snapshots of an idle mind

January 17, 2009


Filed under: bliss,exercise,family,life,outside,pics,seasonal,surreality,work — sassinak @ 9:45 pm


i am having the strangest week…

not strange bad, more in the sense of all over the place and utterly unpredictable.

for a long time my business has had one source of referrals other than my existing clients and this has bothered me; not enough to advertise or get a job in a gym but enough.  i never like being dependent on one thing because there is always the risk that the person doing the referring will suddenly decide that they don’t like me anymore.

i haven’t been particularly worried because i tend to be extremely competent and this leads to less trouble than the average self-employed pilates instructor might experience.

you see my clients send me their wives/husbands/best friends and with that kind of loyalty my business can do nothing but grow.  it might grow slowly but it will grow nonetheless.

anyway this week i met a gynecologist who asked for my card and promised referrals (one of my areas of specialisation happens to be post partum women with pelvic floor/incontinence/sexual health issues) and a personal trainer client asked for a stack of cards and in fact referred someone to me already.

so suddenly? 

i went from one to three referral sources in a week!!!

this is truly awesome, not to mention that my clients send me more and more clients each year.  hmm maybe i can stop working at seven thirty in the evening someday…


in the meantime…

on thursday night i had dinner with a being who can make a million dollars on a ten minute phone call from a lounger on grand cayman (married, hush y’all)


on friday night i met a woman who runs her own company and happens to be getting arthritis in her feet.  what does this mean? 

that none of her 40 years worth of shoes fit her anymore.

why does this matter to me?

i have TWENTY ONE!!!!! new pairs of high heels (well a few are flats) to add to my already ridiculous shoe collection. 

i was like a kid in a candy store i’m telling you!

god you guys some of them are SOOOO sexy.


and on saturday?

on saturday my father enlisted my help to dig a hole. 

this would not normally be worthy of mention except for two or three little details:

it happens to be a measly nineteen below centigrade today (a mere minus two fahrenheit) and has been at least that cold for days.  it’s not traditionally known to be good hole digging weather.

of course we *were* in a steel structure, that raised the temperature at least 0.1 degree by removing the wind chill so it was really positively balmy in there…

furthermore he wanted us to dig the hole down several feet… (we gave up at the two foot mark and decided to wait for spring)

and still none of that would be worth mentioning except for this:

that is a real grin

that is a real grin














is that not the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen?

no like ever?


the tragedy of my life is that i found hacking away at a frozen solid piece of earth with my father to be ridiculously fun.

best part was after we got down a foot or so he carefully positioned a space heater in the hole, covered it with a tarp, and headed in to the house for lunch.

i was sure the whole place would go up in flames but nope, back we come to a hole that is frozen solid except for three inches of mud.  you can see the mud in the pic.

even funnier is that about fifteen minutes after this pic was taken the hat was off, the scarf was gone and my jacket was hanging open… but the camera was frozen ;>


i was *going* to do some cardio (aka ride mom’s stationary bike) but i decided that two hours with a pickaxe had to count and said screw it.


and then tomorrow?

off to go skiing….


you have to admit, it’s been kind of an up and down week…


well mostly up.

oh yeah, i bought a car!


for those of you who guessed that this ENTIRE post was so i could post the picture?

smart you…


that may be my best fashion crime this year…


March 8, 2008


Filed under: anxiety,bliss,exercise,friendship,life,money,pilates,Uncategorized,work — sassinak @ 11:41 pm

how lovely is this? i got it in an email that informed me i had to forward it or i would have bad luck… of course good luck follows the forward. whatever. that said, it’s such a nice wish that i really would wish it for anyone i knew:


May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

and see the thing that’s neat about this? i would absolutely wish that on anyone i know. anyone. this is what i want your life to be; you who is anyone that reads this blog ever.

the world would be better if that wish were true for everyone. people would share more and be nicer and maybe relax and slow down just a little bit. when did we lose the sitting on the porch with a lemonade or a mint julep and watching the sun go down?

