snapshots of an idle mind

January 27, 2007

doc doc goose

Filed under: blogging,dating,exercise,life,random — sassinak @ 4:34 pm


[this post was started a while back, right after ‘ssup doc actually. so mention of dates may be confusing]

i am amazed at the reaction my post about my friday evening shenanigans got. i mean fully amazed. and along with that i found a copy of mr. right, right now in my laundry room.

so i read it, in about an hour… and was i ever glad i didn’t pay for it. i mean seriously e. jean carroll called me doll like every thirty two seconds. do i look like someone you would call ‘doll’?

nope, not even when i’m dressed up like barbie (hallowe’en natch.)

anyway she had a little bit of actual useful advice.

i can hear y’all now “nooooooooooo don’t take it seriously! it’s a DATING BOOK” but nonetheless she got a couple of things right and she ferreted out a few interesting actual facts.

first of all, like it or not we decide just about everything about anyone we meet in the first thirty seconds, this is in fact sociology and anthropology and she quotes some scientists and studies about human behaviour. what we need to learn is to trust those instant reactions because millenia of evolution have honed our ability to select based on ‘smell’ or ‘instinct’ and generally (they’ve done studies for serious) going against your instincts is bad news.

i have to say my own life bears this out… and it in NO way applies only to dating. you click with the women you make friends with don’t you? [hee i remember how i met princess valium, in a bathroom in fact]

second, drop all ‘how to flirt’ advice you’ve ever gotten because that makes you false and unnattractive. if you’re nervous? BE NERVOUS! if you’re being your actual *self* then whoever you meet be it friend or date has a shot in hell of deciding for real if they actually like you.

for serious boys and girls what the fuck is the point of pretending to be someone you aren’t? so they can fall for someone who isn’t?


holy shit, i just ran into the hot guy from the gasworks and he’s STILL HOT! wow that’s amazing, it’s freaking half my life ago and the damm man is better looking then he was then.

i think it’s the lack of heroin in his eyes.

really amazing what a sparkle does for a guy especially when he’s already hot. being glad to run into me, taking my number and threatening to call me for beer and catching up?

doesn’t hurt either.

shut up i don’t think i’m dating him but it sure will be fun to catch up.

[this was long enough ago now that i can tell you he won’t call… and i’m still delighted to have run into him.]


so mr ‘ssup doc emailed me back tonight, to wit:

my email:

From: sass
Sent: January 8, 2007 2:08 PM
To: doc
Subject: dates

and not the fig newton kind.

you know if i go out and get some newfangled datebook with whole pages for days i might not be able to properly fill it. care to help?


his reply:

sass — sorry bout the non-response. as you may have guessed however there was a reason — the oldest of all reasons — I am not a single fella. and, although I have attempted plenty of negotiation on the point, it remains a closed relationship. just kidding, there was no negotiation. I trust you wisely invested in the superior datebook regardless and I remain available for any non-date datebook-related inquiries. although perhaps I will see you at the C’est What where I often take my datebook on dates, as you know. nice work on all the wordplay.




isn’t it funny that we never thought of that?

no one in the comments and not me in the post suggested that the man had a lady at home. which, in retrospect, is totally obvious. but here’s the thing, why do they do that to single girls?

don’t they know how mean that is?

once a girl ‘drops’ into conversation that she’s single shouldn’t you ‘drop’ i’m taken into yours? i mean shouldn’t you?


fuck i can’t believe how hot d still is. like wow.


so ms. e. jean has some work for you to do. the first week? you have to get over men. stop paying attention to them, caring about them, wanting them, flirting with them or even letting them into your head. go little bird, live your life and DETACH from men.

[what if you have a fuckbuddy?]

week two? unleash your inner goddess… to wit:

1. sleep ten hours a night

2. pull up your bra straps (seriously girls that one should be a no-brainer)

3. stop torturing your face… splash it with water, a little cleanser if it’s actually dirty…. pat dry.

4. drink margaritas “a woman needs fun or she looks bad”

5. eat something red, green, purple, yellow, blue, orange, chartreusy, dark green, black/brown/beige every day. every day.

6. get a stability ball for your desk.

7. throw out the people in your life who make you feel bad.

8. live in the moment

9. go rock climbing, golfing, batting caging, or whatever but do something fun and good for you

10. throw out all your ugly clothes

11. take delight in your own attractions

and that’s just week two.

i gotta say, this woman annoys the fuck out of me because she calls me doll and tells me a bunch of crap i already know but you know what else?

she’s got a point.

be your self… just be your BEST self instead of your good enough self.


but i still say taken people should really be more clear about it don’t you?




  1. maybe he’s not with a ‘she’. maybe he’s with a ‘he’. ever considered THAT option? huh?

    Comment by gabi — January 27, 2007 @ 5:03 pm | Reply

  2. Love the list of things to do in order to unleash your inner goddess. I can’t imagine ever sleeping 10 hours a night, though… maybe once in a blue but that’s it. And throwing the people out always turns out to be a whole lot harder than it seems it will be in theory. But still, good list.

