snapshots of an idle mind

January 17, 2009

winterlicious

Filed under: bliss,exercise,family,life,outside,pics,seasonal,surreality,work — sassinak @ 9:45 pm

.

i am having the strangest week…

not strange bad, more in the sense of all over the place and utterly unpredictable.

for a long time my business has had one source of referrals other than my existing clients and this has bothered me; not enough to advertise or get a job in a gym but enough.  i never like being dependent on one thing because there is always the risk that the person doing the referring will suddenly decide that they don’t like me anymore.

i haven’t been particularly worried because i tend to be extremely competent and this leads to less trouble than the average self-employed pilates instructor might experience.

you see my clients send me their wives/husbands/best friends and with that kind of loyalty my business can do nothing but grow.  it might grow slowly but it will grow nonetheless.

anyway this week i met a gynecologist who asked for my card and promised referrals (one of my areas of specialisation happens to be post partum women with pelvic floor/incontinence/sexual health issues) and a personal trainer client asked for a stack of cards and in fact referred someone to me already.

so suddenly? 

i went from one to three referral sources in a week!!!

this is truly awesome, not to mention that my clients send me more and more clients each year.  hmm maybe i can stop working at seven thirty in the evening someday…

.

in the meantime…

on thursday night i had dinner with a being who can make a million dollars on a ten minute phone call from a lounger on grand cayman (married, hush y’all)

.

on friday night i met a woman who runs her own company and happens to be getting arthritis in her feet.  what does this mean? 

that none of her 40 years worth of shoes fit her anymore.

why does this matter to me?

i have TWENTY ONE!!!!! new pairs of high heels (well a few are flats) to add to my already ridiculous shoe collection. 

i was like a kid in a candy store i’m telling you!

god you guys some of them are SOOOO sexy.

.

and on saturday?

on saturday my father enlisted my help to dig a hole. 

this would not normally be worthy of mention except for two or three little details:

it happens to be a measly nineteen below centigrade today (a mere minus two fahrenheit) and has been at least that cold for days.  it’s not traditionally known to be good hole digging weather.

of course we *were* in a steel structure, that raised the temperature at least 0.1 degree by removing the wind chill so it was really positively balmy in there…

furthermore he wanted us to dig the hole down several feet… (we gave up at the two foot mark and decided to wait for spring)

and still none of that would be worth mentioning except for this:

that is a real grin

that is a real grin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

is that not the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen?

no like ever?

.

the tragedy of my life is that i found hacking away at a frozen solid piece of earth with my father to be ridiculously fun.

best part was after we got down a foot or so he carefully positioned a space heater in the hole, covered it with a tarp, and headed in to the house for lunch.

i was sure the whole place would go up in flames but nope, back we come to a hole that is frozen solid except for three inches of mud.  you can see the mud in the pic.

even funnier is that about fifteen minutes after this pic was taken the hat was off, the scarf was gone and my jacket was hanging open… but the camera was frozen ;>

.

i was *going* to do some cardio (aka ride mom’s stationary bike) but i decided that two hours with a pickaxe had to count and said screw it.

.

and then tomorrow?

off to go skiing….

.

you have to admit, it’s been kind of an up and down week…

.

well mostly up.

oh yeah, i bought a car!

.

for those of you who guessed that this ENTIRE post was so i could post the picture?

smart you…

.

that may be my best fashion crime this year…

Advertisements

November 15, 2007

parts per million

.

i stuck a nat pic at the end of this for you terry… just one though.

