snapshots of an idle mind

October 2, 2007

head shakings

.

to the ten percent of you that don’t fit into this post?  you know who you are.

.

as some of you know i had a date or two with a man who drives a ferrari a while back. the particularly attention paying public may also have realized that he started an investment bank.

normally i wouldn’t be so specific but he did link the bank in the relevant post’s comment section.

anyway the man himself, though beautiful and funny, is not the point of this post. the reactions he engendered in the people around me are.

it was amazing. i mean amazing what people were saying about this man solely because he appeared to have money in the bank.

after ONE date with him that lasted a little over an hour (i had prior plans afterward) and was in fact ridiculously fun, i was telling some people about him (cause yeah, i don’t meet many men i like… er didn’t, lately they seem to be coming out of the woodwork) and i got reactions that stunned me.

things like

.you got a hot investment banker? you bitch!

uh dude? one date.

.you would hate the investment banker lifestyle.

um we know what that is?

.oh nice he’s rich!

how do we know this?

.he’s playing you.

for what exactly?

.etc

etc.

i was literally flummoxed. no one (except flower who met him and thought he was awesome) asked me if he was nice (yes) funny (yes) cute (check) hot (check) tall (mm-hmm) polite (yup) smart (seems like) or anything like that.

no one cared what he was like at all. it was all about the money or the lifestyle… and i so didn’t get it.

cut to the second date.

you know, the one with the ferrari and the driving. oh right, i may not have told y’all that it was a date. it was assumed by a few folks but i was playing my cards close to my chest since i liked him.

anyway we go on a date, i drive a ferrari and i dance around for like weeks about getting to drive the ferrari and i’m even more stunned that i like the guy more than the fucking car.

and of course since i drove a FERRARI i told everyone i know about getting to drive it which caused many questions about the owner.

but not the questions you might expect, once i admitted that said lovely driving experience had happened on an actual date it went like this:

.he’s rich? marry him!

uh TWO DATES!

.why aren’t you travelling with him?

uh TWO DATES!??!?

.what are you going to do about his lifestyle if you have kids with him?

uh TWO DATES!??????????????????????????????!

.oh those rich guys, they always go back to their own kind.

fuck you, are you calling me cheap and low class?

.just get him to buy you a new computer (mine died)

ew

.oh those rich guys, they love bohemian artsy chicks like you…

um what?

but do you see what didn’t happen? no one asked me what he was like, if he was respectful, if i liked him, if he made me laugh, if i wanted to jump him, if he tried to jump me… nothing.

it’s all about the money.

i’m stunned i have to say, and amazed that celebrities and the really rich ever date at all. i guess it’s no wonder that the celebrities and rock stars and supermodels and sports heroes tend to date within their own circles somewhat.

i mean how on earth would you know that someone liked you for you? any little innocent comment would set your spidey senses tingling and really, how would you ever be sure?

so what are people in those kinds of tax brackets left with?

matchmakers

matchmaking websites

high school sweethearts

dating in their own field or one nearby…

hrm… that’s about it.

i mean i don’t give a SHIT how much money you make so long as you can afford to live a decent lifestyle with some traveling and some eating out and some living well.

if you can afford your life? to buy me dinner on occasion? to live your dreams? to participate in mine? that’s all i really want from you.

and even i found myself having little imaginary scenarios where i got to play with the ferrari at the race track too… imagine if you were the kind of person who really cared about money…

you would do everything in your power to snag a guy like that.

how is he supposed to tell the difference between interest and dollar signs?

*shaking head* really stunned i have to say. i have so much more sympathy for celebrity love nuclearisms now…

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5 Comments »

  1. I think you’re dealing with two issues here that are sort of intertwined: Money and Connectivity.

    First, there’s a whooole bunch of baggage that comes with money–both having it and not having it. The latter doesn’t apply here, but the former does. Part of this comes from popular culture–the myth that when one has money, life is by definition much, much better.

    Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Not being rich, I couldn’t tell you.

    I think part of the reaction is learned response. Do you remember the movie “Arthur”? Remember what the first thing Linda’s father said when he learned she was dating a millionaire? No? I’ll bet you can guess.

