snapshots of an idle mind

September 24, 2007

unpaid credit cards and other calamities

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my client is a no-show, lucky you you get a post… and i still have enough work this week that i’m not worried  :)

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so

six years ago on january twenty second of this coming year i got into a car accident.  i had just spent the weekend patrolling at osler bluff ski club and was just delighted with my new ski patrol versus my old one.

my boyfriend and i were discussing moving in with each other (which we did in fact subsequently do… and then undo) and our great love for each other along with our hope that we could keep it that way.

i had just been promoted and was finally starting to get the hang of my new job (promoted, might i add, over forty eight other applicants ALL of whom had worked for the company longer than i had.)

financially i had finally gotten myself to a place where i was spending less than i made AND my car was all fixed after a short period of unemployment caused me to not fix a few things.

i had been off the cigarettes for more than a year and was believing that i might stay off (which i have) and had been working out enough that i had muscles and a nice body again at last. [amazing what a boost of energy NOT smoking gave me.]

in fact, i had just (three days earlier in fact) finally paid the balance on my credit card.  a balance which had crept up and up since i moved to toronto and just hadn’t quite managed to get itself paid off.

look, look i danced to myself, i finally don’t owe anyone anything and i have a nice life and a great job and a fantastic guy and wheee go me!

and wham.

i get in a car accident.

a little, tiny, inconsequential even, fender bender.  the kind that does all of six hundred dollars damage to one’s car IF they bother to replace the slightly scratched bumper.

the kind of accident that one effectively pays NO attention to.  and then… it crept.

little things started to hurt more and more and physical activity got harder and harder and suddenly, six months later, there i am fat and broken and hopeless thinking that i’ll never get well.   physios are giving up on me and life is just not going well.

eventually i meet my teacher and realise that being strapped to a desk is going to render it nearly impossible for me to heal and i quit my job.  nobody tells me that i’m entitled to go on disability.  nope, nor do they tell me that i might have been eligible for income replacement.

nope.

so i go it alone… or more accurately i go it alone with my boyfriend’s consent and understanding and willingness to help.

six months we think, it can’t take more than that.

yeah.  cut to a year later, i’m still broken, he and i have split up due to the stress and i’m living in a tiny little apartment and trying to support myself through teacher training while cleaning houses.  (i can’t ever work a real desk job again unless i have freedom to get up and move around constantly… otherwise?  seized up sass.) [just in case you wonder why i didn’t try to get my cushy desk job back in the meantime, it involved being strapped to a phone without a wireless headset.]

cut to another year later, i’m finished teacher training but still cleaning houses (and then i became the super of my building as well but that’s another story entirely) and wondering where the work is.  turns out there’s a bit of a glut of baby pilates teachers in these here parts and there isn’t much.

i get a client here and a couple of group classes there but really not so much of anything and the little credit card that could ends up maxed out all to shit.

cut to now.  i’m working an average of twenty to twenty-five teaching hours a week (which is about a thirty-five/forty hour week in terms of time driving and calling and waiting and… or about fifty in terms of start and finish times on the days that i work) and am slowly approaching my maximum cut-off of thirty hours a week (though at that point i will cut the schedule some so i have some earlier evenings back.)

i’ve fixed most of the shit that’s wrong with my car after five years of poverty based neglect [crap i have to call mr. law and see him about those upper engine mounts…] and boy does it drive better.  like it did when i met it even.  i mean like wicked fun to corner with again!  not as fun as it could be though, i think i’ll get some tires next time i have a spare four hundred bucks. (like november cause i like to get new tires just before winter hits.)

i’ve bought clothing that isn’t from nineteen niney eight or for work or used!

and shoes! and cds!

i can eat out whenever i like!

and here’s the kicker.  the other day i *deep breath* paid off my credit card.

due to holy terror i promptly ran out and spent some money on clothing and a CD and then i went and dropped three hundred and sixty bucks at the vet (mouse’s kidneys are fine for those of you that were wondering and the vet is delighted with their healthfulness) and just now made an appointment with the mechanic.   i then, of course, promptly dumped a bunch more payment on the card…

but see?  i paid off my credit card.

i can’t decide if i want to dance with glee or hide my ass in a dark corner somewhere and never come out so the universe can’t kick me again!

i’m sort of walking around staring at the sky and wondering where the toilet seat is going to come from (sorry, if you’ve never seen dead like me suffice to say that the main character is a reaper and is rendered dead by a flying toilet seat from a crashing piece of a space station.  such a funny show… but i digress.)

i really am scared shitless, how ridiculous is that?

