snapshots of an idle mind

January 17, 2009

winterlicious

Filed under: bliss,exercise,family,life,outside,pics,seasonal,surreality,work — sassinak @ 9:45 pm

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i am having the strangest week…

not strange bad, more in the sense of all over the place and utterly unpredictable.

for a long time my business has had one source of referrals other than my existing clients and this has bothered me; not enough to advertise or get a job in a gym but enough.  i never like being dependent on one thing because there is always the risk that the person doing the referring will suddenly decide that they don’t like me anymore.

i haven’t been particularly worried because i tend to be extremely competent and this leads to less trouble than the average self-employed pilates instructor might experience.

you see my clients send me their wives/husbands/best friends and with that kind of loyalty my business can do nothing but grow.  it might grow slowly but it will grow nonetheless.

anyway this week i met a gynecologist who asked for my card and promised referrals (one of my areas of specialisation happens to be post partum women with pelvic floor/incontinence/sexual health issues) and a personal trainer client asked for a stack of cards and in fact referred someone to me already.

so suddenly? 

i went from one to three referral sources in a week!!!

this is truly awesome, not to mention that my clients send me more and more clients each year.  hmm maybe i can stop working at seven thirty in the evening someday…

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in the meantime…

on thursday night i had dinner with a being who can make a million dollars on a ten minute phone call from a lounger on grand cayman (married, hush y’all)

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on friday night i met a woman who runs her own company and happens to be getting arthritis in her feet.  what does this mean? 

that none of her 40 years worth of shoes fit her anymore.

why does this matter to me?

i have TWENTY ONE!!!!! new pairs of high heels (well a few are flats) to add to my already ridiculous shoe collection. 

i was like a kid in a candy store i’m telling you!

god you guys some of them are SOOOO sexy.

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and on saturday?

on saturday my father enlisted my help to dig a hole. 

this would not normally be worthy of mention except for two or three little details:

it happens to be a measly nineteen below centigrade today (a mere minus two fahrenheit) and has been at least that cold for days.  it’s not traditionally known to be good hole digging weather.

of course we *were* in a steel structure, that raised the temperature at least 0.1 degree by removing the wind chill so it was really positively balmy in there…

furthermore he wanted us to dig the hole down several feet… (we gave up at the two foot mark and decided to wait for spring)

and still none of that would be worth mentioning except for this:

that is a real grin

that is a real grin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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is that not the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen?

no like ever?

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the tragedy of my life is that i found hacking away at a frozen solid piece of earth with my father to be ridiculously fun.

best part was after we got down a foot or so he carefully positioned a space heater in the hole, covered it with a tarp, and headed in to the house for lunch.

i was sure the whole place would go up in flames but nope, back we come to a hole that is frozen solid except for three inches of mud.  you can see the mud in the pic.

even funnier is that about fifteen minutes after this pic was taken the hat was off, the scarf was gone and my jacket was hanging open… but the camera was frozen ;>

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i was *going* to do some cardio (aka ride mom’s stationary bike) but i decided that two hours with a pickaxe had to count and said screw it.

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and then tomorrow?

off to go skiing….

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you have to admit, it’s been kind of an up and down week…

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well mostly up.

oh yeah, i bought a car!

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for those of you who guessed that this ENTIRE post was so i could post the picture?

smart you…

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that may be my best fashion crime this year…

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September 12, 2008

disdatndeudderting

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so i have some news that will not please some of you; nayrb and i decided a while ago to call it quits.

we were… not treating each other as well as we might have and all the talking in the world wasn’t making it better.  worse maybe since i think the talking was irritating us rather than doing any good.

basically we got steadily less nice to each other.  i got impatient and frustrated and he got kinda needy and we just kept pushing buttons and not really treating each other with kindness.

i’ve been kind of in shock really.

it’s not so much that we believed that we would *never* break up but that we had this deep affection for each other over and above the usual new toy neurological imperatives.  we expected that we would be able to deal with whatever the universe chose to throw at us, that we would at least be together for a few years.

and then it just started to go bad and it didn’t get better.