why did such lovely moments of simple relaxation disappear? how is it that free time is the one thing we don’t seem to treasure anymore?

i say that, of course, in the middle of a day where i refused to leave the house (after a class i took this morning) and all i did was watch television and blog.  so it isn’t like i don’t treasure my time off.

in fact?  since i took a vacation it’s all i can do not to immediately take another one!


in point of fact my current financial dilemma is more interesting than that.  you see there are these two courses  that i want to take and they are in may and within a few weeks of each other.  one is a weekend in austin texas which would allow me to a) go to austin b) meet a buncha folks i’ve known on the net for years c) learn from a pilates elder and d) experience a good pilates conference again.

the other involves a really great second generation teacher who is coming to toronto from her town to do a weekend on the cadillac.  my most underutilized but much loved cadillac.  the cadillac that i drove to virginia to get (with my father natch… in his truck)  and use constantly and do not know enough about.

so yeah, i want to do them both!

i want to do them both but i keep spending money and i really don’t have any savings.  i get that i have to invest in myself but it’s really hard because i also get that i need to continue learning because it’s that continued learning that keeps me on top of my field.

[not on top like my teacher or marie jose… on top like competent and involved and steadily evolving]

i want to take these great educational opportunities that would cost me about a thousand dollars in flight and hotel (but probably little to no food) and six hundred and forty dollars in tuition and throw two thousand dollars at them and just do them both but.

but i just got back from a vacation and while i’m doing okay with money in the sense that i’m making slightly more than i spend i am totally failing to save anything.

i have no rainy day cushion whatsoever and i hate that.

for five years i’ve been choosing the business and throwing money at it but it sucks.  it sucks because much as i love my business this constant living on the edge financially is draining and exhausting.

i hate making my rent with pennies to spare.  i hate having a few hundred dollars in my account in one of those ‘between cheque’ periods and i most assuredly hate being terrified of getting sick.

i can afford a week off now.  i have earned five sick days and two weeks vacation a year.  i can even take long weekends but savings?

i guess that’s the next hurdle.  i had thought it would come before time off but it turns out that one needs breaks to maintain sanity.  weird i know.

so there it is…. thirty six and starting to save money.

so now remind me… how do i save money AND go to school?

December 18, 2007



i am the luckiest girl in the world.

no really i am.

not only do i have a lovely new boyfriend and much loved family and friends that love me but i have a job that i utterly treasure. i have the kind of job where i wake up cranky because my alarm went off and within five minutes of starting work i’m smiling and by the end of the day i’m fully excited about every second of it.

sure i’m happy when the day is over, who isn’t? even donald trump is likely glad when he finishes his day and that man loves to work a ridiculous amount. i’m also happy when i have days off or an unexpected free evening.

heck, the idea of seven days off in a row is enough to make me soak my chair, but that’s not the point. the point is that i have a job that charges me, excites me, challenges me and rewards me just in the doing of it.

along the way i’ve started to make at least a decent living and all signs point to that living firmly falling into the nice category by next year sometime. i mean i’ve almost paid off my credit card even!

i might even be able to buy a chair!

you know, what everyone does when they run out of debt, incur more!

anyway, my life is rocking along and years of really hard work are coming to fruition. i’m planning a vacation in february and to attend some conferences next year and i’m not worrying about how to pay for them.

they told me it would take five years and i’ve finished three or four depending on how you count so i’m even ahead of the game. maybe soon i can put serious money aside and buy a place.

this is already a great place to be right?

and then along comes christmas. along comes christmas and i get nine days off out of eleven or a five day weekend followed two days later by a four day weekend and then a three day week to boot.

i get a new client who buys a ten pack on his first day… and he’s awesome and it’s going to be so fun with him.

three of my clients in the same week come due for packs of ten classes and suddenly i practically have my rent for february paid… and i’m finished my christmas shopping already except for my annual splurge at the liquor store for hostess gift wine and prosecco and hosting libations.