.

there is something so interesting about the repercussions of emotional behaviour that authors everywhere have written endless treatises on the subject from about a million perspectives both fictional and non.

in fact i’m reading yet another fantasy novel based almost entirely around this very idea.

it’s as fascinating to study the effects of love run amok as hate… although one could argue that those are in fact the same thing. anger is at least as interesting as passive resistance and greed is in many ways it’s own reward.

lately i’ve been thinking in terms of wells. some run dry, others are fouled, still more run sweet forever but all of them started out as very deep things that fed us.

like friendships.

you can’t tell when you meet someone what kind of well you will make. will you make a few half-assed passes with the dowsing rod and then give up entirely or will you sink a good and true well that lasts an eternity?

perhaps you will not work hard enough digging the well you will trust your friendship to and will wake one morn’ to find that it has run dry. or worse yet has been poisoned by ill will.

i don’t know that we can tell in advance (ever) where these things will end up. i’m sure that every time someone sinks an oil well they’re hoping to make the strike of all time but i know for certain that you can never really tell how long a strike will last.

okay i’m mixing my metaphors, water is somewhat more predictable although you can’t tell still if the guy higher up the hill is letting his cowshit seep into the stream. but maybe that’s the point? maybe we should treat our friendships more like wells since a good well-keeper will have the water tested constantly and maintain the pump and have the water table checked and try not to over-use the available water and and…

i do know this much though, i know that one thing that always leads to a fouled well is lack of care… and i know that the same is true of friendship. i also know that wells can be poisoned.

i wonder just how many parts per million it takes to poison a well. i know that with hatred just one little part is enough. i’ve also learned that hatred is never reserved for just the person you hate.

you think that it is, but it isn’t because it poisons everything you do. kind of like poisoning a water table rather than a single well. or poisoning a river upstream of a major town.

you walk around and you spread your hate because you can’t help it. you think you’ve managed to reserve it, husband it or herd it to just one little corner of your life but it spreads. it spreads like poison into the wells of your life until all of them are befouled and you are left wondering what it is exactly that turned your life awry.

if you notice.

usually by then you’re so consumed by your ill will toward someone that nothing but their downfall will satisfy you. or, to continue the metaphor, you won’t be happy until the water table has no water left.

seems like such a wasted effort.

.

sassnnat1.jpg

.

okay maybe one more

sassnnat2.jpg

.

last one really

sassnnat3.jpg

damn girl you have some gorgeous eyes.

September 24, 2007

unpaid credit cards and other calamities

.

my client is a no-show, lucky you you get a post… and i still have enough work this week that i’m not worried  :)

.

so

six years ago on january twenty second of this coming year i got into a car accident.  i had just spent the weekend patrolling at osler bluff ski club and was just delighted with my new ski patrol versus my old one.

my boyfriend and i were discussing moving in with each other (which we did in fact subsequently do… and then undo) and our great love for each other along with our hope that we could keep it that way.

i had just been promoted and was finally starting to get the hang of my new job (promoted, might i add, over forty eight other applicants ALL of whom had worked for the company longer than i had.)

financially i had finally gotten myself to a place where i was spending less than i made AND my car was all fixed after a short period of unemployment caused me to not fix a few things.

i had been off the cigarettes for more than a year and was believing that i might stay off (which i have) and had been working out enough that i had muscles and a nice body again at last. [amazing what a boost of energy NOT smoking gave me.]

in fact, i had just (three days earlier in fact) finally paid the balance on my credit card.  a balance which had crept up and up since i moved to toronto and just hadn’t quite managed to get itself paid off.

look, look i danced to myself, i finally don’t owe anyone anything and i have a nice life and a great job and a fantastic guy and wheee go me!

and wham.

i get in a car accident.

a little, tiny, inconsequential even, fender bender.  the kind that does all of six hundred dollars damage to one’s car IF they bother to replace the slightly scratched bumper.

the kind of accident that one effectively pays NO attention to.  and then… it crept.

little things started to hurt more and more and physical activity got harder and harder and suddenly, six months later, there i am fat and broken and hopeless thinking that i’ll never get well.   physios are giving up on me and life is just not going well.

eventually i meet my teacher and realise that being strapped to a desk is going to render it nearly impossible for me to heal and i quit my job.  nobody tells me that i’m entitled to go on disability.  nope, nor do they tell me that i might have been eligible for income replacement.