    The attached thing? Blew me away. I never would have imagined it. Unfortunately, some of the attached boys are the most notorious flirters. However, I give him many props for writing back and fessing up. He could have done any number of other things so the fact that he chose to do that makes me very happy.

    Also? I saw a woman at the Toyota dealership today who looked SO MUCH like you. It was freaky and I liked her instantly. Never shared a word with her but still. Weird.

    Comment by Jmai — January 27, 2007 @ 5:23 pm | Reply

  3. never in my wildest dreams could i have imagined that e. jean carroll would make some sense. at least the things you mention here make sense to me.

    it’s so true, about the chemistry thing — i tend to click with people right away or not at all. men AND women.

    i love the clever email you wrote to mr. attached. and yes, he SHOULD have mentioned that he was attached, when you brought up your singlehood. it’s not hard to do.

    but yeah, married/taken people flirt with me all the time too. i guess it’s safe fun for them.

    Comment by terry — January 28, 2007 @ 1:36 pm | Reply

  4. gabi: regularly actually, i live in the gaybourhood after all… but he flirted the way heterosexual men flirt and not the way gay men flirt. could be wrong but don’t think i am.

    now there’s someone else i know i think might be gay but that’s another conversation

    jmai: the easiest way to throw out the people who make you feel bad is to have a really awful patch in your life that lasts a few years. magically they all disappear anyway. otherwise it’s hard but nonetheless will happen over time.

    am i glad he fessed up? yes. would i want to date a guy that flirts heavily with single girls at bars? heavily enough that they email him afterward? not so much.

    the man didn’t act taken at all dude, at all. but he does get points for not following up.

    as for the lady at the toyota dealership? that’s freaking awesome!

    terry: i know, all the ‘doll’ing aside it’s a pretty good book in terms of advice. i still want to smack her though…

    but yeah, she nailed it with the chemistry thing big time, i’m very rarely wrong in that gut feeling.

    thanks, i thought it was a pretty good email myself… it did take him two weeks to answer but at least he did… but it never should have gotten that far.

    i will flirt with taken people ALL day *IF* i know they’re taken. otherwise they’re leading me on and it’s mean.

    Comment by sassinak — January 28, 2007 @ 2:04 pm | Reply

  5. As usual, you make coleslaw out of a mountain of cabbage. I have no idea who this author is and no nothing of the book. However, I have a little bit of knowledge about sociology/psychology/anthropology and had a good laugh while reading this post.

    I am wondering how the communication would change with you if a “taken” guy let loose that he is taken instead of perpetuating the mystery. Cuz the lack of that insertion leads to an assumption by you single chicks that he is available. Now, for a guy this is the sweetness, regardless of how mean it is, because we are wired to play in that arena and if our objective is to just flirt then your nonverbal responses are feeding our fire beautifully. Blame nature for making us the animals we are and next time follow your own advice. Ask the friggin dude straight up and put it to rest unless you enjoy the dance and uncertainty. Either way the power is yours :)



    Although I enjoy bribes of various denomination I am in the middle of a circus of my own and have resorted to protecting the HNT section. In that regard I use the name of the fellow we all look to as the ringleader of it all :)

    Comment by Pyrhonik — January 28, 2007 @ 3:31 pm | Reply

  6. Hey Sass… I was amused by this when you first wrote about it and was thinking about how you’ve often mentioned this strange “he seemed interested at the time, but then nothing” type of experience. I just read a really interesting article in this month’s edition of Psychology Today, and there is a big article on the psychology of interpreting messages from the opposite sex. Veeeery interesting. Thought this might interest you as well. Check it out next time you pass a mag store!

    Comment by Sweet L'il Gal — January 28, 2007 @ 4:18 pm | Reply

  7. The only reason a guy doesn’t say he’s taken up front is because he’s either not sure he is OR he’s not sure he want’s you to know that he is. Both are stupid reasons. I’m so not looking forward to dating.

    #5…what?? All I’d do all day is eat if I had to eat something of all those colors.

    Comment by kathi — January 28, 2007 @ 4:36 pm | Reply

  8. pyr: oh geeze what a lovely thing to say, thank you! as you know i consider myself an amateur urban anthropologist so this kinda shit never fails to amuse me somehow. i think my post is more interesting than the book truly, i didn’t call you doll a hundred times… which part made you laugh out loud anyway?

    well, it depends how it’s done, i’ve met taken men that i flirted with and had their girlfriend planning our engagement… so not at all if they’re honest and upfront you know? i guess i’m a fool because when people drop those hints on initial meeting i always tell them when i’m taking. need to stop assuming everyone is as upfront and honest as i am or something…

    i get that it’s sweet for y’all but it’s also a big part of why single women are getting SO cynical dude. and the power so isn’t mine, there’s something about knowing we’re interested that sends y’all running screaming.

    and his name in full doesn’t work…

    sweet gal: wow long time!

    i just went online and read something but it wasn’t about interpreting messages, maybe i found the wrong article. what was the title do you know?