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September 19, 2007

blue glow

Filed under: blogging,fasting,hockey,internet,life,nerddom,random,seasonal,tv — sassinak @ 11:28 am

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so something very strange is happening.

first a little background, those of you who know me well know that i wrestle with a fairly serious television addiction. you also know that i’m winning because i have so much more to do in my day to day life and thus the tv has been fading.

then i moved into this place and i decided not to get cable.

and then i caved because i wanted to see what happened on gilmore girls at the end and i got cable to do it with. in fact it took less than a week without cable for me to cave. so then i have cable and i watch all my shows to the end of the season and i take a look at the summer season and i get set for reduced viewing.

and i don’t turn the thing on once. wait that’s a lie, i’ve used my playstation and i’ve watched a couple of movies. but television? nothing.

i also haven’t watched any of the several gigs of shows that i downloaded so i could catch myself up on them. okay one episode of oth but that’s it. it’s like my television addiction has disappeared!

of course that’s easy to say when the new television season is still several weeks away and there’s no hoopla about what’s happening on what show but really? i cannot seem to make myself care.

not a whit.

and then i wonder why i would want to MAKE myself care about a passive activity? so i’m in the mood to read and write and see more of my friends and climb and play with the internet? what’s wrong with that?

but house? whatever will happen to him if i don’t watch every week???

the horror!

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i started this post a while ago, like a few weeks ago before the new television season started and then i let it percolate.

perk

perk perk

perk perk perk

it still seemed to be true, i confess to a few pangs. i mean really now, what will the girls of grey’s anatomy do without me? how will house cope without his ducklings? and oh lord men in trees! gosh i love men in trees (actually i think i might tape those three and no more) and really, i must see what happens to them.

and yet? all the other things that were on my list? the shows i cared ever so much about? the ones i would call my friends and say “THE HORRORS! my vcr failed and i missed an EPISODE!! help MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

yeah, don’t care in the slightest.

just don’t.

and i don’t understand it.

i went over to miss valium’s (hrm can you call a princess miss?) house last night and we watched the pilot of ‘gossip girl’ and the finale of big brother 8 (which was also the first episode that i’d seen) and ate pizza and gossiped about life.

it was lovely.

and you know what? the damn show is excellent (gossip girl.) i mean i was really surprised by how much i enjoyed it and yet? i don’t care. i don’t care enough to devote twenty two of my hours over the next eight months to it. i just don’t.

if i’m bored and it’s on? i’ll watch it. otherwise? whatever.

i will tape the three things mentioned above and i will watch the pilot of bionic woman because really now, starbuck as the evil bionic woman? that’s awesome that is.

i will also watch the final season of battlestar galactica because come on, that show is amazing. but i don’t want to pick up any new shows, i want to watch my loved ones until they’re cancelled and then wave good-bye to my television addiction forever.

and i can’t help noticing how much i’ve changed. except it’s not really a change it’s more of a return.

i was the only person that i knew when i was in college that didn’t have a television. didn’t have and didn’t miss. in fact i didn’t start making appointments with my television until i moved to vancouver and a little show called ‘er’ caught my attention followed shortly thereafter by buffy the vampire slayer and la femme nikita.

god those were great.

anyway over the years the addiction has grown and finally, after my car accident, it grew some serious teeth. in fact? i think i was watching something like sixty hours of television a week at some point. heck i was watching a DAILY TALK SHOW!!!!

yeah i know.

anyway, it’s been waning over the years and seems finally to be back in the box so to speak. it’s so funny where life takes us, i never would have expected to watch sixty hours a week of television nor would i ever have believed that i might stop basically cold turkey.

but i have.