nope.

so i go it alone… or more accurately i go it alone with my boyfriend’s consent and understanding and willingness to help.

six months we think, it can’t take more than that.

yeah.  cut to a year later, i’m still broken, he and i have split up due to the stress and i’m living in a tiny little apartment and trying to support myself through teacher training while cleaning houses.  (i can’t ever work a real desk job again unless i have freedom to get up and move around constantly… otherwise?  seized up sass.) [just in case you wonder why i didn’t try to get my cushy desk job back in the meantime, it involved being strapped to a phone without a wireless headset.]

cut to another year later, i’m finished teacher training but still cleaning houses (and then i became the super of my building as well but that’s another story entirely) and wondering where the work is.  turns out there’s a bit of a glut of baby pilates teachers in these here parts and there isn’t much.

i get a client here and a couple of group classes there but really not so much of anything and the little credit card that could ends up maxed out all to shit.

cut to now.  i’m working an average of twenty to twenty-five teaching hours a week (which is about a thirty-five/forty hour week in terms of time driving and calling and waiting and… or about fifty in terms of start and finish times on the days that i work) and am slowly approaching my maximum cut-off of thirty hours a week (though at that point i will cut the schedule some so i have some earlier evenings back.)

i’ve fixed most of the shit that’s wrong with my car after five years of poverty based neglect [crap i have to call mr. law and see him about those upper engine mounts…] and boy does it drive better.  like it did when i met it even.  i mean like wicked fun to corner with again!  not as fun as it could be though, i think i’ll get some tires next time i have a spare four hundred bucks. (like november cause i like to get new tires just before winter hits.)

i’ve bought clothing that isn’t from nineteen niney eight or for work or used!

and shoes! and cds!

i can eat out whenever i like!

and here’s the kicker.  the other day i *deep breath* paid off my credit card.

due to holy terror i promptly ran out and spent some money on clothing and a CD and then i went and dropped three hundred and sixty bucks at the vet (mouse’s kidneys are fine for those of you that were wondering and the vet is delighted with their healthfulness) and just now made an appointment with the mechanic.   i then, of course, promptly dumped a bunch more payment on the card…

but see?  i paid off my credit card.

i can’t decide if i want to dance with glee or hide my ass in a dark corner somewhere and never come out so the universe can’t kick me again!

i’m sort of walking around staring at the sky and wondering where the toilet seat is going to come from (sorry, if you’ve never seen dead like me suffice to say that the main character is a reaper and is rendered dead by a flying toilet seat from a crashing piece of a space station.  such a funny show… but i digress.)

i really am scared shitless, how ridiculous is that?

September 13, 2007

hello miss goodall

.

it’s interesting what happens to me when i end up anywhere near the club scene. interesting because i never do quite what is expected of the usual person when they show up at a club.

the other day my friend oasis called me up and said “sass you have to come with me, i have an invitation to a film festival party!” [toronto international film festival, much partying, many celebrities, much traffic ridiculousness and irritation to the residents of the downtown core, much media hype etc] so i think fast and sigh with relief and say that i can’t go because i’m meeting my lawyer friend to make a waiver for my studio.

this is even true.

“oh” says she, “that’s fine since nothing ever happens until midnight anyway”

“crap” think i, “now how do i get out of it? dammit not working until eleven the next morning!!” and so i say okay since i’m forever NOT doing stuff with her.

so i go and i hang with the lawyer friend and then head home (though i would SO rather hang with her) and i whip out my most gorgeous dress and toss on my face. yeah this literally takes all of ten minutes, i just can’t be bothered spending an hour getting ready to do ANYTHING except maybe be the maid of honour at lividviv’s wedding and even then i mostly stood around and rearranged my dress.

it helps that i’m blessed with hair that looks good when it gets out of bed.

so, there i am all dolled up on command and she and another lady friend of hers pick me up and off we head. and you know? i should have known better, i should have but i didn’t.