    i read this one:

    kathi: apparently it’s about how much fun flirting is… which is an equally stupid reason if you ask me…

    number five i think means to eat more exotic vegetables and fruits cause it’s good for you…

    Comment by sassinak — January 28, 2007 @ 7:04 pm | Reply

  9. sass, yup that’s the article. It is about getting it or not getting it and the benefits of approaching interpretations with a cynical outlook… that sort of thing. Maybe I didn’t preface it properly, but that’s the article. I think women find reading stuff like that interesting. Using logic to talk about something that seems antithetical to it is very interesting to me, anyways…

    Comment by Sweet L'il Gal — January 28, 2007 @ 7:44 pm | Reply

  10. sweet gal: yeah i love articles like that, i just didn’t see it the way you described it… i liked the part about how your illusions can actually make your perception clearer… that was pretty trippy for me.

    i love this kind of stuff and most of the women i know do that as well, not so much the straight guys i know :)

    Comment by sassinak — January 28, 2007 @ 7:49 pm | Reply

  11. Osbasso

    New pond, new line, new fish.

    I definitely consider you a qualified urban anthropologist. Particularly for the metrosexual and gay community.

    You do have the power. You just gotta choose better.


    Comment by Pyrhonik — January 28, 2007 @ 9:51 pm | Reply

  12. Ok, I admit that I didn’t see the “taken” thing coming. I guess I just assumed that guy alone in bar openly flirting with single women and writing in their date book meant that he was available and looking. I guess that shows what kind of naive world I must live in. I agree, no wonder single gals get so cynical…

    But he did email back, so I was right on that one!

    I’m trying to figure out if it is good that he was taken,(finally) admitted it and stayed true to his S.O. or if it is still pretty sleazy that he was in a committed relationship and was in a bar leading on single women and writing in their date book…

    Does eating a bag of Skittles count for #5?

    Comment by John — January 29, 2007 @ 10:09 am | Reply

  13. As someone whose precise status is cloudy, let me say: yes yes yes yes, he needs to be clear, and I would be amazed if his failure to be so was not deliberate.

    Just one straight man sayin’.

    Comment by collun — January 29, 2007 @ 10:52 am | Reply

  14. pyr: i tried it without caps… and now it worked :)

    i get the whole new fish thing i do, but still, once one member of a flirtation works their relationship status into a conversation isn’t the other supposed to follow? it just seems you know… polite.

    why thank thee sir, i do live in the middle of both of those… but trust me honey, i used to date an urban redneck who had an eleven foot boa constrictor… i’m more of a generalist :)

    hubris, who knows damm well not one man has asked me out in three and a half years calls me too picky and you call me not picky enough. funny guys.

    collun: no i’m sure it was deliberate… i feel sorry for his girlfriend because in the long run that will likely lead him further. or has with women who are more likely to say yes the day they meet a man.

    i’m with you sir, but apparently it’s okay to flirt to excess with people and leave them wondering even if you’re taken… which makes me nuts.

    Comment by sassinak — January 29, 2007 @ 11:52 am | Reply

  15. It’s good that he finally told you what was up. I think some taken men like to flirt to prove to themselves that they still have it. Although isn’t having a woman proof enough? Whatevs…I am working on my own list of goodness. Speeling at all would be nice. And not having this cold anymore would rock. But we just roll with the punches around here.


    Comment by Natalia — January 29, 2007 @ 12:39 pm | Reply

  16. Ok, I admit that I didn’t see the “taken” thing coming. I guess I just assumed that guy alone in bar openly flirting with single women and writing in their date book meant that he was available and looking. I guess that shows what kind of naive world I must live in. I agree, no wonder single gals get so cynical.

    But he did email back, so I was right on that one…

    I’m trying to figure out if it is good that he was taken,(finally) admitted it and stayed true to his S.O. or if it is still pretty sleazy that he was in a committed relationship and was in a bar leading on single women and writing in their date book…

    Does eating a bag of Skittles count for #5?

    Comment by John — January 30, 2007 @ 9:47 am | Reply

  17. nat: oh yeah props to him for feeling guilty enough to email me but at the same time would you want that guy at home? always wondering when he’s going to take one more step?

    i would think having a woman is proof enough but evolutionarily speaking a man is more ‘manly’ if he has more than one mother to his babies right?

    *chicken soup hugs*

    john: neither did i i must confess. i too make identical assumptions about men leaving ‘hidden messages’ for me to find and openly flirting with me. it seems i’m wrong about most of them… and yes, it’s JUST why the ladies i know are packing it in with the whole dating broohaha. why would we trust ANYONE?

    yeah i guess you were right sort of, because he did answer, but at the same time it did turn out to be a brush off. call it a tie?

    i think it’s sleazy… but that’s just me. i wouldn’t want my man doing that. flirting sure, but he passed the flirt line early on… and had COPIOUS opportunities to mention his SO at the time. copious.

    and no, it doesn’t :)

    Comment by sassinak — January 30, 2007 @ 11:46 am | Reply

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