snapshots of an idle mind

January 17, 2009

winterlicious

Filed under: bliss,exercise,family,life,outside,pics,seasonal,surreality,work — sassinak @ 9:45 pm

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i am having the strangest week…

not strange bad, more in the sense of all over the place and utterly unpredictable.

for a long time my business has had one source of referrals other than my existing clients and this has bothered me; not enough to advertise or get a job in a gym but enough.  i never like being dependent on one thing because there is always the risk that the person doing the referring will suddenly decide that they don’t like me anymore.

i haven’t been particularly worried because i tend to be extremely competent and this leads to less trouble than the average self-employed pilates instructor might experience.

you see my clients send me their wives/husbands/best friends and with that kind of loyalty my business can do nothing but grow.  it might grow slowly but it will grow nonetheless.

anyway this week i met a gynecologist who asked for my card and promised referrals (one of my areas of specialisation happens to be post partum women with pelvic floor/incontinence/sexual health issues) and a personal trainer client asked for a stack of cards and in fact referred someone to me already.

so suddenly? 

i went from one to three referral sources in a week!!!

this is truly awesome, not to mention that my clients send me more and more clients each year.  hmm maybe i can stop working at seven thirty in the evening someday…

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in the meantime…

on thursday night i had dinner with a being who can make a million dollars on a ten minute phone call from a lounger on grand cayman (married, hush y’all)

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on friday night i met a woman who runs her own company and happens to be getting arthritis in her feet.  what does this mean? 

that none of her 40 years worth of shoes fit her anymore.

why does this matter to me?

i have TWENTY ONE!!!!! new pairs of high heels (well a few are flats) to add to my already ridiculous shoe collection. 

i was like a kid in a candy store i’m telling you!

god you guys some of them are SOOOO sexy.

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and on saturday?

on saturday my father enlisted my help to dig a hole. 

this would not normally be worthy of mention except for two or three little details:

it happens to be a measly nineteen below centigrade today (a mere minus two fahrenheit) and has been at least that cold for days.  it’s not traditionally known to be good hole digging weather.

of course we *were* in a steel structure, that raised the temperature at least 0.1 degree by removing the wind chill so it was really positively balmy in there…

furthermore he wanted us to dig the hole down several feet… (we gave up at the two foot mark and decided to wait for spring)

and still none of that would be worth mentioning except for this:

that is a real grin

that is a real grin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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is that not the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen?

no like ever?

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the tragedy of my life is that i found hacking away at a frozen solid piece of earth with my father to be ridiculously fun.

best part was after we got down a foot or so he carefully positioned a space heater in the hole, covered it with a tarp, and headed in to the house for lunch.

i was sure the whole place would go up in flames but nope, back we come to a hole that is frozen solid except for three inches of mud.  you can see the mud in the pic.

even funnier is that about fifteen minutes after this pic was taken the hat was off, the scarf was gone and my jacket was hanging open… but the camera was frozen ;>

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i was *going* to do some cardio (aka ride mom’s stationary bike) but i decided that two hours with a pickaxe had to count and said screw it.

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and then tomorrow?

off to go skiing….

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you have to admit, it’s been kind of an up and down week…

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well mostly up.

oh yeah, i bought a car!

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for those of you who guessed that this ENTIRE post was so i could post the picture?

smart you…

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that may be my best fashion crime this year…

April 8, 2008

cupics

Filed under: bliss,blogging,cats,eye candy,life,men,outside,pics,travel,Uncategorized — sassinak @ 8:58 pm

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hey guys i got nothing… well i got lots of stuff and no time and frankly the posts are sort of gone when i get here… so i’ll post some pics.

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oh if you’re one of the people who knows about my angsty week last week? let it be known that the mess has been put to bed…

so to speak… not like the cat vomit i found on my sheets when i got home from seeing my sister…

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mmm cat vomit.