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sometimes you’re forced to read the writing on the wall… even after you’ve taken off your glasses and scrinched up your eyes.

sucks don’t it?

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oh yeah…

i get to go to a leafs game a leafs game a leafs game

i get to go to a leafs game

and i’m super happy about it!

:)

maybe even TWO!

September 16, 2007

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Filed under: beer,bliss,blogging,cars,dancing,facebook,family,life,random,truth — sassinak @ 1:04 am

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incidentally (god i love that word) i’m pretty drunk.

the kind of hammered where my fingers tried to type happered and then i managed to correct it.

i know that it’s wrong and all because aparently if you drink alone you’re a big old alcoholic but one of my favourite things has long been to spend an evening at home doing basically nothing and drinking a bunch of beer. i mean really now, tomorrow is my first actual day off in like… hmmm..

thinking

thinking

contemplating finding book and checking

yeah ever.

seriously, i work six days a week, if i count my schedule i work something like fifty or sixty hours a week but if i take out the hours i sit around waiting to work (and driving to work and …) it’s more like 35 and then i spend something like five thousand dollars a year on my education which involves a whole bunch of edumacation and suddenly i’m not ever taking any time off.

and then, a miracle happened. i started to work enough that i could quit my sunday class and have an actual day off!

clouds parted.

light shone down.

life improved.

but still, six days a week i work… week in and week out, christmas and august and all the weeks in between i work. and tomorrow? tomorrow i have the day off. the kind of day off where i have turned off the ringers and shut off the alarms and will turn off the computer and i can sleep until WHENEVER!

of course i’ll wake up at ten but still, i don’t HAVE TO!!!

*clears throat* somehow, along with this free sunday i managed to not schedule myself for a saturday night. i tried, i tried to get myself to go to the turning point party at the gladstone but i failed. i failed miserably.

instead i stayed home (after picking up my parents and dropping them at the airport so they can screw off to italy for the next eight months… those bastards, i’m going to miss them like crazy) and drank beer and watched a ridiculous movie.

i stayed home and i ate popcorn and hard boiled eggs and chocolate bonbons for dinner [not all at once!] and i drank beer and watched ‘the holiday’ which made me laugh and cry and shout at the tv and say ‘oh yeah!’ at least thrice and just generally wallow in my track pants and my giant old sweatshirt and thoroughly enjoy myself.

and you know? i totally get that it’s all like bad and stuff to sit at home by yourself and drink beer. i totally do. it’s like the first hallmark of an alcoholic. except (of course) that it’s the first drinking i’ve done in days and days.

and i know i should be all concerned that i love to sit at home alone and drink but you know what? i’m really not. i’m really not because i know what my issues are and beer isn’t one of them. beer is delicious but if you told me that i could never have another one?

i would be sad but i just wouldn’t care that much.

that being said, there is something so inexplicably enjoyable about being alone, at home, in your track pants, on your couch and watching a sappy/funny/cute/uplifting/true movie while drinking stupendous amounts of beer that i just can’t care that it’s supposed to be bad for me.

maybe if i did that more than once per season.

perhaps if i drank to excess daily or even weekly.

hell maybe even if someone that i cared about had ever once told me they were concerned… but no, i don’t care because you know what?

*insert silly happy dancing music here*

i have the day off tomorrow

day off tomorrow

day off tomorrow

i have the day off tomorrow

all the live long day!

*giggle*

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incidentally (hee!) i feel like blogging lately. first time in months i’ve actually been brimming over with ideas for posts to the blog.

how cool is that?

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no seriously, you can’t get just how hard it’s been to keep the blog going the last few months, there’s been like nothing at the well and suddenly?

suddenly i’m having ideas all over the place like i did when i first started it and i’m really happy about that because i was afraid that it was dying and i didn’t want to be yet another dark blog. i especially didn’t want to do that considering that there are a few people who find inspiration here.

i don’t know much but i do know that inspiring people is a damm good reason to do something.

