snapshots of an idle mind

January 17, 2009

winterlicious

Filed under: bliss,exercise,family,life,outside,pics,seasonal,surreality,work — sassinak @ 9:45 pm

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i am having the strangest week…

not strange bad, more in the sense of all over the place and utterly unpredictable.

for a long time my business has had one source of referrals other than my existing clients and this has bothered me; not enough to advertise or get a job in a gym but enough.  i never like being dependent on one thing because there is always the risk that the person doing the referring will suddenly decide that they don’t like me anymore.

i haven’t been particularly worried because i tend to be extremely competent and this leads to less trouble than the average self-employed pilates instructor might experience.

you see my clients send me their wives/husbands/best friends and with that kind of loyalty my business can do nothing but grow.  it might grow slowly but it will grow nonetheless.

anyway this week i met a gynecologist who asked for my card and promised referrals (one of my areas of specialisation happens to be post partum women with pelvic floor/incontinence/sexual health issues) and a personal trainer client asked for a stack of cards and in fact referred someone to me already.

so suddenly? 

i went from one to three referral sources in a week!!!

this is truly awesome, not to mention that my clients send me more and more clients each year.  hmm maybe i can stop working at seven thirty in the evening someday…

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in the meantime…

on thursday night i had dinner with a being who can make a million dollars on a ten minute phone call from a lounger on grand cayman (married, hush y’all)

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on friday night i met a woman who runs her own company and happens to be getting arthritis in her feet.  what does this mean? 

that none of her 40 years worth of shoes fit her anymore.

why does this matter to me?

i have TWENTY ONE!!!!! new pairs of high heels (well a few are flats) to add to my already ridiculous shoe collection. 

i was like a kid in a candy store i’m telling you!

god you guys some of them are SOOOO sexy.

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and on saturday?

on saturday my father enlisted my help to dig a hole. 

this would not normally be worthy of mention except for two or three little details:

it happens to be a measly nineteen below centigrade today (a mere minus two fahrenheit) and has been at least that cold for days.  it’s not traditionally known to be good hole digging weather.

of course we *were* in a steel structure, that raised the temperature at least 0.1 degree by removing the wind chill so it was really positively balmy in there…

furthermore he wanted us to dig the hole down several feet… (we gave up at the two foot mark and decided to wait for spring)

and still none of that would be worth mentioning except for this:

that is a real grin

that is a real grin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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is that not the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen?

no like ever?

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the tragedy of my life is that i found hacking away at a frozen solid piece of earth with my father to be ridiculously fun.

best part was after we got down a foot or so he carefully positioned a space heater in the hole, covered it with a tarp, and headed in to the house for lunch.

i was sure the whole place would go up in flames but nope, back we come to a hole that is frozen solid except for three inches of mud.  you can see the mud in the pic.

even funnier is that about fifteen minutes after this pic was taken the hat was off, the scarf was gone and my jacket was hanging open… but the camera was frozen ;>

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i was *going* to do some cardio (aka ride mom’s stationary bike) but i decided that two hours with a pickaxe had to count and said screw it.

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and then tomorrow?

off to go skiing….

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you have to admit, it’s been kind of an up and down week…

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well mostly up.

oh yeah, i bought a car!

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for those of you who guessed that this ENTIRE post was so i could post the picture?

smart you…

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that may be my best fashion crime this year…

September 12, 2008

disdatndeudderting

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so i have some news that will not please some of you; nayrb and i decided a while ago to call it quits.

we were… not treating each other as well as we might have and all the talking in the world wasn’t making it better.  worse maybe since i think the talking was irritating us rather than doing any good.

basically we got steadily less nice to each other.  i got impatient and frustrated and he got kinda needy and we just kept pushing buttons and not really treating each other with kindness.

i’ve been kind of in shock really.

it’s not so much that we believed that we would *never* break up but that we had this deep affection for each other over and above the usual new toy neurological imperatives.  we expected that we would be able to deal with whatever the universe chose to throw at us, that we would at least be together for a few years.

and then it just started to go bad and it didn’t get better.

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look a picture of me!  in my studio!  in my living room! on the phone!

me n' my studio...

me n' my studio...

isn’t it purty?

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weirder even than being single again?

dating.

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look harriet!

sunny!

sunny!

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mouse with the same ball!

my ball!

my ball!