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i had the kind of week last week where i didn’t notice when my credit card information was scammed and mastercard called me up to tell me that they needed to cancel my credit card and would send me a new one.

i didn’t even notice when the thing got sent express post and i had to go get it at the post office. frankly that’s sort of reassuring really.

anyway i finally noticed when the

01/04/2008 02/04/2008 USD1,032.77@1.045500LOWES #00498* CLARKS
$1,079.76

appeared on the bill.

like what the fuck?

anyway it turns out that what happens is they notice the suspicious transaction and call you to confirm that you didn’t do it. then they cancel your card and send you a new one…

BUT the freaking charge still goes through.

so suddenly i was over my limit and going to the mechanic for ‘weirdness’

weirdness is NEVER cheap.

so suddenly i got it. someone can totally screw with your finances doing this shit and moreso i’m super impressed with mastercard’s prompt response. they were awesome. okay, except for not telling that the charge was gonna show up on my bill.

but, to apologize they raised my limit by twelve hundred dollars so i can’t complain. furthermore they’re ‘comfortable leaving it at that level’ which means my little business is doing even better than i think it is.

so, i had a very strange and fully angsty week with financial weirdness that turned out to be a bonus because after that charge comes off my bill i can buy a wunda chair! actually, the angsty weirdness was a bonus too because a LOT of things have been resolved.

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oh right, pics!

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sorry the lame gallery can’t count…

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laters!

February 26, 2008

swirls

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it’s all swirly in my head right now:

part of me wants to talk about my friend adam eating’s dog getting killed last week and how sad i am about that

part of me wants to talk about running off to cuba on my first vacation in five years with nayrb

chunks of me are most fascinated that i came back from cuba and like my boyfriend more… which like, really, i didn’t think was possible

some of me wants to wonder why some people can’t just let me go even though they chased me out the door

bits are wondering about posting a couple of cuba pictures… here’s one that nayrb took of me at a crocodile farm we visited, a lovely cuban man handed me this bird…:

parrot.jpg

whole divisions wish to crow about my facility in cuba because i speak italian a little.  one lady even asked me if i spoke spanish!  go me!  not to mention?  i learned some spanish!

some of me is pretty excited about being back in my life.  in fact i got a little bored toward the end there… but that’s as it should be

parts of me wonder how it’s possible that fidel castro stepped down when *i* was in cuba!  like what are the odds?

the eastern division has me thinking about my beloved leafs and their captain.  it’s interesting that he chose to stay but i think ultimately the right thing.  i mean really, was it worth it to the leafs to lose him?  not for me.  of course i know i have a crush on him but i’m also realistic and this is a guy with a lot to teach the kids that are coming

my heart wants to talk to my parents and my sister but they’re always in bed when i have free time…

nayrb went in the ocean for his first time ever… i’m glad i was there:

oceannayrb.jpg

my heart is very heavy for my friend lsd

my skin feels particularly happy and glowing at the moment.  i turned all italian while i was away and i love it. i wish i had a tan all year long…

yeah, so as you can see, i’m feeling a little discombobulated.  kind of can’t figure out which way is up and at the same time feeling a little disconnected from it all.

ah well, i’ll try to enjoy it while it lasts

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i am now addicted to vacations.  i’ve already chosen my next four weeks off… one of them is the week i just passed… but next year  :)

February 16, 2008

holy unfairness batman

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so yeah i’m having a day.

i’m sure you’re all having days too, some better than others… but i’m having a day. i woke up a little late and couldn’t get my head on straight and taught a funny class and went to class where i never quite felt like i was there and then…

and then the day improved of course.

i mean who doesn’t want to spend the first day of their first vacation in five years shovelling out their car after they’ve gotten it stuck? heaving on it with a few helpers? dumping salt all over the place to get traction for the feet as we push?

how about getting it out of the rut only to rub it up against a fence while doing so? calling your boyfriend at home to get you a tow truck? waiting for it and then watching as it pulls your car off the fence… now with a broken mirror and fresh scratches and sixty bucks to the awesome little old tow truck driver named luigi?

almost but not quite killing a pedestrian?

