it’s that time of year again, the time when we eat too much and celebrate our loved ones and our lives or in some cases despair about our lives but no matter who you are you’re thinking right now.
you may be thinking solely about the shenanigans you will be getting up to this evening or perhaps about avoiding the fuss and hiding at home but if nothing else you’re considering your options.
you may, as i am, be thinking about who you will be kissing when the clocks of the city strike midnight or even who you won’t be kissing.
perhaps you are pondering your resolutions. one woman i know takes her resolutions very seriously indeed. last year she resolved to travel and see the world and she went to europe and africa. this is some resolving i can get behind let me tell you.
personally i am usually wont to resolve to do something with no guilt attached. i have oft been heard drunkenly declaiming ‘i resolve to have more fun’ and every year i try to do it. i think this year i will go for something with a little required effort.
perhaps i will resolve to work slightly less or to take a few more full weekends off. i know that i intend to take two weeks off this year which is something i have not done since i started to teach.
in fact i’m planning an actual vacation in february, i’ve even arranged half my substitute teachers already. gawd, an actual vacation, what a trip. it seems funny to have to resolve to do this but it seems i’ve turned into a bit of a workaholic in the last few years.
guess that’s what happens when your small business finally starts to be able to feed you. now i have to learn to say no to my clients, i have far too many days that are twelve or fourteen hours long and that has to stop. in fact i will no longer add new clients before 7:30am or after 7pm but trust me, that’s still more hours in a day than i should be working.
i’m hoping to slowly restrict those hours to 7:30am and 6:30pm but it’s hard. people work and they want me to work when they aren’t working and that leaves me with a brutal schedule.
i’m also thinking of getting a little more picky about who i accept as a client. up until now i’ve been a little bit desperate and i’ve had to take on anyone regardless. i’ve willingly encouraged people to go elsewhere if i didn’t feel that they suited me but always with a bit of a pang. now? now i think i will simply say ‘i’m sorry, i have a waiting list’ or whatever to people who rub me the wrong way when they call.
i want to play with my cats more rather than trusting them to exercise each other and in that light i want to spend more time at my boyfriend’s house because his poor cat is lonely.
i want to save money toward buying a place and create a financial cushion for myself that’s a little more secure than simply keeping a thousand dollars in my savings account… but that’s a start.
most of all? i want to have more patience and be less frustrated and be more open. miss clara hughes said that to the cbc one day and it’s some of the best advice ever. she also said to ‘be better’ to not be simply satisfied with being good but to be better every day. that too is some attitude i can get behind and something i feel like i need.
i still feel myself being more angry that i need to be on occasion and the rage engendered by driving the streets of toronto refuses to fade no matter how gently i approach it. i’m sure there are untapped reservoirs of anger inside myself that i have yet to find but i intend to plumb the depths this year.
life is about self-discovery after all.
i think i resolve to think about clara when i’m at my most angry…
be less frustrated
have more patience
be more open
… don’t just be good, be better
happy new year to you and yours.