snapshots of an idle mind

January 21, 2009

sweet sadness

Filed under: anxiety,bitter pills,bliss,cars,driving,engines,grief,life,random,surreal — sassinak @ 3:17 pm

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well, it’s official, i have a new car.

okay not entirely official as i don’t take delivery until this afternoon but you know what i mean.  it’s paid for (with some help) and the plates are off my old car and sitting in the windshield/back window.

i may have driven my old honda for the last time and i’m abjectly sad about it.

i understand that i will love my new car just as much and that i will be just as broken hearted when my mechanic says “it’s time, your car is dead” but that isn’t any consolation to me now.

there are a few reasons i’m unhappy about this transition, not the least of which is that i expected to get another five years about of my perfectly tuned, corners like a bmw, gets phenomenal mileage accord.  expected in vain because the body rotted out from under me with very little warning.

in fact i’m a little bit pissed off at my mechanic for not making me understand what was happening.  why was i fixing a rotten car?  why wasn’t i made to understand 3-5 years ago that i needed to spend some money on the body?

how was this a SURPRISE?

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there is something so *wrong* about throwing out something so perfectly tuned.  i know the body is rotten but the engine has another 200,000km in it EASY.

ah well, i think i found a guy who is going to find a solid body and use my parts to build a car… so at least he’s getting something out of it.

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so here i am all broken hearted right?

all sad about the passing of this beautiful machine…

and yet?

and yet there’s a little joy here.

i’m getting my very first NEW car!

not new to me, NEW.

as in no one but me has ever driven it (okay, on and off the truck and the broker is driving it to my house but you know what i’m saying) and i have to break in the engine.

as in i get to be the only person who cares for this car and i will know implicitly every bolt that gets changed and fluid that gets dirty and if it dies it will be entirely my responsibility.

it will be *mine* from the day it got sold until the day i sell it or my mechanic looks at me mournfully and says “it’s time, get a new car.”

and that’s cool right?

i should be excited to own my very first new car and i am… i mean i’m totally stoked and i am fully aware that i will fall madly in love with it in time… it’s just i’m having a hard time getting past the senseless waste of it’s predecessor.

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oh you wanna know what i got?

2008.5 mazda 3 sedan, five speed with no air… cause i like don’t like the air and the power anything…

i do like the ipod plug though… kind of an improvement over the tape deck

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in other news, what is with these idiots who get high performance cars in an automatic?

or worse, with a manual transmission and NO IDEA how to WORK IT???

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only thing worse?

porsche sport utility vehicle…

i mean really, isn’t that an oxymoron?

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oh wow oh wow oh wow

my car is almost here and the plates are off my accord…

god i’m sad for my accord.

man i’m excited about my very first new car…

wow wow wow.

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and for those of you who know how much i love old things?

yes, i really did basically buy the new car version of the old car i’m throwing out….

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anyone wanna buy a really good engine?

February 16, 2008

holy unfairness batman

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so yeah i’m having a day.

i’m sure you’re all having days too, some better than others… but i’m having a day. i woke up a little late and couldn’t get my head on straight and taught a funny class and went to class where i never quite felt like i was there and then…

and then the day improved of course.

i mean who doesn’t want to spend the first day of their first vacation in five years shovelling out their car after they’ve gotten it stuck? heaving on it with a few helpers? dumping salt all over the place to get traction for the feet as we push?

how about getting it out of the rut only to rub it up against a fence while doing so? calling your boyfriend at home to get you a tow truck? waiting for it and then watching as it pulls your car off the fence… now with a broken mirror and fresh scratches and sixty bucks to the awesome little old tow truck driver named luigi?

almost but not quite killing a pedestrian?

how about realising that you are no longer competent and that beyond calling a cab at three am and MAYBE, just MAYBE managing to pack you are done? can’t even write a fuck you suckers i’m on vacation post done?

doesn’t that sound like the best vacational first day ever?

how about if i tell you that’s only half of the shit that’s wrong right now? that i have a bladder and a yeast infection? [and if you know about my other …issue? that is acting up too.]

don’t you think the universe might be having a little fun with me?

dear universe, i really need a rest okay? would you mind making the rest of the week a little easier than the first day? pretty please?

cherries on top?
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for the record, i’m still feeling pretty good. i’m aware rationally that although i’m having a brutal day i have in no way impacted my actual vacation in any damaging way.

i mean hell the mirror was halfway broken already!

not to mention? it’s a chilly twenty four degrees in cayo coco right now.. i think that might be the temperature here in fahrenheit today…

all you can eat food and drink… beautiful man to share it with…

five star beach and cuban music to lull me into a drunken stupor…

average daily temperature of 26 degrees celsius and nightly of 21…

yeah, sounds good to me.