how about realising that you are no longer competent and that beyond calling a cab at three am and MAYBE, just MAYBE managing to pack you are done? can’t even write a fuck you suckers i’m on vacation post done?

doesn’t that sound like the best vacational first day ever?

how about if i tell you that’s only half of the shit that’s wrong right now? that i have a bladder and a yeast infection? [and if you know about my other …issue? that is acting up too.]

don’t you think the universe might be having a little fun with me?

dear universe, i really need a rest okay? would you mind making the rest of the week a little easier than the first day? pretty please?

cherries on top?
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for the record, i’m still feeling pretty good. i’m aware rationally that although i’m having a brutal day i have in no way impacted my actual vacation in any damaging way.

i mean hell the mirror was halfway broken already!

not to mention? it’s a chilly twenty four degrees in cayo coco right now.. i think that might be the temperature here in fahrenheit today…

all you can eat food and drink… beautiful man to share it with…

five star beach and cuban music to lull me into a drunken stupor…

average daily temperature of 26 degrees celsius and nightly of 21…

yeah, sounds good to me.

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hopefully this day will stop piling little disasters on top of each other. i’m really hoping that i can finish my laundry and make my bed and pack between now and three am without too much trauma…

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but you know what happens at 11:10am tomorrow morning?

oh yeah, i land in cuba for day one of my first vacation in five years…

sayonara kids!

February 6, 2008

relief

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i am looking at a cleaner desk.

i am looking at a cleaner desk that is symbolic of something so much better.

you see i hired my friend to come over and sort through all my papers. she will take all those myriad statements and bills and receipts and turn them in to some kind of useful filing system.

after that? she will enter all of this data into a spreadsheet and then? and then we will hire a bookkeeper who will do my taxes for the last five years.

yeah shut up, i am aware that i should have done them more recently. that said, i pretty much always do them every five years so this is nothing new. in fact i think the government will faint when i start to file annually.

so there are a few interesting thoughts hiding in the above, not the least of which is that i have finally accepted that *i* will NEVER get this crap done. i have been trying to make myself do this stuff for two years!

two years!

do you want to know when even some of it happened? yeah, last time i got this friend to come over and help me.

*sigh* i suck at this stuff. i can hardly call clients back and answer email let alone get my filing and paperwork done; so here’s the thing, i have accepted that i will not do this and chosen to spend some money so that it happens anyway.

i think this is akin to admitting that i cannot keep my house clean enough to run a business in and hiring a maid. i think it’s delegating of the highest order. this is extra funny because i’m always telling my boyfriend that he needs to learn to delegate.

but well, it’s a lot easier to see what other people need than what you do.

the other interesting thing hiding in the above is that i hired someone.

i have in fact hired another human being simply to make my life go better.  not only have i hired them but i’ve committed to paying them.  you know what this means?  this means that i actually BELIEVE my business is doing well enough to commit a couple of hundred dollars a month to making it run better.

yeah i’m kind of stunned to find myself in that position too but there it is.   i actually believe in my business enough to ask someone else to believe in it enough to work for me in expectation of money.  i mean she can make financial decisions because of me!

that’s so strange it is.

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in other news, nayrb and i have finally booked our vacation.

i know!  i’m going away for a WHOLE WEEK!!!!!

no work for a WEEK!

that mythical vacation i’ve been talking about for four years?  finally here!

*snoopydance of glee*

here’s the beach:

cccsena_04.jpg

and because i know you guys love this shit, here is the link to the resort.

the best part?

it’s in cuba which is one of the few places i had really despaired of visiting in time.  by this i mean that when fidel dies something is going to get different in cuba and i really wanted to see it the way it is now rather than the way it will be.  not that it isn’t possible that what’s coming will be better but still, it’s worth seeing now.

i don’t think we’ll be near enough to see havana, but there is apparently a quaint little town nearby that should satisfy our urge to see some real cuba… but let’s be honest, i just want to sleep and eat and drink and swim in the ocean and hang out with my boyfriend…

ahhh bliss.