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look a picture of me!  in my studio!  in my living room! on the phone!

me n' my studio...

me n' my studio...

isn’t it purty?

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weirder even than being single again?

dating.

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look harriet!

sunny!

sunny!

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mouse with the same ball!

my ball!

my ball!

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there, see how i distract you with pictures?

really though, he and i are both okay and i’m pretty sure we both think this is for the best.  we remain friendly and are in fact considering throwing a ‘sass n’nayrb split up – bring someone suitable’ party but we’re not sure everyone else would appreciate the humor involved.

still considering it though.

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i think maybe the things we saw as problems the very first week might have had a lot to do with it, hard to say though.

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in other news; i’m thinking of leaving my band.

there is a person in it who continues to make me uncomfortable in a pretty shitty way some two or three times a year.  and i know it’s her problem and not mine i *really really* do but that doesn’t mean i particularly want her negativity in my life any longer.

it’s desperately difficult for me to imagine not hitting my drum and singing at the top of my lungs every thursday night but aren’t these things supposed to make you happy!???!

truly i love the band and i regret regularly that i ever mentioned it in her presence.  i think i knew from the first that it would come to this but i don’t know how else to handle it.

i love the guys in that band i really do; they are some of the most amazing people that i have in my life and their bickering and interaction and just general good-natured fun with each other never cease to amuse me [except for the occasional moments when i want to kill them of course.]

either way, after her latest insult i will have to stay away for a little while for fear that i will say what i think.  she is a rather fragile human and most of her issue with me seems to stem from lack of self-confidence so really, anything i say will only serve to make it worse.

frankly i wish i could tell her to take her crap and fuck off.  but i can’t… the guys adore us both.

dammit! dammit! dammit!

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doesn’t harriet look hilarious with that ball and the sun?

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happy weekend!

April 8, 2008

cupics

Filed under: bliss,blogging,cats,eye candy,life,men,outside,pics,travel,Uncategorized — sassinak @ 8:58 pm

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hey guys i got nothing… well i got lots of stuff and no time and frankly the posts are sort of gone when i get here… so i’ll post some pics.

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oh if you’re one of the people who knows about my angsty week last week? let it be known that the mess has been put to bed…

so to speak… not like the cat vomit i found on my sheets when i got home from seeing my sister…

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mmm cat vomit.

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i had the kind of week last week where i didn’t notice when my credit card information was scammed and mastercard called me up to tell me that they needed to cancel my credit card and would send me a new one.

i didn’t even notice when the thing got sent express post and i had to go get it at the post office. frankly that’s sort of reassuring really.

anyway i finally noticed when the

01/04/2008 02/04/2008 USD1,032.77@1.045500LOWES #00498* CLARKS
$1,079.76

appeared on the bill.

like what the fuck?

anyway it turns out that what happens is they notice the suspicious transaction and call you to confirm that you didn’t do it. then they cancel your card and send you a new one…

BUT the freaking charge still goes through.

so suddenly i was over my limit and going to the mechanic for ‘weirdness’

weirdness is NEVER cheap.

so suddenly i got it. someone can totally screw with your finances doing this shit and moreso i’m super impressed with mastercard’s prompt response. they were awesome. okay, except for not telling that the charge was gonna show up on my bill.

but, to apologize they raised my limit by twelve hundred dollars so i can’t complain. furthermore they’re ‘comfortable leaving it at that level’ which means my little business is doing even better than i think it is.

so, i had a very strange and fully angsty week with financial weirdness that turned out to be a bonus because after that charge comes off my bill i can buy a wunda chair! actually, the angsty weirdness was a bonus too because a LOT of things have been resolved.

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oh right, pics!

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sorry the lame gallery can’t count…

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laters!

March 16, 2008

this is me feeding my cats

Filed under: bitter pills,bliss,blogging,hockey,life,men,pics,random,surreal,Uncategorized — sassinak @ 1:48 am

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see that? how i went to the closet and got cat food and gave it to my cats? and see how they stopped yowling for food?

no?

well all right then.