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hopefully this day will stop piling little disasters on top of each other. i’m really hoping that i can finish my laundry and make my bed and pack between now and three am without too much trauma…

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but you know what happens at 11:10am tomorrow morning?

oh yeah, i land in cuba for day one of my first vacation in five years…

sayonara kids!

January 14, 2008

on blogging

Filed under: bliss,blogging,candida,driving,family,food,life,men,pilates,truth,work — sassinak @ 4:21 pm

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it’s interesting this blogging thing, it seems that we pay more attention to these virtual journals at some rate that is inverse to our current levels of contentedness. there isn’t much to say about being happy in your life. somehow … somehow you end up with very little news.

hi mom, how are you

i’m well, your father is well, you?

i’m great

how’s nayrb?

he’s great, how’s your art class…

how’s your pilates…

this is all very interesting stuff you know but well, you can only do it so many times. lately i feel like that’s how the conversations in my life are going. my work is going swimmingly, in fact i think i got a very nice gift of equipment today.

my teacher outgrew a storage unit and i offered to buy it from her… in return she told me to take it. this thing that is perfectly measured to our equipment as designed by her.

like i’m complaining.

but see that doesn’t make for particularly interesting *blogging.* in fact it’s a very nice life to be living but it leaves me with very little to say.

i got a raise at one of the places i work.

seriously what is there to talk about? my current levels of angst are mostly restricted to road rage and scrabble with my boyfriend.

well and paying for my vacation. i think i will do it but it’s closer than i would like since we turn out to be going on a more expensive week. nayrb might have to be in charge of the tipping when we get there. did i mention i’m really excited about my first vacation in five years?

oh like sixteen hundred times now? is that all? can’t i do sixteen hundred and one? please? i’m really excited???

seriously folks it makes for deadly dull writing.

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in other news, i’ve come to the conclusion that i have candida based on a whole pile of urinary tract infections and millions of yeast infections and some gnarly flavours in my mouth.

i’m not too thrilled about this candida idea at all, pretty much it explains some plaguing health concerns in a way that has me utterly convinced that i’m infested with that fucking stuff… so i’m on a diet. [neither of these are canonical references… if you think you may have candida please do your own research]

a diet that allows me to eat basically meat, vegetables, eggs, balkan yoghurt and legumes and not to spice it with soy or anything containing vinegar or anything that’s fermented… don’t forget no meat or yeast…

did you know hot sauce was made of vinegar? that soy sauce had wheat in it? that coffee wasn’t okay? damm them, not even the decaf.

i stare at bread like a starving victim, all puppydog eyes and longing glances.  i swear i’m worse than a teenaged nerd with a crush on the prom queen about yeast and flour bearing objects…

and to add insult to injury?  it’s been a week and i already feel better.

dammit.

i don’t mind the five pounds that i’ve dropped really i don’t, i just mind that the damn diet appears to be helping because it means that i have to stay on it.

ah well, least i’m cooking more at home… and i’ve made a deal with my favourite restaurant so life isn’t all bad…

but i want french fries!!!

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so yeah, that’s the sum total of angst in my life… please to be telling me what exactly i’m supposed to write about?

October 5, 2007

happy turkey weekend !

Filed under: bliss,climbing,dancing,driving,food,life,outside,party,seasonal — sassinak @ 11:52 pm

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the comments on my last post were awesome, thank you guys, i just had nothing to add to your wisdom.