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there, see how i distract you with pictures?

really though, he and i are both okay and i’m pretty sure we both think this is for the best.  we remain friendly and are in fact considering throwing a ‘sass n’nayrb split up – bring someone suitable’ party but we’re not sure everyone else would appreciate the humor involved.

still considering it though.

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i think maybe the things we saw as problems the very first week might have had a lot to do with it, hard to say though.

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in other news; i’m thinking of leaving my band.

there is a person in it who continues to make me uncomfortable in a pretty shitty way some two or three times a year.  and i know it’s her problem and not mine i *really really* do but that doesn’t mean i particularly want her negativity in my life any longer.

it’s desperately difficult for me to imagine not hitting my drum and singing at the top of my lungs every thursday night but aren’t these things supposed to make you happy!???!

truly i love the band and i regret regularly that i ever mentioned it in her presence.  i think i knew from the first that it would come to this but i don’t know how else to handle it.

i love the guys in that band i really do; they are some of the most amazing people that i have in my life and their bickering and interaction and just general good-natured fun with each other never cease to amuse me [except for the occasional moments when i want to kill them of course.]

either way, after her latest insult i will have to stay away for a little while for fear that i will say what i think.  she is a rather fragile human and most of her issue with me seems to stem from lack of self-confidence so really, anything i say will only serve to make it worse.

frankly i wish i could tell her to take her crap and fuck off.  but i can’t… the guys adore us both.

dammit! dammit! dammit!

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doesn’t harriet look hilarious with that ball and the sun?

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happy weekend!

June 15, 2008

all right all right

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:)

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i promised myself that if anyone noticed that this blog had died i would write in it again.

i was thinking commenters but it turns out that the people who read this aren’t strangers from the world wide interweeb but friends and family that i don’t speak to that often.

so.

those seem like the kind of people worth writing for.

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it got really hard to write here after several people at once attacked me and some of those same people used posts that had NOTHING to do with them to somehow “prove” my evilness.

not so easy to put yourself out there when you know the water balloon filled with piss is waiting to land on your head.

that said, this month (two?) off has given me somewhat of a perspective shift on that. i can’t go around living my life for the people who hate me any more than i can go around living my life for the ones who love me. life has to be lived for yourself even if it means choosing to make sacrifices for loved ones.

no, those really aren’t the same thing.

i also can’t go around being afraid of what people who already hate me are going to say when i talk… i mean really now, how is that healthy?

it’s funny because someone wise once said that twenty five percent of people will love you, fifty percent will be indifferent and the other twenty five will hate you. since you can’t control what people think you may as well go after the first quarter.

generally that is a sentiment i have no problem with.

it’s just… it’s harder when it’s people who were intimates for some period of time before they changed sides. they know a lot about you and can most certainly do more damage. in fact i finally moderated ONE person for the first time ever because she was telling secrets that weren’t even mine. worse she was imagining details to fill in blanks and create patterns that never existed and then she was spewing that all over my comments section.

what are you supposed to do with that?

i considered moving the blog and i considered shutting it down but then you see she would win.

in the end i just didn’t say anything at all and i still lost because my friends and family (love ALL of you and you know who you are) defended me and then were in turn attacked by her. i lost double because i never did get another date with the guy she accused me of whoring myself out to and i quite liked him.

[funny, smart, hot, likes liberated women, science fiction and hot cars… what’s not to like?]

i did learn one thing though. my father is absolutely right when he says that what bullies want is to make you engage, to make you fight and yell and scream and the more you refuse to do that the more you piss them off.

unfortunately she got pissed off in public and my loved ones who DID engage took the brunt of her insanity and many of them ended up with hurt feelings. [incidentally miss g i did not, nor will i ever, coerce ANYONE to reply to you. i did ask a playwright friend for help drafting my single paragraph reply to your initial attack (no, i don’t think g is still reading, least i hope not because if she is her life is even smaller than i imagined and that’s just sad.)]

the part that surprises me is that i have trouble forgetting these people that really didn’t have my back.

it’s like i feel like the conversation isn’t over even though it is.

what’s weird to me is that that feeling exists at all when in all cases i could NEVER trust them again. when i know for a fact that my back is not something they have. when, in fact, i know that if i did turn my back they would likely stick a knife in it.

why is it exactly that i can’t stop wondering if they’re well?