so as we pull up to this place (i’m already yawning of course) she says ‘i don’t know if we can get in’ and i’m all uh don’t you have an invitation? and she’s all ‘no, i have a pass… but i don’t know if it will work’ and i just sort of sigh and gird my loins.

i mean i do not club. i club for something hilariously fun like bridesmaidmania [actual photo of ME but i failed to really be tacky enough] and i’m perfectly willing to go to some hoi polloi shindig and press the flesh (something i am in fact ridiculously good at but in no way crave) but i really don’t go clubbing like ever.

hence the loin girding.

so off we go and they let us in and of course it’s because there’s no one there and then they decide to go find the party.

go find the party. on a wednesday night.

oh god.

so we end up at some place on brant street at what is reported to be ‘the tommy lee party’ and i find myself sitting on a riser watching a whole pile of people try to be cool enough to be invited into the vip section. i don’t really know why because it didn’t look very fun in there either but hey, i’m a snob…

so, as always happens, i totally forget to participate. in fact i end up sort of sitting back in my pretty dress and people watching (that and the music had absolutely no groove to it so who could dance?) i love the people watching, i could write papers on the ridiculous things that people will do to get attention in a club. (don’t even get me started on the people you smile at, they look at you like you’re trying to steal their souls.)

from the girl in the backless dress that i desperately wanted to feed to the girl with the great rhythm pretending to model on the catwalk to the men walking around being oh-so cool with their noses at least ten feet in the air to the men who made the women look uncoiffed to the shirtless guy with the guitar he was pretending to play to the girls i was with.

these girls who did nothing all night but look challengingly at everyone who came near them and yet refused to speak to anyone and then, immediately upon leaving each venue, complained bitterly about how much toronto sucked, how canadian men are ‘so lame’ and this city is soooo boring and they can’t wait to leave and and and to the point that i was blessedly relieved to be able to claim morning work and come home.

i mean really, if you don’t like it here? why are you still here?

i mean i can sort of see their point about dating in toronto, it’s definetely a crap shoot… but with that kind of attitude really, what do they expect? they look down on anyone who comes remotely near them and don’t speak to any of the men they actually find attractive.

how the hell does that work?

as for the rest of the crowd? it made me sort of sad. here are all these people who are so clearly trying to have fun and trying to be noticed… most especially the little gaggles of starving women dressed in their ‘sexiest’ (skankiest?) clothes who parade around and hope that someone famous or rich will discover them and rescue them from their lives.

i wish they would learn that the only person who can rescue them is themselves… knights in shining armour do not exist and even in the stories they pick the women with spines every time.

mostly i just wanted to drag them to a place that sold food and force feed them…

.

it’s really tragic to see someone driving a porsche or a ferrari who doesn’t understand what shifting gears is for.

i mean it like physically hurts to hear… [such a pretty car behind me today and such pathetic driving…]

.

speaking of ferraris, explain to me how driving that car has rendered my car more fun! that makes no sense but it’s true.

there i am doing racing corners on my favourite stretch of road and flying out of lights and just generally partying down in my little honda. i haven’t done that since before i replaced the ball joints!

oh yeah, baby drives like she’s young again!

.

yay i’m fully booked for the next three weeks!

my life really is coming up roses these days!

.

irony

not getting a ticket for doing 140 in a 70 in a ferrari

and getting a ticket EXACTLY a week later doing 60 in a 40 in your own car.

.

September 7, 2007

oh shit, now i have to become independently wealthy…

Filed under: bliss,cars,driving,engines,ferrari,life,surreality — sassinak @ 11:41 am

.

or cylinder envy part deux.

.

or oh my, be careful what you wish for even inadvertently.