December 31, 2007

there goes another one

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it’s that time of year again, the time when we eat too much and celebrate our loved ones and our lives or in some cases despair about our lives but no matter who you are you’re thinking right now.

you may be thinking solely about the shenanigans you will be getting up to this evening or perhaps about avoiding the fuss and hiding at home but if nothing else you’re considering your options.

you may, as i am, be thinking about who you will be kissing when the clocks of the city strike midnight or even who you won’t be kissing.

perhaps you are pondering your resolutions. one woman i know takes her resolutions very seriously indeed. last year she resolved to travel and see the world and she went to europe and africa. this is some resolving i can get behind let me tell you.

personally i am usually wont to resolve to do something with no guilt attached. i have oft been heard drunkenly declaiming ‘i resolve to have more fun’ and every year i try to do it. i think this year i will go for something with a little required effort.

perhaps i will resolve to work slightly less or to take a few more full weekends off. i know that i intend to take two weeks off this year which is something i have not done since i started to teach.

in fact i’m planning an actual vacation in february, i’ve even arranged half my substitute teachers already. gawd, an actual vacation, what a trip. it seems funny to have to resolve to do this but it seems i’ve turned into a bit of a workaholic in the last few years.

guess that’s what happens when your small business finally starts to be able to feed you. now i have to learn to say no to my clients, i have far too many days that are twelve or fourteen hours long and that has to stop. in fact i will no longer add new clients before 7:30am or after 7pm but trust me, that’s still more hours in a day than i should be working.

i’m hoping to slowly restrict those hours to 7:30am and 6:30pm but it’s hard. people work and they want me to work when they aren’t working and that leaves me with a brutal schedule.

i’m also thinking of getting a little more picky about who i accept as a client. up until now i’ve been a little bit desperate and i’ve had to take on anyone regardless. i’ve willingly encouraged people to go elsewhere if i didn’t feel that they suited me but always with a bit of a pang. now? now i think i will simply say ‘i’m sorry, i have a waiting list’ or whatever to people who rub me the wrong way when they call.

i want to play with my cats more rather than trusting them to exercise each other and in that light i want to spend more time at my boyfriend’s house because his poor cat is lonely.

i want to save money toward buying a place and create a financial cushion for myself that’s a little more secure than simply keeping a thousand dollars in my savings account… but that’s a start.

most of all? i want to have more patience and be less frustrated and be more open. miss clara hughes said that to the cbc one day and it’s some of the best advice ever. she also said to ‘be better’ to not be simply satisfied with being good but to be better every day. that too is some attitude i can get behind and something i feel like i need.

i still feel myself being more angry that i need to be on occasion and the rage engendered by driving the streets of toronto refuses to fade no matter how gently i approach it. i’m sure there are untapped reservoirs of anger inside myself that i have yet to find but i intend to plumb the depths this year.

life is about self-discovery after all.

i think i resolve to think about clara when i’m at my most angry…

be less frustrated

have more patience

be more open

… don’t just be good, be better

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happy new year to you and yours.

November 7, 2007

new suits… old suits

Filed under: exercise,life,outside,pilates,random — sassinak @ 8:41 pm

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nat! i forgot to email you that i lived through my trip home!

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nat is, incidentally, totally awesome… we got pedicures… pics coming…

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there is something so odd about going on vacation… well if you can call a mediocre conference held in an amusement park a vacation…

i really can’t comprehend why they bothered to take us to disneyworld in florida and then stick us in air conditioned rooms all day. the weather this weekend was spectacular and all i could do was look at it yearningly as i went from class to class.

not to mention the overinflated room prices. if we can’t go outside anyway why aren’t we somewhere like maine in the off season rather than at disney?

the scheduling was retarded and the workshops were well… a mixed bag really.

some of them were amazing and most of them were uninteresting or so junior as to be not worth taking and there is NO WAY that a teacher with a measly four years of experience should be bored at a conference of her peers.

heck no, i should be scrambling to keep up.