and then?

i know, i’m already feeling incredibly blessed when my aunt hands me down her two year old computer… with a flat screen monitor to boot… [my desktop blew up in november]

yeah and then?

my clients, who i love and who keep me in brunches at maggie’s and finally new clothes? (did i mention i finally got those shoes?)

those clients? the ones who write me cheques and invite me to christmas parties at a chocolate factory?

they start handing me christmas presents.

i know… it makes me want to cry i’m so touched…

my tuesday night class as a group got me a gift… i mean wow.

i’m so moved.

i carried in three presents from two hours of work today… i mean… wow.

like wow.

i just feel really lucky right now and i thought you all should know.

also? yes the chocolate is as good as it looks, i recommend the fleur de sel caramels, the brownies and the gingerbread caramel squares thingies….

peace and love and luck like my current streak go out to all of you, even the ones who have never commented but read this… all of you, even the people who think i’m evil… all of you.

may the season bring joy and laughter and a few tears… but the good kind and kisses and hugs and chocolate and sweet nothings and food you love and small indulgences…

happy solstice and christmas and eid and chanukah.. at least one of which i spelled wrong…

thanks universe.

November 28, 2007

may you live in…

Filed under: bliss,dating,exercise,hockey,life,men,pilates,responsibility,surreal,work — sassinak @ 8:23 pm


life is funny, last week i worked fifteen hours and this week i’m working 26 and next week too. (i need to work 20 specifically teaching which does not include travel and down time between clients… my scheduled work week is from 3 on monday to 2 on saturday and i work most evenings and every morning early.)

it was great, i got wednesday evening and friday afternoon/evening off!

anyway i’m hoping to get to a state where i work 25 hours a week and don’t have to work late into the evening on the same morning as i start at 6:30am.

more than that i’m hoping to take a vacation in february. first one since i went to new york with my sister just before tr and i split up. wow.

an actual vacation.

what the heck are the odds?

interestingly my friend the rolfer told me it would take five years to get to the point where i had a waiting list, and i’m at three and a half years since i finished my certification and four since i taught my first lesson (hi othercat!)

she was right too because i’m just about at that waiting list point but not quite because i’m still trying too much to find some savings. i think i might need to spend less on my education if i want to do that but that’s hard to countenance.

that said, 20 hours a week is a nice life and a consistent 25 is savings… go schedule!


i’m now wandering toward the three month mark with nayrb which is an interesting time as well. it’s that point where you start to really look at the person you’re dating and see them more clearly.

you notice the little behaviours which are equally endearing and annoying depending entirely on your mood at the time. you see the edges and the funny habits and the attitudes you may or may not like.

you see where communication is full and where it breaks down and, if you’re me, you start to think. you notice what it’s like when you’re quiet together and when you’re both cranky and you wonder how that will work when you know each other better.

but most fun of all you start to believe just a little.

you start to think that maybe this might be someone that you could have around for a while. in fact you begin to grow accustomed to their presence in your life and their voice in your ear before you sleep at night.

you learn the sound of breath and the cadence of speech and the little private jokes and you start to feel that you are actually connecting deeply to another human being.

and it’s fun.


oh god the leafs are so bad.

i love the leafs i really do but i might pretend that this year is a hockey strike.

the boys aren’t playing and i just wish that someone would light a fire under their asses.

someone? anyone?


my lovely client B has decided to watch this year for the soap opera surrounding the leafs rather than for the team itself.

this strikes me as a great plan.



i really really really love my job.

it’s the best job ever.


hillside inside!

one day only on february second the magic of hillside comes to the sleeman centre in guelph…

AND???? xavier rudd is playing!!!


if you’ll excuse me, i have to go meet a beautiful man for dinner…

November 7, 2007

new suits… old suits

Filed under: exercise,life,outside,pilates,random — sassinak @ 8:41 pm


nat! i forgot to email you that i lived through my trip home!


