’m being a stress puppy for whatever reason.

i’m not being nice to my friends… and that leads to a vicious circle big time.

i’m exhausted.

i’m having trouble making work phone calls that i *need* to make.

generally, i just feel like shit. this means that teaching is a lot harder because i have to work way more to find the teacher inside myself. i teach from deep within me in a place that i need to be okay to find.

otherwise i have to teach from my brain and that can get me in to a lot of trouble.

i mean it’s not that i’m bad when i teach from my brain instead of that magical other place it’s that i’m not magical. and i can tell when i’m not magical because the response isn’t as good. it’s still good but it’s not as good.

i’ve taught exhausted and still been magical before but the rest of it wasn’t there to go with it. this combination of poor nutrition and lack of sleep and exercise is putting a sharp edge on me.

an edge i thought i might have gotten rid of after i was mostly fixed from my accident.

i guess just getting in shape doesn’t fix those things, i guess you have to put your brain and you heart into shape as well. what’s unfortunate is that cardio doesn’t fix your heart.

well it does, but not the emotional part.

okay that too a little because it gives you endorphins and gets your blood circulating more easily and that helps you sleep better.

both times i was supposed to do cardio this week i was thwarted. i was going to go wednesday but my early client cancelled and i didn’t successfully drag myself out of bed.

this morning? some fucking child peed in the pool and it was closed so they could shock clean it.

it reopened, just in time for aquafit but not in time for me.

i guess i could take an aquafit class but … how to put this… i’ve seen the participants and i fear i would fail to find it challenging. i actually whined out loud when i saw the pool closed sign.

loud enough someone behind me asked what was wrong.

i really needed the swim.

November 22, 2006

dating et al

Filed under: blogging,dating,random,Uncategorized — sassinak @ 3:23 pm

.

so

wordpress got it’s first post today.

there i was three quarters of the way through and cruising along and then my browser up and crashed and the post is gone. if this were blogger i wouldn’t be surprised but see they have AUTOSAVE here.

what the fuck?

why isn’t my autosaved post still here post crash? isn’t that the point? i am perturbed.

.

so i’ve been online dating again.

i’m sorry, it happened by accident. i wasn’t like expecting it you know?

i joined this website and made a cursory profile (required to join) so i could look at the pictures of the half nekkid and all the way nekkid men on there.

and so, if i’m really bored or they send me an email to tell me something they consider important i’ll go login… and come on, it’s fun to open your email and find cock pictures in it.

what? it is.

anyway most of the email i get is from married men or it’s inane. this is funny because this is my profile:

sassinak’s profile: really i’m just eyeing up the pictures. i know that’s probably a bad reason to make a profile but well. i don’t object to meeting someone here but i’m very strict on my no married men policy and i find it hard to imagine that would be easy to manage here.

my ideal person: consideration, sense of adventure, a gentle touch, teeth, fitness, brains, confidence and fun.

  • gender: woman
  • birthdate: august 12, 1971
  • sexual orientation: bi-curious
  • lives in: toronto, on
  • marital status: divorced 
  • height: 177-178cm
  • body type: athletic
  • smoker: no
  • drinker: light/social
  • education: prefer not to say
  • race: caucasian
  •  bra size: c
  • speaks: english
  • hair color: brown
  • hair length: medium
  • eye color: green
  • glasses/contacts: none 

and that’s it.

that’s my WHOLE profile.

and i got a lot of emails on my first day and in my first week and then they trickled off. i didn’t mind, i mean after a while i’d even seen enough cocks.

shush madame it is so possible!

well it never lasts of course and then i want more pictures but whatever.

anyway after the initial deluge it trickled off and then i started to get one to five messages a week… and some of those indicated that someone has in fact READ my profile.

can you imagine?

i know it’s short but i got so much stuff from married men i didn’t understand it. i mean it’s like the only thing i specify!

anyway now that my profile is going stale the emails are getting really good. good enough that i answered a couple.

the first guy was kind of a dud. really good to start with and then just got all stupid.

seriously y’all do not tell a girl you are free all weekend and then say no to her suggested time cause stuff came up.

then add on rebooking the time you finally pick three times before cancelling.

then when she says tuesday or wednesday and you say either and she says wednesday? don’t fucking tell her you missed that you had raptors tickets.

