snapshots of an idle mind

October 22, 2007

adjustments

Filed under: dating,friendship,life,men,outside,pics,singlehood — sassinak @ 12:46 am

.

it’s funny you know. it’s been a really long time since i dated anyone with any level of seriousness. since i *liked* the person i was dating.

.

anyway, tr and i split up four years ago now, four years and a lifetime ago in fact. i’m so different from that girl that i find her hard to recognize. so fragile and broken and hating the fat coating her slowly returning body.

fragile in her soul more than anything and in desperate need of the healing that would come with three years of celibacy and a tiny basement apartment. an apartment so small that it fits in my current living room.

an apartment that was, in many ways, a cocoon.

a place to rebuild and create anew and rediscover and learn about my self while i built a career and a life that would sustain me through wherever the next part of my journey would take me.

several times in that period i bemoaned my lack of interesting dating potential and the years without sex but you know? in retrospect i needed every single one of those days.

i needed to find my self.

and i did.

and then i moved here. i moved to this beautiful light filled space in the middle of a ravine that my clients and my cats and my soul all love and my life started to take off.

my business took itself to the next level in large part because it had a place to grow and be nurtured and now it’s sitting and gestating and getting itself ready for the next step.

that one is a doozy let me tell you. opening a studio makes me blanch with fear a little but i can see that it’s coming.

the people in my life that didn’t like me or were filled with negativity have all taken themselves away in rather spectacular fashion. most of them felt the need to attack me on the way out the door but i’ve had to realize that those attacks were not necessarily about me at all… but more about their own disappointments and lacks.

somehow i became the representation of all things bad in some people’s existences and well, i guess i can’t be sad that they’re gone.

it’s funny though, because in all cases i am sad and i do miss them. it’s weird to miss people that hate you but there it is. it’s interesting to me that every one of those people picked public forums to hit me with… i don’t understand how those sorts of things don’t happen in person.

but then, i wouldn’t.

furthermore i made some decisions.

i decided that it was time to stop complaining about my dateless status and go out there and do something about it. i was going to go on those great sounding adventures at meet market adventures and try speed dating and email at least one man on okcupid per week.

i was going to do it up good.

and in the meantime i emailed a man (on okcupid) about a cat. specifically the kittens a friend of mine is trying to find a home for (cute black ones, any takers?) that his profile suggested he was in search of as a companion to his current cat.

and he asked me out for brunch, and scrabble… which we played to a tie.

seriously, who plays scrabble to a tie?

and yeah…

that was a little over a month ago and we’ve sort of been dating like constantly since then… and i like him.

and so do my friends and the members of my family that have met him. and his friends and family? like me.

it’s kind of strange.

anyway it’s a really odd adjustment for me. i know that people who haven’t had dates in a while will both make fun of me and sympathize with this but seriously, it’s really weird.

there is a man in my life that i like. that likes me. that my cats like, whose cat likes me.

there is a man in my life that has favourite expressions of mine, whose sense of humour i am learning to predict, who can call my behaviour in certain situations and that my friends want to hang out with.

a man who can make shoe shopping fun.

yes really.

a man that i tend to speak with before i sleep and who is slowly fitting himself into my life in this seamless sort of way and it’s WEIRD!

i am NOT complaining okay?

in fact i really really really like it (and him) but it’s been a very long time since i had to fit my life into someone else’s at all. since there was someone i called just because i wanted to hear their voice.

that there was someone i missed.

it’s disconcerting and yet wonderful all at once.

okay nat here you go:

sassnnayrb.jpg

no, i have no idea why i’m making that face…

cottagekitchen.jpg

in the kitchen at his family cottage. my sister came up for brunch with us… god that was awesome. otherwise i wouldn’t have seen her until christmas!

and just one of the scenery:

scenery.jpg

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11 Comments »

  1. I just want you to know that that second picture is actually two pictures spliced together. I used Photoshop’s automate panorama feature. Because I love Photoshop.
    It’s dreamy.

    Comment by lia — October 22, 2007 @ 11:04 am | Reply

  2. lia: no way really? i wondered because i couldn’t figure out HOW i was doing what i was doing while he was doing that… counter was too clean…

    that’s freaking awesome anyway

    Comment by sassinak — October 22, 2007 @ 11:13 am | Reply

  3. Congratulations, Sass… yet again, things are aligning. No such thing as a jinx; just pointing out the fortunes.
    And he is really adorable! Not in a condescending way, either…He’s cute with nice eyes… (Am I allowed to say that?)

    Comment by sweet l'il gal — October 22, 2007 @ 3:56 pm | Reply

  4. well, I think they were taken right after each other, so you gotta keep wondering!

    Comment by lia — October 22, 2007 @ 7:04 pm | Reply

  5. sass, this is fabulous.

    anyone who mocks or doesn’t understand is lame.

    i’m happy for you!

    (he’s cute, too…!)

    Comment by terry — October 23, 2007 @ 1:03 am | Reply

  6. I am so happy for you Sass. I too had to grow, heal and change for a couple of years before all of the sudden this new and datable person truly emerged. This rebuilding caused some major confusion several times for both myself and others. But isn’t a wonderful feeling once it’s reached (being put together as you sometime refer to it)?

    Your new man looks positively visionary. An old soul I’d wager. Both pictures of you two seem somehow very right. Congratulations.

    Comment by Adam Eating — October 23, 2007 @ 12:05 pm | Reply

  7. it always happens like that i think.
    when you’re not really expecting it to, you know?

    it was pretty random with you guys. but for whatever reason, i think you just worked right away, which was really nice to watch. and as i’ve said in the past and will probably continue to say, you two are so cute together it makes me cringe.

    in a good way. ;)

    Comment by smileycherub — October 23, 2007 @ 3:40 pm | Reply

  8. I loved reading this. It’s so good to hear about a person who just keeps doing the next right thing, treating people with honesty and openness, without a trace of fear or anger (even when the feelings aren’t returned). Dealing with situations as they come, without drama. Feeling your emotions–both good and bad–and being ok with it. And being grateful for the goodness that comes her way.

    Awesome. I’m so happy for you. You deserve every bit of this.

    Keep it up!

    yeharr

    Comment by balloon pirate — October 24, 2007 @ 1:38 pm | Reply

  9. Snoopydance of photoness! And of datingness.

    Dude…I am seriously so fantabulously elated for you. From the heart. You have done it the right way. You have taken time to be on your own and to like yourself as opposed to rushing to be with someone, no matter who, no matter how, out of desperation and loneliness, like so many people I know do.

    Kudos and enjoy.

    Freaking cuties…both of you! :)

    -N

    Comment by Natalia — October 25, 2007 @ 9:22 am | Reply

  10. I’m very happy for you. It is hard (harder for most) to start back up again. Enjoy it for what it is. Enjoy who you are, and I hope that it is the same person that he sees.

    Comment by Jon — October 26, 2007 @ 8:30 pm | Reply

  11. hey! no dissing the coccoon – we met at that place :P

    Comment by battery — October 31, 2007 @ 6:58 pm | Reply


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