snapshots of an idle mind

April 18, 2007

talk talk

Filed under: dating,life,random,singlehood,socioanthropology — sassinak @ 11:19 pm


it’s funny what happens after you live alone and partnerless (there are not the same thing but are often related) for a long time.

for one thing you start to talk to yourself.

i wander around my enormous apartment (that needs more closets or shelving somewhere but i’m waiting for my dad’s input before i do anything. there’s no rush, i’ll be here for a while) and look for things that are SO MUCH easier to find than they were where i used to be.

it’s amazing, i have such a better idea where stuff is now that i have somewhere to put most of it.

not all, i need to purge.

so, sample search for something

“hrm where did i put that thing anyway…”

*wanders into living room and flicks on the light*

‘fuck that’s bright’

*looks around and doesn’t spot datebook*

“oh it’s in the bedroom after all”

*shaking head*

*wanders back toward bedroom and flicks off light on way [see dad, i did eventually learn to turn off the lights i wasn’t using, amazing but true]*

‘no wonder i can’t date, who wants to date anyone who says everything they think out loud no matter how inane?’

everything in ” or ‘ was said out loud of course.


but i laugh to myself because i start to understand my old roomie who dated her man for ten years before they even moved in together. they ran off and got married recently and it tickles me pink.

the thing is that these two had been living their own way for a very long time before they ran off and got hitched, they were set in their ways with a good dose of curmudgeon on either side. i should know, i’ve got a good dose myself.

i think that they needed that decade to get to marriage because of some amazingly weird and tragic circumstances and because they were both very set in their ways. not so much set. hrm.


when you live alone you get to have everything your own way.

slowly but surely you fill each corner of your space with your own things… heck i have a friend with a collection of gorgeous yet creepy lifelike dolls stashed in her closet and another one who has to have a perfectly gleaming home at all times and one who has no furniture because she hates to shop and…

do you see what i’m saying?

the longer you live by yourself at your own whim the odder you get and the more unnoticed little habits start to appear. heck i’ve watched season two of bones episodes one through thirteen since this weekend and i’m likely to watch fourteen and maybe fifteen before bed (and start downloading the rest… god this show is GOOD) and you just can’t really do that kind of thing when you’re sharing your life with someone.

but see because i’m not i have more and more hobbies that don’t require a partner. add ever growing confidence regarding my own self sufficiency and physical well being unmatched since my teen years blended with a (bless you parents) willingness to do anything i like by myself and it gets hard to match up with someone.


ETA: incidentally i did watch those two episodes before bed.  i watched them and i ate peanuts from the shell and made a giant mess all over the bed while watching television loudly at two something in the am.


so, it’s not that my old roomie was set in her ways exactly, it’s just that she had a lot of ways and it required easing into this lovely marriage of hers.


god they’re so cute together.


it’s kind of fun to watch yourself go odd you know. it’s an experience everyone should have.



  1. Hello Sass,

    As the universe would have it I am stuck in Toronto until Saturday afternoon cuz of some airplane mishaps and a missed connection to Europe! As a result, I have all of Friday to do what I please. And it would be awesome to meet you and buy you a drink! I sent you an email to the gmail addie with the contact info.



    Comment by pyrhonik — April 19, 2007 @ 5:59 pm | Reply

  2. No wonder you can’t date, who wants to date anyone who can’t find their datebook.

    (Okay so it wasn’t that funny.)

    Anyway, talking to yourself isn’t all that odd. I do it all the time. But then maybe I’m odd. Hrm…
    The problem is when you’re living with someone, they think you’re talking to them and ask you to speak up and repeat yourself. At which point you have to admit that you were just talking to yourself. Then you get the “look”.

    Ah… I like the idea of having my own shelves and closets. I have a fantasy about having my own bathroom.
    Maybe I lived alone too long to get used to sharing everything now.

