snapshots of an idle mind

February 6, 2007

dear pile

Filed under: exercise,food,life,seasonal — sassinak @ 2:00 pm


you were right.

irony: you probably won’t read this post.

but still, you were right. you said it way back in like august and i just didn’t listen. that i knew you were right was not relevant to the tale at hand, i just couldn’t do it.

couldn’t find the time.

well, i found the time. finally.

so here’s the thing, since august when the sun started to go away i have been feeling steadily more lethargic and tired and whiny.

i’ve been craving fat and protein and thick, dense food. i’ve been eating for two even though i’m not pregnant. i’ve been eating more than my already prodigious appetite can explain.

and it hasn’t been making me feel good.

in fact, it’s been that eating that you do that sucks. the kind where you feel like shit about it because you’re eating crap and you know you’re eating crap but you don’t even feel like making real food because it’s too much work.

and then my neighbour, the lady across the hall, told me her trick for getting vegetables into her diet. the trick i’ve been searching for since i started feeding myself.

the one where you DON’T throw out the vegetables after they rot in your fridge.

yeah, that one.

she buys frozen stir-fry vegetables and tosses them in with her pasta about five minutes before the pasta is ready. yeah, we know it’s bad for the pasta.

but it’s not that bad and you know what? i’ve eaten like three bags of frozen vegetables in the last two weeks. i’ve made them stir fried and boiled and cooked with pasta.

i’m finally eating my vegetables and i’m not throwing them out rotten.

i could kiss her.

anyway there i was getting the vegetables but still feeling kind of shitty, just run down and tired and wanting carbs and fat. carbs and fat , carbs and fat, carbs and fat.

and i’ve been FEELING fat too which is RIDICULOUS if you’ve seen me fat you know. i am NOT fat. and i know it. [a little chubby sure but that is not the same as fat at all]

but i’ve been feeling it.

anyway finally i got a bit of incentive because of. well you know what? nobody cares about yet another boy i think is cute that isn’t into me. so one night i’m lying in bed and i’m tossing and i’m turning and i can’t fucking sleep as usual and i’m feeling fat and i have the munchies.

and it hits me.

pile’s challenge:

thirty minutes or cardio, twice a week.

so i get up, at three in the morning, and go look at the pool schedule and i realise that i can’t read it because they’ve fucked up the pdf. so i pack my swimming shit anyway.

i get up, i go teach my 6:30am client and i rush over to the JCC and i do a happy dance because the pool is open and i swim for half an hour and jump out and shower and go off to teach my class.

well damm, that was easy.

so i grab a schedule on the way out and fucked if there isn’t lane swim AFTER my friday morning class. well well well.

thirty minutes of cardio twice a week.

and i’m already feeling better. in fact? the SAME day i felt better and it’s just improving. already i want less food, well not less but i feel better about it and i want healthier things.

i’m sleeping better and i have MORE energy.

pile? thanks!


point of interest here, i started this post in december and i’m finishing it now and since then i’ve fallen off the cardio wagon a couple of times and gotten back on and each and every time i’ve wondered why i keep falling off.

it feels so good to do it but it’s such a  pain to get there somehow.  it’s cold out and then my hair is wet and it freezes when i go outside which i find sort of amusing because it reminds me deeply of my childhood with swimming.

i’m still having a lot of trouble with food and what i’m craving but again i notice that the cravings improve the second i get a little exercise.  this is particularly telling right now because i am still not allowed to climb and my ankle still isn’t better.

i’m not sure when i’ll be allowed back in the gym but i’m not too upset about it because i think i’m going to change gyms anyway.  that said, it’s hella hard to keep your fat-eating muscle mass happy when you aren’t allowed to do your weight lifting substitute.

i guess i could weight lift but i really, really hesitate to start something new when i’m off-balance because of my ankle.

really i just need to up the cardio to about three hours a week and STOP EATING FRIED FOODS!!!

but the fried foods taste so good and i’m spoiled because when i climb i can eat what i like and still get hotter.

dammitall, this being injured stuff is hard on the dress sizes…

but you know what?  pile was still right and a couple of hours of cardio every week really does make a body feel better…

for serious!

now to stick to it….



  1. We so have to hang soon.

    About the frozen-veggies-in-pasta trick, I’ve been doing it for years and have told you about it before. Not that I’m asking for credit or anything, as apparently my presentation of the idea wasn’t timely. Or maybe it wasn’t sober. More likely the latter.

    As for the feeling fat thing, I had an interesting conversation with my doc last week. I was complaining of feeling fat, like I’d gained weight, and so he weighed me and I had actually LOST a pound. And no, I wasn’t premenstrual. He explained to me that for many women, insecurities in other areas of their lives manifest themselves as a feeling of ‘fatness’– especially if you’ve been fat before. Makes sense to me. I then asked him if men had the same issue, and he said no, that men don’t transfer their insecurities into ‘fatness’ (shock). Rather, men manifest their issues in other ways– usually centred around a diminshed sense of masculinity, which can result in ‘performance’ anxiety and violence. I think I’d rather feel fat.