in some ways it was at least gratifying, i’ve clearly left the ranks of beginner teachers and am firmly ensconced in the grad school class but it felt like a waste of money.

not entirely a waste because anytime you get to take a workshop from an eighty seven year old lady who is one of two people joe pilates ever certified?

you should do it.

but it would have cost less to fly to her town and take privates so that was kind of a wash.

anyway i learned a few things and got to hang with some people but i think next time i’ll just go to the same place and hang out. i think that i would get as much out of it. in fact i’m going to write a letter to complain (my teacher even suggested that i add ‘in fact my teacher won’t attend for the same reason.)

the workshops were, by and large, aimed at first year teachers… i see now why my teacher won’t go… i certainly won’t waste my money again, pilates on tour is FAR more of a value for money deal and the workshops are in a completely superior league.

anyway that isn’t the point really.

the point is that something happens to me when i go on vacation.

i come home from being away to find that my life fits me like an old suit that’s been in my closet unworn for a while. the shoulders are snugger than i remember and the waist seems roomier (or not!) and maybe it’s harder to sit in than i rightly recall.

it’s like my edges expand when i’m away from my comfortable little niche and it takes a while to make them fit back together.

this is even stranger since i have a boyfriend now and that adds another layer to the suit that i must needs put back on.

the only thing that’s never hard to come back to is my car… me and that car have been on vacation together after all (hi castu and crtx and lsd and and and!) so we’re used to being together through all moods but the rest of my life?

my crazy schedule and the beautiful man that i’m dating and even my climbing habit all feel just a little funny. almost like they belong to someone else that i’m not quite.

never fear, in a week the edges will be filed back down and my shoulders will have gotten used to the fit of the suit and i won’t even remember this feeling…

until my next vacation.

October 22, 2007

adjustments

Filed under: dating,friendship,life,men,outside,pics,singlehood — sassinak @ 12:46 am

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it’s funny you know. it’s been a really long time since i dated anyone with any level of seriousness. since i *liked* the person i was dating.

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anyway, tr and i split up four years ago now, four years and a lifetime ago in fact. i’m so different from that girl that i find her hard to recognize. so fragile and broken and hating the fat coating her slowly returning body.

fragile in her soul more than anything and in desperate need of the healing that would come with three years of celibacy and a tiny basement apartment. an apartment so small that it fits in my current living room.

an apartment that was, in many ways, a cocoon.

a place to rebuild and create anew and rediscover and learn about my self while i built a career and a life that would sustain me through wherever the next part of my journey would take me.

several times in that period i bemoaned my lack of interesting dating potential and the years without sex but you know? in retrospect i needed every single one of those days.

i needed to find my self.

and i did.

and then i moved here. i moved to this beautiful light filled space in the middle of a ravine that my clients and my cats and my soul all love and my life started to take off.

my business took itself to the next level in large part because it had a place to grow and be nurtured and now it’s sitting and gestating and getting itself ready for the next step.

that one is a doozy let me tell you. opening a studio makes me blanch with fear a little but i can see that it’s coming.

the people in my life that didn’t like me or were filled with negativity have all taken themselves away in rather spectacular fashion. most of them felt the need to attack me on the way out the door but i’ve had to realize that those attacks were not necessarily about me at all… but more about their own disappointments and lacks.

somehow i became the representation of all things bad in some people’s existences and well, i guess i can’t be sad that they’re gone.

it’s funny though, because in all cases i am sad and i do miss them. it’s weird to miss people that hate you but there it is. it’s interesting to me that every one of those people picked public forums to hit me with… i don’t understand how those sorts of things don’t happen in person.

but then, i wouldn’t.

furthermore i made some decisions.

i decided that it was time to stop complaining about my dateless status and go out there and do something about it. i was going to go on those great sounding adventures at meet market adventures and try speed dating and email at least one man on okcupid per week.

i was going to do it up good.

and in the meantime i emailed a man (on okcupid) about a cat. specifically the kittens a friend of mine is trying to find a home for (cute black ones, any takers?) that his profile suggested he was in search of as a companion to his current cat.