one? dude it’s canada, watch hockey.

two? if you don’t know on monday morning that you have raptors tickets for wednesday? you’re kind of an idiot. anyway i have become unavailable to his emails.

dude managed to use up all his shots before i ever met him. so of course i won’t bother meeting him.

in the meantime? excellent email number two arrives.

no cock shot +5

read my profile and referenced it +3

said something funny +3

kept it brief +1

failed to use u or r or any textism like that +10

didn’t demand instant sex or instant hotchat +10

didn’t call me honey or sweetie or babe + 2

so like a week later i answered his email and now we’re chatting and this dude is pretty interesting. why is it that my odds are actually better on a site dedicated to finding people to fuck? is it that because of that people are intrinsically more honest and more selective about what they want?

i really specifically don’t want a married guy or three pictures of your dick before i’ve ever met you. i don’t want to form opinions about you based on the fact that there’s a picture of your dick entering a woman’s vagina on your profile. well i do want to form those opinions and they go along the lines of “that’s all well and good for you free and casual folks but i prefer my sex with a dash of intimacy sorry”

the thing is? that’s fine! they’re not going to message me either, i’m not interesting and i didn’t post a crotch shot, why would they want to? other than the hit every new profile gets those folks are going to leave me alone.

so somehow, here where it’s explicit and eighteen plus you have people being much more honest about what they want and somehow we all just fall to our correct strata. cock and vagina shot people to the left, face and no pic people to the right. excellent. now shot of penis in mouth or vagina people to the left again and half naked torso and briefs to the right again and ahh now we’re getting somewhere.

people self select to their own level. it’s freaking brilliant.

it’s like the sedentary rock of dating it is.

and when you consider how many relationships break up over sex? maybe it’s not such a bad place to start. and i don’t mean one night stands or fucking to select a partner. i mean admitting you have a sex drive and what kind it is…

on this site? you can even pick what you really want:

Erotic Chat/Email/Phone Fantasies
1-on-1 sex
Discreet Relationship
Group sex(3 or more)
Bondage & Discipline
Cross-Dressing
Exhibitionism & Voyeurism
Sadism & Masochism
Miscellaneous Fetishes
Other “Alternative” Activities

it’s weird y’all, somehow it’s more honest.

do i expect to meet anyone? god no, but i’m already having a lot more fun

November 17, 2006

a plug, and a retaliation

Filed under: dating — sassinak @ 1:15 am

first?

go read this article called “Guidelines for Platonic Friendship – Some sensible rules and regulations to avoid any confusion in a male-female friendship.”

no really go, it’s really good and i’m going to discuss it so you might as well read it right? seriously go read it, i’m not starting this post until you do. [feel free to comment on the article before you read my post and then comment again on my comments… er english sass…]

*taps foot*

*looks impatient*

for the record, anyone who is now going to say that “instant sex” means rape can just fuck off. he’s clearly writing with humour and obviously just means that he’ll try to jump you. nowhere does he say that noes won’t be accepted.

also for the record, i’m really here to address the responses i read on the net to this article (it got farked, i’m not the first to comment)

regarding in order:

1. No hugging for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your boobies are pressing against me. We have hands; lets shake them.

fucking right. do not hug me if you know i am into you and you are not into me. yes i’m looking at any man i’ve ever informed i liked who didn’t claim to like me back.

your skin on any part of my body is not required for us to be friends, if you persist in touching me i will be rendered confused and more heartbroken than i already am.

2. No sleepovers. I think of all women who sleep in bed with me as potential sex partners. I spend all my free time trying to coax women in, so if you get in there, I can’t help but think you want some. If you or I need a place to crash sometime, then we should employ a couch. The breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex.

word

3. No seat sharing. When girls sit on the arm of my chair or in my lap or next to me in a one-person seat, it makes me think that she wants some sexing. A possible exception is fitting an extra person in a car that is filled to capacity. I can’t let my passion hurt the quest to maximize a designated driver, but be warned; it might not be the seat belt poking you.

this is stupid… unless or until there’s an empty chair beside her she isn’t using. then she’s a tease. conversely boys? if you don’t want to fuck me and we haven’t had this conversation already?

don’t offer me your lap to sit in.