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i don’t know if any of you give a crap at all about formula one or high end racing but holy crap mclaren.

mclaren mclaren mclaren… what the fuck were you thinking? it’s better to lose than to have high end car buyers think you’re a thief and that you can’t build a car of your own.

i mean of course they can’t, that kit thing never will work, it’s why honda and toyota [on the road, not so much on the formula one] and ferrari kick ass *grin* (and bmw is starting to build their cars from scratch again too… and really… why did mercedes ever get into bed with mclaren in the first place?) but wow… they’re going to lose so much more than a hundred million dollars… the good will alone…

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i read this on someone’s facebook and feel the need to pass it on:

7 Ancient Principles

1. The world is what you think it is
2. There are no limits
3. Energy flows where attention goes
4. Now is the moment of power
5. To love, is to be happy with
6. All power comes from within
7. Effectiveness is the measure of truth

how awesome is that?

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i have the day off tomorrow

off tomorrow

off tomorrow

i have the day off tomorrow

all the live long day

going to sleep all night

going to sleep half the day

i have the day off tomorrow

all the live long day!

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night!

September 13, 2007

hello miss goodall

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it’s interesting what happens to me when i end up anywhere near the club scene. interesting because i never do quite what is expected of the usual person when they show up at a club.

the other day my friend oasis called me up and said “sass you have to come with me, i have an invitation to a film festival party!” [toronto international film festival, much partying, many celebrities, much traffic ridiculousness and irritation to the residents of the downtown core, much media hype etc] so i think fast and sigh with relief and say that i can’t go because i’m meeting my lawyer friend to make a waiver for my studio.

this is even true.

“oh” says she, “that’s fine since nothing ever happens until midnight anyway”

“crap” think i, “now how do i get out of it? dammit not working until eleven the next morning!!” and so i say okay since i’m forever NOT doing stuff with her.

so i go and i hang with the lawyer friend and then head home (though i would SO rather hang with her) and i whip out my most gorgeous dress and toss on my face. yeah this literally takes all of ten minutes, i just can’t be bothered spending an hour getting ready to do ANYTHING except maybe be the maid of honour at lividviv’s wedding and even then i mostly stood around and rearranged my dress.

it helps that i’m blessed with hair that looks good when it gets out of bed.

so, there i am all dolled up on command and she and another lady friend of hers pick me up and off we head. and you know? i should have known better, i should have but i didn’t.

so as we pull up to this place (i’m already yawning of course) she says ‘i don’t know if we can get in’ and i’m all uh don’t you have an invitation? and she’s all ‘no, i have a pass… but i don’t know if it will work’ and i just sort of sigh and gird my loins.

i mean i do not club. i club for something hilariously fun like bridesmaidmania [actual photo of ME but i failed to really be tacky enough] and i’m perfectly willing to go to some hoi polloi shindig and press the flesh (something i am in fact ridiculously good at but in no way crave) but i really don’t go clubbing like ever.

hence the loin girding.

so off we go and they let us in and of course it’s because there’s no one there and then they decide to go find the party.

go find the party. on a wednesday night.

oh god.

so we end up at some place on brant street at what is reported to be ‘the tommy lee party’ and i find myself sitting on a riser watching a whole pile of people try to be cool enough to be invited into the vip section. i don’t really know why because it didn’t look very fun in there either but hey, i’m a snob…

so, as always happens, i totally forget to participate. in fact i end up sort of sitting back in my pretty dress and people watching (that and the music had absolutely no groove to it so who could dance?) i love the people watching, i could write papers on the ridiculous things that people will do to get attention in a club. (don’t even get me started on the people you smile at, they look at you like you’re trying to steal their souls.)

from the girl in the backless dress that i desperately wanted to feed to the girl with the great rhythm pretending to model on the catwalk to the men walking around being oh-so cool with their noses at least ten feet in the air to the men who made the women look uncoiffed to the shirtless guy with the guitar he was pretending to play to the girls i was with.

these girls who did nothing all night but look challengingly at everyone who came near them and yet refused to speak to anyone and then, immediately upon leaving each venue, complained bitterly about how much toronto sucked, how canadian men are ‘so lame’ and this city is soooo boring and they can’t wait to leave and and and to the point that i was blessedly relieved to be able to claim morning work and come home.

i mean really, if you don’t like it here? why are you still here?