nat is, incidentally, totally awesome… we got pedicures… pics coming…


there is something so odd about going on vacation… well if you can call a mediocre conference held in an amusement park a vacation…

i really can’t comprehend why they bothered to take us to disneyworld in florida and then stick us in air conditioned rooms all day. the weather this weekend was spectacular and all i could do was look at it yearningly as i went from class to class.

not to mention the overinflated room prices. if we can’t go outside anyway why aren’t we somewhere like maine in the off season rather than at disney?

the scheduling was retarded and the workshops were well… a mixed bag really.

some of them were amazing and most of them were uninteresting or so junior as to be not worth taking and there is NO WAY that a teacher with a measly four years of experience should be bored at a conference of her peers.

heck no, i should be scrambling to keep up.

in some ways it was at least gratifying, i’ve clearly left the ranks of beginner teachers and am firmly ensconced in the grad school class but it felt like a waste of money.

not entirely a waste because anytime you get to take a workshop from an eighty seven year old lady who is one of two people joe pilates ever certified?

you should do it.

but it would have cost less to fly to her town and take privates so that was kind of a wash.

anyway i learned a few things and got to hang with some people but i think next time i’ll just go to the same place and hang out. i think that i would get as much out of it. in fact i’m going to write a letter to complain (my teacher even suggested that i add ‘in fact my teacher won’t attend for the same reason.)

the workshops were, by and large, aimed at first year teachers… i see now why my teacher won’t go… i certainly won’t waste my money again, pilates on tour is FAR more of a value for money deal and the workshops are in a completely superior league.

anyway that isn’t the point really.

the point is that something happens to me when i go on vacation.

i come home from being away to find that my life fits me like an old suit that’s been in my closet unworn for a while. the shoulders are snugger than i remember and the waist seems roomier (or not!) and maybe it’s harder to sit in than i rightly recall.

it’s like my edges expand when i’m away from my comfortable little niche and it takes a while to make them fit back together.

this is even stranger since i have a boyfriend now and that adds another layer to the suit that i must needs put back on.

the only thing that’s never hard to come back to is my car… me and that car have been on vacation together after all (hi castu and crtx and lsd and and and!) so we’re used to being together through all moods but the rest of my life?

my crazy schedule and the beautiful man that i’m dating and even my climbing habit all feel just a little funny. almost like they belong to someone else that i’m not quite.

never fear, in a week the edges will be filed back down and my shoulders will have gotten used to the fit of the suit and i won’t even remember this feeling…

until my next vacation.

July 26, 2007

fasting diary

Filed under: bliss,exercise,fasting,food,life,Uncategorized — sassinak @ 2:10 pm


day one

weight: 182lbs

go out for breakfast with goddess and discuss life and love and having babies by yourself. treasure each bite of food since you know that’s all she wrote for ten days.

clean house and try to hire new maid

make lemon drink and get lemon seeds everywhere

take self out for reward pedicure

remember how strangely satisfying drink is.


day two:

weight: 180lbs

forget how long drink takes to prepare in morning and show up five minutes late for first client. note mild headache and add more water to life.


day three:

weight: 179lbs

go climbing for the second time in two days and then sleep like a baby

note need for further rest.


day four:


start settling in to this fast thing and note disappearance of headache and general feeling of well being


day five

weight 178lbs

wake up feeling great and full of energy. laugh at absurdity of weight scale. get grumpy with man at laptop store who is utterly incompetent. revel in accidental afternoon off.

shop for stuff and end up in local bar drinking tea and flirting with nice men from seattle. find out too late who the most interesting one is. wonder why so many men i’m into are american.

getting food cravings pretty fiercely, considering stopping fast monday rather than wednesday if they don’t subsist.


day six

weight: 176lbs

get ass kicked by pilates teacher

beg off from attending wedding celebration/potluck bbq of friends because driving an hour each way seems homicidal in state of strange blissed outness am in [like crashing the car homicidal]. spend afternoon reading eat, pray, love instead. note how funnily appropriate it is to read while fasting.