4. No flirting. So if you laugh at a joke of mine, it better be a funny joke.

that sort of implies that we share the same sense of humour. otherwise what if i think it’s funny and you don’t?

5. No judgment making on any girl that I see. Good or bad, it’s the guy friends’ job to belittle and pick apart girlfriends, if a woman does this, it means she wants the guy for herself. So you think she is trashy and dumb? Well, you could have dated me but you just wanted to be friends.

i partially agree and partially don’t. sometimes we actually need to share opposite sex experience. all your guy friends might think she’s awesome but i still might see that she’s playing you.

this applies in reverse ‘sass you’re in love with a poser who treats you bad’ might get me to think… a month later mind you, but i’ll hear you eventually.

that’s it though, after that shut the fuck up.

6. No judgment making on how I treat any girl I might date, be it for six months, or six hours. You have thrown your log onto the fire of chauvinism in my heart, so you are partially to blame if an innocent girl gets burned.

dude? if you treat a girl bad i’m going to get in your face about it, and i would expect the same from you.

oh yeah and? if i’m not allowed to treat all men like shit because someone did me wrong once? neither are you.

7. No sparing of my feelings. It’s emasculating. Don’t worry, you already broke my heart, go ahead and heap more crap on me. I’ll turn all embarrassment and pain into bitterness and anger, and then occasionally let it all out in some meat headed act.

i don’t understand this one. spare your feelings from what? i can’t discuss my love life or yours what’s left?

8. No setting me up on pity dates. If you truly know of a woman who would be very happy with me and I with her, then we will talk.

word

9. No being attracted to me. Impossible, I know, but you seem to have found a way, so stick with that. I’m going to be as attractive as possible in pursuit of other women, so if you are going to be seeing me in a bathing suit, you might want to make sure you are on the pill as the breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex. In fact, don’t even tell me I look good as that will torment me for days.

yes and no. turning around and liking me now that you know i like you is just you settling. honest changes over years i guess i can accept but i find them doubtful.

that said, please tell me i look nice on occasion, my poor little ego needs the boost and i’m going to assume yours does too.

i will keep the admiring to a minimum… fair?

10. No confiding in me about boys. I am not your girl friend; I am your reluctant man friend who officially hates all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay; just don’t slam me with details about particular guys you are sleeping with. If this rule seems contrary to rule 7, just remember that I’m a beautifully complex being.

so i can ask for advice until there’s a real man in the picture i’m officially with and then i’m on my own? that seems kinda mean and sorta weird.

i mean that’s when i’ll really need the help.

i object to this rule somehow. maybe i should never ask?

11. No asking for man favors such as furniture moving, yard work, or car trouble help. I don’t like to waste displays of extreme masculinity on women who have decided not to sleep with me. In a pinch you can bribe me to do man chores with beer. Please hand me the case as a gift versus doling them out one at a time from your fridge. That keeps it strictly business.

oh please. and then what do i do when you ask for cooking or house decorating advice? what if i have the only car in the circle and without your advice no one gets rides?

this rule is lame. friends help each other… fuck this girl/guy shit.

12. Try to avoid incidental contact. I can’t outlaw this since there are times when the brush of a leg or a sleeve is purely accidental, but try to be careful. You can take steps to not put your arm in mine while walking or lay against me on a couch or other things like that. Those things would lead me to think you want me to sex you.

word

3. No asking for massages or neck rubs, that’s a lot of foreplay to waste on someone who doesn’t want the main event. Besides, shouldn’t your boyfriend give you massages? Why aren’t we dating again?

this is hard for me because of what i do. i have had my hand on the ass of a man i wanted who didn’t want me back and vice versa. this was strictly professional touching mind you.

in terms of social? i’m going to say word.

again exceptions for professional skills.

14. No dating any guy who treats you bad or neglects you in any way, that’s just a slap in my face. I fucking adore you.

it’s tragic that women want the ones who don’t want us and so do men. i’m amazed anyone ever gets together at all. that said, yeah… please don’t date a twit after you reject my brilliant tall amazonian self. that just makes it worse.

a year or ten of celibacy after rejecting me is acceptable though *evil grin*

15. No judgments on any of my behavior. It would lead me to think you care a little too much about my well being. So I don’t want to hear any, “Stop smoking”, or “Don’t drink so much,” or “Don’t use women.” Of course if I am truly being an asshole in some situation, feel free to clue me in, that’s what friends do.

this one disagrees with itself. if you’re going alcoholic i’m going to comment. i won’t nag though, that’s your girlfriend’s job.

who am i kidding, i’m a fucking nag, ask anyone.