    Comment by Clarity — April 19, 2007 @ 7:31 pm | Reply

  3. I have a roommate. But she’s gone half the time. And living alone has become such a comfort. I know… odd. I lived alone in the dorms in NYC for a while. But that didn’t feel that much like living alone in that I was surrounded by people all the time and they were just a wall away. And there were a lot of friends living in the same dorm. But my place is now my refuge from everything. It’s my little corner of the world. And it’s all mine. Even when Peter came for a few weeks it felt like I had to give up some of my space. I guess it’s a trade-off, isn’t it? When I have a bad day, sometimes it would be nice to come home to someone to cuddle. But, at the same time, when I have a bad day it’s nice to come to an empty house where I don’t have to explain my mood and I can just do what I want to do and how I want to do it. I like my me time and my me place. A lot.


    Comment by Natalia — April 20, 2007 @ 8:43 am | Reply

  4. I’ve lived alone since October, when my son moved out. I despise it immensely. I also talk to myself, as well as the cat.

    Damn. I do not need this much “me” time. :-(

    Comment by Jim McKee — April 20, 2007 @ 12:31 pm | Reply

  5. lord, i not only talk to myself often… i tend to sing all the time.

    funny that you’ve touched on something i was thinking about recently — how hard it would be to re-partner and really let someone into my space.
    even though i was married when i moved into my apartment, it has always been MY space. he was hardly ever here.

    i’m kinda used to that. and sitting in my PJs on a friday night watching “what not to wear.”

    Comment by terry — April 20, 2007 @ 11:31 pm | Reply

  6. I talk to myself a lot too, it’s called blogging :)

    Can’t imagine ever living alone again to be honest, I mean I’m a mum and that means at least another 12 or so years….

    Comment by debambam — April 21, 2007 @ 5:54 am | Reply

  7. Gigglesnortchuckle….hemhem…helloooww! Ye gods in purple pjs, galfriend, reading this is just like when we used to curl up on opposite ends of the couch with copious amounts of wine and angst and get the giggles and “blog” in person! Yes, this is that “finally married the guy that I’ve been dating for years” old roomie of yours! Ahhh, I miss ya, and it’s been too long. To add to your blog about living alone, it is HARDHARDHARD to give up that independence that one has on one’s own. NOW you can’t find things because SOMEBODY tidied them away or (gasp) threw-them-out-because-they-thought-that-you-were-finished-with-them-or-didn’t-use-them-anymore-sheesh, but at least you’re not losing your marbles. On the other hand, it gives “talking to one’self” a whole new dimension as you slowly come to the realization that you DIDN’T actually lose it SOMEONE ELSE MOVED IT and then you start talking to the OTHER PERSON who isn’t actually there but that is probably a good thing because the things that you are saying aren’t particularly kind and loving. Whew, can I still ramble or what!
    Thank you for thinking of me, and it was such a thrill to read about hubby and me on your blog. Sigh, it’s just like we were on the phone together.
    Just wanted to give you some additional info on this whole married after 10 years of dating thing . Funnily enough, it was mr. never-been-hitched who wanted to tie the knot, and me who was quite happy with things as they were! Well, considering that on the day set for the nuptuals, Curmudgeon (and I use that term with a lot of love, and Sass understands COMPLETELY) was coming home from work early to clean up, and there I sat, on the phone, half an hour before the final hurdle, still trying to track down someone to actually officiate! It’s those darned thoughts of independence snorfling around in the hind-brain I guess.
    Anythehoo, I’m really glad that you think we’re “cute” roomie, and you’ll be glad to know that things are progressing nicely. I’m very, very lucky in that Curmudgeon is very happy that I’m independent and wouldn’t have it any other way.
    Anythehoo, enough boooorrriinngg details, just wanted to let you know that I LOVE your blog. You GO girl! (besides some feline has decided that my arm is at just the right angle for a comfy curl-up, and has purringly pinned me down, so it’s getting really difficult to type)
    Big fuzzy hugs

    Comment by Harleygael — April 24, 2007 @ 6:16 am | Reply

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