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i know, for you poor american folks there is no long weekend this weekend but for us canadians there is one. that’s three wonderful days without working.

okay not quite, i’m working for an hour tomorrow and then getting my ass kicked by rr for an hour but then?

then i get to go to the cottage!

now, i’ve done a lot of hanging at the farm and a little camping and some festivaling (which involves sleeping in a tent) and i’ve generally been out of town at least one night of the majority of weekends this summer.

however, there has been no cottaging.

no wonderful sitting by a lake and forgetting how to talk because you’re so peaceful and talking would be overkill.

none of that great food you somehow only get around to making when it’s thanksgiving or you’re at a cottage or you’re trying to impress someone.

no swimming in real water that isn’t a little scary… and feels like northern ontario water. i can’t really explain the difference but the water north of the great lakes feels different somehow. it has something in it or not in it that makes you feel clean no matter how filthy you are and always leaves you feeling refreshed.

it’s also usually cold so i suspect we’ll be doing more looking at the lake than swimming in it but i’m still packing a swimsuit. hrm i probably should have packed before i curled up in bed, good thing it only takes me ten minutes since i have a busy morning ahead.

oh my god i get to sleep without an alarm on sunday!

AND i get to sleep in on monday!

AND i get thanksgiving dinner when i get back!!

man my life rocks.

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speaking of climbing, something happened to me a little while ago and it’s SO COOL!

i was working the start of a 5.10- and getting like absolutely nowhere and my partner looks at me and says ‘you should climb the eleven minus, it’s way more your type of moves.’

and after about five minutes of arguing i did it.

i didn’t finish the fucking thing, oh no, i got maybe a third of the way up it but see here’s the thing… I STARTED A FIVE ELEVEN MINUS!!

and then i started another one.

and then i flashed a five ten plus. first try, never saw anyone climb it just up i went. it’s like i died and someone who climbs better showed up in my body.

except that i’m not dead and i’m still me (i think) and i just broke a plateau. i finally got off the grade that i was stuck on when i got in a car accident SIX YEARS AGO!

fuck, six years.

that’s pretty trippy. lot of changes since i started climbing.

anyway, at last i have moved on!

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cherub and i are having a shindig for hallowe’en on october 27th, let me know if you don’t have your invite by monday.

costumes are required :)

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whee long weekend at the cottage with just enough road trip to get there!

September 24, 2007

unpaid credit cards and other calamities

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my client is a no-show, lucky you you get a post… and i still have enough work this week that i’m not worried  :)

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so

six years ago on january twenty second of this coming year i got into a car accident.  i had just spent the weekend patrolling at osler bluff ski club and was just delighted with my new ski patrol versus my old one.

my boyfriend and i were discussing moving in with each other (which we did in fact subsequently do… and then undo) and our great love for each other along with our hope that we could keep it that way.

i had just been promoted and was finally starting to get the hang of my new job (promoted, might i add, over forty eight other applicants ALL of whom had worked for the company longer than i had.)

financially i had finally gotten myself to a place where i was spending less than i made AND my car was all fixed after a short period of unemployment caused me to not fix a few things.

i had been off the cigarettes for more than a year and was believing that i might stay off (which i have) and had been working out enough that i had muscles and a nice body again at last. [amazing what a boost of energy NOT smoking gave me.]

in fact, i had just (three days earlier in fact) finally paid the balance on my credit card.  a balance which had crept up and up since i moved to toronto and just hadn’t quite managed to get itself paid off.

look, look i danced to myself, i finally don’t owe anyone anything and i have a nice life and a great job and a fantastic guy and wheee go me!

and wham.

i get in a car accident.

a little, tiny, inconsequential even, fender bender.  the kind that does all of six hundred dollars damage to one’s car IF they bother to replace the slightly scratched bumper.

the kind of accident that one effectively pays NO attention to.  and then… it crept.

little things started to hurt more and more and physical activity got harder and harder and suddenly, six months later, there i am fat and broken and hopeless thinking that i’ll never get well.   physios are giving up on me and life is just not going well.

eventually i meet my teacher and realise that being strapped to a desk is going to render it nearly impossible for me to heal and i quit my job.  nobody tells me that i’m entitled to go on disability.  nope, nor do they tell me that i might have been eligible for income replacement.

nope.