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regardless, this is my blog … MINE and no one gets to fuck that up for me, no one.

even if it did take me a while to get there.

February 26, 2008

swirls

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it’s all swirly in my head right now:

part of me wants to talk about my friend adam eating’s dog getting killed last week and how sad i am about that

part of me wants to talk about running off to cuba on my first vacation in five years with nayrb

chunks of me are most fascinated that i came back from cuba and like my boyfriend more… which like, really, i didn’t think was possible

some of me wants to wonder why some people can’t just let me go even though they chased me out the door

bits are wondering about posting a couple of cuba pictures… here’s one that nayrb took of me at a crocodile farm we visited, a lovely cuban man handed me this bird…:

parrot.jpg

whole divisions wish to crow about my facility in cuba because i speak italian a little.  one lady even asked me if i spoke spanish!  go me!  not to mention?  i learned some spanish!

some of me is pretty excited about being back in my life.  in fact i got a little bored toward the end there… but that’s as it should be

parts of me wonder how it’s possible that fidel castro stepped down when *i* was in cuba!  like what are the odds?

the eastern division has me thinking about my beloved leafs and their captain.  it’s interesting that he chose to stay but i think ultimately the right thing.  i mean really, was it worth it to the leafs to lose him?  not for me.  of course i know i have a crush on him but i’m also realistic and this is a guy with a lot to teach the kids that are coming

my heart wants to talk to my parents and my sister but they’re always in bed when i have free time…

nayrb went in the ocean for his first time ever… i’m glad i was there:

oceannayrb.jpg

my heart is very heavy for my friend lsd

my skin feels particularly happy and glowing at the moment.  i turned all italian while i was away and i love it. i wish i had a tan all year long…

yeah, so as you can see, i’m feeling a little discombobulated.  kind of can’t figure out which way is up and at the same time feeling a little disconnected from it all.

ah well, i’ll try to enjoy it while it lasts

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i am now addicted to vacations.  i’ve already chosen my next four weeks off… one of them is the week i just passed… but next year  :)

January 14, 2008

on blogging

Filed under: bliss,blogging,candida,driving,family,food,life,men,pilates,truth,work — sassinak @ 4:21 pm

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it’s interesting this blogging thing, it seems that we pay more attention to these virtual journals at some rate that is inverse to our current levels of contentedness. there isn’t much to say about being happy in your life. somehow … somehow you end up with very little news.

hi mom, how are you

i’m well, your father is well, you?

i’m great

how’s nayrb?

he’s great, how’s your art class…

how’s your pilates…

this is all very interesting stuff you know but well, you can only do it so many times. lately i feel like that’s how the conversations in my life are going. my work is going swimmingly, in fact i think i got a very nice gift of equipment today.

my teacher outgrew a storage unit and i offered to buy it from her… in return she told me to take it. this thing that is perfectly measured to our equipment as designed by her.

like i’m complaining.

but see that doesn’t make for particularly interesting *blogging.* in fact it’s a very nice life to be living but it leaves me with very little to say.

i got a raise at one of the places i work.

seriously what is there to talk about? my current levels of angst are mostly restricted to road rage and scrabble with my boyfriend.

well and paying for my vacation. i think i will do it but it’s closer than i would like since we turn out to be going on a more expensive week. nayrb might have to be in charge of the tipping when we get there. did i mention i’m really excited about my first vacation in five years?

oh like sixteen hundred times now? is that all? can’t i do sixteen hundred and one? please? i’m really excited???

seriously folks it makes for deadly dull writing.

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in other news, i’ve come to the conclusion that i have candida based on a whole pile of urinary tract infections and millions of yeast infections and some gnarly flavours in my mouth.

i’m not too thrilled about this candida idea at all, pretty much it explains some plaguing health concerns in a way that has me utterly convinced that i’m infested with that fucking stuff… so i’m on a diet. [neither of these are canonical references… if you think you may have candida please do your own research]

a diet that allows me to eat basically meat, vegetables, eggs, balkan yoghurt and legumes and not to spice it with soy or anything containing vinegar or anything that’s fermented… don’t forget no meat or yeast…

did you know hot sauce was made of vinegar? that soy sauce had wheat in it? that coffee wasn’t okay? damm them, not even the decaf.

i stare at bread like a starving victim, all puppydog eyes and longing glances.  i swear i’m worse than a teenaged nerd with a crush on the prom queen about yeast and flour bearing objects…

and to add insult to injury?  it’s been a week and i already feel better.

dammit.

i don’t mind the five pounds that i’ve dropped really i don’t, i just mind that the damn diet appears to be helping because it means that i have to stay on it.

ah well, least i’m cooking more at home… and i’ve made a deal with my favourite restaurant so life isn’t all bad…

but i want french fries!!!