.

yesterday i had the singular privilege of riding in a ferrari.

oh my god you guys you have no idea how hot these cars actually are until you’re in one. i mean sure they’re pretty and they certainly look and sound hot flying by you on the street but somehow, somehow you just don’t get it until you’re sitting in one.

when you’re IN the damm thing you can feel all that power and somehow the happy throaty growl of a well tuned engine on the prowl cannot be replicated no matter how you drive beside it. you have to be in it to get it, you just do.

not to mention the incredible urge to stroke the freaking thing. it’s just so pretty you want to pet it like a really expensive slate-grey cat.

funny things happen when you’re in one of these cars, some guy was so busy ogling the car that he forgot to watch the road and tried very hard to take out our front end while he was drooling over it. literally had his head hanging out the window looking back at us instead of watching where he was driving.

he then informed us that this car must be better than sex whereupon i came up with one of my better lines and replied “clearly you haven’t had sex with me” and he just shook his head and drooled and then the light turned green and he took off as fast as his little accord (one of the ugly ones…. the whole 1994-2006 line of accords is ugly) would take him in some strange attempt to show off.

unfortunately he did it while looking back at us and nearly took out a parked car!

anyway people point and stare and chase your car and take pictures and parking enforcement officers half the time don’t even ticket it…

but then.

oh my god

but then.

clearly my evident appreciation for this gorgeous beast and my questions about transmissions and my total car nutsness had their way with the driver and he whips into mount pleasant cemetery and stops the car and says ‘get out’ and i do.

i think we’re going for a walk in the cemetery. oh no.

not so much.

“come here” says he and i do. “get in and drive” he says and i gulp and sort of look like a panicked deer in the headlights and stare at him.

“but i might break it!”

i mean literally i was so excited and really rather terrified at the same time. i think it was worse than a virgin on her wedding night!

okay maybe not that bad.

anyway so in i get with great trepidation and very gingerly place my hands on the wheel and he adjusts all the seats and mirrors and sticks it in automatic mode (rather than manual) and sort of looks expectant.

torontof430.jpg

(yes that’s the actual ferrari i drove sitting at mosport…)

like i’m stepping on an egg i touch the accelerator and start to drive. drive like i’m just learning how and i’m afraid of all the buttons… and oh my you guys. you can’t possibly get how awesome driving a ferrari is until you do it.

mount pleasant cemetery is an old old institution in toronto that happens to have great little windy roads everywhere… View Map

so i drive around and play with the corners and then change to manual mode to try the paddle shifting and generally just giggle like a twelve year old while driving around on what is effectively a little baby private track. except then i run into another city street and he says “okay take it out”

and i’m like “you’re nuts mister… but okay”

and off we fly down this road and that with him all the time chuckling over the responses people give to a woman driving a ferrari and me totally laughing at how much fun this car is from a dead stop. cause yeah, my honda is fun out of lights but this? wow.

eventually we’re on a lovely road through the don valley and “floor it” he says and i do and it throws me back into my seat and “try the brakes” which i slam on and holy shit. SO GOOD.

anyway i take it to a dead stop in the middle of the road and then just punch it (shut up i looked if there were cars behind me first!) and wow. wow.

you guys i do.NOT.HAVE.WORDS!

about the best way i can describe how awesome driving a ferrari is is to say that for the first time EVER in my life i suddenly feel a little bit of this quest for wealth. i mean hey, if i can make a million bucks i can buy a ferrari… or maybe i’ll make a half a million and buy a twenty year old ferrari… or or or…

dudes it’s SO MUCH FUN!

so yeah, you thought i had cylinder envy on wednesday?