so i go it alone… or more accurately i go it alone with my boyfriend’s consent and understanding and willingness to help.

six months we think, it can’t take more than that.

yeah.  cut to a year later, i’m still broken, he and i have split up due to the stress and i’m living in a tiny little apartment and trying to support myself through teacher training while cleaning houses.  (i can’t ever work a real desk job again unless i have freedom to get up and move around constantly… otherwise?  seized up sass.) [just in case you wonder why i didn’t try to get my cushy desk job back in the meantime, it involved being strapped to a phone without a wireless headset.]

cut to another year later, i’m finished teacher training but still cleaning houses (and then i became the super of my building as well but that’s another story entirely) and wondering where the work is.  turns out there’s a bit of a glut of baby pilates teachers in these here parts and there isn’t much.

i get a client here and a couple of group classes there but really not so much of anything and the little credit card that could ends up maxed out all to shit.

cut to now.  i’m working an average of twenty to twenty-five teaching hours a week (which is about a thirty-five/forty hour week in terms of time driving and calling and waiting and… or about fifty in terms of start and finish times on the days that i work) and am slowly approaching my maximum cut-off of thirty hours a week (though at that point i will cut the schedule some so i have some earlier evenings back.)

i’ve fixed most of the shit that’s wrong with my car after five years of poverty based neglect [crap i have to call mr. law and see him about those upper engine mounts…] and boy does it drive better.  like it did when i met it even.  i mean like wicked fun to corner with again!  not as fun as it could be though, i think i’ll get some tires next time i have a spare four hundred bucks. (like november cause i like to get new tires just before winter hits.)

i’ve bought clothing that isn’t from nineteen niney eight or for work or used!

and shoes! and cds!

i can eat out whenever i like!

and here’s the kicker.  the other day i *deep breath* paid off my credit card.

due to holy terror i promptly ran out and spent some money on clothing and a CD and then i went and dropped three hundred and sixty bucks at the vet (mouse’s kidneys are fine for those of you that were wondering and the vet is delighted with their healthfulness) and just now made an appointment with the mechanic.   i then, of course, promptly dumped a bunch more payment on the card…

but see?  i paid off my credit card.

i can’t decide if i want to dance with glee or hide my ass in a dark corner somewhere and never come out so the universe can’t kick me again!

i’m sort of walking around staring at the sky and wondering where the toilet seat is going to come from (sorry, if you’ve never seen dead like me suffice to say that the main character is a reaper and is rendered dead by a flying toilet seat from a crashing piece of a space station.  such a funny show… but i digress.)

i really am scared shitless, how ridiculous is that?

September 13, 2007

hello miss goodall

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it’s interesting what happens to me when i end up anywhere near the club scene. interesting because i never do quite what is expected of the usual person when they show up at a club.

the other day my friend oasis called me up and said “sass you have to come with me, i have an invitation to a film festival party!” [toronto international film festival, much partying, many celebrities, much traffic ridiculousness and irritation to the residents of the downtown core, much media hype etc] so i think fast and sigh with relief and say that i can’t go because i’m meeting my lawyer friend to make a waiver for my studio.

this is even true.

“oh” says she, “that’s fine since nothing ever happens until midnight anyway”

“crap” think i, “now how do i get out of it? dammit not working until eleven the next morning!!” and so i say okay since i’m forever NOT doing stuff with her.

so i go and i hang with the lawyer friend and then head home (though i would SO rather hang with her) and i whip out my most gorgeous dress and toss on my face. yeah this literally takes all of ten minutes, i just can’t be bothered spending an hour getting ready to do ANYTHING except maybe be the maid of honour at lividviv’s wedding and even then i mostly stood around and rearranged my dress.

it helps that i’m blessed with hair that looks good when it gets out of bed.

so, there i am all dolled up on command and she and another lady friend of hers pick me up and off we head. and you know? i should have known better, i should have but i didn’t.

so as we pull up to this place (i’m already yawning of course) she says ‘i don’t know if we can get in’ and i’m all uh don’t you have an invitation? and she’s all ‘no, i have a pass… but i don’t know if it will work’ and i just sort of sigh and gird my loins.