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so the leafs have had another disappointing season. there are in fact nine games left so they have a decent chance of catching up from tweflth where they are currently sitting to ninth or so.

it’s weird how they’ve had terrible luck and the worst calls and are definitely not going to make the playoffs *again* and yet i’m still madly in love with them. i mean there are a few mitigating circumstances but geeze it’s not like they’re very good either.

by all rights i should be over this team. i should have stopped having a crush on mats sundin and i should definitely not be thinking that they’re playing better than their position in the scoring charts would indicate.

and yet… and yet i realize that i’m not really telling the truth. although they are better than where they are sitting in the standings? they still aren’t *good.*

i can tell the difference. i’ve seen what montreal has done with their young players and the magic word. what magic word? why teamwork of course.

that thing where they practice passing the puck again and again before they actually shoot. the thing where they play together.

god it’s pretty to watch.

please don’t tell anyone that i’m enjoying watching the habs play hockey okay? i mean i’m supposed to hate them they’re like hockey evil or something since i’m a leafs fan. and i am a leafs fan i am…

but i sure am glad my other conference team (calgary!) is playing better…

mmm iginla and kiprusoff… here comes the cup playoffs…

[don’t tell anyone but i think montreal is a major contendor this year]

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i just went to play a game of dress-up clue where i turned out to be the villain!

check out my awesome card:

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anyway it was a surprisingly good time and i confess that i was extra delighted to be the murderer!

plus?

i got called beautiful!

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i know it’s silly to love the nice things people say about me but well… go me! compliments like that really do make a body feel good.

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nayrb got a haircut and he looks all extra cute… pretty nice if you’re me also.

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incidentally?  nayrb fed the cats… thanks nayrb!

it’s interesting how little i have to complain about these days. most of the things in my life that had been causing me to complain (or blog)have been fixed.

i can actually afford shoes and i don’t hurt much anymore and i have a nice apartment and my business is finally doing better and then?  after all that falls into place?

i meet a nice man.

seems so impossible really to be living an angst free life.  impossible but fucking awesome!

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nayrb and i went to a crocodile farm in cuba and here we are molesting a child:

babycroc1.jpg

night kids!

February 6, 2008

relief

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i am looking at a cleaner desk.

i am looking at a cleaner desk that is symbolic of something so much better.

you see i hired my friend to come over and sort through all my papers. she will take all those myriad statements and bills and receipts and turn them in to some kind of useful filing system.

after that? she will enter all of this data into a spreadsheet and then? and then we will hire a bookkeeper who will do my taxes for the last five years.

yeah shut up, i am aware that i should have done them more recently. that said, i pretty much always do them every five years so this is nothing new. in fact i think the government will faint when i start to file annually.

so there are a few interesting thoughts hiding in the above, not the least of which is that i have finally accepted that *i* will NEVER get this crap done. i have been trying to make myself do this stuff for two years!

two years!

do you want to know when even some of it happened? yeah, last time i got this friend to come over and help me.

*sigh* i suck at this stuff. i can hardly call clients back and answer email let alone get my filing and paperwork done; so here’s the thing, i have accepted that i will not do this and chosen to spend some money so that it happens anyway.

i think this is akin to admitting that i cannot keep my house clean enough to run a business in and hiring a maid. i think it’s delegating of the highest order. this is extra funny because i’m always telling my boyfriend that he needs to learn to delegate.

but well, it’s a lot easier to see what other people need than what you do.

the other interesting thing hiding in the above is that i hired someone.

i have in fact hired another human being simply to make my life go better.  not only have i hired them but i’ve committed to paying them.  you know what this means?  this means that i actually BELIEVE my business is doing well enough to commit a couple of hundred dollars a month to making it run better.

yeah i’m kind of stunned to find myself in that position too but there it is.   i actually believe in my business enough to ask someone else to believe in it enough to work for me in expectation of money.  i mean she can make financial decisions because of me!

that’s so strange it is.

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in other news, nayrb and i have finally booked our vacation.

i know!  i’m going away for a WHOLE WEEK!!!!!

no work for a WEEK!

that mythical vacation i’ve been talking about for four years?  finally here!

