snapshots of an idle mind

November 21, 2007

i wonder


how some people can smell so bad and yet seem never to notice.


why i love the leafs so much when they’re sooo bad these days.


what will happen to the planet when we’ve sucked all the oil out of it… and i don’t just mean with fuel. i just can’t imagine that nature made all that lube and stuck it down there for no reason… it just seems wrong somehow.

so, if you have no more lube between the rocks what happens when they try to slide?

seems to me the shakes will get bigger.

but i’m not a geologist, anyone else?


why we think pumping water that sells for two dollars a litre into the ground to replace oil that sells (refined!) for one is good business practices.


if i can sustain this 6:30 am client on wednesday mornings.

client that i love, that is my longest running client and the first one who ever paid me full price for an hour.


when i became someone who cared about the state of her house.

although the answer seems to be ‘when she got a house worth caring about.’


when i’m getting my next pedicure.

speaking of; here you go terry:





nat’s toes:


my toes





why folks would rather focus on their misery and pain than their happiness and freedoms.


why some people take so much pleasure in hurting others.


why the above two are so often the same person.


why it’s often so much easer to hear the spitefulness hurled at you by those who dislike you than the kindness lavished upon you by your loved ones.


why i had a weird dream about my car last night…


and why i remembered it.


why the posts i am often most proud of will regularly engender the fewest comments…


why rainy grey days (IN MODERATION!) are so awesome…


why i’m not currently napping…


October 2, 2007

head shakings


to the ten percent of you that don’t fit into this post?  you know who you are.


as some of you know i had a date or two with a man who drives a ferrari a while back. the particularly attention paying public may also have realized that he started an investment bank.

normally i wouldn’t be so specific but he did link the bank in the relevant post’s comment section.

anyway the man himself, though beautiful and funny, is not the point of this post. the reactions he engendered in the people around me are.

it was amazing. i mean amazing what people were saying about this man solely because he appeared to have money in the bank.

after ONE date with him that lasted a little over an hour (i had prior plans afterward) and was in fact ridiculously fun, i was telling some people about him (cause yeah, i don’t meet many men i like… er didn’t, lately they seem to be coming out of the woodwork) and i got reactions that stunned me.

things like

.you got a hot investment banker? you bitch!

uh dude? one date.

.you would hate the investment banker lifestyle.

um we know what that is?

.oh nice he’s rich!

how do we know this?

.he’s playing you.

for what exactly?



i was literally flummoxed. no one (except flower who met him and thought he was awesome) asked me if he was nice (yes) funny (yes) cute (check) hot (check) tall (mm-hmm) polite (yup) smart (seems like) or anything like that.

no one cared what he was like at all. it was all about the money or the lifestyle… and i so didn’t get it.

cut to the second date.

you know, the one with the ferrari and the driving. oh right, i may not have told y’all that it was a date. it was assumed by a few folks but i was playing my cards close to my chest since i liked him.

anyway we go on a date, i drive a ferrari and i dance around for like weeks about getting to drive the ferrari and i’m even more stunned that i like the guy more than the fucking car.

and of course since i drove a FERRARI i told everyone i know about getting to drive it which caused many questions about the owner.

but not the questions you might expect, once i admitted that said lovely driving experience had happened on an actual date it went like this:

.he’s rich? marry him!


.why aren’t you travelling with him?

uh TWO DATES!??!?

.what are you going to do about his lifestyle if you have kids with him?

uh TWO DATES!??????????????????????????????!

.oh those rich guys, they always go back to their own kind.

fuck you, are you calling me cheap and low class?

.just get him to buy you a new computer (mine died)


.oh those rich guys, they love bohemian artsy chicks like you…

um what?

but do you see what didn’t happen? no one asked me what he was like, if he was respectful, if i liked him, if he made me laugh, if i wanted to jump him, if he tried to jump me… nothing.

it’s all about the money.

i’m stunned i have to say, and amazed that celebrities and the really rich ever date at all. i guess it’s no wonder that the celebrities and rock stars and supermodels and sports heroes tend to date within their own circles somewhat.

i mean how on earth would you know that someone liked you for you? any little innocent comment would set your spidey senses tingling and really, how would you ever be sure?

so what are people in those kinds of tax brackets left with?


matchmaking websites

high school sweethearts

dating in their own field or one nearby…

hrm… that’s about it.

i mean i don’t give a SHIT how much money you make so long as you can afford to live a decent lifestyle with some traveling and some eating out and some living well.

if you can afford your life? to buy me dinner on occasion? to live your dreams? to participate in mine? that’s all i really want from you.

and even i found myself having little imaginary scenarios where i got to play with the ferrari at the race track too… imagine if you were the kind of person who really cared about money…

you would do everything in your power to snag a guy like that.

how is he supposed to tell the difference between interest and dollar signs?