i mean i do not club. i club for something hilariously fun like bridesmaidmania [actual photo of ME but i failed to really be tacky enough] and i’m perfectly willing to go to some hoi polloi shindig and press the flesh (something i am in fact ridiculously good at but in no way crave) but i really don’t go clubbing like ever.

hence the loin girding.

so off we go and they let us in and of course it’s because there’s no one there and then they decide to go find the party.

go find the party. on a wednesday night.

oh god.

so we end up at some place on brant street at what is reported to be ‘the tommy lee party’ and i find myself sitting on a riser watching a whole pile of people try to be cool enough to be invited into the vip section. i don’t really know why because it didn’t look very fun in there either but hey, i’m a snob…

so, as always happens, i totally forget to participate. in fact i end up sort of sitting back in my pretty dress and people watching (that and the music had absolutely no groove to it so who could dance?) i love the people watching, i could write papers on the ridiculous things that people will do to get attention in a club. (don’t even get me started on the people you smile at, they look at you like you’re trying to steal their souls.)

from the girl in the backless dress that i desperately wanted to feed to the girl with the great rhythm pretending to model on the catwalk to the men walking around being oh-so cool with their noses at least ten feet in the air to the men who made the women look uncoiffed to the shirtless guy with the guitar he was pretending to play to the girls i was with.

these girls who did nothing all night but look challengingly at everyone who came near them and yet refused to speak to anyone and then, immediately upon leaving each venue, complained bitterly about how much toronto sucked, how canadian men are ‘so lame’ and this city is soooo boring and they can’t wait to leave and and and to the point that i was blessedly relieved to be able to claim morning work and come home.

i mean really, if you don’t like it here? why are you still here?

i mean i can sort of see their point about dating in toronto, it’s definetely a crap shoot… but with that kind of attitude really, what do they expect? they look down on anyone who comes remotely near them and don’t speak to any of the men they actually find attractive.

how the hell does that work?

as for the rest of the crowd? it made me sort of sad. here are all these people who are so clearly trying to have fun and trying to be noticed… most especially the little gaggles of starving women dressed in their ‘sexiest’ (skankiest?) clothes who parade around and hope that someone famous or rich will discover them and rescue them from their lives.

i wish they would learn that the only person who can rescue them is themselves… knights in shining armour do not exist and even in the stories they pick the women with spines every time.

mostly i just wanted to drag them to a place that sold food and force feed them…

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it’s really tragic to see someone driving a porsche or a ferrari who doesn’t understand what shifting gears is for.

i mean it like physically hurts to hear… [such a pretty car behind me today and such pathetic driving…]

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speaking of ferraris, explain to me how driving that car has rendered my car more fun! that makes no sense but it’s true.

there i am doing racing corners on my favourite stretch of road and flying out of lights and just generally partying down in my little honda. i haven’t done that since before i replaced the ball joints!

oh yeah, baby drives like she’s young again!

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yay i’m fully booked for the next three weeks!

my life really is coming up roses these days!

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irony

not getting a ticket for doing 140 in a 70 in a ferrari

and getting a ticket EXACTLY a week later doing 60 in a 40 in your own car.

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September 9, 2007

after apple pick… er trimming…

Filed under: driving,family,life,pics,random,seasonal,work — sassinak @ 12:05 am

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two points if you can tell me where the title is from.

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last weekend i was where i’m sitting right now except my best friend othercat was here with me and we were a lot more drunk than i am now.

not that i’m sober now exactly you realize, just that we were drunker than i currently am and we weren’t that drunk then either.

regardless, we took some pictures that i was planning to post earlier this week but then i got distracted by a maserati and then a ferrari and well you know i’m kinda slow so here we are a week later.

othercat and i drove up here and took the three hour version of the two hour drive. in case you don’t understand what that means it tends to involve lots of gravel and the occasional turn with no earthly knowledge of where the road actually goes.

it was lovely.

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here i am sitting on a little bridge like thing just down the road from the farm. they actually built a tunnel diagonally under the road for whatever reason… i don’t care about the reason, it’s one of my favourite places…

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this is an oops we’re still zoomed in self-portrait othercat and i attempted at this same place… doesn’t he look all cool and the matrix?

i’m not sure you can possibly understand just how happy we are here. we’ve left the city, it’s a GORGEOUS day and we don’t have to be home until monday afternoon. i mean does it get any better than this?