*snoopydance of glee*

here’s the beach:

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and because i know you guys love this shit, here is the link to the resort.

the best part?

it’s in cuba which is one of the few places i had really despaired of visiting in time.  by this i mean that when fidel dies something is going to get different in cuba and i really wanted to see it the way it is now rather than the way it will be.  not that it isn’t possible that what’s coming will be better but still, it’s worth seeing now.

i don’t think we’ll be near enough to see havana, but there is apparently a quaint little town nearby that should satisfy our urge to see some real cuba… but let’s be honest, i just want to sleep and eat and drink and swim in the ocean and hang out with my boyfriend…

ahhh bliss.

November 21, 2007

i wonder

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how some people can smell so bad and yet seem never to notice.

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why i love the leafs so much when they’re sooo bad these days.

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what will happen to the planet when we’ve sucked all the oil out of it… and i don’t just mean with fuel. i just can’t imagine that nature made all that lube and stuck it down there for no reason… it just seems wrong somehow.

so, if you have no more lube between the rocks what happens when they try to slide?

seems to me the shakes will get bigger.

but i’m not a geologist, anyone else?

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why we think pumping water that sells for two dollars a litre into the ground to replace oil that sells (refined!) for one is good business practices.

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if i can sustain this 6:30 am client on wednesday mornings.

client that i love, that is my longest running client and the first one who ever paid me full price for an hour.

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when i became someone who cared about the state of her house.

although the answer seems to be ‘when she got a house worth caring about.’

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when i’m getting my next pedicure.

speaking of; here you go terry:

nat:

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moi:

sasspediorl.jpg

nat’s toes:

nattoes.jpg

my toes

sasstoes.jpg

us

sassnnatalldone.jpg

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why folks would rather focus on their misery and pain than their happiness and freedoms.

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why some people take so much pleasure in hurting others.

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why the above two are so often the same person.

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why it’s often so much easer to hear the spitefulness hurled at you by those who dislike you than the kindness lavished upon you by your loved ones.

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why i had a weird dream about my car last night…

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and why i remembered it.

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why the posts i am often most proud of will regularly engender the fewest comments…

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why rainy grey days (IN MODERATION!) are so awesome…

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why i’m not currently napping…

November 15, 2007

parts per million

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i stuck a nat pic at the end of this for you terry… just one though.

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there is something so interesting about the repercussions of emotional behaviour that authors everywhere have written endless treatises on the subject from about a million perspectives both fictional and non.

in fact i’m reading yet another fantasy novel based almost entirely around this very idea.

it’s as fascinating to study the effects of love run amok as hate… although one could argue that those are in fact the same thing. anger is at least as interesting as passive resistance and greed is in many ways it’s own reward.

lately i’ve been thinking in terms of wells. some run dry, others are fouled, still more run sweet forever but all of them started out as very deep things that fed us.

like friendships.

you can’t tell when you meet someone what kind of well you will make. will you make a few half-assed passes with the dowsing rod and then give up entirely or will you sink a good and true well that lasts an eternity?

perhaps you will not work hard enough digging the well you will trust your friendship to and will wake one morn’ to find that it has run dry. or worse yet has been poisoned by ill will.

i don’t know that we can tell in advance (ever) where these things will end up. i’m sure that every time someone sinks an oil well they’re hoping to make the strike of all time but i know for certain that you can never really tell how long a strike will last.

okay i’m mixing my metaphors, water is somewhat more predictable although you can’t tell still if the guy higher up the hill is letting his cowshit seep into the stream. but maybe that’s the point? maybe we should treat our friendships more like wells since a good well-keeper will have the water tested constantly and maintain the pump and have the water table checked and try not to over-use the available water and and…

i do know this much though, i know that one thing that always leads to a fouled well is lack of care… and i know that the same is true of friendship. i also know that wells can be poisoned.

i wonder just how many parts per million it takes to poison a well. i know that with hatred just one little part is enough. i’ve also learned that hatred is never reserved for just the person you hate.

you think that it is, but it isn’t because it poisons everything you do. kind of like poisoning a water table rather than a single well. or poisoning a river upstream of a major town.

you walk around and you spread your hate because you can’t help it. you think you’ve managed to reserve it, husband it or herd it to just one little corner of your life but it spreads. it spreads like poison into the wells of your life until all of them are befouled and you are left wondering what it is exactly that turned your life awry.

if you notice.

usually by then you’re so consumed by your ill will toward someone that nothing but their downfall will satisfy you. or, to continue the metaphor, you won’t be happy until the water table has no water left.

seems like such a wasted effort.

