snapshots of an idle mind

November 21, 2004

lost minutes

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 11:45 pm

For a change I thought of a title and had almost nothing to back it up with. So a few comments on my week in no particular order. Attended the Yoga Show [see link] and Conference although all I did was wander the exhibit hall trolling for places to send my resume. Saw some cool stuff but once I was done torturing my feet on the concrete (not to mention my low back) I didn’t have enough gas in the tank to sit through any demos. Too bad because they looked awesome. Worth the 15 bucks for admission? I got at least one free yoga class and at least one good contact for resume sending so I’m going to say yes.

Taught for the first few times at the JCC which is the job I was crowing about a couple of posts ago. Was nice but a little different. My ladies in Markham are the same ladies every time so I get a chance to get to know them and see what they like. This is just a class full of people that I don’t know and I have to make up a class on the spot that suits them. Somehow this requires more planning. How is this possible? Anyway have to put some thought into introducing Pilates to a beginner in a class full of intermediates. This could be difficult. Got a couple of repeat customers and they told the boss I was awesome. Was good since I didn’t think I did such a great job. Guess I’m harder on myself than they are or else these ladies haven’t had the greatest teachers. Maybe they’re just nice.

Today there was clapping. VERY weird for a chick who is terrified of speaking in public.

I returned my tent to the place from whence it came. To anyone reading this:
Like 8 poles and they shatter by the third set up. And they shatter nasty and little and then the splinters live in your hands for weeks.

Checked out the new season of The Amazing Race. Have to tell you the right team got killed first, looking forward to a rousing good season.

New show House. Interesting. Can’t decide if I can keep watching it because it conflicts with Veronica Mars, One Tree Hill AND The Amazing Race which is sort of an impossible combination. Have to see what Princess Valium thinks. Hopefully she won’t mind taping TAR and VM for me and then all is good.

We won’t mention that Alias is primed to be a conflict when it comes back on Wednesdays at nine against the West Wing and Kevin Hill. What is it with the nothing on Monday and everything on all at the same time thing? Don’t they understand? We like our tv and we want to watch it. What really cracks me up is that there’s NOTHING on at ten!

Ahh these silly networks. Can’t even discuss my RAGE with the cancellation of LAX yet. The wound is too fresh.


November 19, 2004

another one bites the dust

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 6:16 pm

i suppose i should have called this one

The Cost of Living in Bermuda

I had a lovely chat with the folks in Bermuda. It sure sounds like a nice place if i want to live with a family, work for less than i make here and come home more broke than i am now. Not to mention that I have to support myself for the first month and build my own client base.

Cause yeah.

I think I’ll stick to being broke where I have friends who will feed me. In other news my newest teaching place doesn’t look to be expanding further anytime soon. And pays less than expected. This is pretty tragic, I already have to steal from my insurance premium [yes i mean my malpractice insurance which is only renewable annually] to pay the rent and it looks like i will eat away at it for the next couple of months.

I am clearly doing something wrong, everyone else from my class is doing better than I am. In fact the girl I taught to teach got hired by the certifying studio. Everyone who hires me loves me. My clients love me. And yet somehow I just can’t seem to get enough work. I like to think that it’s the Universe challenging me to prove that this really is what I want to do. But I’m so freaking tired of being a pov.

Borrowing from Peter to pay Paul is not a sustainable lifestyle. When I got into my accident (the one that was imposed on me by a moron in an SUV in a snowstorm) I had a car on the road, no debt, a 45k/year job and a nice boyfriend. Not to mention some nicely growing RRSPs.



Job and boyfriend – gone
RRSPs – gone
Savings – gone
Career – drastically altered
Car- uninsured and parked

Soon I will have to give up my cable. In fact I should have given it up a couple of months ago but I can’t quite bear to do it. So where does that leave me?

Still broke and still happy. But geeze Universe isn’t it my turn for a break? Er a GOOD break!

November 12, 2004

To title or not to title

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 5:57 pm

I hate titles. I think every poem i ever wrote was named ‘untitled’ because really, what’s in a title? I have bought books based solely on their titles mind you. [Julie Czerneda’s ‘A Thousand Words For Stranger’ comes to mind. Good book er trilogy actually.] More often than not a title is something trite that you tack on to something that you’ve written and most of the time the title has really nothing in common with what you’re about to say.

So what’s the right answer? Do you call everything you write untitled? Do you make up a stupid title that will do? Do you hold off on publishing something until the title comes to you in a dream? Which it won’t by the way. Your piece will just sit there in a swirling morass of non titled lameness. Unfortunately with blogs ‘untitled’ doesn’t really cut it as a name for all your posts.

It’s been an interesting few days anyway. I’ve been forced to think long and hard about whether or not I really want to move away from Toronto. I’ve been talking about the idea for so long that it’s just sort of become the thing I want to do. So yesterday I went off to a great job interview where I got the job and expect to get a fair amount of work. I came home to find a message from Bermuda wondering if I’m still interested in working there.

I am.


I mean I love the idea of living somewhere hot where there’s a beach down the street and no winter to speak of. I love the idea of finding another cultural reference to go along with the ones I have already. It definetely seems an adventure.