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so yeah, that’s the sum total of angst in my life… please to be telling me what exactly i’m supposed to write about?

December 31, 2007

there goes another one

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it’s that time of year again, the time when we eat too much and celebrate our loved ones and our lives or in some cases despair about our lives but no matter who you are you’re thinking right now.

you may be thinking solely about the shenanigans you will be getting up to this evening or perhaps about avoiding the fuss and hiding at home but if nothing else you’re considering your options.

you may, as i am, be thinking about who you will be kissing when the clocks of the city strike midnight or even who you won’t be kissing.

perhaps you are pondering your resolutions. one woman i know takes her resolutions very seriously indeed. last year she resolved to travel and see the world and she went to europe and africa. this is some resolving i can get behind let me tell you.

personally i am usually wont to resolve to do something with no guilt attached. i have oft been heard drunkenly declaiming ‘i resolve to have more fun’ and every year i try to do it. i think this year i will go for something with a little required effort.

perhaps i will resolve to work slightly less or to take a few more full weekends off. i know that i intend to take two weeks off this year which is something i have not done since i started to teach.

in fact i’m planning an actual vacation in february, i’ve even arranged half my substitute teachers already. gawd, an actual vacation, what a trip. it seems funny to have to resolve to do this but it seems i’ve turned into a bit of a workaholic in the last few years.

guess that’s what happens when your small business finally starts to be able to feed you. now i have to learn to say no to my clients, i have far too many days that are twelve or fourteen hours long and that has to stop. in fact i will no longer add new clients before 7:30am or after 7pm but trust me, that’s still more hours in a day than i should be working.

i’m hoping to slowly restrict those hours to 7:30am and 6:30pm but it’s hard. people work and they want me to work when they aren’t working and that leaves me with a brutal schedule.

i’m also thinking of getting a little more picky about who i accept as a client. up until now i’ve been a little bit desperate and i’ve had to take on anyone regardless. i’ve willingly encouraged people to go elsewhere if i didn’t feel that they suited me but always with a bit of a pang. now? now i think i will simply say ‘i’m sorry, i have a waiting list’ or whatever to people who rub me the wrong way when they call.

i want to play with my cats more rather than trusting them to exercise each other and in that light i want to spend more time at my boyfriend’s house because his poor cat is lonely.

i want to save money toward buying a place and create a financial cushion for myself that’s a little more secure than simply keeping a thousand dollars in my savings account… but that’s a start.

most of all? i want to have more patience and be less frustrated and be more open. miss clara hughes said that to the cbc one day and it’s some of the best advice ever. she also said to ‘be better’ to not be simply satisfied with being good but to be better every day. that too is some attitude i can get behind and something i feel like i need.

i still feel myself being more angry that i need to be on occasion and the rage engendered by driving the streets of toronto refuses to fade no matter how gently i approach it. i’m sure there are untapped reservoirs of anger inside myself that i have yet to find but i intend to plumb the depths this year.

life is about self-discovery after all.

i think i resolve to think about clara when i’m at my most angry…

be less frustrated

have more patience

be more open

… don’t just be good, be better

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happy new year to you and yours.

December 18, 2007

lucky

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i am the luckiest girl in the world.

no really i am.

not only do i have a lovely new boyfriend and much loved family and friends that love me but i have a job that i utterly treasure. i have the kind of job where i wake up cranky because my alarm went off and within five minutes of starting work i’m smiling and by the end of the day i’m fully excited about every second of it.

sure i’m happy when the day is over, who isn’t? even donald trump is likely glad when he finishes his day and that man loves to work a ridiculous amount. i’m also happy when i have days off or an unexpected free evening.

heck, the idea of seven days off in a row is enough to make me soak my chair, but that’s not the point. the point is that i have a job that charges me, excites me, challenges me and rewards me just in the doing of it.