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sassnnat1.jpg

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okay maybe one more

sassnnat2.jpg

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last one really

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damn girl you have some gorgeous eyes.

October 22, 2007

adjustments

Filed under: dating,friendship,life,men,outside,pics,singlehood — sassinak @ 12:46 am

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it’s funny you know. it’s been a really long time since i dated anyone with any level of seriousness. since i *liked* the person i was dating.

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anyway, tr and i split up four years ago now, four years and a lifetime ago in fact. i’m so different from that girl that i find her hard to recognize. so fragile and broken and hating the fat coating her slowly returning body.

fragile in her soul more than anything and in desperate need of the healing that would come with three years of celibacy and a tiny basement apartment. an apartment so small that it fits in my current living room.

an apartment that was, in many ways, a cocoon.

a place to rebuild and create anew and rediscover and learn about my self while i built a career and a life that would sustain me through wherever the next part of my journey would take me.

several times in that period i bemoaned my lack of interesting dating potential and the years without sex but you know? in retrospect i needed every single one of those days.

i needed to find my self.

and i did.

and then i moved here. i moved to this beautiful light filled space in the middle of a ravine that my clients and my cats and my soul all love and my life started to take off.

my business took itself to the next level in large part because it had a place to grow and be nurtured and now it’s sitting and gestating and getting itself ready for the next step.

that one is a doozy let me tell you. opening a studio makes me blanch with fear a little but i can see that it’s coming.

the people in my life that didn’t like me or were filled with negativity have all taken themselves away in rather spectacular fashion. most of them felt the need to attack me on the way out the door but i’ve had to realize that those attacks were not necessarily about me at all… but more about their own disappointments and lacks.

somehow i became the representation of all things bad in some people’s existences and well, i guess i can’t be sad that they’re gone.

it’s funny though, because in all cases i am sad and i do miss them. it’s weird to miss people that hate you but there it is. it’s interesting to me that every one of those people picked public forums to hit me with… i don’t understand how those sorts of things don’t happen in person.

but then, i wouldn’t.

furthermore i made some decisions.

i decided that it was time to stop complaining about my dateless status and go out there and do something about it. i was going to go on those great sounding adventures at meet market adventures and try speed dating and email at least one man on okcupid per week.

i was going to do it up good.

and in the meantime i emailed a man (on okcupid) about a cat. specifically the kittens a friend of mine is trying to find a home for (cute black ones, any takers?) that his profile suggested he was in search of as a companion to his current cat.

and he asked me out for brunch, and scrabble… which we played to a tie.

seriously, who plays scrabble to a tie?

and yeah…

that was a little over a month ago and we’ve sort of been dating like constantly since then… and i like him.

and so do my friends and the members of my family that have met him. and his friends and family? like me.

it’s kind of strange.

anyway it’s a really odd adjustment for me. i know that people who haven’t had dates in a while will both make fun of me and sympathize with this but seriously, it’s really weird.

there is a man in my life that i like. that likes me. that my cats like, whose cat likes me.

there is a man in my life that has favourite expressions of mine, whose sense of humour i am learning to predict, who can call my behaviour in certain situations and that my friends want to hang out with.

a man who can make shoe shopping fun.

yes really.

a man that i tend to speak with before i sleep and who is slowly fitting himself into my life in this seamless sort of way and it’s WEIRD!

i am NOT complaining okay?

in fact i really really really like it (and him) but it’s been a very long time since i had to fit my life into someone else’s at all. since there was someone i called just because i wanted to hear their voice.

that there was someone i missed.

it’s disconcerting and yet wonderful all at once.

okay nat here you go:

sassnnayrb.jpg

no, i have no idea why i’m making that face…

cottagekitchen.jpg

in the kitchen at his family cottage. my sister came up for brunch with us… god that was awesome. otherwise i wouldn’t have seen her until christmas!

and just one of the scenery:

scenery.jpg

September 9, 2007

after apple pick… er trimming…

Filed under: driving,family,life,pics,random,seasonal,work — sassinak @ 12:05 am

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two points if you can tell me where the title is from.