16. You have to let me know immediately if you want to be more than friends. I’m only doing this to respect your wishes. If you ever want more, rest assured that I do too. At any moment we can tear these guidelines up and spend 24 hours doing every imaginable sexy act.

only true if you respected rules similar to these in the meantime. otherwise? you’re an asshole go away. yes, even if i still love you.

he missed one and i know this because a commenter said:

Maybe I should throw this post at that dude for whom I’m his “transitional chick”. But I can’t, I’ve already kissed him and according to the Book of MoreAnon, this is punishable by instant sex…but I don’t want instant sex with him. What to do…what to do…

and he replied:

by moreanonymous, posted on Nov. 12 at 01:51pm

Now you act busy for three weeks, then you invite him to things that he’s unable to attend because of schedule conflicts and then in 5 five weeks you both decide things didn’t work out.

that’s fucking brilliant can i just say?

can i also say that i seem to have done that by ACCIDENT before? i guess it doesn’t work if you really are that busy…

:)

so then i read the comments and there are a lot of people who are agreeing but there are a lot of people saying that ‘instant sex’ is this guy’s word for rape which seems just silly.

then there are a bunch calling him immature and whiny and to grow up. he’s married, dude doesn’t have to do shit, he already got his golden circle and it seems he wanted one. seems a lot of guys do.

the ones that really amused me are the ones who yell at him about how foolish his rules are and then demonstrate that they themselves, by breaking them, are making themselves miserable. that’s just ironic that is.

what i don’t understand are the ones who either a) find the one exception to a rule and jump on it and then him or b) disagree with one and therefore have to label him stupid or lame.

can’t we disagree with people without calling them names and attacking their character? [are you listening toronto city council?]

November 14, 2006

civic duties

Filed under: dating,nerddom,random,responsibility,tv — sassinak @ 11:38 am

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i’m sorry but today i sucked. i completely failed to vote. i know i was supposed to but here’s the thing. mayor miller, who i don’t like, was clearly winning and i didn’t like any of the alternatives enough to care if they won either… and then in my ward? for councillor? my councillor is kyle rae, he gets more than 50% of the total vote every time.

and i can’t stand him.

right so then there’s school trustee and a couple of other things i again have no opinion about.

i just didn’t think there was actually any point voting in this election. i voted in the last civic election and voted for enza supermodel and david miller and this time i just didn’t care.

i’m sorry.

i know i have to do my civic duty i DO but i totally forgot it was election day and then i just didn’t care. i promise to vote in the provincial and federal elections i swear i will. i promise.

honest.

damm if i knew i was gonna feel this guilty i would have voted.

.

there has been a wonderful change in television this year. i don’t know if y’all have noticed but opening credits have been massively changed. they’re SHORT now.

so instead of having to spend a minute watching the actors of ER dance around the er under a green wash we now get a little five beat song and the letters ER and that’s it. so much better! now that minute is used for the actual show.

most of the new shows are doing it too. the longest opening credit i’ve seen on a new show is ‘the nine’ and that one is under twenty seconds.

so to the networks out there?

THANKS!

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one of my clients asked me today if i was single and told me she had a man in mind for me.

weird.

not bad weird, just weird.

.

i’m trying to upgrade the server in my closet and it’s giving me a bunch of trouble. it’s been something like a year AND i was fucking up one of the upgrade steps and now i have to try to fix it when everything is so out of date it’s fucked right up.

skip to the next dot if unix bores you.

so when you cvsup you have a file that tells your computer what files you want it to upgrade… and way back when i started running freebsd i changed the one for ports (think application installer) and didn’t bring in a bunch of stuff.

what i didn’t realise was that in selecting not-all and being specific i wasn’t getting changes to the ports tree. like they moved all the instant message clients from ports/net to ports/net-im and i don’t even have that directory.

so i’ve gone back and changed this thingy now and i’m trying to match up things where some of them are five years old. and it’s messy and it may not work and i’m out of practise.

if i blow up my mail server i’ll be pissed!