attend croquet party and cry over all the beautiful food you can only smell but enjoy client’s awesome friends and be glad you went.


day seven

weight: 175lbs

note that there are easier ways to lose weight.

teach last sunday class ever unless being nice substitute like person, note feeling of absurd well-being and peace and go climbing.

send problem was working on, hang with af and head to the farm for the night to see the fandamily.

learn something incredibly disappointing about someone and laugh hysterically when driving by inglis sign on way to farm and quote of day is “remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck”


day eight

weight: 176 on scale that isn’t yours

sleep until noon at farm and wake feeling totally refreshed. still filled with peace and joy and quiet contentment. wonder why eyes aren’t god touched while completely failing to notice god touched soul.

several clients have ‘eureka’ moments in classes with self.

boulder a little at gym, smile at cute boy but notice that he isn’t as into you as you thought he might be darnit.


day nine

weight: 172lbs

teach lovely classes all day and climb some with af. make jokes about being the meat in that sandwich about two gorgeous men at gym.  climb 5.10PLUS!!!!

note that body will NEVER willingly drink this foul concoction again and wonder how bore it for last nine goddamm days.

next year? different cleanse!


day ten

weight: 170lbs

shop for vegetables to make soup to break fast with after breaking fast with OJ. stunned at how mouth salivates at thoughts of such simple foods. wish day ten would END ALREADY as so tired of lemon drink.

really grooving on feeling of fast

meet nice man who lets you get veggies out of his garden for soup… invite him to bday shindig and hope he shows (with his lovely gf shut up.)


day eleven

weight: 171lbs (laugh at scale again)

wake up and make ORANGE JUICE!!!!

note that TWO solid hours after making glass of 4oz of OJ and 4oz of water am still drinking same drink. be amazed how hard it is to add calories to life again. really feel fantastic and happy to have done fast.

have nap

make homemade organic vegetable soup for first meal.

pack for hillside

eat fucking awesome soup

take off to festival!!! [please note these are different posts]

July 22, 2007

counting calories

Filed under: exercise,family,food,life,party,Uncategorized — sassinak @ 10:14 pm

oh yeah, i’m having a birthday bash august 11th, if you’re reading this and haven’t been invited yet please email me cause i’m a fuckup!


i had this revelatory experience at the gym a while ago while i was belaying my climbing partner.  there she was climbing the walls and there i was observing the people around me while paying huge amounts of attention to the rope in my hands.

beside me was the woman who is my climbing idol at the gym i currently climb at, her climbing partner and her niece (who i thought was her sister but that’s a whole other story) and her niece happens to bite into a sandwich.

i don’t catch this bit but the niece must make some kind of face or something because her aunt says to her ‘you don’t like it?’ and she shakes her head no and aunt then says ‘so don’t eat it!’

climbing partner chimes in with advice about where to get better food in the neighbourhood and what niece can do to get something else and niece starts to smile a little but still looks uncertain.  looks, in effect, like all of us do when we’re feeling guilty about food that we think we’re supposed to eat.

and that’s when it happens.  one of them says to the young girl “don’t waste your calories on food you don’t want” and MY life is changed forever.  such a simple statement but so profound for me.

don’t waste your calories on food you don’t want.


it’s not about wasting food at ALL!  it’s about wasting the calories i can eat in a day without bloating my body and making it unhappy and fat!

so off i go with my newfound revelation about food and head into my life… and almost immediately it has an effect.  i actually push food away from me and don’t finish it repeatedly that first week.

not every time of course because well, i still need to eat a lot but the times when i would ordinarily just tough it out and finish my food i don’t do it.  i push it away.

i lose five pounds without trying.

i tell my mother my experience with this revelation about making it about my calories rather than about wasted food and she tells me her recent and similar revelation.

she says to me “well you know, i figure i can throw food away now instead of carrying twenty five extra pounds around on myself until i die and they throw it out anyway” and while i cringe at the morbidity of the image it too has an effect on me.

i suddenly get it.

it’s not about the food i am supposed to eat it’s about how much food my body actually WANTS and if i just listen and push the plate away i’ll stay thin for life.

or as my friend shane would say “put down the fork and pick up the bike.”

don’t waste your calories on food you don’t want.  thanks for that one ladies.