    These people you were talking to were reading a script, not reacting. Which leads to the second problem: Connectivity. Interactions with other people. Too many people are having conversations that mean nothing. No real connections–conversations where ‘How are you?” is only put in there to keep “Hello” from bumping into “Goodbye.”

    Again, it’s a learned trait. My parents really didn’t teach me how to connect with other people–my mom was too busy trying to keep me safe, and my father was either out doing something or in the basement working on a project, so I learned interactions from the only other constant in my life–TV. And when my tutors were ‘Dallas’ and “Cheers,” we learn that words are either weapons, or conversations are a series of jokes. Person one does a set-up line, person two does the punch line.

    You: He’s got his own investment bank.
    Them: Ooh! Has he made a deposit?

    Cue laugh track.

    That may be a bit of an exaggeration of the conversations you’ve had, but I’m guessing it’s not too far off the mark. I’m not the only one who had a cathode ray tube as a teacher.

    You don’t seem to want that any more. Maybe you never did. But you’re seeing that behavior around you, and it’s bothering you–coming into clear focus when you talked about this guy you liked who incidentally (to you) is very rich. Can’t say that I blame you. I don’t want it either.

    You’re looking for something real–in all your relationships. I think that’s why you wrote so much about the car ride, and little or nothing about the dating. You were holding it close because it was special. And you were looking for real reactions from your acquaintances, too, but they didn’t really deliver it.
    Of course, that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.

    Go easy on your friends. They’re only doing what they’ve been taught.

    Oh, and if you ask me how I am, you better have half an hour to hear the answer. You may need it.

    Another question is why is it bothering you so much? What do you see in his predicament that reminds you of yours?

    yeharr

    Comment by balloon pirate — October 2, 2007 @ 4:39 pm | Reply

  2. you know, it’s not just money. people make assumptions about others based on all sorts of superficial shit.

    maybe i’m naive. maybe it’s not superficial, but it seems that way to me. i don’t care what someone does for a living or how much money they make or where they live or how they dress blah blah blah. i care who they ARE. and how they treat me.

    you do too. i think in the wider culture, it’s all about status, and your friends were simply reacting to that.

    Comment by terry — October 3, 2007 @ 12:14 am | Reply

  3. I try not to make assumptions. Of course that isn’t always easy. I don’t care about money in that way but I do want someone who can support himself, so I won’t end up supporting him. And more important than making money, I need someone at my same cerebral level. That I discriminate on. Sorry. I have to. Education (although not always from college), being a reader, being a traveler, etc., are things I need in a man. And I think we all need someone on our own level. So I might make a comment about someone who likes to read history books and play chess and go on holiday to Spain dating someone who doesn’t know what a book looks like, only plays dominoes and has never been out of the country they were born in. But then again, it might work for them. But I might still comment…if asked.

    -N

    Comment by Natalia — October 3, 2007 @ 12:13 pm | Reply

  4. Insightful commentary from balloon pirate. Food for thought, definitely.

    Additional thought: Two of the things you said in your post struck me as quite possibly connected (and I paraphrase): a)People in your life were aware that this gentleman was wealthy, and b)You didn’t widely advertise your feelings about him as a person (I suspect, as balloon pirate surmised, you wanted to keep it special).

    Putting aside people you speak to on a regular basis, do you think that perhaps the reason why no one asked about your impressions of this man has less to do with the fact that people are shallow and more to do with the fact that all they knew of him was his purported wealth? With respect to your blog in particular, you didn’t comment on your feelings about this fellow- and I wonder if your readers wanted to respect your privacy and not pry. So if all they know is that this guy is allegedly rich and drives a nice car, they don’t have much to go on when making a supportive comment.

    Comment by princessvalium — October 3, 2007 @ 1:36 pm | Reply

  5. Why tell people what work he does? Does he have hobbies you can talk about instead?
    If people ask, you could be vague: “He works in the financial sector” and leave it at that.
    The best way to avoid unsolicited comments is to only provide the information on a “need to know” basis.

    Its the “pass the bean dip” strategy:
    http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppbreastfeed/?msg=69364.2

    Comment by Clarity — October 7, 2007 @ 1:34 am | Reply


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