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i’m gaining weight.  well not so much weight as fat.

shut up i’m not being anorexic or weird, i’m really gaining weight… ask my jeans.

fucking fall… makes me get all starving and gain winterfat…

stupid harvest season

mmmmmmmmmmmm squashes….  *g*

.

okay it’s been a day now and i no longer feel guilty about not-voting.

should that make me feel worse?

November 10, 2006

abandoning significance

Filed under: blogging — sassinak @ 8:03 pm

i have started a few posts since i moved this blog from it’s original home. by the way, if you’re reading the archives? anything before moving day should be read here. it will have occasional pictures, one of me swinging a sledgehammer. i’m just saying.
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grabs beer and water

ahhh that’s better [amsterdam nut brown]
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okay so i’ve started these posts that i will finish and publish eventually, but none of them says quite what i want. i feel like something momentous should go in this space. i mean i MOVED MY BLOG! i abandoned it’s old home. it looks all forlorn and sad and stuff.

no it really does, go look. it looks like an old apartment somehow.

anyway so i feel like something big goes here but i can’t figure out what. i stalled you know, there were trinity pictures and shit. oh yeah speaking of those… i found another one courtesy of pjf’s blog.
trinitywdrink.jpg

it’s fucking freaky isn’t it? my makeup wasn’t that dark, just the flash was quite effective. i looked much paler in the mirror.

anyway so i cheated, i posted pics of trinity and did a tag and talked about moving but i never talked about anything of substance and that didn’t feel right so i started a bunch of stuff that just wasn’t nice.

i mean they’re good thoughts and i’ll elaborate on them sometime but they were all so much work and i don’t think anyone is in the mood. so instead, y’all are getting the meandering pre-climbing post and i’m chucking this whole idea of posting with significance.

see how i distract you with more trinity pictures?

yup i know, cheesy as all hell.

yes dzer you’re welcome.

i feel like there’s some kind of new direction happening with the move.

i feel like i just moved in to a new apartment and i haven’t quite got all the furniture in the right place yet. like the pictures, they’re not loading right on some browsers (should be fixed, look at moving day and see if the pics are still all weird…) and i can’t figure out why… well i think i did. wordpress (i think) doesn’t set fixed borders on the columns in the blog so it’s too big and it just covers the sidebar with it.

weird.

i can’t figure out if it’s template specific, i’ll have to make a test blog.

anyway i think i got the hang of shrinking and i’ve figured out how to add links AND how to separate comments (fucking duh, sass dots!) but i still haven’t figured out how to add a line break when none of br, /br, br/, br /, or br /br work and most of them are deleted by the editor when you save. hell i even tried to copy and paste from the html the editor generated and it deleted it.

not allowed to have more than one blank line for some reason.

but the point is that i’m moving in to a new apartment in front of the housewarming party. i feel like i should have a theme or a party or post something about how to give a blow job so i’ll get 100 [er 57] comments again and then the whole significance thing starts again.

if i don’t let that go i’ll never freaking post again.

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oh crap forgot to cut my nails

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i need to update my links. a lot of blogs went dark and finally got deleted when i came over here but there’s some people i need to be adding. expect some changes and let me know if i miss someone who thinks they should be linked.

note that if you’re ‘in hiding’ i’m not linking you unless you ask me to.

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look nat, sass dots *g*

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here is the major dilemma of my life at this moment:

do i or do i not wear clothes i won’t be embarassed by the the gym. in other words, do i assume there will be hanging after.

hmm…

nope.

later kids!

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incidentally i turn out not to have been able to bear the work clothes i had worn all day so i wore jeans and a shirt.  good thing, i ended up socialising.

it’s when you’re not expecting it isn’t it?

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happy weekend kids.

November 8, 2006

sneak attack

Filed under: tags — sassinak @ 12:00 pm

i got hit by elle, natalia, jmai, terry, um… you know? i’ve lost track…

1. explain what ended your last relationship?

the short answer? lack of communication.