And yet.

I love my friends and my comfy life and my cats and my apartment and and and. There’s no real reason for me to leave my cats behind, I’m certain to be able to bring them along. And yet I’m slightly hesitant. I can’t really figure out why since I’ve dreamed of moving abroad for years and Bermuda would give me a jumping off point for tons of other places. Like the rest of the Carribean and South/Central America. Surfing in Costa Rica would be a quick flight away right?

Of course in the case of Bermuda there’s the cost of living to consider. It’s extra high compared to the rest of the world and there’s nothing that makes it particularly superior to the other islands it’s near. Still and all it seems they would pay you accordingly which should solve that dilemma.

I do want to move. I just want to go someplace south or east. Not so interested in the States or Europe because they’re easy places to live when you’re older. I want to go places like Bali. Or New Zealand aka the adventure sport capital of the world. Seems like a place to go BEFORE you hit an age where adventuring seems like another word for crazy. France seems a relatively easy place to go when you’re an old bag which drastically lessens it’s pull.

Okay fine, the truth is I want to learn to surf and I want to teach Pilates at the same time. That and being able to bring my cats along are pretty much my requirements. Full access cable wouldn’t hurt either.

November 11, 2004

Sassinak sits in with the Composters

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 9:19 pm

Othercat invited me along to play djembe with his band the Composters this past Tuesday. It is very odd trying to jam with a rock band. Like weird and awkward feeling. It’s even worse that they’ve been playing together for years and i’m just a baby drummer.

It doesn’t help that their original drummer has recently passed on so there’s some enormous shoes to tuck under my chair. He (the Peach man) was a very cool man who looked like my grandfather actually. Poppa didn’t have the long hair but he did have the endless beard. Now, as for Peach, I hardly knew him. In fact I met him just a few times and at least one of those times I was extremely intoxed. Well headed for it anyway. There was a 20 hour party involved. With tents.

Anyway, there I am fumbling my way through these rock tunes and trying not to drop the one too badly and they’re nicely not telling me how much I suck. That must have to wait until they know me better. The thing is they had a great drummer to play with. I’ve heard him and he was wicked.

These guys welcomed my sister into their group with open arms. I was never sure whether she appreciated the camaraderie or the lesson in jamming more. I think they gave her some of her most appreciated life advice. I know I certainly appreciated the bits she passed on to me.

So I felt a bit odd. Sad that these people had lost someone they cared for so much. Honoured to be welcomed into their circle [and trust me, when I say baby drummer I don’t even mean toddler] with joy. A bit like an interloper for no legitimate reason but an emotional hit nonetheless.

Don’t get me wrong, was a good time. There was some fun music and maybe ten or twelve seconds where we all played together and even sounded good. We had a few wobbly pops and then i went home and got up in the morning to teach a private client.

5:40am… yeah that’s my best time of day. It was kind of neat actually, it didn’t suck nearly as much as i expected. Must have been the good humour from the night before. If not the wonderful spirit of the lady who wants to be up that early so she can get in tune with her body.

All in all it’s been an eventful few days. Drummed twice in two days. Taught B. for the first time. Got another job. Yes an actual part time teaching job. Someone is going to pay me to teach Pilates a few times a week. Somewhere near February I should be able to eat and pay rent in the same month!


Guess Peachy left blessings for his friends and a little rubbed off on his friends friends. Hope you’re having a wonderful adventure dude.

[and hope the hash is good!]

November 7, 2004

missed episodes and other calamities

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 12:01 am

I missed three things this week in some strange way. The current life as we know it, the ‘premiere’ of the second half of the North Shore season *drat cause shannen was gonna kick some ass and i was so gonna snicker* AND i missed the second half of Joan of Arcadia due to sitting on the remote at an innapropriate moment and failing to notice…

These are the things that perturb me. Is that wrong? Aren’t I supposed to care about things like having to look at shrub for another year? *shudder* or a dear friend’s dear friend departing the planet? Or the starving kittens/children/homeless folks in various places? There’s stuff I’m just supposed to stress about. Supposed to worry and rant and be upset and let it make me stressed. Except I decided not to. Until I choose to get involved in politics or protests [which is just politics by another name] I confess that I don’t really want to think about it.

I know that there are starving children and murdered mothers and deadbeat fathers and sadistic dictators and some kind of axis of terror of which george bush is the president. I know that I can get beaten, raped, mugged, killed, hit by a car, generally maligned, ignored, slandered and really just mistreated. I know the black and hateful things that lurk in the dark places and scare children. Just tell me one thing.

Why do I have to think about it? Why do I have to talk about it and let the festering ooze into my heart by getting angry about it? Can’t I change the world by being generous and kind and trying to make people feel better? Maybe reducing people’s pain isn’t as noble a cause as something that wins a nobel peace prize.

But still. If I make that guy over there smile then maybe he won’t be as much of a prick to the lady at the bank and then maybe she’ll be a smidge nicer to the poor sucker who needs a loan and then maybe…

No, I haven’t seen the movie pay it forward.

