snapshots of an idle mind

September 24, 2007

unpaid credit cards and other calamities

.

my client is a no-show, lucky you you get a post… and i still have enough work this week that i’m not worried  :)

.

so

six years ago on january twenty second of this coming year i got into a car accident.  i had just spent the weekend patrolling at osler bluff ski club and was just delighted with my new ski patrol versus my old one.

my boyfriend and i were discussing moving in with each other (which we did in fact subsequently do… and then undo) and our great love for each other along with our hope that we could keep it that way.

i had just been promoted and was finally starting to get the hang of my new job (promoted, might i add, over forty eight other applicants ALL of whom had worked for the company longer than i had.)

financially i had finally gotten myself to a place where i was spending less than i made AND my car was all fixed after a short period of unemployment caused me to not fix a few things.

i had been off the cigarettes for more than a year and was believing that i might stay off (which i have) and had been working out enough that i had muscles and a nice body again at last. [amazing what a boost of energy NOT smoking gave me.]

in fact, i had just (three days earlier in fact) finally paid the balance on my credit card.  a balance which had crept up and up since i moved to toronto and just hadn’t quite managed to get itself paid off.

look, look i danced to myself, i finally don’t owe anyone anything and i have a nice life and a great job and a fantastic guy and wheee go me!

and wham.

i get in a car accident.

a little, tiny, inconsequential even, fender bender.  the kind that does all of six hundred dollars damage to one’s car IF they bother to replace the slightly scratched bumper.

the kind of accident that one effectively pays NO attention to.  and then… it crept.

little things started to hurt more and more and physical activity got harder and harder and suddenly, six months later, there i am fat and broken and hopeless thinking that i’ll never get well.   physios are giving up on me and life is just not going well.

eventually i meet my teacher and realise that being strapped to a desk is going to render it nearly impossible for me to heal and i quit my job.  nobody tells me that i’m entitled to go on disability.  nope, nor do they tell me that i might have been eligible for income replacement.

nope.

so i go it alone… or more accurately i go it alone with my boyfriend’s consent and understanding and willingness to help.

six months we think, it can’t take more than that.

yeah.  cut to a year later, i’m still broken, he and i have split up due to the stress and i’m living in a tiny little apartment and trying to support myself through teacher training while cleaning houses.  (i can’t ever work a real desk job again unless i have freedom to get up and move around constantly… otherwise?  seized up sass.) [just in case you wonder why i didn’t try to get my cushy desk job back in the meantime, it involved being strapped to a phone without a wireless headset.]

cut to another year later, i’m finished teacher training but still cleaning houses (and then i became the super of my building as well but that’s another story entirely) and wondering where the work is.  turns out there’s a bit of a glut of baby pilates teachers in these here parts and there isn’t much.

i get a client here and a couple of group classes there but really not so much of anything and the little credit card that could ends up maxed out all to shit.

cut to now.  i’m working an average of twenty to twenty-five teaching hours a week (which is about a thirty-five/forty hour week in terms of time driving and calling and waiting and… or about fifty in terms of start and finish times on the days that i work) and am slowly approaching my maximum cut-off of thirty hours a week (though at that point i will cut the schedule some so i have some earlier evenings back.)

i’ve fixed most of the shit that’s wrong with my car after five years of poverty based neglect [crap i have to call mr. law and see him about those upper engine mounts…] and boy does it drive better.  like it did when i met it even.  i mean like wicked fun to corner with again!  not as fun as it could be though, i think i’ll get some tires next time i have a spare four hundred bucks. (like november cause i like to get new tires just before winter hits.)

i’ve bought clothing that isn’t from nineteen niney eight or for work or used!

and shoes! and cds!

i can eat out whenever i like!

and here’s the kicker.  the other day i *deep breath* paid off my credit card.

due to holy terror i promptly ran out and spent some money on clothing and a CD and then i went and dropped three hundred and sixty bucks at the vet (mouse’s kidneys are fine for those of you that were wondering and the vet is delighted with their healthfulness) and just now made an appointment with the mechanic.   i then, of course, promptly dumped a bunch more payment on the card…

but see?  i paid off my credit card.

i can’t decide if i want to dance with glee or hide my ass in a dark corner somewhere and never come out so the universe can’t kick me again!

i’m sort of walking around staring at the sky and wondering where the toilet seat is going to come from (sorry, if you’ve never seen dead like me suffice to say that the main character is a reaper and is rendered dead by a flying toilet seat from a crashing piece of a space station.  such a funny show… but i digress.)

i really am scared shitless, how ridiculous is that?

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7 Comments »

  1. That’s your self-centered fear talking. Ignore it.

    Don’t go on too big of a spending spree, though. How much (or how little) stuff you have does not define who you are.

    So dance, dance dance!

    Of course that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.

    And I loved Dead Like Me. It was one of the few shows I would watch regularly. I loved the diner scenes, and the psycho receptionist. And her boss was just like every HR happylady I’ve ever met.

    Good for you!

    yeharr

    Comment by balloon pirate — September 24, 2007 @ 4:10 pm | Reply

  2. i’m with pirate. i say, dance, too. you’ve earned it.

    we can’t always be bracing for the worst…

    Comment by terry — September 25, 2007 @ 12:50 am | Reply

  3. It’s not ridiculous. It’s understandable to be scared. But, I’m with Pirate too. Dance. Whenever there is reason to dance. The choice is: Dance. You have good reason to be happy and proud and should enjoy the crap out of that. And, also, you have good karma coming your way. You more than paid your dues and fixed your life. That was a lesson you had to learn and a blessing in disguise as you are now doing what you love and you are free from the constraints of corporate stuff. Life is good. And you deserve it. DANCE!

    -N

    Comment by Natalia — September 25, 2007 @ 8:50 am | Reply

  4. In was pleased to be the beneficiary of your newfound largesse the other day. It was a treat to see you whip out some cash without a second thought and pay for my eggs benny. Thanx for brunch Sass.

    Comment by othercat — September 25, 2007 @ 10:53 am | Reply

  5. Congratulations, Sass! The credit card thing is great news. Those things can possess your soul if you’re not careful. You’re in such a great position to move forward now; the past has passed. Enjoy what you’ve EARNED, not what the universe has given you. It doesn’t appear that you’ve been on the receiving end of hand-outs from the gods… you got where you are because you have worked to get there. If that doesn’t deserve a dance or two, I don’t know what does!

    Comment by sweet l'il gal — September 26, 2007 @ 6:00 am | Reply

  6. You know, if you ever miss making those payments, I have a few you can take care of for me…

    Seriously, though, good job. I don’t know about up there in Canada, but here in the States the percentage of people who actually have more money in savings than owed in credit is less than 1%. With rising interest rates, doubled minimum payments, outrageous fees, and a credit market on the verge of collapse, you are in a very enviable position. Bravo, and great job once again. Enjoy your freedom.

    Comment by John — September 26, 2007 @ 10:23 am | Reply

  7. Congratulations!!!

    Hey maybe what happened before was not something that knocked you down when you were up, but it was that you needed to be turned around and the only way the universe saw to do it was something big and extreme. Maybe now that you’ve turned around and are traveling in your true direction thats it. And things just get better and better? Maybe you don’t need another “car accident” because you’re going the right way now?

    Gotta enjoy the moment.

    Comment by Clarity — September 28, 2007 @ 10:44 pm | Reply


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