2. when was the last time you shaved?

monday

3. what were you doing at 8am this morning?

driving to teach a class

4. what were you doing 15 minutes ago?

laundry

5. are you good at math?

yes, ridiculously

6. your prom night?

went with an ex. as in he said he would come to the formal and then dumped me. eventually i forced him to come because he said yes and i bought tickets. he spent most of the evening trying to get me back after dumping me for someone else who was willing to sleep with him. [i was all virginal you know]

eventually the evening ended. sounds bad but wasn’t. i looked awesome and had the hottest date there and for the last two months of high school i was suddenly popular. what a sad commentary on high school life that is.

and? great time with the rest of the group who were ‘my’ group you know? (i was of course in each of their ‘my’ groups as well lol)

7. do you have famous ancestors?

no. well depends who you ask. no … okay apparently i’m related to puccini.

8. have you had to take a loan out for school?

yes

9. do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?

there is no song on my myspace profile. but i like singing in the car so IF i had a song i would most likely know the words. that said, i only do myspace to comment on brandon’s blog. (brandon is here and you should go listen to his stuff right now – okay after you comment on this post :P)

10. last thing received in the mail?

postcards from othercat from his trip to mexico

11. how many different beverages have you had today?

water man

12. do you ever leave messages on peoples answer machines?

daily *sigh* god i hate them

13. who did you lose your concert virginity to?

ask my parents. oscar peterson maybe? or sharon lois and bram?

14. do you draw your name in the sand when you go the beach?

only when i’m being foolish and romantic with another human

15. what is the most painful dental procedure you have had?

wisdom teeth i guess, but … no, the cleaning of death, after seven years and she was mean to me too.
16. what is out your back door?

an alley, and a shortcut to a few places…

17. any plans for friday night?

probably to go climbing… but saturday i’m taking my ass dancing

18. do you like what the ocean does to your hair?

yes, yes yes!!! more than those stupid shampoo commercials even. mmm thick and heavy ringletty curls

19. have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 diferent popcorns?

ew, stale popcorn

20. have you ever been to a planetarium?

yes, several of them on several occasions including but not limited to laser floyd

21. do you re-use towels after you shower?

yes

22. some things you are excited about?

pilates, my band, my friends, blogging, climbing, sport, books, hockey, life, breath, television, men… so pretty, pets… most especially my cats, hillside, music in general, plants, nature, mats sundin [shut up], mountains, water… damm i could keep going.

23. what is your favorite flavor of jello?

vodka

24. describe your keychain(s)?

a fake carabiner with four different rings. one for the studio, one for the car, one for the apartment and one with the phone number of my mechanic

25. we regret to inform you that question twenty-five has been omitted on account of it’s public display’s of nudity, and it’s torrid affair with the crack rock. he has entered himself into rehab, and asks for your prayers such that he may have a speedy recovery. don’t forget to see his piece of shit movie and/or buy his poor excuse for an album. holla!

[hee elle you crack my shit up]

26. where do you keep your change?

non loonies and quarters – parking drawer in the car

loonies and quarters – laundry jar in the bedroom

pennies – poker jar in the bedroom

27. what kind of winter coat do you own?

i’m canadian, this requires a list.

a shearling mid thigh length coat with a lovely hood

a ski patrol ‘parka’

need a regular ski jacket though…

a purple mid hip length gore tex jacket

a beige dress coat (originally typed as ‘being dress coat’ am i the only one that finds that funny?)

a navy dress coat with lovely buttons that goes with a specific suit

um… i’m misssing something…

and i need a sexy coat too.

28. what was the weather like on your graduation day?

i didn’t go

29. do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?

open because i have cats, but closed halfway to buffer noise

30. did you read this far? consider yourself tagged… (if you want to be of course)

[let me know if you do it and i’ll link you]

November 7, 2006

moving day

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 12:29 am

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holy shit, i just moved my blog. i just hit fucking publish on a post that says ‘i’ve moved’ … this has been coming for a while, i have growing frustration with the blogger interface because it just never works.

there are things that i don’t like about wordpress, one of which is that the templates are a lot less customizeable… however, i can easily change things like the banner and my links and the like don’t get lost when i change templates. a fair trade.

wordpress is quite slow as well, but you know what? it’s always working. always. and it’s been getting faster… AND? oh yeah, when i asked them for something? they did it.

all in all i feel very positive about this new direction and i hope y’all like my new home as much as i do!