April 29, 2007


Filed under: dancing,exercise,life,men,salsa,socioanthropology — sassinak @ 10:42 am


so i went salsa dancing on friday for the first time in my life. i mean i’ve danced to salsa music before but i’ve never actually gone salsa dancing.

what’s the difference you may ask unless you already know? when you dance to salsa music you dance alone and shimmy. when you salsa dance a strange man asks you to dance, hands you a dance lesson and spins you around a dance floor.

apparently i follow well.

i’m sitting there, at the table with the girl i’m with and she gets asked to dance and she goes and then disappears. she reappears with this tall, smiling man who holds out his hand to me. i say something like “i have no idea what i’m doing though” and he like shrugs or something and she tells me to just go.

so i do.

he taught me the steps and told me in my ear what to do and just kept counting the steps for me and when i said i would try he threw my favourite yoda line at me with ‘master yoda says do or do not there is no try’ and then he taught me a change and finished up with some cool spinning thing where i ended up wrapped in his arms.

arms i wanted to stay wrapped in.

unfortunately i don’t think his arms are available.

anyway i get back to my table and i say to my friend with a funny face fanning gesture that that was fun and that if i’m not careful i’ll get a crush on this man with the flashing smile and gentle manner and gorgeous coffee coloured skin. okay i wasn’t so detailed with her but i can hear elle asking. yes elle, tall enough for you and covered in the lean muscles that i love.

muscles i had to hold on to while dancing with them.

anyway *clears throat and drags brain back to the topic at hand* i tell her i cold get a crush on this man and she says with this knowing nod “it’s because he’s tall”

um what?

i mean sure i like it that he can look me in the eye and i don’t have to sit down. i like it more that his gorgeous dancing partner (see why the arms seem tragically unavailable) is TALLER THAN I AM! who doesn’t like when a boy is a bit taller than they are?

not me right.

but that had nothing to do with why i wanted to attach myself to him like glue.

it was his manner and his smile and the way he taught me without assuming i was incompetent and the firmness with which he held me without ever making me feel like i couldn’t do what i wanted and most of all that he was kind and happy.


what the fuck is up with some people’s priorities these days anyway?

don’t misunderstand, i can understand liking tall men i really can. in fact i understand it better than most because the rest of them are shorter than i am.

i just don’t understand why that’s all that matters.

i’ve seen women ogle a man and then say ‘but he’s too small for me’ when he was actually a few inches TALLER than she.

um what?

i can at least kind of dig it if you don’t want to date someone shorter than you are (although you’re missing out on half the poulation that way and many short men are amazing) but i can’t understand why you find someone hot when ALL they are is taller than you.

it took me five minutes to explain that it was his teaching style that got me because he was so good at it.

to her credit she did get it.




salsa dancing is the super fun kind of exercise that leaves you charged up but exhausted at the same time!

February 6, 2007

dear pile

Filed under: exercise,food,life,seasonal — sassinak @ 2:00 pm


you were right.

irony: you probably won’t read this post.

but still, you were right. you said it way back in like august and i just didn’t listen. that i knew you were right was not relevant to the tale at hand, i just couldn’t do it.

couldn’t find the time.

well, i found the time. finally.

so here’s the thing, since august when the sun started to go away i have been feeling steadily more lethargic and tired and whiny.

i’ve been craving fat and protein and thick, dense food. i’ve been eating for two even though i’m not pregnant. i’ve been eating more than my already prodigious appetite can explain.

and it hasn’t been making me feel good.

in fact, it’s been that eating that you do that sucks. the kind where you feel like shit about it because you’re eating crap and you know you’re eating crap but you don’t even feel like making real food because it’s too much work.