I just mean that trying to live the best life, trying to be supportive and caring, trying to ease burdens, loosen pain and generally improve the energy around me has to be a worthwhile thing to do doesn’t it? Is spreading joy not a legitimate activist movement? Do I have to be angry and shouting to make a difference?

Maybe if I can just reduce the pain quotient of the world a tiny little bit then maybe, just maybe, good things will come of it.

Bill and Ted must have had it right ‘be excellent to each other’. that’s a pretty good motto.

Is it good enough to make up for worrying about missed episodes of television shows? I don’t know, but if it makes me happy to do it then doens’t that mean I spread more joy?

Who knows. All i know is i’m pretty happy and i cause a lot of smiles.

[really, if you like the girl’s shoes just tell her so, trust me, it will make her day]

November 5, 2004

It’s OC Season *dance of joy*

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 2:03 am

Everyone who got the Buffy reference in the post title raise your hand. Yes Princess Valium I know you got it, and since noone else is reading you can just have the prize [yes there is pizza and repeated viewings of the OC leavened with new episodes of the Amazing Race]

There are a zillion one post blogs out there. Mine has passed the magic number of ten. I declare this to be a magic number because I’ve said so. Perhaps I am boring or unnoticeable. Maybe when people see my blog they don’t really even stop to read it. Like I do with the ones in Portuguese. They just look and think “hmm, looks boring… silly parchment template”

Whatever, I find it curiously enjoyable to post and it’s strangely liberating that noone is reading.

So, tonight. PV and I sat down to watch the OC premiere. We had our night perfectly cued up. From Survivor to The Apprentice to ER to The OC with a chaser of CSI. Personally I don’t watch either of the Apprentice or CSI any more but they did all right this evening. It was pretty much a television junkie’s dream night.

There we were, lounging around with cold pizza and randomly singing the OC theme song at each other. I’m not sure there was a better way to spend the evening than this actually. Hilarity and chocolate chip liqueur ensued regardless.

And it was GOOD. We were as hyped as hyped can be and still it was GOOD. This wasn’t entirely expected but still a definite improvement on the sophomore slump of several other of last year’s stellar shows. [yes Nip/Tuck I *am* talking to you… and Dead Like Me you didn’t start off so hot either with season two.]

Oh man, something in my house has rotted and I can’t find it. This is tragic. I shall return post garbage removal. I don’t think that was it, so I’ll do the dishes in the morning. Fascinating I know.

Julie Cooper stole the show and was only on for about five minutes. Luke was demonstrated to have a good life not in Newport so we can just forget him like we forgot Anna after she rode off into no longer necessary character heaven. I’m going to miss Luke. I see no reason why they wrote him off the show. He’s just as good as the four mains but somehow not worth a screen commitment.

I want Luke to come back and marry Julie Cooper. Or at least have enormous amounts of screen time with her. Hmm.. is she Julie Nichol now? More Luke and Julie. Damme ye producers for canning Luke. You’d better give me someone really good in exchange. And I mean really good. Luke and Julie was comedy gold. It got better once everyone knew about it. I miss them.

Still and all was that EVER good. An hour of television hasn’t gone by that fast in a dog’s age.

More later :)

November 3, 2004

I’m afraid, I’m afraid a lot.

Filed under: Uncategorized — sassinak @ 1:06 am

(this was originally linked to current election results which are now moot)

I have this ongoing terror that Bush is about to win another election. Othercat and friend are in rampant disagreement with me. The thing they aren’t getting is that it is not that I am cheering for shrub, it is that I am desperately afraid he will win.

We were watching the election earlier but I stopped around 11 so that I could go to bed. We won’t know for a while it seems like. Currently shrub has 269 out of a required 270 but it’s hard to tell what percentage of the returns these projections actually pertain to. Bush seems to have taken Florida and there is a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I want to like Kerry, I want to care about him, I wish I gave a shit about what he has to say but I don’t. There just isn’t any substance there. This really seemed to be his election to lose and he set himself to that task with alacrity. Oh I’m sure he tried, but his comfort level in front of cameras was not adequate nor were his answers to pretty much any question that he was asked. One can never accuse Bush of clarity but at least he isn’t afraid to have opinions.

Toronto, my home, is just a short drive to the United States. A quick jaunt. One last push. Several of my American friends plan to claim political asylum and refuse to recross our southern border for this very reason. Friends who work in the States are planning to flee home if the shrub wins. Personally I believe none of this, people are always claiming that they will run away but their own inertia overwhelms them. The slowly declining liberties of and increasing global contempt for their land will creep along and creep along and suddenly they won’t be the land of the free anymore. I’m not convinced that they are as of now but at least the sham is still being maintained. Makes you wonder if the UN will step in. Tragically that looks to be unnecessary. In fact it seems that the people of the good old US of A are going to voluntarily reelect this guy.


It boggles the freaking mind.

I want to sleep, I have a 6 hour workday tomorrow and a concert. I need to be awake in 7 hours but I’m staring at this number 269. Two hundred and sixty nine. That’s one whole electoral college vote. One.

It’s not like it matters, Florida isn’t even planning to count the advance vote for days.

I wonder how Costa Rica is this time of year.

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