*shaking head* really stunned i have to say. i have so much more sympathy for celebrity love nuclearisms now…

September 19, 2007

blue glow

Filed under: blogging,fasting,hockey,internet,life,nerddom,random,seasonal,tv — sassinak @ 11:28 am


so something very strange is happening.

first a little background, those of you who know me well know that i wrestle with a fairly serious television addiction. you also know that i’m winning because i have so much more to do in my day to day life and thus the tv has been fading.

then i moved into this place and i decided not to get cable.

and then i caved because i wanted to see what happened on gilmore girls at the end and i got cable to do it with. in fact it took less than a week without cable for me to cave. so then i have cable and i watch all my shows to the end of the season and i take a look at the summer season and i get set for reduced viewing.

and i don’t turn the thing on once. wait that’s a lie, i’ve used my playstation and i’ve watched a couple of movies. but television? nothing.

i also haven’t watched any of the several gigs of shows that i downloaded so i could catch myself up on them. okay one episode of oth but that’s it. it’s like my television addiction has disappeared!

of course that’s easy to say when the new television season is still several weeks away and there’s no hoopla about what’s happening on what show but really? i cannot seem to make myself care.

not a whit.

and then i wonder why i would want to MAKE myself care about a passive activity? so i’m in the mood to read and write and see more of my friends and climb and play with the internet? what’s wrong with that?

but house? whatever will happen to him if i don’t watch every week???

the horror!


i started this post a while ago, like a few weeks ago before the new television season started and then i let it percolate.


perk perk

perk perk perk

it still seemed to be true, i confess to a few pangs. i mean really now, what will the girls of grey’s anatomy do without me? how will house cope without his ducklings? and oh lord men in trees! gosh i love men in trees (actually i think i might tape those three and no more) and really, i must see what happens to them.

and yet? all the other things that were on my list? the shows i cared ever so much about? the ones i would call my friends and say “THE HORRORS! my vcr failed and i missed an EPISODE!! help MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

yeah, don’t care in the slightest.

just don’t.

and i don’t understand it.

i went over to miss valium’s (hrm can you call a princess miss?) house last night and we watched the pilot of ‘gossip girl’ and the finale of big brother 8 (which was also the first episode that i’d seen) and ate pizza and gossiped about life.

it was lovely.

and you know what? the damn show is excellent (gossip girl.) i mean i was really surprised by how much i enjoyed it and yet? i don’t care. i don’t care enough to devote twenty two of my hours over the next eight months to it. i just don’t.

if i’m bored and it’s on? i’ll watch it. otherwise? whatever.

i will tape the three things mentioned above and i will watch the pilot of bionic woman because really now, starbuck as the evil bionic woman? that’s awesome that is.

i will also watch the final season of battlestar galactica because come on, that show is amazing. but i don’t want to pick up any new shows, i want to watch my loved ones until they’re cancelled and then wave good-bye to my television addiction forever.

and i can’t help noticing how much i’ve changed. except it’s not really a change it’s more of a return.

i was the only person that i knew when i was in college that didn’t have a television. didn’t have and didn’t miss. in fact i didn’t start making appointments with my television until i moved to vancouver and a little show called ‘er’ caught my attention followed shortly thereafter by buffy the vampire slayer and la femme nikita.

god those were great.

anyway over the years the addiction has grown and finally, after my car accident, it grew some serious teeth. in fact? i think i was watching something like sixty hours of television a week at some point. heck i was watching a DAILY TALK SHOW!!!!

yeah i know.

anyway, it’s been waning over the years and seems finally to be back in the box so to speak. it’s so funny where life takes us, i never would have expected to watch sixty hours a week of television nor would i ever have believed that i might stop basically cold turkey.

but i have.


sometimes you’re forced to read the writing on the wall… even after you’ve taken off your glasses and scrinched up your eyes.

sucks don’t it?


oh yeah…

i get to go to a leafs game a leafs game a leafs game

i get to go to a leafs game

and i’m super happy about it!


maybe even TWO!

May 16, 2007


Filed under: blogging,dating,internet,life,men,random — sassinak @ 9:39 am


i think my blog is kind of starting to suck. maybe not suck exactly but i’ve been looking at my recent posts and very few of them are thought provoking the way they once were. i think there’s something about blogs whether adult, regular or niche that causes any blogger to start out like gangbusters and then sort of fade out.

does it mean that they stop writing in their blogs? not always.

it just means that most of us have been saving up a lot of thoughts over the years so at first it’s easy to come up with fresh and new things to talk about. cut to two years later and it becomes significantly more difficult.

i’ve actually said things like “wait didn’t i write this post already?” and sometimes i really did.

especially the hillside ones *snerk*

i suppose one could argue that my perspective is evolving constantly but that feels a little bit like a copout.


and i got a freaking parking ticket :(


man sometimes i REALLY wish i didn’t have a ‘no deleting posted blog entries’ rule…


incidentally? i realise i’m totally full of it when i say i would dump my blog if i had a man. it’s more that i probably never would have started one.

would it change? yes absolutely, it would have to… but y’all are stuck with me now.


so, what does a stale blogger do when there aren’t any new memes floating around the blogverse?

and yes it’s clear that i’m stale, the posting frequency over there in the margin is obvious.

so, no new memes, no pics to post that othercat hasn’t posted already… go see them… okay i’ll post one…

harriet n’ grendel with audience

actually come to think of it i have a camera full of shots to upload… okay pics coming soon…

the good news is that in the writing of this post i thought of a couple more. in fact lately i’ve been discussing dating with a few different men my age and you want to know something freaky? they’re just as messed up as i am!!! so that post is coming and i wrote one the other day that’s depressing so i wanted to wait until i’d posted something cheerier first.


i have a coffee date… you may now all act like teenagers


one tree hill got renewed, watch me act like a teenager ;>


i’m going to get my BICYCLE!!!!

yes, after five freaking years i’m finally going to ride bikes again…

i can’t tell you how stoked i am!