and then my neighbour, the lady across the hall, told me her trick for getting vegetables into her diet. the trick i’ve been searching for since i started feeding myself.

the one where you DON’T throw out the vegetables after they rot in your fridge.

yeah, that one.

she buys frozen stir-fry vegetables and tosses them in with her pasta about five minutes before the pasta is ready. yeah, we know it’s bad for the pasta.

but it’s not that bad and you know what? i’ve eaten like three bags of frozen vegetables in the last two weeks. i’ve made them stir fried and boiled and cooked with pasta.

i’m finally eating my vegetables and i’m not throwing them out rotten.

i could kiss her.

anyway there i was getting the vegetables but still feeling kind of shitty, just run down and tired and wanting carbs and fat. carbs and fat , carbs and fat, carbs and fat.

and i’ve been FEELING fat too which is RIDICULOUS if you’ve seen me fat you know. i am NOT fat. and i know it. [a little chubby sure but that is not the same as fat at all]

but i’ve been feeling it.

anyway finally i got a bit of incentive because of. well you know what? nobody cares about yet another boy i think is cute that isn’t into me. so one night i’m lying in bed and i’m tossing and i’m turning and i can’t fucking sleep as usual and i’m feeling fat and i have the munchies.

and it hits me.

pile’s challenge:

thirty minutes or cardio, twice a week.

so i get up, at three in the morning, and go look at the pool schedule and i realise that i can’t read it because they’ve fucked up the pdf. so i pack my swimming shit anyway.

i get up, i go teach my 6:30am client and i rush over to the JCC and i do a happy dance because the pool is open and i swim for half an hour and jump out and shower and go off to teach my class.

well damm, that was easy.

so i grab a schedule on the way out and fucked if there isn’t lane swim AFTER my friday morning class. well well well.

thirty minutes of cardio twice a week.

and i’m already feeling better. in fact? the SAME day i felt better and it’s just improving. already i want less food, well not less but i feel better about it and i want healthier things.

i’m sleeping better and i have MORE energy.

pile? thanks!


point of interest here, i started this post in december and i’m finishing it now and since then i’ve fallen off the cardio wagon a couple of times and gotten back on and each and every time i’ve wondered why i keep falling off.

it feels so good to do it but it’s such a  pain to get there somehow.  it’s cold out and then my hair is wet and it freezes when i go outside which i find sort of amusing because it reminds me deeply of my childhood with swimming.

i’m still having a lot of trouble with food and what i’m craving but again i notice that the cravings improve the second i get a little exercise.  this is particularly telling right now because i am still not allowed to climb and my ankle still isn’t better.

i’m not sure when i’ll be allowed back in the gym but i’m not too upset about it because i think i’m going to change gyms anyway.  that said, it’s hella hard to keep your fat-eating muscle mass happy when you aren’t allowed to do your weight lifting substitute.

i guess i could weight lift but i really, really hesitate to start something new when i’m off-balance because of my ankle.

really i just need to up the cardio to about three hours a week and STOP EATING FRIED FOODS!!!

but the fried foods taste so good and i’m spoiled because when i climb i can eat what i like and still get hotter.

dammitall, this being injured stuff is hard on the dress sizes…

but you know what?  pile was still right and a couple of hours of cardio every week really does make a body feel better…

for serious!

now to stick to it….

January 27, 2007

doc doc goose

Filed under: blogging,dating,exercise,life,random — sassinak @ 4:34 pm


[this post was started a while back, right after ‘ssup doc actually. so mention of dates may be confusing]

i am amazed at the reaction my post about my friday evening shenanigans got. i mean fully amazed. and along with that i found a copy of mr. right, right now in my laundry room.

so i read it, in about an hour… and was i ever glad i didn’t pay for it. i mean seriously e. jean carroll called me doll like every thirty two seconds. do i look like someone you would call ‘doll’?

nope, not even when i’m dressed up like barbie (hallowe’en natch.)

anyway she had a little bit of actual useful advice.