*laughs fool head off*

i had no earthly idea. none.

i heard little growly purrings in my ears all night long… (well okay i heard some other stuff too… lol)

August 15, 2007

3x3x4

Filed under: dancing,food,life,party,pilates,pms,random,surreal,surreality,surrealness — sassinak @ 11:00 am

.

hello, my name is sassinak and i’m older now.  one year closer to that whole biological clock time bomb of bullshitness and one year further away from that whole crippling self esteem time bomb of bullshitness that was school.

funnily enough i’m in a fantastic mood considering how the first paragraph of this post turned out.

my shindig was awesome, surreal of course but totally awesome.  i got a few lovely presents and several bottles of wine and the food was great and many chips arrived and it all just went really well.

the last man standing was tommer and the last woman standing was princess valium and othercat and af didn’t make it quite that long and boy was i ever glad to pass out at six in the morning!  it was incredibly different from my last party because fewer people showed up (like thirty instead of fifty) and people were more willing to hang out in the bedroom so we ended up with much more fluid groups and longer conversations.

some clients showed up and one boss and a bunch of friends and some people i’ve never met and some people i used to live with and all in all it was so lovely to see everyone and man did i get trashed.  it was a much easier party to throw than the last one because i did a LOT less work and you know what?  next time i’m doing less again!

i still have a ton of leftover (awesome! and kind of planned for) food [macaroni and potato and veggie salads and a lot of fruit and a little cheese.. just enough cheese… mmm cheeeeeeese and chips] and beer and so i think that next time i’ll get less beer and make a touch less food.  not much because the leftovers will feed me all week and it’s all stuff i love.

i mean it was my birthday after all, that food was for me!

well okay and the thirty some people who showed up to party with me *grin*

i think my favourite thing i did for this one was the bowl of chocolate candies i got.  anything that was 3-8 for a buck at the chocolate store i bought some of and filled a bowl with wonderful things.  earl gray and cardamom and ginger and mint and regular flavoured dark chocolate, reeses  cups and hersheys bits and pistachio nougat (no worries e, i’ll get more nougat next time!) and multiple flavours of bonbon and and… it was a twenty dollar chocolate bowl and worth EVERY CENT!!!

.

my life is getting more surreal…

more later

.

my sister got married y’all!

it was awesome!

.

why is it that for my birthday the government hands me a bill and makes me deal with bureaucracy?

that’s just so unfair!

but at least i no longer owe on a single parking ticket.

.

the combination of pms and my annual pre birthday malaise (always forgotten about the time i start to celebrate…) was really deadly this year.  deadly enough that i’m making more of an effort to take my cod liver oil and my calcium.  two things everyone should know about cod liver oil, it will help fix your dry skin issues and if it smells bad it is bad and you need to go get some fresh.  oh three, the capsules are easy to take.

i started taking cod liver oil because shane was talking about how it helped with the rashes she got in the winter from lack of vitamin D,  she’s from bermuda you see and is used to a lot more sun than we get here.  anyway MY skin always gets killingly itchy in the winter so this year i started taking cod liver oil and bam!  all better.

nice since i’m allergic to moisturizer.

.

my fresh ankle sprain was only a class one and i can climb on it, untaped, in a week.  so i’m happy about that.

my old class seven hundred ankle sprain is still cranky but it is improving and i can climb on it, taped, in about a week.  it turns out to still be cranky from hillside.  not to mention that one of the muscles in my foot has gotten a little atrophied from all this not walking right and non-functional ankle and my big toe is starting to do that terrifying sideways move of death toward my second toe and i do NOT want bunions.  so now i have to fix my foot again.

this is better than the alternative like you guys have no idea.  that foot and the way i landed the other day?  my little class one sprain?  should have been a crunch that left my ankle in a cast.  wasn’t.  wasn’t because i’m too flexible and my bones are strong as hell.  wasn’t and instead i got a nasty little bruise and a limp for a week.

so yeah, feed your kids milk when they’re kids.

right, more calcium, note to self… eat more yoghurt.

.

life is good y’all.  i love most of my clients and my rent is paid as soon as i pick up a couple of paycheques and i think i can even buy my ticket to the pma conference this month and it’s a SLOW MONTH!

*does quick check at orbitz.com and notes prices are stable*  *tries to remember to email nat about sunday night…*

i know!  my life rocks!

:)

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.