along the way i’ve started to make at least a decent living and all signs point to that living firmly falling into the nice category by next year sometime. i mean i’ve almost paid off my credit card even!

i might even be able to buy a chair!

you know, what everyone does when they run out of debt, incur more!

anyway, my life is rocking along and years of really hard work are coming to fruition. i’m planning a vacation in february and to attend some conferences next year and i’m not worrying about how to pay for them.

they told me it would take five years and i’ve finished three or four depending on how you count so i’m even ahead of the game. maybe soon i can put serious money aside and buy a place.

this is already a great place to be right?

and then along comes christmas. along comes christmas and i get nine days off out of eleven or a five day weekend followed two days later by a four day weekend and then a three day week to boot.

i get a new client who buys a ten pack on his first day… and he’s awesome and it’s going to be so fun with him.

three of my clients in the same week come due for packs of ten classes and suddenly i practically have my rent for february paid… and i’m finished my christmas shopping already except for my annual splurge at the liquor store for hostess gift wine and prosecco and hosting libations.

and then?

i know, i’m already feeling incredibly blessed when my aunt hands me down her two year old computer… with a flat screen monitor to boot… [my desktop blew up in november]

yeah and then?

my clients, who i love and who keep me in brunches at maggie’s and finally new clothes? (did i mention i finally got those shoes?)

those clients? the ones who write me cheques and invite me to christmas parties at a chocolate factory?

they start handing me christmas presents.

i know… it makes me want to cry i’m so touched…

my tuesday night class as a group got me a gift… i mean wow.

i’m so moved.

i carried in three presents from two hours of work today… i mean… wow.

like wow.

i just feel really lucky right now and i thought you all should know.

also? yes the chocolate is as good as it looks, i recommend the fleur de sel caramels, the brownies and the gingerbread caramel squares thingies….

peace and love and luck like my current streak go out to all of you, even the ones who have never commented but read this… all of you, even the people who think i’m evil… all of you.

may the season bring joy and laughter and a few tears… but the good kind and kisses and hugs and chocolate and sweet nothings and food you love and small indulgences…

happy solstice and christmas and eid and chanukah.. at least one of which i spelled wrong…

thanks universe.

September 16, 2007

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Filed under: beer,bliss,blogging,cars,dancing,facebook,family,life,random,truth — sassinak @ 1:04 am

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incidentally (god i love that word) i’m pretty drunk.

the kind of hammered where my fingers tried to type happered and then i managed to correct it.

i know that it’s wrong and all because aparently if you drink alone you’re a big old alcoholic but one of my favourite things has long been to spend an evening at home doing basically nothing and drinking a bunch of beer. i mean really now, tomorrow is my first actual day off in like… hmmm..

thinking

thinking

contemplating finding book and checking

yeah ever.

seriously, i work six days a week, if i count my schedule i work something like fifty or sixty hours a week but if i take out the hours i sit around waiting to work (and driving to work and …) it’s more like 35 and then i spend something like five thousand dollars a year on my education which involves a whole bunch of edumacation and suddenly i’m not ever taking any time off.

and then, a miracle happened. i started to work enough that i could quit my sunday class and have an actual day off!

clouds parted.

light shone down.

life improved.

but still, six days a week i work… week in and week out, christmas and august and all the weeks in between i work. and tomorrow? tomorrow i have the day off. the kind of day off where i have turned off the ringers and shut off the alarms and will turn off the computer and i can sleep until WHENEVER!

of course i’ll wake up at ten but still, i don’t HAVE TO!!!

*clears throat* somehow, along with this free sunday i managed to not schedule myself for a saturday night. i tried, i tried to get myself to go to the turning point party at the gladstone but i failed. i failed miserably.

instead i stayed home (after picking up my parents and dropping them at the airport so they can screw off to italy for the next eight months… those bastards, i’m going to miss them like crazy) and drank beer and watched a ridiculous movie.

i stayed home and i ate popcorn and hard boiled eggs and chocolate bonbons for dinner [not all at once!] and i drank beer and watched ‘the holiday’ which made me laugh and cry and shout at the tv and say ‘oh yeah!’ at least thrice and just generally wallow in my track pants and my giant old sweatshirt and thoroughly enjoy myself.

and you know? i totally get that it’s all like bad and stuff to sit at home by yourself and drink beer. i totally do. it’s like the first hallmark of an alcoholic. except (of course) that it’s the first drinking i’ve done in days and days.