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self-portrait. exciting i know.

of course no weekend at the farm is complete without a few key ingredients.

work… in this case my father was busy dredging the pond and good lord do i wish i had a picture.

my parents bought this crazy rake to get the plants and cattails out of the pond because mother nature is winning and my father worked like a dog dredging a pond he NEVER swims in.

no, not sorta never, NEVER.

*i* swim in it. my sister swims in it… cherub was dragged into it a few weeks ago:

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but she declared all the weeds and stuff kinda gross and frankly i couldn’t blame her. so, the point is here’s my dad working his butt off to clean the pond he NEVER swims in and here are othercat and i watching the tennis [us open, tends to be the best tennis of the year] or drinking beer or whatever.

so i offered to work, also i like to work but don’t tell anybody since it will ruin my reputation… although i guess that’s catching these days.

so dad says ‘well you know, the apple trees need trimming’ and so, lo and behold, after some instruction here i am trimming trees!

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yes that’s a flip-flop i’m wearing and yes i’m half in a tree and half on a ladder. you wouldn’t believe some of the crazy positions i ended up in trying not to kill the tree while cutting off the dead bits…

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that takes care of the work part nicely now doesn’t it?

also i’m massively amused by my body position here… it seems unsafe and yet i’m braced in this really appropriate centre of gravity sort of way.

of course at the end of the work comes the reward:

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in case you’re wondering that’s a lamb roast on a rotisserie which is half of the oven that my father built many years ago. dad’s a pretty clever guy, he built ‘the monolith’ aka ‘the pizza oven’ just the right distance from the farmhouse because he knew he would never get a permit to build one into the house.

and then?

oh yeah, and then he applied for a permit to enclose it. gotta love my dad.

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i saw the funniest thing on the drive up here today you can’t imagine. a guy, in a minivan, driving in the left lane on the 401… BRUSHING HIS TEETH!

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oh and this little story is to make someone feel better:

so there i am coming off avenue onto chaplin crescent and i get my little turn left green arrow and i start to go and this guy coming south bound decides not only not to stop at his red light but to turn into the LEFT rather than the right lane.

yeah.

so i slam on the brakes.

why is this funny?

there’s a full travel mug of tea on my dash board… [doesn’t fit in the cup holders] and of course when i hit the brakes it flies forward a little and covers a large chunk of windshield.

i, too busy trying not to hit the idiot and honk at him, do not grab said tea when i hit the gas again and yeah… back it comes the other way!

i didn’t wear that much of it but my car sure did…

ah well, least it isn’t hand tooled corinthian leather… or my chest.

September 7, 2007

oh shit, now i have to become independently wealthy…

Filed under: bliss,cars,driving,engines,ferrari,life,surreality — sassinak @ 11:41 am

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or cylinder envy part deux.

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or oh my, be careful what you wish for even inadvertently.

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yesterday i had the singular privilege of riding in a ferrari.

oh my god you guys you have no idea how hot these cars actually are until you’re in one. i mean sure they’re pretty and they certainly look and sound hot flying by you on the street but somehow, somehow you just don’t get it until you’re sitting in one.

when you’re IN the damm thing you can feel all that power and somehow the happy throaty growl of a well tuned engine on the prowl cannot be replicated no matter how you drive beside it. you have to be in it to get it, you just do.

not to mention the incredible urge to stroke the freaking thing. it’s just so pretty you want to pet it like a really expensive slate-grey cat.

funny things happen when you’re in one of these cars, some guy was so busy ogling the car that he forgot to watch the road and tried very hard to take out our front end while he was drooling over it. literally had his head hanging out the window looking back at us instead of watching where he was driving.

he then informed us that this car must be better than sex whereupon i came up with one of my better lines and replied “clearly you haven’t had sex with me” and he just shook his head and drooled and then the light turned green and he took off as fast as his little accord (one of the ugly ones…. the whole 1994-2006 line of accords is ugly) would take him in some strange attempt to show off.

unfortunately he did it while looking back at us and nearly took out a parked car!

anyway people point and stare and chase your car and take pictures and parking enforcement officers half the time don’t even ticket it…

but then.

oh my god

but then.

clearly my evident appreciation for this gorgeous beast and my questions about transmissions and my total car nutsness had their way with the driver and he whips into mount pleasant cemetery and stops the car and says ‘get out’ and i do.

i think we’re going for a walk in the cemetery. oh no.

not so much.