    Had a refreshing experience with a man, in a weird kind of way. You may recall that I got set up by a friend and dragged my ass to the set-up party despite a billion other things to do and my own inner demons telling me not to do it. But I had a great time, the guy seemed nice, and he gave me his # and suggested he’d like to see me when I returned from vacation. I called him a few days after I got back and we had a great conversation, which ended with him asking if he could call me again and reiterating the fact that he’d like to go out. I said that it sounds like a good idea, I would like to see him as well, and I look forward to hearing from him. Sounds like a nice, normal conversation between two almost-strangers who have been set up. Sounds almost…promising.

    It’s been almost a week and I haven’t heard a word from him.

    But this isn’t a sad story, no. Because I think I’ve finally reached the point where I’ve been lied to by men so often that I no longer expect any of them to actually do what they say they will, and the result is that I no longer invest. At all. It took me five days to even recall that he hadn’t called back yet. Then I spent a few minutes trying to remember his name. And although I’ll admit to feeling a touch put off by being fed bullshit, my main emotion is one of ‘c’est la vie’. I can’t figure out why I am unfortunate enough to only meet liars and cowards, but it is what it is, it’s the way it’s always been and apparently I’m over it. If I ever meet an honest man who treats me with respect, well, not only will I be stunned and awed, but I’d be more devoted than a neurotic Border Collie. Hopefully such a creature will one day enter my life, but until they’ve proven they’re worth the investment of my time and my emotions, I’m not going to give men and their ways much of a thought.

    Plus I had sex with a man who has the hottest fricking body I’ve ever laid eyes on. And it was WAY better than playing mindgames.

    Comment by Princess Valium — February 6, 2007 @ 7:16 pm | Reply

  2. I’m totally going to do the veggie trick.

    I agree……when I motivate myself to do cardio, I do honestly feel better.

    I suck at the motivation thing in the winter

    Comment by Kristen — February 6, 2007 @ 7:28 pm | Reply

  3. motivation is ALWAYS a challenge for me…. even though i always feel better when i’m working out consistently. sometimes, i need to beat myself into submission.

    too bad THAT doesn’t count as a workout.

    Comment by terry — February 6, 2007 @ 8:21 pm | Reply

  4. Cardio is so good for you, but it’s like you said last time… it’s boring. The swimming is good, keep doing that. Since it’s working into your schedule, even better. That’s often the hardest part (or at least an excuse when the hardest part is really the motivation but you use your schedule as the scapegoat).

    You know what I mean.

    Aww, I hope you’re better enough to climb really soon. I know you must be missing that like mad.

    Comment by Jmai — February 6, 2007 @ 9:04 pm | Reply

  5. you can stir fry bags of coleslaw. (without the bags.) yanno? it doesn’t take long. make with chicken, shrimp, whatever. the stuff doesn’t insta-rot.

    Comment by gabi — February 6, 2007 @ 9:29 pm | Reply

  6. PV: that is by far your best comment yet, it’s so good it gets it’s own response. re the veggies i’m sorry i didn’t hear you and learn to do such a simple thing sooner. but glad that KJ got the trick too :)

    okay wow, yeah i think i might rather feel fat than have to deal with that level of insanity. violence? geeze at least when i feel fat i just gorge on chips to make reality match my inner feelings. still and all people who would know tell me i’m spreading a little… but wow, hella interesting.

    i love that you can’t even remember his name, i love the ones that slide by like they’re buttered and you don’t even notice. SO much better than the ones who fall under your skin and fuck with your head long past their due date.

    and dude?

    *DETAILS GEEZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

    Comment by sassinak — February 7, 2007 @ 10:30 am | Reply

  7. KJ: it’s a good trick and there’s some nice mixes out there…

    isn’t it amazing how it really does work and it’s so damm hard to do it? and it’s way harder in winter, who wants to sweat and get showered and walk around with wet hair?

    not most people!

    terry: dude seriously i laughed out loud so loud that my neighbour came over to see waht was so funny and then i read her your comment and she laughed too.

    and yes, that’s REALLY too bad.

    jmai: it’s totally true, if you just fit it in to your schedule it gets done and it’s a beautiful thing but it’s always the first thing to get dropped somehow you know?

    i hope so toooooooooooooooooooooooo!

    gabi: what if you don’t like cole slaw?

    otherwise that’s a fantastic suggestion for everyone else.


    Comment by sassinak — February 7, 2007 @ 10:33 am | Reply

  8. I can do cardio easily because I put my ipod in shuffle and have fun. It’s just the finding of time to get to the gym. And I am eating a lot of salad. A LOT.


    Comment by Natalia — February 7, 2007 @ 12:08 pm | Reply

  9. is laughing out loud cardio??