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a great big thank you to mr cm of the antipode of the earth from me for graciously giving up the sassinak.wordpress.com url when i asked him for it. i’m feeling inordinantly grateful to him for this.

isn’t it funny? you ask for something on a whim thinking that you’ll never get it and end up moving your whole blog as a result.

not really what i was expecting when i got up this morning.

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incidentally, i got my trinity pictures:

okay how do i upload photos….

ahhh that’s got it.


trinity.jpg

holy crap, that was so easy!

trinity2.jpg

last one:

trinity1.jpg

November 5, 2006

dot dot

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 11:59 pm

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i had the strangest experience today.

i had to do my first aid recert for the ski patrol [read: to keep my certification and some of my jobs] yesterday and my CPR recert today. there were maybe 16 in the group yesterday and i think 11 today.

so we have to watch this dvd and then follow along and practice with it. it’s actually much better than listening to someone try to teach you who happens to be more confused than you are. a lot of positive changes to the cpr methodologies this year too.

anyway i whip out my mat and lie down and N (instructor) says “all right but if you start snoring that’s it!” and i laugh and the dvd starts and that’s it. so then we have to do some practice on the dummies and N says “oh we have to wake her up” and i reply:

“excuse me but i’m hypermobile and it hurts to sit in a chair so i lie down” and this old man across from me joins in.

he says “are you single?”

and i say “of course i am”

and he says “it’s no wonder, you’re very high maintenance”

seriously? you’re allowed to say that kind of shit to people these days? people you’ve known for a whole day? and the thing is? that’s extra cruel from the perspective of a single woman who was hoping to have children and is currently giving it up.

it’s like kicking a dog when it’s down.

and how is it okay to even say that category of thing to women anymore? if we act like people with actual personalities we’re high maintenance but if we don’t we’re pushovers and clingy. seriously y’all? make up your fucking minds and shut the fuck up about it while you’re at it.

i’m making my peace with my total undateableness but why do i have to hear about it from a mean old man?
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yes of course i responded. i said something then and then about five minutes later i said “i’m sorry, i know i’m interrupting but i just can’t let this go. that was a very hurtful thing you said to me and you have no right to speak to people like that” and he just stared at me oblivious.

so later when he tried to comment on something first aid related to me i said “please don’t talk to me, you have nothing to say that i want to hear” and now he looks surprised.

you can insult me and then talk to me like i’m perfectly fine with you? whatever.
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this is extra irritating because i got less than two hours of awake to enjoy my happy bliss from last night and then i got stepped on by a mean old man.

stuff doesn’t usually hit me that hard but this was like someone ripping off a bandaid with no notice. y’all i’m going to reel from this for a while… and i know gabi will tell me to grow a thicker skin and she’s right but well, i haven’t done that yet.
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bliss you ask?

othercat took me to see the afro-cuban all-stars last night at massey hall and boy. was it fucking awesome.

we’re talking about a band that takes the stage and gathers you up and doesn’t let you go again until it’s an hour later and they tell you to go have a beer and come back.

i actually watched them with my mouth hanging open in shock and my body grooving to the rhythm. it’s unfortunate that massey isn’t made for dancing or i would have done more of it but i got in a little.

i was… entranced.

they played two sets and an encore but it was a lot more like three sets than anything and there were SO MANY musicians. people who range in age from 13 to 83 came out on stage, everyone from a 23 year old female cuban rapper (clapper) to an 83 year old legendary crooner were singing and grooving for us.

othercat got off the most on the trumpet player but for me it was the drummers. especially the timbale player who was holding it all together. at one point the three drummers were playing together and my hands were going apeshit on my knees along with them.

ahhh good times.
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i’ve seen the trinity pic but i don’t have it yet…
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it does my outfit justice.
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i’m running out of things to say here. i feel like i’ve gotten most of the things i think about regularly off my chest. i also feel, incidentally, that this blog will go through quiet times and then come back again and that this is a quiet time.

in hockey terms? it’s a ‘building year’ [no idea how long mine is though]
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speaking of hockey, i still haven’t figured out where to go hang out so i can flirt with mats sundin. don’t laugh, i think we’d actually get along well. besides, i like how he leads… and how he thinks before he answers reporters questions.

fine, i just want to meet him so i can fantasize about him. :)

also? i hear he’s fucking tall!
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that is all [hubris *tm*]
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