[edited to add: i haven’t been able to ride because i’ve been recovering from my sixth or something whiplash incident and my shoulders couldn’t take the weight of myself using handlebars]



happy wednesday!

May 11, 2007

grand gesture

Filed under: blogging,internet,life,socioanthropology — sassinak @ 1:44 pm


so i just got another one of those emails. you know the ones… they talk about the blogverse and how it’s not healthy and how they were looking for something that they realise is there in their lives already and how they’re ‘checking out for good’ and we should too.

and i get it, i really do.

there’s this need to make some grand parting gesture before you exit stage left and never come back. i’m not sure anyone can top bubblegum meltdown’s RIP where everyone was wondering if emma was dead but nevertheless.

there is one thing that i don’t get.

why does the grand gesture always have to be an email telling us that the escape is no longer necessary and why does it always feel like they’re judging my choices with every word?

i don’t have a wife or a husband or a kid at home to fill my life with, trust that if i did this blog would not exist. in fact this blog for me is the thing i use as a man substitute in a lot of ways.

i come home from a long day and i’m tired and frustrated and bad things have happened or i’m elated and giddy and great things have happened or something is going on that gets me thinking and i’ll look around my house and realise that i have three choices.

i can tell the tale to my cats

i can tell the tale to a random friend on the phone

i can tell my blog.

don’t misunderstand, i know that i could eat it as well, distract myself with drinks or dancing or going out but you see i’m poverty struck and look to be staying that way and every social event that happens with my friends somehow ends up costing money that i don’t have.

yes, even the free ones.

i often take my woes climbing and throw them at a wall and trust me, that’s going to be happening a lot in the next while which is kind of nice since i got a little porky over the winter but it’s not a substitute for working out your thoughts with another human being who loves you.

and the thing that all these check out for good people have in common?

almost invariably they’re coupled and their blog is a secret from their partner. often their coupled status is a secret from their blog. and maybe they need that, that feeling of belonging to a group other than their family for a while but inevitably they return to their little niche.

[or the marriage splits up and either way they usually stop blogging]

but why do they have to finish with some grand finale gesture that’s designed to make the rest of us feel bad for needing this community?

and why do they always have to add in ‘don’t bother replying as this email address will no longer exist’?

I find that a little mean actually.

hey all you people that have been my friends for a long time. people who have supported me and asked about my traumas and otherwise just generally been there for me at all times?

yeah you guys… youse guys that were here before me and will be here after i leave… you welcomed me with open arms and i leave you with a grand ‘see ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!’ and then delete my email address so you can’t even wish me good luck or fuck you or goodbye or something.

and people say they don’t like drama.

*laughs ruefully*

[edited to add: sterling examples of how to leave the blogverse nicely or at least without insulting the rest of us: elle or dodger]

April 23, 2007


Filed under: blogging,facebook,internet,life,random — sassinak @ 12:57 pm




i joined facebook.

this is a problem. it’s not as bad as it could be because it only takes a few minutes here and there and there is very little required beyond some clicking. that said, i joined yet another freaking online community and have moved another little piece of my life to a screen.

i can see it now “sass loved the internet but didn’t spend nearly as much time outside as she ought.”

course i did eat two meals on patios yesterday and it was stupendous. my shoulders turned a little bit pink for a few minutes and my body rejected it’s usually craved vitamin D supplement [i started taking cod liver oil capsules (tasteless and easy to swallow, if it stinks it’s rotten) and for the first winter ever my skin didn’t itch like i wanted to rip it off and i don’t look like a lizard in the places that i shave my legs. highly recommended.]

pyrhonik was randomly stranded in toronto and we got to spend the day together and then princess valium joined us for a while in the evening. he’s a very cool cat y’all so if he shows up in your town you should go and hook up with him.

pyr can i post pics?


see how i assume he’ll read this? lordy lordy i’m rude.


it’s always interesting to put a face to a name that you’ve met on the internet. they are *never* the same as you imagine them.

almost always there is more life in them. you can’t ever imagine someone fully until you spend time with them because there are always little details that you don’t know about.

they could whistle through their teeth all the time

they could hum

they could flip their hair constantly

they could fade out of conversations and observe them instead

they could be afraid of cats

they might be conscious of every move they ever make

who knows, there’s always something you’re not imagining when you meet someone you’ve known for a long time through a flat medium. actually that’s it exactly. life is another dimension.


oh god, i joined facebook and i love it.

i’ve already got a drinks date for may 5th with an aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulllldd girlbud out of the deal!

i love the internet you know that? i have in fact been having a love affair with the internet since nineteen ninety three or so. that may be the longest successful relationship i’ve ever had after all that.


oh god, yet another online community.

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