and i know i should be all concerned that i love to sit at home alone and drink but you know what? i’m really not. i’m really not because i know what my issues are and beer isn’t one of them. beer is delicious but if you told me that i could never have another one?

i would be sad but i just wouldn’t care that much.

that being said, there is something so inexplicably enjoyable about being alone, at home, in your track pants, on your couch and watching a sappy/funny/cute/uplifting/true movie while drinking stupendous amounts of beer that i just can’t care that it’s supposed to be bad for me.

maybe if i did that more than once per season.

perhaps if i drank to excess daily or even weekly.

hell maybe even if someone that i cared about had ever once told me they were concerned… but no, i don’t care because you know what?

*insert silly happy dancing music here*

i have the day off tomorrow

day off tomorrow

day off tomorrow

i have the day off tomorrow

all the live long day!

*giggle*

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incidentally (hee!) i feel like blogging lately. first time in months i’ve actually been brimming over with ideas for posts to the blog.

how cool is that?

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no seriously, you can’t get just how hard it’s been to keep the blog going the last few months, there’s been like nothing at the well and suddenly?

suddenly i’m having ideas all over the place like i did when i first started it and i’m really happy about that because i was afraid that it was dying and i didn’t want to be yet another dark blog. i especially didn’t want to do that considering that there are a few people who find inspiration here.

i don’t know much but i do know that inspiring people is a damm good reason to do something.

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i don’t know if any of you give a crap at all about formula one or high end racing but holy crap mclaren.

mclaren mclaren mclaren… what the fuck were you thinking? it’s better to lose than to have high end car buyers think you’re a thief and that you can’t build a car of your own.

i mean of course they can’t, that kit thing never will work, it’s why honda and toyota [on the road, not so much on the formula one] and ferrari kick ass *grin* (and bmw is starting to build their cars from scratch again too… and really… why did mercedes ever get into bed with mclaren in the first place?) but wow… they’re going to lose so much more than a hundred million dollars… the good will alone…

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i read this on someone’s facebook and feel the need to pass it on:

7 Ancient Principles

1. The world is what you think it is
2. There are no limits
3. Energy flows where attention goes
4. Now is the moment of power
5. To love, is to be happy with
6. All power comes from within
7. Effectiveness is the measure of truth

how awesome is that?

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i have the day off tomorrow

off tomorrow

off tomorrow

i have the day off tomorrow

all the live long day

going to sleep all night

going to sleep half the day

i have the day off tomorrow

all the live long day!

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night!

September 9, 2007

after apple pick… er trimming…

Filed under: driving,family,life,pics,random,seasonal,work — sassinak @ 12:05 am

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two points if you can tell me where the title is from.

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last weekend i was where i’m sitting right now except my best friend othercat was here with me and we were a lot more drunk than i am now.

not that i’m sober now exactly you realize, just that we were drunker than i currently am and we weren’t that drunk then either.

regardless, we took some pictures that i was planning to post earlier this week but then i got distracted by a maserati and then a ferrari and well you know i’m kinda slow so here we are a week later.

othercat and i drove up here and took the three hour version of the two hour drive. in case you don’t understand what that means it tends to involve lots of gravel and the occasional turn with no earthly knowledge of where the road actually goes.

it was lovely.

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here i am sitting on a little bridge like thing just down the road from the farm. they actually built a tunnel diagonally under the road for whatever reason… i don’t care about the reason, it’s one of my favourite places…

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this is an oops we’re still zoomed in self-portrait othercat and i attempted at this same place… doesn’t he look all cool and the matrix?

i’m not sure you can possibly understand just how happy we are here. we’ve left the city, it’s a GORGEOUS day and we don’t have to be home until monday afternoon. i mean does it get any better than this?

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self-portrait. exciting i know.

of course no weekend at the farm is complete without a few key ingredients.

work… in this case my father was busy dredging the pond and good lord do i wish i had a picture.

my parents bought this crazy rake to get the plants and cattails out of the pond because mother nature is winning and my father worked like a dog dredging a pond he NEVER swims in.

no, not sorta never, NEVER.