“come here” says he and i do. “get in and drive” he says and i gulp and sort of look like a panicked deer in the headlights and stare at him.

“but i might break it!”

i mean literally i was so excited and really rather terrified at the same time. i think it was worse than a virgin on her wedding night!

okay maybe not that bad.

anyway so in i get with great trepidation and very gingerly place my hands on the wheel and he adjusts all the seats and mirrors and sticks it in automatic mode (rather than manual) and sort of looks expectant.

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(yes that’s the actual ferrari i drove sitting at mosport…)

like i’m stepping on an egg i touch the accelerator and start to drive. drive like i’m just learning how and i’m afraid of all the buttons… and oh my you guys. you can’t possibly get how awesome driving a ferrari is until you do it.

mount pleasant cemetery is an old old institution in toronto that happens to have great little windy roads everywhere… View Map

so i drive around and play with the corners and then change to manual mode to try the paddle shifting and generally just giggle like a twelve year old while driving around on what is effectively a little baby private track. except then i run into another city street and he says “okay take it out”

and i’m like “you’re nuts mister… but okay”

and off we fly down this road and that with him all the time chuckling over the responses people give to a woman driving a ferrari and me totally laughing at how much fun this car is from a dead stop. cause yeah, my honda is fun out of lights but this? wow.

eventually we’re on a lovely road through the don valley and “floor it” he says and i do and it throws me back into my seat and “try the brakes” which i slam on and holy shit. SO GOOD.

anyway i take it to a dead stop in the middle of the road and then just punch it (shut up i looked if there were cars behind me first!) and wow. wow.

you guys i do.NOT.HAVE.WORDS!

about the best way i can describe how awesome driving a ferrari is is to say that for the first time EVER in my life i suddenly feel a little bit of this quest for wealth. i mean hey, if i can make a million bucks i can buy a ferrari… or maybe i’ll make a half a million and buy a twenty year old ferrari… or or or…

dudes it’s SO MUCH FUN!

so yeah, you thought i had cylinder envy on wednesday?

*laughs fool head off*

i had no earthly idea. none.

i heard little growly purrings in my ears all night long… (well okay i heard some other stuff too… lol)

September 5, 2007

cylinder envy

Filed under: cars,driving,engines,life,motorcycles,random — sassinak @ 3:38 pm

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i know, i’m supposed to want a penis rather than a vagina but i currently have a raging case of cylinder envy instead. this is particularly surprising if you understand the depth of love i hold for my auld honda.

i mean this car and i? we’ve been through a lot. with the possible exception of some books i don’t think that there’s much i’ve had for longer… thinking thinking… oh and some old ikea furniture.

sassmobile.jpg

anyway i’m the kind of person that gets attached to things and then has a hard time parting with them. so, i will of course end up designating my car an antique someday and stubbornly continuing to fix it.

okay okay i won’t, but i’m holding out for a non-petroleum using vehicle if i can manage it because i don’t like to take the environmental hit of building a new car when my old one still gets 30mpg (12km/L) in the summer. that said, the hybrids are FINALLY starting to get better mileage than i do so my tune may change.

i did see a car (honda fit) that i would get as my next used car if need be though which is a change, first time in ten years i’ve liked anything i’ve seen as much as what i’m already driving.

but that is not the point of this post. the point (what? i have those occasionally!) the point is that i have never understood why anyone would bother to spend a ton of money on an ugly car. i can CERTAINLY understand the point of beggaring yourself for something as pretty as a lamborghini diablo…

2001lamborghinidiablo6294-e.jpg

because seriously, that car is one of the most staggeringly beautiful things i’ve ever seen (particularly the one rocky drove that was black with a ‘sothpaw’ plate… love it since i are one too.)