i mean i can sort of see their point about dating in toronto, it’s definetely a crap shoot… but with that kind of attitude really, what do they expect? they look down on anyone who comes remotely near them and don’t speak to any of the men they actually find attractive.

how the hell does that work?

as for the rest of the crowd? it made me sort of sad. here are all these people who are so clearly trying to have fun and trying to be noticed… most especially the little gaggles of starving women dressed in their ‘sexiest’ (skankiest?) clothes who parade around and hope that someone famous or rich will discover them and rescue them from their lives.

i wish they would learn that the only person who can rescue them is themselves… knights in shining armour do not exist and even in the stories they pick the women with spines every time.

mostly i just wanted to drag them to a place that sold food and force feed them…

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it’s really tragic to see someone driving a porsche or a ferrari who doesn’t understand what shifting gears is for.

i mean it like physically hurts to hear… [such a pretty car behind me today and such pathetic driving…]

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speaking of ferraris, explain to me how driving that car has rendered my car more fun! that makes no sense but it’s true.

there i am doing racing corners on my favourite stretch of road and flying out of lights and just generally partying down in my little honda. i haven’t done that since before i replaced the ball joints!

oh yeah, baby drives like she’s young again!

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yay i’m fully booked for the next three weeks!

my life really is coming up roses these days!

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irony

not getting a ticket for doing 140 in a 70 in a ferrari

and getting a ticket EXACTLY a week later doing 60 in a 40 in your own car.

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September 9, 2007

after apple pick… er trimming…

Filed under: driving,family,life,pics,random,seasonal,work — sassinak @ 12:05 am

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two points if you can tell me where the title is from.

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last weekend i was where i’m sitting right now except my best friend othercat was here with me and we were a lot more drunk than i am now.

not that i’m sober now exactly you realize, just that we were drunker than i currently am and we weren’t that drunk then either.

regardless, we took some pictures that i was planning to post earlier this week but then i got distracted by a maserati and then a ferrari and well you know i’m kinda slow so here we are a week later.

othercat and i drove up here and took the three hour version of the two hour drive. in case you don’t understand what that means it tends to involve lots of gravel and the occasional turn with no earthly knowledge of where the road actually goes.

it was lovely.

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here i am sitting on a little bridge like thing just down the road from the farm. they actually built a tunnel diagonally under the road for whatever reason… i don’t care about the reason, it’s one of my favourite places…

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this is an oops we’re still zoomed in self-portrait othercat and i attempted at this same place… doesn’t he look all cool and the matrix?

i’m not sure you can possibly understand just how happy we are here. we’ve left the city, it’s a GORGEOUS day and we don’t have to be home until monday afternoon. i mean does it get any better than this?

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self-portrait. exciting i know.

of course no weekend at the farm is complete without a few key ingredients.

work… in this case my father was busy dredging the pond and good lord do i wish i had a picture.

my parents bought this crazy rake to get the plants and cattails out of the pond because mother nature is winning and my father worked like a dog dredging a pond he NEVER swims in.

no, not sorta never, NEVER.

*i* swim in it. my sister swims in it… cherub was dragged into it a few weeks ago:

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but she declared all the weeds and stuff kinda gross and frankly i couldn’t blame her. so, the point is here’s my dad working his butt off to clean the pond he NEVER swims in and here are othercat and i watching the tennis [us open, tends to be the best tennis of the year] or drinking beer or whatever.

so i offered to work, also i like to work but don’t tell anybody since it will ruin my reputation… although i guess that’s catching these days.

so dad says ‘well you know, the apple trees need trimming’ and so, lo and behold, after some instruction here i am trimming trees!

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yes that’s a flip-flop i’m wearing and yes i’m half in a tree and half on a ladder. you wouldn’t believe some of the crazy positions i ended up in trying not to kill the tree while cutting off the dead bits…

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that takes care of the work part nicely now doesn’t it?

also i’m massively amused by my body position here… it seems unsafe and yet i’m braced in this really appropriate centre of gravity sort of way.

of course at the end of the work comes the reward:

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in case you’re wondering that’s a lamb roast on a rotisserie which is half of the oven that my father built many years ago. dad’s a pretty clever guy, he built ‘the monolith’ aka ‘the pizza oven’ just the right distance from the farmhouse because he knew he would never get a permit to build one into the house.

and then?

oh yeah, and then he applied for a permit to enclose it. gotta love my dad.