*i* swim in it. my sister swims in it… cherub was dragged into it a few weeks ago:

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but she declared all the weeds and stuff kinda gross and frankly i couldn’t blame her. so, the point is here’s my dad working his butt off to clean the pond he NEVER swims in and here are othercat and i watching the tennis [us open, tends to be the best tennis of the year] or drinking beer or whatever.

so i offered to work, also i like to work but don’t tell anybody since it will ruin my reputation… although i guess that’s catching these days.

so dad says ‘well you know, the apple trees need trimming’ and so, lo and behold, after some instruction here i am trimming trees!

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yes that’s a flip-flop i’m wearing and yes i’m half in a tree and half on a ladder. you wouldn’t believe some of the crazy positions i ended up in trying not to kill the tree while cutting off the dead bits…

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that takes care of the work part nicely now doesn’t it?

also i’m massively amused by my body position here… it seems unsafe and yet i’m braced in this really appropriate centre of gravity sort of way.

of course at the end of the work comes the reward:

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in case you’re wondering that’s a lamb roast on a rotisserie which is half of the oven that my father built many years ago. dad’s a pretty clever guy, he built ‘the monolith’ aka ‘the pizza oven’ just the right distance from the farmhouse because he knew he would never get a permit to build one into the house.

and then?

oh yeah, and then he applied for a permit to enclose it. gotta love my dad.

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i saw the funniest thing on the drive up here today you can’t imagine. a guy, in a minivan, driving in the left lane on the 401… BRUSHING HIS TEETH!

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oh and this little story is to make someone feel better:

so there i am coming off avenue onto chaplin crescent and i get my little turn left green arrow and i start to go and this guy coming south bound decides not only not to stop at his red light but to turn into the LEFT rather than the right lane.

yeah.

so i slam on the brakes.

why is this funny?

there’s a full travel mug of tea on my dash board… [doesn’t fit in the cup holders] and of course when i hit the brakes it flies forward a little and covers a large chunk of windshield.

i, too busy trying not to hit the idiot and honk at him, do not grab said tea when i hit the gas again and yeah… back it comes the other way!

i didn’t wear that much of it but my car sure did…

ah well, least it isn’t hand tooled corinthian leather… or my chest.

July 22, 2007

counting calories

Filed under: exercise,family,food,life,party,Uncategorized — sassinak @ 10:14 pm

oh yeah, i’m having a birthday bash august 11th, if you’re reading this and haven’t been invited yet please email me cause i’m a fuckup!

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i had this revelatory experience at the gym a while ago while i was belaying my climbing partner.  there she was climbing the walls and there i was observing the people around me while paying huge amounts of attention to the rope in my hands.

beside me was the woman who is my climbing idol at the gym i currently climb at, her climbing partner and her niece (who i thought was her sister but that’s a whole other story) and her niece happens to bite into a sandwich.

i don’t catch this bit but the niece must make some kind of face or something because her aunt says to her ‘you don’t like it?’ and she shakes her head no and aunt then says ‘so don’t eat it!’

climbing partner chimes in with advice about where to get better food in the neighbourhood and what niece can do to get something else and niece starts to smile a little but still looks uncertain.  looks, in effect, like all of us do when we’re feeling guilty about food that we think we’re supposed to eat.

and that’s when it happens.  one of them says to the young girl “don’t waste your calories on food you don’t want” and MY life is changed forever.  such a simple statement but so profound for me.

don’t waste your calories on food you don’t want.

oh!

it’s not about wasting food at ALL!  it’s about wasting the calories i can eat in a day without bloating my body and making it unhappy and fat!

so off i go with my newfound revelation about food and head into my life… and almost immediately it has an effect.  i actually push food away from me and don’t finish it repeatedly that first week.

not every time of course because well, i still need to eat a lot but the times when i would ordinarily just tough it out and finish my food i don’t do it.  i push it away.

i lose five pounds without trying.

i tell my mother my experience with this revelation about making it about my calories rather than about wasted food and she tells me her recent and similar revelation.

she says to me “well you know, i figure i can throw food away now instead of carrying twenty five extra pounds around on myself until i die and they throw it out anyway” and while i cringe at the morbidity of the image it too has an effect on me.

i suddenly get it.

it’s not about the food i am supposed to eat it’s about how much food my body actually WANTS and if i just listen and push the plate away i’ll stay thin for life.

or as my friend shane would say “put down the fork and pick up the bike.”

don’t waste your calories on food you don’t want.  thanks for that one ladies.

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