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last weekend i was where i’m sitting right now except my best friend othercat was here with me and we were a lot more drunk than i am now.

not that i’m sober now exactly you realize, just that we were drunker than i currently am and we weren’t that drunk then either.

regardless, we took some pictures that i was planning to post earlier this week but then i got distracted by a maserati and then a ferrari and well you know i’m kinda slow so here we are a week later.

othercat and i drove up here and took the three hour version of the two hour drive. in case you don’t understand what that means it tends to involve lots of gravel and the occasional turn with no earthly knowledge of where the road actually goes.

it was lovely.

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here i am sitting on a little bridge like thing just down the road from the farm. they actually built a tunnel diagonally under the road for whatever reason… i don’t care about the reason, it’s one of my favourite places…

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this is an oops we’re still zoomed in self-portrait othercat and i attempted at this same place… doesn’t he look all cool and the matrix?

i’m not sure you can possibly understand just how happy we are here. we’ve left the city, it’s a GORGEOUS day and we don’t have to be home until monday afternoon. i mean does it get any better than this?

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self-portrait. exciting i know.

of course no weekend at the farm is complete without a few key ingredients.

work… in this case my father was busy dredging the pond and good lord do i wish i had a picture.

my parents bought this crazy rake to get the plants and cattails out of the pond because mother nature is winning and my father worked like a dog dredging a pond he NEVER swims in.

no, not sorta never, NEVER.

*i* swim in it. my sister swims in it… cherub was dragged into it a few weeks ago:

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but she declared all the weeds and stuff kinda gross and frankly i couldn’t blame her. so, the point is here’s my dad working his butt off to clean the pond he NEVER swims in and here are othercat and i watching the tennis [us open, tends to be the best tennis of the year] or drinking beer or whatever.

so i offered to work, also i like to work but don’t tell anybody since it will ruin my reputation… although i guess that’s catching these days.

so dad says ‘well you know, the apple trees need trimming’ and so, lo and behold, after some instruction here i am trimming trees!

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yes that’s a flip-flop i’m wearing and yes i’m half in a tree and half on a ladder. you wouldn’t believe some of the crazy positions i ended up in trying not to kill the tree while cutting off the dead bits…

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that takes care of the work part nicely now doesn’t it?

also i’m massively amused by my body position here… it seems unsafe and yet i’m braced in this really appropriate centre of gravity sort of way.

of course at the end of the work comes the reward:

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in case you’re wondering that’s a lamb roast on a rotisserie which is half of the oven that my father built many years ago. dad’s a pretty clever guy, he built ‘the monolith’ aka ‘the pizza oven’ just the right distance from the farmhouse because he knew he would never get a permit to build one into the house.

and then?

oh yeah, and then he applied for a permit to enclose it. gotta love my dad.

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i saw the funniest thing on the drive up here today you can’t imagine. a guy, in a minivan, driving in the left lane on the 401… BRUSHING HIS TEETH!

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oh and this little story is to make someone feel better:

so there i am coming off avenue onto chaplin crescent and i get my little turn left green arrow and i start to go and this guy coming south bound decides not only not to stop at his red light but to turn into the LEFT rather than the right lane.

yeah.

so i slam on the brakes.

why is this funny?

there’s a full travel mug of tea on my dash board… [doesn’t fit in the cup holders] and of course when i hit the brakes it flies forward a little and covers a large chunk of windshield.

i, too busy trying not to hit the idiot and honk at him, do not grab said tea when i hit the gas again and yeah… back it comes the other way!

i didn’t wear that much of it but my car sure did…

ah well, least it isn’t hand tooled corinthian leather… or my chest.

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