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i saw the funniest thing on the drive up here today you can’t imagine. a guy, in a minivan, driving in the left lane on the 401… BRUSHING HIS TEETH!

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oh and this little story is to make someone feel better:

so there i am coming off avenue onto chaplin crescent and i get my little turn left green arrow and i start to go and this guy coming south bound decides not only not to stop at his red light but to turn into the LEFT rather than the right lane.

yeah.

so i slam on the brakes.

why is this funny?

there’s a full travel mug of tea on my dash board… [doesn’t fit in the cup holders] and of course when i hit the brakes it flies forward a little and covers a large chunk of windshield.

i, too busy trying not to hit the idiot and honk at him, do not grab said tea when i hit the gas again and yeah… back it comes the other way!

i didn’t wear that much of it but my car sure did…

ah well, least it isn’t hand tooled corinthian leather… or my chest.

September 7, 2007

oh shit, now i have to become independently wealthy…

Filed under: bliss,cars,driving,engines,ferrari,life,surreality — sassinak @ 11:41 am

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or cylinder envy part deux.

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or oh my, be careful what you wish for even inadvertently.

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yesterday i had the singular privilege of riding in a ferrari.

oh my god you guys you have no idea how hot these cars actually are until you’re in one. i mean sure they’re pretty and they certainly look and sound hot flying by you on the street but somehow, somehow you just don’t get it until you’re sitting in one.

when you’re IN the damm thing you can feel all that power and somehow the happy throaty growl of a well tuned engine on the prowl cannot be replicated no matter how you drive beside it. you have to be in it to get it, you just do.

not to mention the incredible urge to stroke the freaking thing. it’s just so pretty you want to pet it like a really expensive slate-grey cat.

funny things happen when you’re in one of these cars, some guy was so busy ogling the car that he forgot to watch the road and tried very hard to take out our front end while he was drooling over it. literally had his head hanging out the window looking back at us instead of watching where he was driving.

he then informed us that this car must be better than sex whereupon i came up with one of my better lines and replied “clearly you haven’t had sex with me” and he just shook his head and drooled and then the light turned green and he took off as fast as his little accord (one of the ugly ones…. the whole 1994-2006 line of accords is ugly) would take him in some strange attempt to show off.

unfortunately he did it while looking back at us and nearly took out a parked car!

anyway people point and stare and chase your car and take pictures and parking enforcement officers half the time don’t even ticket it…

but then.

oh my god

but then.

clearly my evident appreciation for this gorgeous beast and my questions about transmissions and my total car nutsness had their way with the driver and he whips into mount pleasant cemetery and stops the car and says ‘get out’ and i do.

i think we’re going for a walk in the cemetery. oh no.

not so much.

“come here” says he and i do. “get in and drive” he says and i gulp and sort of look like a panicked deer in the headlights and stare at him.

“but i might break it!”

i mean literally i was so excited and really rather terrified at the same time. i think it was worse than a virgin on her wedding night!

okay maybe not that bad.

anyway so in i get with great trepidation and very gingerly place my hands on the wheel and he adjusts all the seats and mirrors and sticks it in automatic mode (rather than manual) and sort of looks expectant.

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(yes that’s the actual ferrari i drove sitting at mosport…)

like i’m stepping on an egg i touch the accelerator and start to drive. drive like i’m just learning how and i’m afraid of all the buttons… and oh my you guys. you can’t possibly get how awesome driving a ferrari is until you do it.

mount pleasant cemetery is an old old institution in toronto that happens to have great little windy roads everywhere… View Map

so i drive around and play with the corners and then change to manual mode to try the paddle shifting and generally just giggle like a twelve year old while driving around on what is effectively a little baby private track. except then i run into another city street and he says “okay take it out”

and i’m like “you’re nuts mister… but okay”

and off we fly down this road and that with him all the time chuckling over the responses people give to a woman driving a ferrari and me totally laughing at how much fun this car is from a dead stop. cause yeah, my honda is fun out of lights but this? wow.