i can hear y’all now “nooooooooooo don’t take it seriously! it’s a DATING BOOK” but nonetheless she got a couple of things right and she ferreted out a few interesting actual facts.

first of all, like it or not we decide just about everything about anyone we meet in the first thirty seconds, this is in fact sociology and anthropology and she quotes some scientists and studies about human behaviour. what we need to learn is to trust those instant reactions because millenia of evolution have honed our ability to select based on ‘smell’ or ‘instinct’ and generally (they’ve done studies for serious) going against your instincts is bad news.

i have to say my own life bears this out… and it in NO way applies only to dating. you click with the women you make friends with don’t you? [hee i remember how i met princess valium, in a bathroom in fact]

second, drop all ‘how to flirt’ advice you’ve ever gotten because that makes you false and unnattractive. if you’re nervous? BE NERVOUS! if you’re being your actual *self* then whoever you meet be it friend or date has a shot in hell of deciding for real if they actually like you.

for serious boys and girls what the fuck is the point of pretending to be someone you aren’t? so they can fall for someone who isn’t?


holy shit, i just ran into the hot guy from the gasworks and he’s STILL HOT! wow that’s amazing, it’s freaking half my life ago and the damm man is better looking then he was then.

i think it’s the lack of heroin in his eyes.

really amazing what a sparkle does for a guy especially when he’s already hot. being glad to run into me, taking my number and threatening to call me for beer and catching up?

doesn’t hurt either.

shut up i don’t think i’m dating him but it sure will be fun to catch up.

[this was long enough ago now that i can tell you he won’t call… and i’m still delighted to have run into him.]


so mr ‘ssup doc emailed me back tonight, to wit:

my email:

From: sass
Sent: January 8, 2007 2:08 PM
To: doc
Subject: dates

and not the fig newton kind.

you know if i go out and get some newfangled datebook with whole pages for days i might not be able to properly fill it. care to help?


his reply:

sass — sorry bout the non-response. as you may have guessed however there was a reason — the oldest of all reasons — I am not a single fella. and, although I have attempted plenty of negotiation on the point, it remains a closed relationship. just kidding, there was no negotiation. I trust you wisely invested in the superior datebook regardless and I remain available for any non-date datebook-related inquiries. although perhaps I will see you at the C’est What where I often take my datebook on dates, as you know. nice work on all the wordplay.




isn’t it funny that we never thought of that?

no one in the comments and not me in the post suggested that the man had a lady at home. which, in retrospect, is totally obvious. but here’s the thing, why do they do that to single girls?

don’t they know how mean that is?

once a girl ‘drops’ into conversation that she’s single shouldn’t you ‘drop’ i’m taken into yours? i mean shouldn’t you?


fuck i can’t believe how hot d still is. like wow.


so ms. e. jean has some work for you to do. the first week? you have to get over men. stop paying attention to them, caring about them, wanting them, flirting with them or even letting them into your head. go little bird, live your life and DETACH from men.

[what if you have a fuckbuddy?]

week two? unleash your inner goddess… to wit:

1. sleep ten hours a night

2. pull up your bra straps (seriously girls that one should be a no-brainer)

3. stop torturing your face… splash it with water, a little cleanser if it’s actually dirty…. pat dry.

4. drink margaritas “a woman needs fun or she looks bad”

5. eat something red, green, purple, yellow, blue, orange, chartreusy, dark green, black/brown/beige every day. every day.

6. get a stability ball for your desk.

7. throw out the people in your life who make you feel bad.

8. live in the moment

9. go rock climbing, golfing, batting caging, or whatever but do something fun and good for you

10. throw out all your ugly clothes

11. take delight in your own attractions

and that’s just week two.

i gotta say, this woman annoys the fuck out of me because she calls me doll and tells me a bunch of crap i already know but you know what else?

she’s got a point.

be your self… just be your BEST self instead of your good enough self.


but i still say taken people should really be more clear about it don’t you?


Next Page »

Create a free website or blog at