    Comment by terry — February 7, 2007 @ 8:57 pm | Reply

  10. Terry — YES.

    Comment by Jmai — February 7, 2007 @ 9:31 pm | Reply

  11. nat: i’m starting to crave salad now that the christmas bingefest is finally really wearing off. i’ve fought my weight back to pre-christmas/post-ankle-sprain levels but i’m losing density. hoping that the eating less continues to evolve but i have such a high energy life that it’s hard.

    cleared to weightlift today!

    god i’m excited about that *sigh*

    terry: fucking right, now try to make it last thirty minutes twice a week.

    there’s a yoga practise that forces you to laugh for several minutes at the beginning of each session.

    jmai: too roight!

    Comment by sassinak — February 8, 2007 @ 12:10 am | Reply

  12. Frozen veggies are the best of the pile as well. That is a fact hun! They often don’t have the nasty chemicals which are relied upon to control ripening, cuz the freezing process is exclusive for that also. Typically the best of the lot is used for freezing and kept that way! Great choice :)

    As for cardio. Fuck it is hard to get on that wagon and stay on it. And injured would make that twice as hard. Kudos for your efforts :)

    Comment by pyrhonik — February 8, 2007 @ 3:26 pm | Reply

  13. I just started taking a yoga class this quarter at school. it’s a good thing for me because i have like 6 crushed vertebra from when i was a kid and if i don’t do something like yoga to help strengthen my back i’ll be one of those old dudes you see all bent the hell over walking with a cane to go to the store for beer and pain killers. Anyway the yoga thing helps out allot and the weird thing i noticed is (now im not fat, kind of scrawny actually) that after like 2 classes my stomach was all flat. I guess it tones up your musklez in no time. Yoga has helped with the depression thing which is hitting me hard this winter as i just moved to portland, so the antidepression thing may help you with the food cravings. Swimming always makes me hungry as the water steals allot of heat from your body. The cool thing about taking a class is that if i no show i’ll get a bad grade and i cant be haven that so i’ll show up. No way am i gona do an hour and a half of stretching on my own! Especially hung over as i was a few days ago. Yoga hung over=20 min. of hell and then no more hang over. Maybe get a tape or something. Hope it works for you.

    tristan aka Devil-T

    Comment by DT — February 8, 2007 @ 3:28 pm | Reply

  14. I try to get in three 45-minute workouts a week. I sit on my rear end all day at a desk job, so unless I make a conscious effort (especially in wintertime) I will seriously chub out like crazy. I start out with stretches, then some calisthenics, move on to cardio and then hit the weights. I’m no Lou Ferrigno or anything, but doing that and eating sensibly keeps me fairly toned and trim.

    I agree, though, that cardio can get boring. I find the stationary bike and stair-stepper to be particularly monotonous. So, a month or two ago I tried something new. My daughters have a little mini-trampoline and I started bouncing on that to get my heart rate up. In fact, I found out there are whole workouts dedicated to mini tramp bouncing (or “rebounding” if you want to sound really cool – or really dorky) on the internet. At first I felt a bit corny, but it really works and it is actually a lot of fun bouncing around. Plus you can mix up your jumps whenever you get bored. Once summer comes, I’ll probably get back outside more, but for the winter this has really helped out.

    Oh, and I love to eat veggies. But then again I’m kinda weird…

    Comment by John — February 8, 2007 @ 5:42 pm | Reply

  15. tonight i poached frozen veggies with fish and mixed seafood in chicken broth. no pasta. yuk. zero carb. lots of protein. yum.

    Comment by gabi — February 8, 2007 @ 8:41 pm | Reply

  16. pyr: really? i did not know that. i’m very happy to know that those nasty ripening chemicals don’t work on the frozen stuff, i’ve always heard fresh before frozen, frozen before canned.

    dude i got cleared to weight lift! how tragic is it that THAT excites me? it’s easier because i work in gyms but still hard you know?

    tristan: yoga is great for you you’re right… you may want to find a really good pilates class too because a good teacher can help you strengthen the support structure on your back. that said, you’re absolutely right about the anti-depression factor of exercise but for me because i exist at such a high level of exercise when it’s cut in half even though i’m still doing my pilates and getting some cardio it doesn’t feel like enough. i am one of the only people i know who considers 5 hours a week to be a sucky amount of exercise and for it to make me feel shitty.

    wow, 20 minutes to kill a hangover, damm that’s impressive. now that i’m all ‘old’ and stuff that doesn’t work anymore :(

    john: that’s definetely a good start and if you keep even just that up for the rest of your life you’ll save yourself a world of hurt. you could also try to get your cardio up to at least two thirty minute sessions and twice a week (three times is better and 45 minutes is better but work up slow) and check out a little pilates or yoga for more effective stretching (sorry i cannot help but give fitness advice you know)

    i love your suggestion with the trampoline for after my fucked ankle isn’t fucked anymore… (three more months *sigh*) and anyone else should go play with it.

    it really is amazing how much easier summer is huh?

    i love veggies but i don’t eat at home enough so they inevitably rot.

    gabi: damm, that sounds awesome.

    like fully awesome. i’m envious

    Comment by sassinak — February 9, 2007 @ 12:08 pm | Reply

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