eventually we’re on a lovely road through the don valley and “floor it” he says and i do and it throws me back into my seat and “try the brakes” which i slam on and holy shit. SO GOOD.

anyway i take it to a dead stop in the middle of the road and then just punch it (shut up i looked if there were cars behind me first!) and wow. wow.

you guys i do.NOT.HAVE.WORDS!

about the best way i can describe how awesome driving a ferrari is is to say that for the first time EVER in my life i suddenly feel a little bit of this quest for wealth. i mean hey, if i can make a million bucks i can buy a ferrari… or maybe i’ll make a half a million and buy a twenty year old ferrari… or or or…

dudes it’s SO MUCH FUN!

so yeah, you thought i had cylinder envy on wednesday?

*laughs fool head off*

i had no earthly idea. none.

i heard little growly purrings in my ears all night long… (well okay i heard some other stuff too… lol)

September 5, 2007

cylinder envy

Filed under: cars,driving,engines,life,motorcycles,random — sassinak @ 3:38 pm

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i know, i’m supposed to want a penis rather than a vagina but i currently have a raging case of cylinder envy instead. this is particularly surprising if you understand the depth of love i hold for my auld honda.

i mean this car and i? we’ve been through a lot. with the possible exception of some books i don’t think that there’s much i’ve had for longer… thinking thinking… oh and some old ikea furniture.

sassmobile.jpg

anyway i’m the kind of person that gets attached to things and then has a hard time parting with them. so, i will of course end up designating my car an antique someday and stubbornly continuing to fix it.

okay okay i won’t, but i’m holding out for a non-petroleum using vehicle if i can manage it because i don’t like to take the environmental hit of building a new car when my old one still gets 30mpg (12km/L) in the summer. that said, the hybrids are FINALLY starting to get better mileage than i do so my tune may change.

i did see a car (honda fit) that i would get as my next used car if need be though which is a change, first time in ten years i’ve liked anything i’ve seen as much as what i’m already driving.

but that is not the point of this post. the point (what? i have those occasionally!) the point is that i have never understood why anyone would bother to spend a ton of money on an ugly car. i can CERTAINLY understand the point of beggaring yourself for something as pretty as a lamborghini diablo…

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because seriously, that car is one of the most staggeringly beautiful things i’ve ever seen (particularly the one rocky drove that was black with a ‘sothpaw’ plate… love it since i are one too.)

but i could never understand the point of these high end luxury cars. they’re ugly and usually ballless and don’t look like any kind of fun to drive… like for example this maserati [for the record maserati makes fucking beautiful sports cars…]:

maserati_quattroporte_sportgt_2007_440x220.jpg

kinda ugly and not very exciting at all. not NEARLY as ugly as the one i saw the other day. and until the other day i just could NOT understand why anyone would blow a ridiculous amount of money on something kinda ugly and made for five passengers and yet still all high end.

and then i was coming out of a light on bloor street beside a significantly uglier maserati than this. there we were all neck and neck and i’m thinking ‘as if i’m letting this ugly piece of crap pass me out of a light. yeah right’ and we’re neck and neck until we shift into second and then this guy goes “whatever” and corks it.

dude left me there like i wasn’t even moving which is how i know it’s a maserati…i read the back.

this NEVER happens. i beat PORSCHES out of lights. regularly.

and suddenly, suddenly i got it.

THAT is why any one would spend stupid amounts of money on an ugly car. it has balls.

i have cylinder envy.

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speaking of cylinder envy…

i’ve been seeing motorcycles everywhere i go.

motorcycles that remind me of the one i had once that was then promptly stolen. motorcycles that make me yearn to wrap myself around a motor on two wheels and go flying around corners at ridiculous speeds and crazy angles.

motorcycles that make me want to learn to corner on my knees… which would necessitate knee pucks…

motorcycles that make me realise i cannot go another year without riding one again…

ten years… my old M license is languishing…

yup, cylinder envy…

.

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