and he asked me out for brunch, and scrabble… which we played to a tie.

seriously, who plays scrabble to a tie?

and yeah…

that was a little over a month ago and we’ve sort of been dating like constantly since then… and i like him.

and so do my friends and the members of my family that have met him. and his friends and family? like me.

it’s kind of strange.

anyway it’s a really odd adjustment for me. i know that people who haven’t had dates in a while will both make fun of me and sympathize with this but seriously, it’s really weird.

there is a man in my life that i like. that likes me. that my cats like, whose cat likes me.

there is a man in my life that has favourite expressions of mine, whose sense of humour i am learning to predict, who can call my behaviour in certain situations and that my friends want to hang out with.

a man who can make shoe shopping fun.

yes really.

a man that i tend to speak with before i sleep and who is slowly fitting himself into my life in this seamless sort of way and it’s WEIRD!

i am NOT complaining okay?

in fact i really really really like it (and him) but it’s been a very long time since i had to fit my life into someone else’s at all. since there was someone i called just because i wanted to hear their voice.

that there was someone i missed.

it’s disconcerting and yet wonderful all at once.

okay nat here you go:

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no, i have no idea why i’m making that face…

cottagekitchen.jpg

in the kitchen at his family cottage. my sister came up for brunch with us… god that was awesome. otherwise i wouldn’t have seen her until christmas!

and just one of the scenery:

scenery.jpg

October 5, 2007

happy turkey weekend !

Filed under: bliss,climbing,dancing,driving,food,life,outside,party,seasonal — sassinak @ 11:52 pm

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the comments on my last post were awesome, thank you guys, i just had nothing to add to your wisdom.

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i know, for you poor american folks there is no long weekend this weekend but for us canadians there is one. that’s three wonderful days without working.

okay not quite, i’m working for an hour tomorrow and then getting my ass kicked by rr for an hour but then?

then i get to go to the cottage!

now, i’ve done a lot of hanging at the farm and a little camping and some festivaling (which involves sleeping in a tent) and i’ve generally been out of town at least one night of the majority of weekends this summer.

however, there has been no cottaging.

no wonderful sitting by a lake and forgetting how to talk because you’re so peaceful and talking would be overkill.

none of that great food you somehow only get around to making when it’s thanksgiving or you’re at a cottage or you’re trying to impress someone.

no swimming in real water that isn’t a little scary… and feels like northern ontario water. i can’t really explain the difference but the water north of the great lakes feels different somehow. it has something in it or not in it that makes you feel clean no matter how filthy you are and always leaves you feeling refreshed.

it’s also usually cold so i suspect we’ll be doing more looking at the lake than swimming in it but i’m still packing a swimsuit. hrm i probably should have packed before i curled up in bed, good thing it only takes me ten minutes since i have a busy morning ahead.

oh my god i get to sleep without an alarm on sunday!

AND i get to sleep in on monday!

AND i get thanksgiving dinner when i get back!!

man my life rocks.

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speaking of climbing, something happened to me a little while ago and it’s SO COOL!

i was working the start of a 5.10- and getting like absolutely nowhere and my partner looks at me and says ‘you should climb the eleven minus, it’s way more your type of moves.’

and after about five minutes of arguing i did it.

i didn’t finish the fucking thing, oh no, i got maybe a third of the way up it but see here’s the thing… I STARTED A FIVE ELEVEN MINUS!!

and then i started another one.

and then i flashed a five ten plus. first try, never saw anyone climb it just up i went. it’s like i died and someone who climbs better showed up in my body.

except that i’m not dead and i’m still me (i think) and i just broke a plateau. i finally got off the grade that i was stuck on when i got in a car accident SIX YEARS AGO!

fuck, six years.

that’s pretty trippy. lot of changes since i started climbing.

anyway, at last i have moved on!

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cherub and i are having a shindig for hallowe’en on october 27th, let me know if you don’t have your invite by monday.

costumes are required :)

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whee long weekend at the cottage with just enough road trip to get there!

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