but i could never understand the point of these high end luxury cars. they’re ugly and usually ballless and don’t look like any kind of fun to drive… like for example this maserati [for the record maserati makes fucking beautiful sports cars…]:

maserati_quattroporte_sportgt_2007_440x220.jpg

kinda ugly and not very exciting at all. not NEARLY as ugly as the one i saw the other day. and until the other day i just could NOT understand why anyone would blow a ridiculous amount of money on something kinda ugly and made for five passengers and yet still all high end.

and then i was coming out of a light on bloor street beside a significantly uglier maserati than this. there we were all neck and neck and i’m thinking ‘as if i’m letting this ugly piece of crap pass me out of a light. yeah right’ and we’re neck and neck until we shift into second and then this guy goes “whatever” and corks it.

dude left me there like i wasn’t even moving which is how i know it’s a maserati…i read the back.

this NEVER happens. i beat PORSCHES out of lights. regularly.

and suddenly, suddenly i got it.

THAT is why any one would spend stupid amounts of money on an ugly car. it has balls.

i have cylinder envy.

.

speaking of cylinder envy…

i’ve been seeing motorcycles everywhere i go.

motorcycles that remind me of the one i had once that was then promptly stolen. motorcycles that make me yearn to wrap myself around a motor on two wheels and go flying around corners at ridiculous speeds and crazy angles.

motorcycles that make me want to learn to corner on my knees… which would necessitate knee pucks…

motorcycles that make me realise i cannot go another year without riding one again…

ten years… my old M license is languishing…

yup, cylinder envy…

.

client’s finally here!

July 11, 2007

la la lalalala la la la lala

Filed under: anxiety,bliss,dancing,dating,driving,family,food,life,men — sassinak @ 3:56 pm

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that’s the smurfs theme by the way, in case anyone wants to sing along at home.

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so, we went, we got lost, we bought a cadillac.

a mint green, stainless steel and wood cadillac to be exact. a beautiful, happy in it’s new home since it’s getting used at last machine that will serve my clients and i well for years to come.

a cadillac that we dragged up elevator and down, through customs and washington [trust me, washington was harder to navigate] and made mine with a touch of my father’s blood while we put it back together in my living room.

a cadillac that my cats have appropriated instantly such that any photos of it that i take have a mouse or a harriet on them. speaking of mouse and harriet…

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how cute are they? yes that’s my reformer’s edge beside them and yes this is very early in the moving in process…

anyway, life seems to be moving along pretty well here at casa sass.

beautiful men (and i don’t mean looks but some of them are also hot) are appearing in my life in the funniest ways, they walk into my class or smile at me at the climbing gym (and i miss it of course) or i catch them staring when i’m walking down the street and so on.

it seems that some recent events in my life, which effectively involved removing a millstone from around my neck, have allowed my ‘inner glow’ to reappear.

the kind of inner glow that has total strangers, women not trying to pick me up, stopping me in the street to compliment my dress and my beautiful hourglass figure.

the kind that has every man in a room staring at me when i enter it.

the kind that has my clients saying ‘you look like a shadow has lifted from your face somehow. and no, it isn’t just the tan, i’ve had that for weeks.

i feel like i’m dancing on a cloud every single day and with the miniscule exception of some unhappy people attacking me because they’ve decided that i’m attacking them? (which i wasn’t) my life rocks!

it rocks!

i’m teaching enough to eat and pay off my credit card at last. the credit card that has sat, at it’s limit, for the last four years. the credit card which, when paid off, may allow me to max it out again in exchange for a trip to see my parents!

an actual trip to ITALY!! woo hoo!

are you getting this? that means i might get, four years since i started my business, i might get a VACATION!

more than three and a half days off in a ROW! [which i get about five times a year all together… and that counts the two day weekends too]

oh god, i think i might have to just die of happiness right now.

yes yes, i know i’m counting my chickens before they hatch. i know i have a trip to orlando to pay for in november that might preclude actual italian food on new year’s eve and i still don’t care you know why?

i’m finally working ENOUGH!

man… i didn’t know how much weight i was carrying around until that anchor fell off my neck and shattered on the road behind me.

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